Monday

Doesn't etiquette dictate that this is wrong?

Received Monday, June 4, 2007
Do you think you could do some sort of PSA regarding mothers who hit up other people's full time nanny to babysit for their children evenings and weekends? I live in NYC, in a large building and this is a constant stress for me. Doesn't etiquette dictate that this is wrong? Or at the very least, don't you think other parents should approach me first before asking the nanny to babysit for them?

107 comments:

annie said...

Your nanny is not your indentured servant, OP! She can do exactly as she pleases with her nights and weekends. Etiquette dictates that you treat your nanny with respect and as a professional.

Do you have a contract with her? Does it stipulate that you'd like her to babysit a certain number of nights or weekends a week? If that's the case, then you have a legitimate complaint with you NANNY not with your NEIGHBORS. If, however, as I suspect, there is no provision like this in your contract, you have no legs to stand on. Your nanny may babysit for whomever she chooses and you need to relax!

Sometimes I'd rather babysit for a family other than the one I work for full-time in the evening. It's a nice switch to go be with an infant, or with older kids. I would never cancel on my full-time family for another family, but as long as they haven't booked the evening, I'm a free agent.

I think that last statement bears repeating: I am a NANNY. I am a FREE AGENT. I am no one's INDENTURED SERVANT. Maybe your nanny and I could get together to craft a PSA for you and all the other mothers out there who think they own their nanny.

A Nanny in Baltimore said...

Who do you think you are? Do you own your nanny? Why in the hell do you think someone should ask you permission to "borrow" your nanny during HER time.

I am a nanny and I babysit for many other families. I have never and would never ask my the family I work for if it okay to do anything during my free time.

This is a free country and your nanny's free time is just that - her time! Get over yourself!

Anonymous said...

I agree with the two nannies. My nanny would be livid if I suggested this. This is absolutely preposterous. Your nanny is not your possession. Perhaps you should pay her more so she doesn't avail herself to extracurricular nannying? And treat her with respect so she is not amendable to outside offers.

Childfree in PA said...

Um, why would someone need permission from you to speak to your nanny about babysitting for them? Would you like it if your boss felt entitled to dictate what you do with your free time?

Why do some people start to believe their nanny is some robot they call out when needed but then goes back into a hermetically sealed case until she's needed again? Nannies are people, they're allowed to have lives outside of work. You don't get to pick and choose what she's "allowed" to do.

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny and the mother occasionally will block me from sitting jobs from friends and family, telling them they MUST go through her. She says the purpose of my having time off is to get a break from work/The Kid.

I think it is wrong to Dictate what you think your nanny should or should not do in her time off. She's old enough to watch your kids and she can manage her schedule too.

Anonymous said...

This is just crazy. OP, you should be ashamed of yourself for being so dumb and elitist.
I hope your nanny quits and the next one has sex with your husband.

annie said...

10:06--Your employer cannot legally "block" you from doing anything during time when you're not being paid.

I can understand that you might not want to speak to the mother or do anything that will jeapordize your immediate employment, but if I were you I would begin to look for a new job as soon as I could. If she thinks she can dictate to you how you spend your freetime, she probably has a lot of other "dictates" up her sleeve.

Lindsay said...

No. It is none of your business what your nanny chooses to do with her free time.

Kelly said...

COLLECTIVE BABYSITTING: If the parents in your building are repeatedly dropping off their kids at your place with your nanny while your nanny is taking care of your kids, then what they are doing is exploiting both you and your nanny. If this is the case, they need to get permission from both you and your nanny.

INDEPENDENT BABYSITTING: If your nanny is babysitting for other people in your building during the time that she is not working for you, that is acceptable. You ought to be proud that you have such a great nanny that everyone prefers her services. As far as permission goes, it is her decision to make.

Anonymous said...

How is it your right to dictate what your nanny does or does not do on her time off? You do not own her-no one needs to come to you first before asking her to babysit for them on nights or weekends! She is a person capable of making her own decisions-WTH do you think you are?

Anonymous said...

10:06, why do you still work there?

Anonymous said...

OP, let's hear from you. Do you have anything to say for yourself or are you hiding in shame? I would be hiding right now if I were you!!

annie said...

I'm kind of feeling a little bit for the OP since we're all ganging up on her so much (although, I was the first person to do it and I stand by what I said). So, let's address the OP's main problem: she's clearly in need of evening/weekend help and is being stressed out by the fact that her full-time nanny can't always help her.

OP: There are lots of agencies in New York city (and probably all over the country, at least in major cities) who specialize in providing good babysitters, sometimes even at the very last minute. In NYC you could try Pinch Sitters, and in TONY Kids in April there was an article where they test drove at least 3 other services like that. You should read it and put them on speed dial.

If, however, you'd like to have continuity of care and don't want a different babysitter, then what you need to do is pay your nanny a RETAINER. If the family I worked for wanted me to be their exclusive evening/weekend babysitter as well, I would probably charge them an additional $200-300/week. Your nanny may feel her time is worth more or less, you'll need to work that out with her.

For the record, I don't hope your nanny sleeps with your husband, I just hope that you come to realize that she's a person you don't own, and if you want more of her time you absolutely must PAY HER FOR IT.

My Question said...

I don't know that I need her beyond her regular hours. In the past year, I have probably needed her twice. Just the same, I understand why some people get these nannies from other countries and help them get their green cards. I would be much more comfortable having someone feel personally obligated to and loyal to only me. Does that make me a monster? I don't want my sitter working in someone else's house, what if questions come up about our personal life? What if the other parent-because it is only a temporary gig-is especially generous? That makes me look bad. Resentment could build. If you work for the law firm of Smith and Jones, you don't get off work and go work at the law firm of Black and White. I'm not wrong here. What I want from you is a way to politely address this with other mothers. Why can't they go out and find their own babysitters?

annie said...

Oh my God! I am so regretting defending you, OP!

You want someone who is obligated to only you?!? Slavery is over. You don't own your nanny, and she's ONLY obligated to provide you with quality childcare during the hours you pay her. She doesn't belong to you, and if you want a human being to belong to you, yes, you are in fact a MONSTER.

It's common to charge different amounts of money to part-time employers--but if you're worried about "looking bad" then chances are you know you're not paying her enough. Your analogy between childcare and law firms doesn't hold any water unless you have a contract with this woman that clearly states that she is not to accept evening work from other families and is being compensated for that promise, and obviously you don't have that.

Wake up! We're in the 21st century. You should want a professional in your home, not a slave. Realign you priorities!

Anonymous said...

it is the nanny's choice to take on weekend babysitting if she chooses. if it interferes with her regular work schedule, then that is wrong. but her weekends are her time. it's not like they are taking her from you permanently.

Anonymous said...

it is the nanny's choice to take on weekend babysitting if she chooses. if it interferes with her regular work schedule, then that is wrong. but her weekends are her time. it's not like they are taking her from you permanently.

Anonymous said...

"Feel personally obligated and loyal".........who do you think you are? You only want people to cower down to you and be there at your becon call. Slavery is over......are you just afraid that your nanny will be treated better elsewhere and perhaps see what a tyrant you are?

Anonymous said...

oh she sounds so like my last boss. i bet she is a fake ass bitch,too. like her friends don't know the evil thoughts that go through her head. in front of them, she is probably nice to nanny. i quit and never came back. 2 months later i was on vacation with the new family in fiji and i sent her a postcard. "found a better job, better class of people, life is good". I didn't sign it. It probably took a month to get to her, but no doubt she recognized my writing.

gimme some rights... said...

Look nannies are INDEPENDANT CONTRACTORS! Which means they can come and go as they please. I used to book other jobs all the time when I worked for my last family. I would work 3 days a week with my main family and on the weekends with another family. My main family didn't know. I didn't have to tell them it was none of their business. I doubt your important enough that your nanny is going to talk about you. And so what if the nanny gets paid more. Look it seems to me like you have a nanny to try to make yourself look and feel more important than everyone else. A nanny isn't a Gucci bag, we are people. We have bills to pay, rent and believe it or not we have personal lives. Get off your high horse and if I was your nanny, I would quit!

Anonymous said...

Depends on the # of hours that she works for you. If you have her 40-50 hours a week, I would definitely be concerned about burn-out if she's accepting side jobs on a frequent basis.

My nanny occasionally watches other kids, but it's almost always on a Friday night so she has the weekend to relax and vegetate.

Thankfully, she usually turns down work on other days, so I've never really thought about it much.

And yes, it is annoying that the other parents don't even mention to you that they need a sitter on a particular day. I would think that the full-time employers should have first dibs on any overtime work. The other parents should come to you and ask "do you need so & so on such and such a date because we were thinking about asking her if she'd like to work on that night?"

It's the polite thing to do.

disgusted said...

I personally am offended by the OP and by 2:29 who is probably the OP herself since nobody else is stupid enough or classist enough to defend her.
You are sick people. You really are. I just can't even form the right words to even dignify you with a proper response.
You sound like horrible people. I think you need to think about what is really important in life and learn how to treat people.
The law firm comparison is stupid, too. If you work full time at a law firm, I'm sure that your boss would have no problem with your doing a weekend babysitting job.
You idiots. I feel sooooo bad for your kids that they have sucky parents. I feel so bad for them, in fact that I am tearing up. I hope they get taken away and get to live with good parents who are not elitist snobs. All the money in the world is not worth the hell that your bad parenting is going to put them through later in life.

Anonymous said...

Another perspective...

I have a similar problem at work. I've hired a team of really talented people and so other directors from different departments try to solicit help from my team all the time. And sometimes this can interfere with the work that they are doing for me. Obviously, the employees are free to do what they want, but I think as a common courtesy, I'd like to be given a "heads-up" first. So I can plan accordingly, anticipating how much time and energy and focus the team will have available. It's not exactly the same as a nanny job - but the circumstances are similar. Perhaps the OP isn't saying that she has to OK every job that her nanny takes, but that it would be nice if she's given a little "heads-up." Just another perspective before we declare her as a slave-owner.

Anonymous said...

2:29,
Far be it from them to not let you know their personal plans for the weekend! The nerve of them to not consult you. I hope for your husband's sake that you're good in bed because you must be like nails on a chalkboard to hang out with.
As an above poster said, slavery is no more, or havn't you heard?

Anonymous said...

If you only use her for extra babysitting once or twice a year it is not right to expect her to not take side work if she needs to for the extra money. You wouldn't appreciate someone messing with your income so give your nanny some respect why don't you?

A Nanny in Baltimore said...

I am a full-time nanny - 45 hours a week - to a 6 month old and also an 8 month old about 20 hours a week - they are neighbors and I watch them together. I will often taken evening/weekend sitting jobs to supplement my income - my husband and I are saving for a house. I have had weeks where I have worked 80 hours.

My employer has never and would never tell me I cannot work the extra hours. I am an independent contractor. I can make an extra $300 with the extra sitting I do sometimes, and I will not allow someone to deny me of that opportunity. However, as a previous poster stated, if my employer wanted to give me an extra $300 to be "on-call" for them, that would be another story. After all, do you tell your doctor not to see other patients just in case you might need to be seen? Do you prevent your plumber from taking other jobs in case your toilet gets clogged? I doubt it because they would laugh in your face. The same goes for asking a nanny not to take other work. If you are going to need her to work the extra hours, give her plenty of notice so she doesn't book anything else for that time.

Anonymous said...

10:06 here... My boss is fantastic outside of this one thing... That is why I don't quit. For me its just a little side money and I love my job more than that. Besides I sit for other people that aren't her friends. I do that on MY time and its none of her business.

---If OP weren't in NY I might think she was my boss! lol

Anonymous said...

This exact situation happened with my first nanny job.
I got friendly with a mom and her son- because her child was my charges age- and we started having weekly playdates together and then my boss- invited them over on a weekend to play and they got to be good friends.

After about 6 months the other mom was in a pinch for a sitter and asked if I could sit- and I said yes-
All of us had a playdate a few days before I was due to sit-
and my boss got really upset-and said- YOU NEED TO ASK ME FIRST IF SHE CAN SIT.

I was really PO'd at my boss-
I am an adult- I can make up my own mind how I want to spend my OFF hours.

I don't nanny for them anymore-
and since then I have had several nanny jobs- and I get asked to babysit alot by neighbors- and it's none of anyone's business expect my own if I decide to accept to sit.

Why are you so insecure?
Maybe you need to show your nanny you appreciate her more...and not be so selfish.

Anonymous said...

Wish I could show your nanny this posting OP, just so she could see what a vindictive bitch you are. Just because someone works for you, does not mean they OWE you anything or that you can control them especially outside of working hours. Many people in this world work more than one job, and it is no one's business but their own. When I was in College a girl friend of mine worked during the week as a receptionist, and on the weekend as a library assistant, that was her right and her decision as a human-being and adult. How would you feel if your husband's boss was so selfish and ignorant he felt your precious husband owed him something and tried to dictate what he did on his time off? Whether it was relaxing with you are taking the initiative to make a bit more money should not matter, the point is, it's his time, and this is hers (your nannies) therefore she can do whatever she wants. Get off your high horse, and stop treating her like a possession. Lastly, if you are that worried about her finding something better and leaving, you probably aren't a good boss (and know this deep down) try treating her better and maybe giving a raise every now and again and maybe you wont have to worry about being "outshined" by these other moms so often!

Anonymous said...

OP bring up a good point. It's not okay to have these feelings about your nanny. She is of course a free, independant human being.

That doesn't mean I wouldn't flip if someone asked my nanny to babysit. I am not proud to admit this-just being honest.

Anonymous said...

I disagree with the OP and with the poster who made the comparison to her job.
I think it's not for the employer to decide "how much" they are able to take on without it effecting their work. If their work is acceptable, you must give them the benefit of the doubt that they are in fact a good worker regardless of what they do in their free time.
God, you people sound like you live in a communist country! To the OP and anyone who defends her, you are crazy! CRAZY!!

jmt said...

Everybody has covered this response so well, all I wanted to add is the "giving the employer a heads up" thing. The employee can manage her time for herself. If she moonlights from working on a team, as one responder said, or from nannying full time, it is her responsibility to be a good employee and not overextend herself. That's on her, not up to the employer to micromanage the woman's life. The secondary job should be treated by the employee as professionally as the primary, so there should be no interference.
Ideally, both jobs could co-exist without the other's knowledge.
Ihe idea that both employers have to give the okay should rate a big mental "screw you both!" from the employee.

Michelle said...

As a nanny I have to agree with some of the other posts from other nannies. I love the family that I work for dearly but if they don't ask me to sit on extra nights or weekends I feel free to go sit for other families. It is nice to have a break and be with kids of other ages and just get a change of scenery. I have a great relationship with the family that I work for and in turn many of their friends have asked for my babysitting services on weekends and other nights. The family that I work for is always well aware, and they always get first "dibs" if everyone is going to the same event. That being said--I think that nannies know where their loyalties are and as long as they are being treated with respect and they know that they are appreciated you shouldn't have to worry about your sitter being "stolen" by another family.

There is also the topic of families using other sitters on nights and weekends rather than their nannies. If they are going out and finding other sitters why can't we work for other families?

I think if this is such a concern than you should speak with your nanny and let her know how you are feeling. But that is about all you can do, she's got every right to work in her spare time if she so chooses.

Anonymous said...

If my employer asked me for a "heads up", I would go into the Butler's pantry, grab her special sterling silver prong serving fork and stab her in the neck with it.

Enough!

Anonymous said...

As a nanny if I need to work extra hours to earn some extra money on my own time than that is my decision! My employer should not have any say in what I do during my off hours. I would seriously regret the behavior of my employer if they pulled something like that!

Anonymous said...

As a nanny, and a responsible adult, I accept extra babysitting jobs. I know how much I can do without negatively impacting my energy and ability to be at my best at my primary job. My employer is considerate about letting me know in advance if she will need me for an evening or weekend, and I always give her priority. If someone wants me for a holiday or New Years Eve for example, I will check with her first. She has actually encouraged her friends to ask me to sit.
OP, you sound like a nightmare of an employer! If you are worried that your nanny will revel your dark secrets, or prefer working for the other family, you probably have reason to worry!
A nanny

Anonymous said...

etiquette? I think that went by the wayside long ago in this dog eat dog world, oh naive one.

Anonymous said...

If your nanny needs to make some extra cash and does it on her own time, that should be fine with you. It doesn't necessarily mean you aren't paying her a fair salary and it shouldn't be anything you are paranoid about. If you trust her with your children, you should trust her not to gossip about you with the neighbors or compare her salary for her REAL job with whatever she may make temporarily.

That being said, a lot of jobs, such as legal or other professional occupations, make you sign a non-competition agreement when you sign up. If you feel the need to have your nanny only be YOUR nanny, you should consider this. That way, if she needs some extra cash, she could consider a Saturday job doing something else, like dog walking or administrative work. As a nanny, it's not something I'd be psyched about signing, but it's an option you could pursue with her.

Also, if you're just wanting to know what's going on, you could request some sort of heads up so you will know where to reach her should there be an emergency... I dunno. I just think you should trust her.

sam said...

You know, I used to be a nanny. I now have my own daycare so that I can be with my child and it's working out great. But I have to say that if I still were a nanny and were reading this blog, it would seriously make me reconsider my decision to be a nanny any longer. I can't believe that it is such a disrespected position to some people! I think childcare workers in general are widely disrespected and it's sad that some people who use childcare are the ones who disrespect it. I consider myself an advocate for quality childcare. I can't tell you how many childcare providers are not: this is ironic. You know the type, those nannies or teachers who put these moms and families down for using childcare and not "raising their own kids." I have never been like that. I have always been respectful and loving towards the families I care for and work as a team with them, doing what the parents want me to do in raising their kids. I never question their reasoning behind needing childcare because that is not my place to do that. I provide a service and I provide it well.
I expect the same respect from the parents, and this OP's write-in upsets me so much. If you have a good nanny, please treat her with respect and kindness. She is a professional just like you are, not a slave or a sub-human.
Just my two cents...

Anonymous said...

Just curious -- why do so many nannies think the dad wants to sleep with them? Being completely honest here but MOST men I know would NOT be tempted by MOST of the nannies I've seen, certainly in the physical sense.

Anonymous said...

Just curious -- why do so many nannies think the dad wants to sleep with them? Being completely honest here but MOST men I know would NOT be tempted by MOST of the nannies I've seen, certainly in the physical sense.

Anonymous said...

Just curious -- why do so many nannies think the dad wants to sleep with them? Being completely honest here but MOST men I know would NOT be tempted by MOST of the nannies I've seen, certainly in the physical sense.

Anonymous said...

Most men would not be tempted. Yes. I see what you see, beleive me. Ever watch Everybody Loves Raymond? Where Deborah refers to a 250 pd housekeeper with a lazy eye that Ray was hot and bothered over. The episode ended with the men deducing that what they wanted was something "different". The nanny Jude Law cheated with was not hot at all. Most men aren't going to leave their wives for one of these homely nannies, but I wouldn't put it past them to diddle her quickly.

Anonymous said...

I think the OP's critisism was of other mother's. Maybe she is offended just from the point that it is completely chintzy of someone to hone in one anything of someone else's. Their boyfriend, husband, nanny, parking place.

I don't think it necessarily means she doesn't value her nanny. Maybe she values her a great deal.

Anonymous said...

to 7:50,
If the OP feels that she should have a say in what the nanny does on her own personal time, then yes, it means she does not value her nanny. What it means is that she doesn't see her nanny as a person or as having a life of her own.
Get it straight, please!
And men sleep with whoever. Sure, some moms are hotter than their nannies. But many men want to sleep with their nannies. I'm sure my husband wants to sleep with our babysitter. The problem is if they actually do it! God, my husband wants so much sex that sometimes I wish he would go sleep with the sitter. I'm frickin tired!

Anonymous said...

Don't kid yourself, 7:44
When it's a nice'n easy side offering men are not so particular. Don't forget men have a sexual fantasy every eight seconds.

Anonymous said...

OP is a little possessive...kinda kinky for your hubby, not so much for the nanny. Look like the poster above said your nanny isn't your Gucci bag, shes your saviour. Remember that. Technically without her your nothing and you will have nothing. Who else will watch your kids. Apparently not you or you wouldn't have a nanny, now would ya??

Anonymous said...

This is 2:29 again. I never said that nannies don't have the right to work for other people. I said that they do, but if I feel it is interfering with their job with me, that's another story. In my case my nanny is right on and I have zero complaints.

If you use your heads, asking for a heads up is not a crime. It's common courtesy. If I would like for my nanny to work the weekend of July 1st (for example) and she doesn't normally work weekends, I'd give her the date and ask if she was available before I would ever think to hire someone else for the gig. I would always give her first dibs.

On the flip side, if I had not yet mentioned that I would like to hire her to work on July 1st, I'd also like her to say "hey, I was offered a gig for the weekend of July 1. Do you need me, or should I take the job."

Simple. Works for everyone. Respect is shown on both sides.

Your Supervisor said...

So tired of being the voice of reason am I. But let me break this down for you. Years ago I rented a 1BR apartment inside of a 3 family home. There was parking in the driveway and a beautiful backyard. The landlord lived on the first floor. The driveway parking was his and we had no backyard privileges. It sucked. I hated him. So smug was he at the grill with his giant keilbasa, stogie in his mouth, bottle of Mike lemmonade in his hand (yes he was an ass). I hated him for all the summer days I had to walk to the park just to let my son's feet touch the grass. Five years later we own a multifamily home. We have tennants upstairs. We made it clear that the yard is off limits and the garage is for our use only. It's how the world works.
Deal with it. And quityer bitchin'

The Working Mother and The Stay-at-Home Mom said...

Any free time she has is her free time, not yours, therefore she can accept any job she wants. You certainly do not need to know what she does on her personal time, nor do you have the right of first refusal on other babysitting jobs that she is offered. If you wanted to work out an arrangement like this, you should agree to pay her a sizeable retainer fee, so that in the event you needed her during her off hours, she would consider you first. Other than that, you have no say whatsoever in what she does on her free time.

Anonymous said...

exactly, mom who works and one who doesn't

Anonymous said...

2:29 here again....

I'm glad you're not my nanny, Working Mother & SAHM, and I'm also glad I don't work for you.

I am once again THRILLED that I have the babysitter I have.

We click. We jive. We have mutual respect. We're cool.

I don't think I'd ever be happy with anyone else after reading this blog.

And she feels the same about me.

Can you see the cartoon hearts floating over our house?

Anonymous said...

People, back down and give the OP a break! She had a valid question and it did not warrant you all throwing stones! Slavery, indeed!

OP, as you have stated that you don't need her services other than her normal hours, it really is not your right to say how she spends her free hours. It would only be rude if it disrupted your arrangement with the nanny. As for the nanny finding out she could get a better offer, that should not be an issue if you have a contract with her. As for gossip, that can't be helped. If you have a good relationship with your nanny, don't let this issue cause damage that cannot be reversed. If you are really worried about this, let her know, but that it is her right to spend her free time the way she wants. My nanny and I have great communication, and neither of us are afraid to approach one another with issues. Good luck, and please, let this go. Loosing a good nanny is tough on children.

Anonymous said...

Look okay I just found out my best friend who is a teacher moonlights as a stripper on the weekends to pay off student loans. Now does she have to tell her school about it? Morally she should. Is she? No! Same thing about the nanny. If the nanny is working as a hooker friday-sunday nights she does not have to tell her employer about it. Its none of their business. As long as she shows up Monday morning on time and with a smile then there should be no problem. My point is, is that people are making a big deal out of nothing. The nanny can do what she wants. If its in her free time the employer has no right to know. As long as the kids not involved who cares.....

Anonymous said...

Yes i think its rude , neighbors and friends should ASK FIRST before using ur nannies services, but if she's babysitting for people i don't know then i don't care what she does with her free time.

Anonymous said...

to "your supervisor":
You're an idiot. And nobody cares about your house. Deal with that.
To 2:29:
There is a BIG difference with your comparison. If you ask your nanny before you ask another babysitter to babysit for a weekend, you are looking out for yourself hiring the best and most convenient person for the job. If your nanny asks YOU if she can ACCEPT A JOB for a weekend, she is CHECKING WITH YOU TO MAKE SURE YOU OK WHAT SHE DOES IN HER PRIVATE TIME AND GETS NOTHING FROM THE DEAL EXCEPT BEING YOUR PERSONAL SLAVE AND HAVING NO SELF RESPECT!
I hope to God your nanny does not do this, if she does she is an idiot who deserves you!!!

Anonymous said...

oh 1040, I dont see the hearts in cartoon circles over your head. I see syringes and shrooms.

Anonymous said...

Could this OP have caused the most crazed reponders yet? It has to be close.

jmt said...

10:58, can you explain what difference there is between people you know vs. those you don't? Why wouldn't it bother you equally if she sits without checking in with you first?

Anonymous said...

jmt,
i think the difference is kind of like, would you rather your boyfriend cheat on you by boinking one of your girlfriends or would you rather he do it with a stranger.. in peru..that you would never see or hear about?

I don't know why this is but I don't want my nanny babysitting for my friends. It has more to do with the friends than with her. I think. Maybe I am nuts. I don't know. I am not OP and it has never come up. We keep her pretty busy. lol

ro said...

no the op who posted about the nanny who was playing on the swings at the park and making animal noises at her children was pretty bad, the kuku thing was plain nuts and the responses to the picture of the fat nanny were so mean. Didn't Gawker even comment on the comments?

As for this post, I don't think an employer who treated her well and gave her the respect she deserved and paid her fair would feel even the slightest hesitation in allowing her to work for even a close friend. I sense that an OP such as this has some sort of shame about something. Maybe she is afraid people will find out how little she pays her nanny or how much laundry she has to do and therefore offer to save her by poaching her from miserable OP?

Anonymous said...

I kind of think the OP just meant shes afraid someone will take her nanny. I don't think she expects her nanny to be her slave but just wants someone who is loyal to her. I think the nanny should be able to work for whoever on her off time but maybe shes a really great nanny and you know how that goes with other people.

jmt said...

11:26 Okay, gotcha.

Anonymous said...

10:55 your comment was funny. I see your point though and also
11:26 I would love to know who my boyfriend was cheating on me with. Because if its an ugly girl I would like to know I beat his ass for a good reason......why do guys do that anyway? Cheat on women that look like they stepped out of a John Waters film? gross.....

Anonymous said...

11:29PM
I think you are right about the OP. There is some kind of guilt or paranoia there.

Yaya said...

OP-you are a piece of work...I feel sorry for your nanny.

meredith said...

9:54 -- I don't understand this comment you made:

"On the flip side, if I had not yet mentioned that I would like to hire her to work on July 1st, I'd also like her to say "hey, I was offered a gig for the weekend of July 1. Do you need me, or should I take the job."

Do you expect your nanny to consult you about ALL of her plans? If you almost never ask her to work on weekends, should she come to you and say, "I'm considering going to a play July 1. Do you need me that day or should I go ahead and buy tickets?"

It's her freetime. She can use it anyway she wants. She can do something social or do something to earn a little extra money. And she has absolutely no obligation to consult you about any of it, unless you have her on retainer.

Also, something that I haven't seen mentioned is that many nannies who babysit on the side do so because they have a bond with those children. I am paid well and I do not need babysitting money to supplement my income. However, I occassionally babysit for friends of mine as a favor to them, or I babysit for former nanny charges so that I can spend a little time with them. Therefore, offering my boss first right of refusal makes absolutely no sense to me since my goal is not just to make a little extra money but to spend time with a SPECIFIC child.

Anonymous said...

As a nanny, I make sure the family I am a full time nanny for is my first priority, and I don't do anything that compromises the schedule they have requested. But beyond that, I babysit for several families, and often. The family I work for all the time is ok with it, and always get me first when they ask if I can sit for them on a weekend or evening (so long as they have given me fair notice, a few days or so). I don't think it is fair of you to say or do anything to your nanny unless her outside babysitting jobs are interfering with the job you hired her for.

If it means that you need to get home when you said you would be, so she can leave for the other job on time, then do that. If it means that you need to give her notice to ask if she can watch the kids on her Saturday night, then you need to do that. If it means you should pay her more so she isn't seeking money elsewhere, then do that. I don't understand why people don't just take care of their nannies like any other employee at any other job. If you don't want her to stray, you need to ensure that she is being treated well and is happy with you and the job.

Anonymous said...

8:31:

No, I certainly don't expect her to consult me about her free time. Where did that come from?

My point is, if she's looking to pick up extra hours, wouldn't it be mutually beneficial for her to pick them up from me if she needs work and I need childcare?

I don't know, it seems like there are a bunch of defensive folks on here who read into things like everyone is out to get them.

It's not that deep, really.

Anonymous said...

OP - you should take it as a compliment that people who have seen your nanny in action want to use her. Have you not read the stories of shit nannies on this website?

My God, give her a bonus and say thanks for being wonderful enough to put up with your shit (and yes, it does stink like everyone else's)

Anonymous said...

8:31 You are getting way too technical. Are you studying to be a lawyer? I think some of you are going way too far with the implications of someone taking an outside sitting job. What's the big deal?

Anonymous said...

Nannies ask that employers treat them with respect. Is it too much to ask that nannies show employers a little respect too? Does it really call for a jabbing in the throat with a silver fork or whatever?

meredith said...

<< My point is, if she's looking to pick up extra hours, wouldn't it be mutually beneficial for her to pick them up from me if she needs work and I need childcare? >>

But my point is, maybe she's NOT just looking to pick up extra hours. Maybe she legitmately likes the other family/children and wants to spend time with them. Or maybe she needs a break from your children but would enjoy spending time with children of another age range.

I make $10 more per hour when I "babysit" for the family I nanny for -- if I were just looking to make extra money, obviously that is the better bet for me. But I still would almost always rather babysit for someone else. I love the family I work for, but after spending 40-50 hours there during the week, I need a break from my charge and my employers.

And if that is the case -- that she just wants to spend her freetime doing anything BUT work, then she should no more consult with you about freelance babysitting than she should about attending a play.

Housewife said...

I am a SAHM and you should NEVER ask a friend's nanny to babysit without asking them (your friend) first.

But you can't tell your nanny what to do on her off hours or perhaps she needs a little more money???

That this is a "constant stress" for you leaves me struck dumb. Isn't there something else to worry about?

meredith said...

11:18 -- I fail to see how my previous post was "too technical". I don't see any legalese in my post and I don't understand why I am "going way too far". I was simply pointing out that there are legitimate reasons why a nanny might prefer to babysit for someone other than her employer.

Anonymous said...

well, it's just that I am so tired of all the " what is proper crap, etiquette nonsense, politically correct rules we must follow, people playing the race card, and making mountains out of molehills, laced with legal jargon and BS". from 11:18

Anonymous said...

To the moron who wrote:
"I am a SAHM and you should NEVER ask a friend's nanny to babysit without asking them (your friend) first."

I am speechless with disgust. Speechless. You should be banished to a far-away island.

Anonymous said...

I just read "housewife's" blog and it explained alot.
I am crying for your kids, "pissed off housewife". Wow. You really need Dr. Phil. I don't know if even he can help you, though.

Anonymous said...

It's very clear some of these hostile responses are coming from nannies.

I totally agree with the OP. A burned out nanny is less available mentally and physically for her full time job watching other kids.

It would really stress me out, and in fact I have been in this situation recently. My au pair, who is legally prohibited from taking other jobs, spent Saturday watching a family of four kids including a newborn. I am not happy about this and I'm really angry that the mom, who talks to me all the time, didn't ask me first.

My au pair can be deported if the agency finds out she is taking work on the side, and we would be out a lot of money.

Some of the responses on this board are really out of control.

Anonymous said...

3:37,
You are out of control. We are not talking about au pairs who are legally prohibited from working other jobs. Do you have a reading comprehension problem? If you cannot contribute to the issue at hand, go away.
Of course many of the hostile responses are from nannies: duh! When you offend a person with insulting assumptions and words, they tend to get hostile. It is only human.
As another poster said, until the nanny (NOT the au pair) is performing poorly, it is her business what she does on her own time.
You sound like a wacko just like the OP.

Anonymous said...

I live on the UES in NYC. There are children everywhere. We trip over them and struggle to get past their side by side double strollers. So, yes when my nanny of 19 months took a Sunday babysitting gig from a neighbor/friend of mine, I was pissed. How did I handle it? Not well. I am not proud to say. I ignored her as much as I could for a week. Just enough to let her know something was wrong. We never spoke about it and she never babysat for her again. There are kids everywhere. If a nanny needs extra work, she can find some child elsewhere. Nevermind that my children are girls, ages 4 & 7 and their feelings were hurt when they found out that "nanny" had such a special day with "child X". A friend of theirs!
NO NO NO!

Anonymous said...

"out of control" "whacko"

Some of you sound so hostile. Are you guys ok, do you need some counseling, new jobs, new life? what? why so hateful?? This exchange does not warrant such hateful behavior. And you watch kids, too. Prizes, the lot of you!!! This is the kind of attitude which will keep you in your low paying jobs.

Childfree in PA said...

4:01 Your daughters need to learn at some point that their nanny has other people in her life, both children and adults.

Anonymous said...

4:01
Your children were upset because you have screwed them up with abandonment issues in parking them with strangers for their whole lives. If a child cannot emotionally handle that their sitter sits for other kids as well then they need therapy, right along with you. there are so many things wrong with your post that I can hardly begin to address them. You need to learn how to treat people. Adults don't ignore their employees or coworkers when they are angry. I'm glad you are not proud of your behavior because that is the first step in seeking help. What I find really scary is if your children are coming to feel the same sense of entitlement that you feel in life, and that the people who work for their family are no more than slaves who have some sort of personal and ethical obligation to be exclusive in their dealings towards you.
That is the sad part, is if you are (and it's clear you are) raising girls who are like their mother, an elitist bitch.

Anonymous said...

A nanny can certainly take up a second or third job if she chooses to as long as it does not affect her primary job performance.

Mandy said...

Listen up 4:01---

5:20 and 5:36, You are right on target.

I am a nanny. My bosses would NEVER ignore me for an entire work week. Not even one day. If they were upset with my behavior, they would speak with me directly.

4:01 You need to grow up and learn to communicate.

Anonymous said...

to "No No No" @ 4:01,
You are crazy. Completely, utterly crazy. Your children would be better off in foster care. Truly. You are one sick puppy.

Anonymous said...

Meredith:

Quite frankly I am too lazy to re-read the original post, but didn't the op say that her nanny was getting work from random people in her building? It didn't sound like she had a special relationship with any of the people involved.

To me it just sounds like other moms in the building spied the nanny doing a good job and said "hey, want to work on Saturday night?"

Anonymous said...

3:37PM
This post is about nannies, not au pairs. Do you not know the difference?

meredith said...

<<< Quite frankly I am too lazy to re-read the original post, but didn't the op say that her nanny was getting work from random people in her building? It didn't sound like she had a special relationship with any of the people involved. >>>

The original post gives no information about who the nanny is sitting for or where she is meeting her clients. The poster does mention that she lives in a large building in NYC, but does not say that this is where the nanny's job offers are coming from. Since that is left to our imagination, I offered a few reasons why the nanny might prefer to work for someone else on the weekend, one of which is that might have a special relationship with them.

But even if they are just random people she's met in the building, there are lots of reasons she might prefer to sit for them. Not the least of which is that she needs a break from work after spending 50 hours there during the week and is looking forward to something different. (Different children, different environment, different rules, different interests, etc.) At my last job, I care for two boys. I utterly adored them. But after a week full of catching bugs and building with legos, I relished an occassional Saturday afternoon with the little girl across the street who loved tea parties and having her nails painted.

Anonymous said...

10:58PM, & 11:26PM: I wouldn't want my bf to boink anyone whether or not I know that person. A rash is a rash is a rash, no matter which country it is coming from. I love your explanation though :)

Anonymous said...

1:52
?????

jmt said...

4:01's "NO NO NO" really should read as "ME ME ME"
So self-centered! Nanny isn't the property of your family. She exists beyond your four walls. Teach your kids that so they won't be so "hurt". boo hoo.

jmt said...

re: ????? I think 1:52 is being very pragmatic. Don't fuss over how the other woman looks, all STDs are ugly.

Anonymous said...

Re: husbands hitting on nannies.
Oh please, we see him at his worst, stumbling into the kitchen for coffee in the AM bleary eyed and unshaven. Dragging home from work at night exhausted and sometimes drunk. You may see him as prince charming, but your nanny probably thinks he is old, and boring. Unless you are married to Ethan or Brad, don't worry.

Anonymous said...

what do they look like jmt?

Anonymous said...

well, maybe
unless they want YOUR life, not necessarily your husband.

jmt said...

Well 8:50, if you really want to know, google "std pictures". Just not on a full stomach.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you had some personal experience with STD's. Aren't you a nurse?

Anonymous said...

JMT is very mysterious. I have been blogging on this site for a while now, and I still can't put the pieces together. She/he is too intelligent to give away too much personal information, but hey the bottom line is, it is always nice to see a post from JMT.

Anonymous said...

OMG, yes! I have a sneaking suspicion that JMT is in fact my veternarian! Lovely woman who wears little make-up, very earthy. Her boyfriend is building a cabin in New Hampshire and is away alot. She also has a nephew she is very close to and a sister that relies on her for her practical guidance and common sense. And the initials fit too. Dr. T, is that you?

Anonymous said...

If i recall correctly, jmt was once a baby nurse, but a real nurse, you know, like an RN. I think that's correct.

jmt, l.m.t. said...

Thank god you thought my personal experience with STDs was professional! LOL
Nope, not a nurse, a massage therapist with a background in biology. And I read a lot.
And 12:38, I wouldn't mind slipping into your vet's life for a while. Sounds like a lovely woman.
Thanks for all the nice thoughts everyone.

Anonymous said...

I hate massage therapists. I think they are scam artists. No offense, but they all tend to be kind of skeevy. I knew some in college and they were all pot-head losers.

Anonymous said...

148-trying to cause a scrapple!

jmt said...

Where do you live, 1:48? And how long ago was college? Things have changed a lot in the past 15-20 years. When I was in school (in NY) the curriculum was very intense and professional, no skeevy allowed. Also, have you ever gotten a massage by a licensed therapist? Not all states require a license so those states tend to have the lower quality therapists.
I think if you got a good massage, you would sing a different tune and forget all the pothead posers.
Hope you try it! Let me know if you do.

Anonymous said...

If you are worried about your nanny leaving you, you either need to A treat her better or B get another nanny.

The same goes for your fears of gossiping.

What about the nanny going to the local market or laundromat on the weekends? She might run into your friend or neighbor! Maybe she shouldn't be allowed to do that.

Maybe you should lock her in your closet like that whacko on tv.

Seriously.