Wednesday

Toys R Us in Woburn, Mass.

Received Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Large, Jamaican nanny seen chastising a young boy of about three-four years old for wanting to get the same toy his twin or close in age sister was getting. The toy was a doll. The nanny berated him, called him a baby girl and not a boy and told him no one would ever want to play with him if they knew he liked to play with dollies. It worked. The little boy stopped asking. Thank you, large, brute force nanny- your quick thinking and common sense today (6/20) has saved the boy from becoming....
Seriously. Who hired this woman? Wearing a multi color sun dress that fell below the knees with wide, brown sandals. The children were both white. The girl had reddish, straight hair and was wearing a yellow t-shirt and mint colored shorts. The boy had dark, curly hair, freckles across the nose and was wearing a basketball styled shorts outfit in blue & red.
PS The doll was a Hide and Seek Doll.

28 comments:

Anonymous said...

ROTTEN NANNY...
FEEL BAD FOR BOYS THAT CAN NOT PLAY WITH DOLLS...
MY SON USED TO PLAY WITH DOLLS AND NOW HE IS SPECIAL UNIT MARINE IN IRAQ....AS YOU CAN SEE DID NOT MAKE HIM A BOY-GIRL OR "WUUUSY"...
JUST DONT GET THIS PARENTS..WHY ARE YOU GETTING THIS LEMONS OF NANNY'S ?DONT YOU SEE YOU ARE HURTING THIS LITTLE CHILDREN....

Anonymous said...

I'm not in any way defending this nanny because it is really wrong what she said to the little boy. Boys and girls at this age should play with whatever type of toys they want to play with. It's a time for exploration and learning and they don't know the difference unless it's brough up to their attention.

Having said that, because she is from a different culture, a lot of times it's not that they mean any harm by what they say, it's just the way things are translated. Many times, parents need to have a talk with a nanny that is from a different culture to let them know what is appropriate and what is not. It's a little bit more work but they will follow instructions when clearly given, on most cases. I do think that it's important if the parents could be found to let them know of this incident. The parents definitely need to have a talk with this nanny to set some guidelines of what's appropriate and what's not.

Again, not to defend the nanny but this is probably a case of culture differences. In some culture, boys and girls have their place in terms of how they play, what they play with and whom they play with. They are taught this very early in life. It's not right because it causes it can cause a lot of problems later in life but it's the way that it is. Unless other type of abuse was witnessed I don't think that this is cause for alarm. She probably thought that she was helping this little boy in some twisted kind of way.

Lindsey said...

If the cultures are that far off, then DONT HIRE HER! She may think its ok to hit the children, or saccrifice goats infront of them. She could be making voodoo dolls of them as we speak. COME ON PEOPLE. If the nanny can't speak English or is so different in lifestyles then you then don't hire them. Geezz, some people need a reality check.

Anonymous said...

Well said lindsey - having a cultural difference does NOT give license to berate or belittle a child. If she didn't think the toy was appropriate, she could have said so without causing any psychological damage. She needs a good bonk on the head for the way she treated that poor little boy.

Anonymous said...

4:57 here.
If the woman is Jamaican she obviously speaks English because that's the language there. However, the culture is different and the parents need to address that with her and let her know that they have certain standards for their children. They obviously don't have a problem with her English because they hired her.

And no, I was not promoting her actions or defending her for what she dis because it was wrong. As as a caretaker she should know how to talk to children in a way that is non-threatning and that let's them know that she cares. All I'm saying is that it might have been the best way that she knew how to handle the situation and the parents NEED to take control of the situation to find out if it's a culture thing or if this nanny is one that need to be replaced.

In my opinion, there should be a law that every person who is getting paid to care for a child/children should take so many hours of childcare classes and pass, go through criminal background and pass and be fingerprinted. This would eliminate so many of the problems that we have with nannies these days. The problem is that some parents will hire a nanny without checking references, doing any background check or obtaining any kind of information on them. The nanny can do something really terrible and leave in the middle of the night and the family won't be able to find her because they have nothing to go by.

The fact that the nanny speaks or doesn't speak English well is a family's choice. It also has absolutely nothing to do with how well a nanny will care for the children.

Bitka said...

How do you know the nanny wasn't doing what she was told to do? Maybe she was told to discourage the little boy from playing with dolls. I know a couple fathers who would have a fit if their son wanted to play with dolls. I'm not saying its right and I'm not saying she should have been harsh with him, but you don't know the whole story.

emma said...

My large Jamaican nanny can discourage my son from a donut without telling him he is going to be fat and no one will like him.

And by the by, if I ever told her to make rude remarks to my child to "guide him" in the correct choice, she would flat out refuse.

Some people are just meant to work with children.
Some people are not!

Anonymous said...

If you're going to hire a nanny from a culture other than your own, you better damn well do some research on that culture...

If you know anything about Cariibbean culture, such as Jamaican culture, you would know that it is pretty religious and that gays are not exactly "accepted" into society yet...so if you knew that, you could assume that some if not most people from that area have strong gender stereotypes set in place, like girls stay at home and play with dolls, boys play outside in the mud. What the nanny said may be wrong to a liberal American, but not so to a Jamaican.

I was born here in the US but have lived in the Caribbean on and off for the past 5 yrs...in other cultures, corporal punishment is still accepted--so just remember that when you're hiring a nanny from a culture other than your own...

Anonymous said...

7:59 - Good advice.

Kelly said...

A good nanny knows to not impose her culture on her employer's children. Occurrences like this one are a very good reason for employers to not hire non-assimilated nannies. Poor child, there are bigger things to worry about in this world. it shouldn't matter if he wants to curl Barbie's hair or play football.

Anonymous said...

The nanny had zero intelligence. The hide and seek doll is a doll that plays hide and seek with you. It isn't about wanting to curl a barbie's hair. It's just a neat premise.

Kelly said...

Thanks for the feedback. I know it's not about Barbie's hair. The Barbie Vs Football is just an example of the things that people get all worked up about when it comes who what their little boys and girls should or should not do. And, you are right, this nanny has zero intelligence.

Anonymous said...

What is all this cultural bologna? It is embedded in our own culture, here in the US, that boys should not play with dolls. I'm not saying it's a good thing, but boys playing with dolls is something that parents and teachers have tried to discourage for years.
You all act like we are this great, liberal country but in actuality I have had many moms at the daycare I work at, all born and bred in America by American parents, who do not want their boys to play with dolls, baby carriages, and the like.
I myself don't see anything wrong with it. I have a daughter but if I had a son I would let him play with dolls. The boys at the daycare play with dolls, feeding them etc and it teaches them to be kind and gentle with babies, that's all.
It is true that our culture is changing for the better and it is way more accepted now that we have realized that educationally it is wonderful for kids to be well-rounded and not have sex roles cut out for them. But people are naive if they are shocked and especially so if they try to say America is immune from sexism. It is alive and well. Maybe not in your ritzy, retro neighborhood but honey, the country does not begin and end in your backyard. It's larger than that.

Anonymous said...

7:59 PM and 9:45 AM
My point exactly!

Anonymous said...

The best nanny is one that could pass as a second or third cousin. I've said it before and I'll say it again, before you leave your child with some nanny for 10-12 hours a day, why don't you spend a 10-12 hour day with her.

Anastasia said...

For nearly 2 yrs I took care of a little girl who was less than a year old when I started watching her. I had 2 other part time charges, have been doing this for 12 yrs and have my own child, so since my house already has all of the equipment and toys for kids, parents bring the kids here. So naturally, my son has been around these other kids his whole life, but before the girl it was always boys, and always toddler age or older. He just LOVED having a baby in the house and "helped" feed her and hand me baby wipes and such. When the girl started bringing her dolls and strollers and little baby bottles with her every day, he soon asked me to buy him his own baby doll and carriage. I took him to Toys R Us the very next day and bought him a doll, a stroller, a diaper bag and some accessories for the doll. On the bus ride home he asked me why would I let him play with dolls if he is a boy? I explained that the doll is just a toy baby and when he grows up and has his own babies someday no one would tell him he can't play with his baby, so why would I tell him he can't play with a doll? Two other riders turned to me and told me I must be a great Mom, I was sending the right message to my son. I agree (of course). It IS just a toy. I can't see someone telling a little girl "You cant play with firetrucks/action figures or you'll end up a lesbian." Ridiculous. By the way, he lost interest in the doll/stroller/etc within a month and it's been sitting in the closet since. Like all other toys, they're fascinated for awhile, then they move on to the next exciting thing.

ceo said...

My son has a friend his age (my son is 19m and his friend is 24m), and his friend has a brother who is 3m old. My son Stone, LOVES the baby, he wants to sit with him, kiss him, hold him, hug him and be with him the ENTIRE time we are with at his friend's house.

I HAD to buy him a baby doll to teach him to be gentle, and so he could get his baby love out on something he couldn't hurt!

I think it is wonderful. I hope this mother learns about her nanny, the other mother can make her own decision about her son having a doll, but she deserves to know about the nanny and make that decision herself.

Anonymous said...

I have had both nannies and parents comment about my charge pushing his sister's doll in the stroller. I just say Well, his dad takes him places in the stroller, and he is probably going to be a dad himself someday. End of discussion!
UES Nanny

Anonymous said...

UES nanny, great way to ward off judgemental people. My son is a tough little boy who plays with trucks, roars like a tiger all day, and loves pink strollers! My husband is a big tough guy, who hangs out with his big tough friends, and loves floral patterns. My little brother is a big tough football player who also played with Barbies when he was a little boy. People need to live life, not get paranoid about gender roles.

Anonymous said...

11:17,
Your family sounds great. My husband is so sexist and I think it's horrible.

Anonymous said...

i feelsorry for you 9:30..could not be married to a sexiest...sorry.its 2007 women are equal to man...i work on a loadingdock with 8 guys...i do the same work...they dont have a problem and love that i get there wifes great gifts in there names...
if they get hurt i become there nurse..if the have wife/ girlfriend problems i become there socialworker..it works
with us..should work in marriage tooo ( by the way i am married with 3 kids )...when i go home i am a 50% partner and equal..
teach your husband..i t will be great for your son ..or daughter

Anonymous said...

As other people have commented many cultures, especially Jamaican, are quite different from ours. Their ways of handling children are different. I bet that nanny is an Au Pair who is paid way below minimum wage. Most Jamaicans that do this work are underpaid and uneducated, the so called background checks and educational credentiels offered the agencies offer are faked. I know this because I work witha Jamaican woman whose Sister works for just such an agency in Jamaica. While they are very hard working and overall good people they are often old-school in their thinking. You get what you pay for!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

In all that you said- was it really necessary to say she was "Large"? and to put down her clothes? I see many posts on here that are laced with hurtful insulting comments and can't believe they are coming from parents or adults for that matter.
Everyone knows that Carribean woman have a temper~ maybe the parents are Carribean & they adopted white babies? Ever think of that?? Maybe that Nanny was saving the boy from being teased by his playmates for playing with dolls in front of them. We all know how cruel & mean children can be~ Just my thoughts...but I really can't wait until someone describes a Nanny as scrawny or too skinny/boney...lol

Anonymous said...

I'll pay you $50,000 for every white child you can show me that has been adopted by a caribbean woman.

And it is natural to observe people doing harm and to paint them in an unflattering light. You dont watch someone slap the shit out of a three year old and comment on her supple skin and shapely thighs.

Anonymous said...

Whooa! Who said she was "slapping the shit" out of him???
Exagerate much??
That's what's so wrong with the youth of today.Now I am not for hitting slapping ore spanking but parents handling them with such kid gloves & being their "friend"- kids are more snobby & spoiled than EVER!..How do you know she was even being mean to him for real? Were you there?? This site is full of HEARSAY & I think it does more harm than good!
FU all!

Anonymous said...

I was refering to another post on this site. As far as doing more harm than good, I don't know about that. What "harm" is being done? I have a friend at work who saw something on I SAW YOUR NANNY and told her boss who had just mentioned something contained in the post. It turned out to be her nanny. And when confronted about the incident, the nanny did not lie. She admitted it and apologized. To no use, she was replaced immediately. One kid saved from the harm of a very mean nanny!

cali mom said...

2:17, get real. "Everyone knows Carribean women have a temper"???? Yeah, just like "everyone knows" that if a 3 year old boy is allowed to play with dolls he will be gay in his adulthood. And in what way does this mean the boy's parents should not be made aware that she was attempting to humiliate him and teach him some values they may strongly disagree with?

You seem to think it's better for a child in the long run to NEVER dare to do anything ANYONE ELSE might potentially disapprove of than to teach them the value of doing things a particular way (boys should learn to nurture just as girls should) and to stand up for their own opinions. I hope to God you are not being paid to watch anyone's children or even worse, allowed to have any of your own??

And you must have mised the thread about the emaciated nanny stuffing a dozen donuts into her face.

It's very sad if people truly are still stuck in the 19th century and think boys should not play with dolls. I'm happy to say I've NEVER experienced that around here, and my little boy loves to play wih dolls, tuck them in and feed them, and says that he is the daddy taking care of the baby. I think that's wonderful, and I'm very glad that he nurtures and does what he sees HIS daddy doing!

And 3:05, you are welcome to leave at any time. But I assume you're paranoid someone will be posting about you here so you feel the need to keep an eye on things.