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| Employer struggles with nanny's overwhelming body odor |
I have attempted to ignore this problem and wrestled with a way to handle this situation. I have consulted other parents on
urbanbaby and was advised to post this here. I have had a new nanny for two months. In all respects, she is wonderful with the children; trustworthy and dependable. I am a stay at home mother so we have much cross contact as we go different directions with different children. We also spend a good amount of time together and she is a live-in nanny. The nanny also has a super personality and is wonderfully kind. That makes this all the more difficult. My nanny has a very personal body odor that is extraordinarily overwhelming. While I could go in to great detail just as to how noxious the odor is, what I instead seek is a tactful way to resolve this issue. The problem has been extreme the past three days. Thank you in advance, and please- no flames.
OP again (2:36 PM). Please add this. I recognized the odor soon after she started. At that time, I went to a cute store and purchased a number of soaps, body gels, scrubs and lotions and had them made in to a gift basket. I gave it to her at the end of her second week and told her how happy we were to have her here with us. That was about 6 weeks ago. I just wanted to clarify that I have tried that angle already.
66 comments:
Well, when we had this problem with a colleague at the office, we bought the smelly lady one of those nice bath/spa gift boxes from The Body Shoppe with a nice assortment of non allergic soaps and body washes. lol Some people's body chemistry, general health and diet cause them to smell a tad stronger than other people.
You should also pair your gift of soaps with a gift certificate for her favorite store or something so it wouldn't necessarily be just about her smell. If she's a good nanny and a good person, I'd bend over backwards to make sure I didn't hurt her feelings. Good luck!
I had this same problem with my gardener and finally I could stand it no more, so I said that I just couldn't let him come inside my house anymore smelling so badly. He claimed it was the rotting landscape plantings and grass that he had cut or trimmed. I knew it wasn't that and made him come over for a sniff test. It was his "chew". That is one G*d awful smell. I suspect that your nanny chews. Trust me on this. I think I know the cause. It was overwhelming and noxious, just as you described.
I think I remember OP from UB a month or so ago. And as I recall you were going to get her a bath set of nice soaps and things and tell them they were for her bathroom since she was a live-in. I am assuming you did that since you are still having the problem.
For those who don't get what OP is talking about, personal refers to err... uhmm... Maybe she has a UTI?
OP ... I vote for the suggestion from 1:58. Especially since you say she is great with your kids, she has probably earned it! ;)
I know this could be just as embarressing for you as it is her, and this is the only tactful way to go.
I do have one question though:
You don't say how old your children are, but if they are at least 4 y.o. or so, I am quite surprised they haven't said anything to their Nanny about her noxious smell. Our little darlings can be honest to a fault sometimes, you know! lol
Good luck ... and don't forget that little gift certificate, too. If she doesn't use your gift -- then I suggest putting a little "bug" (suggestion) in one of your kids ear .... then maybe Nanny will take a shower.
2:20 ??? Maybe.
I would say some people just smell badly. I had a friend who always claimed she smelled, although I personally never noticed, not when we hugged or were in the car together, not even after we worked out together. She ended up taking chlorophil caplets from the health food store and said they made a differenece. On another note, I had a nanny friend who had the most god awful breath that could rival a dogs after eating roadkill. It was obvious she either had chronic halitosis or rotting teeth. I have no idea how she got jobs or boyfriends for that matter.
Personally, if I smelled, and I know that sometimes after romping with the kids or hiking the massive hills in their neighborhood I do, I would want my boss to tell me discreetly. Don't sugar coat it with perfumy soaps and such, just take her aside. Better you than some mean spirited person. Maybe she has some sort of digestive or hormonal issue.
Originally I balked at putting a bug in your childs ear to get them to say something because I just dont believe children should be taught to be ..whats the word I want here....I don't know..its really a mix of words..but hurtful kinda works. Then I thought about it and realized that if I was the nanny and I had the odor I would rather hear about it out of the mouth of a child, so I could "take it on the chin" so to speak, go off in my spare time think about what the child said, figure if it were true and work on it, rather than here it from adults and be highly embarassed that adults noticed such a thing. at least if the little one can pull it off without calling you out on telling her then the nanny can keep on trucking never having to worry that maybe you noticed as well, therefore sparing her feelings...just a thought :)
who cares about her feelings ...if she stinks tell her...
no soaps no parfumes..go take her to the side and tell her straight in her face...what is this you are her boss ,this is your house...so no playing around here..
i work in an office we had someone smelling so bad we could not take the stairs with her...so i took her to the side and told her..problem solved..she started to smell very well the next day..she still workes with us and is a great coworker..
dont be shy...i would want to know
I have a friend who showers 2-3 times a day everyday, and yet her body just emits an odor. I do not know if she is aware of it or not. She smells like McDonald's food and I suspect it is because she eats there 2 times a day, sometimes more!
Your nanny is a live-in, how often does she shower? Is the smell still present when she has recently showered? Are there any foods she consumes a lot of that may cause this smell?
I'm sitting here trying to think of any other nice way than what you have already done and I can't. If it is that bad you will have to take her aside and in as much of a respectful way as possible tell her the problem. If it's a womanly issue maybe she needs to see the gynecologist, does she have health insurance? Maybe that the real issue.
2:52 -
Yeah. I'm with you. If you innocently "mention" that Nanny smells bad, then quickly move to another subject (also say something nice about her, too)- then the kid would say something to nanny. Most people that work with kids know that they say things and are honest about them, sometimes not thinking that they would hurt their feelings. The nanny won't be so embarressed and will hopefully take a shower! It's worth a try if nothing else works.
I'm sorry, I have a hard time understanding how you're a stay at home mommy and have a live in nanny? is it that rough?
Ahh 4:03 I was wondering when you would pop up and start judging someone you don't know, jealous much?
A Nanny
The only reason I found this site was out of curiosity--it was featured in a newspaper article.
It struck me as particularly odd that a stay at home mother would need a nanny. Obviously this offends, as you've decided to make a career of taking care of other peoples' children, and if they started doing it themselves, as they should, you'd be out on your rear.
Not really jealous...I don't even have children yet, all I know is that my mother was a stay at home mother of 4, and somehow managed...I can't imagine that this woman really NEEDS a nanny, and should probably attempt to raise her own children rather than complain about the odor of her nanny.
HAHAHA Oh 4:57, how naive and ignorant you are. Before you judge another woman's personal decision on the care and upbringing of her children, try waiting until you've at least experienced having some of your own. How can a child's having two women who love and care for them possibly be a bad thing?
in certain religions it's a no no to use perfumes, deoderants and soaps. or maybe she has really sensitive skin...
in touchy situations like these, i usually approach the subject in a joking manner- i would make a comment about myself or my odor and then ask her for a suggestion or just kind of engage her a little about it. maybe you can drop a few hints that way...
If you really like this nanny and is as great as you describe, why not help her change her life? My nanny who has been with us 8 years had teeth that needed some help. After two years, we offered to help her fix them. It restored her conifidence. And 6 years later, she is still with us- and all smiles.
Good nannies are really, really hard to find. I have friends who have horrible nannies that they are afraid of, nannies who demand things and never say thank you, nannies who show up late, speak poor English and have little or no work ethic. I think they would all be grateful for your nanny.
Excepting the odor problem. My sil got shots of botox under her arms and in her groin to control sweating. Perhaps that is the odor?
I cannot think of what else it could be. Do you have a child's physical coming up? Does your nanny have health insurance? If she doesn't, I would say, "you are so valuable to us, I want you to go to the doctor and get checked out".
5:42 I love your last line "you are so valuable to us..." You sound like a really nice person to know.
I actually happened to see a piece on Oprah about personal body odor. It was a Dr. Oz segment. The upshot is we all have a unique odor which should not smell that bad. When bacteria are allowed to grow in the perspiration is when bad odor starts. But there are other factors like our diet or general health issues which can exude bad odors. It sounds like this nanny really needs to get a check up, including oral. I recently read a story about "tonsil stones" - calcifications that grow in the folds of the tonsils and cause AWFUL odor. They can be easily removed (even coughed out). News to me! You learn something new everyday.
I hope this nanny gets a good check up and gets better. Good luck!
Maybe the nanny IS hiding a smoking habit by substituting chewing tabacco, which produces a horrible rotten smell in some people.
But don't you have to spit out the juice constantly? I can see a gardener being outside, able to spit all the time. I don't know anyone who chews, though.
No, jmt, not when you are trying to hide the habit. These people swallow the horrible repulsive juice instead and it then gets mixed up with whatever else is brewing down there. That's what makes for the extra putrid breath.
Is she taking fish oil pills? I had a really good friend and she always had terrible smells coming from her vaginal area. Really, the smell would almost knock you down. One day I was in her room and I saw a jumbo bottle of fish oil. Bingo! That was it. Perhaps this is the cause?
653- gretchen?
Fish oil comes out "that way"?
Obviously good fodder to discuss on the subway, 6:53, according to many of the posters here.
It's possible she had a medical problem. Talk to her as nicely as you can about it.
Does she possibly wear cheap perfume? I tried some cheap Revlon perfume while in college and walked around smelling like yellow mustard all day. Chemical reaction.
7:01 I don't know about fish oil, but I smell a lot of things on my skin the day after I ingest them: coffee, garlic, onions, Mucinex and other meds, asparagus is a big offender. It may be something this nanny eats, or maybe a medication she has to take.
LOL Yellow mustard!
Tell the woman.....that she has an odor and it needs to be addressed. The problem is trying to be politically correct...while talking about the woman behind her back! Take her to the side and tell her.
She'd be totally mortified if she knew about all the frenzy her odor is causing on this board. Tobacca Chow? Yikes, that is the worst odor. You can't even get near these people they are just rotten.
I know this sounds nuts, but there is a website called gentiletip.com that allows people to send anonymous emails to someone conrcerning various issues. The pre-written emails are kind of mean spirited, but you can edit to say whatever you want. She'd never know it was you, OP.
I actually received a tip from that site once.
It sounds like she could have a medical problem. Approach her from a concerned standpoint and offer to take her to the Dr. and pay for it. You may end up really helping her out.
she may be wearing a bag as a result of a colostomy and not be revealing it? That can be bad, too.
I"m surprised this hasn't been mentioned... piercings? I personally had a piercing "down there" and it was fine for a while, but then the metal started to react with my body and it produced a very unpleasant scent... I think I was the only person that noticed, but didn't realize what it was until I had taken the piercing out and the smell went away. I know that is a lot of info, and I will get a lot of crap for it... but what I am saying is that she might and probably does notice the smell, but it might not be a matter of good hygeine. Maybe something is going on that she doesn't know about.
I am a nanny, and while the conversation would be very awkward, I would appreciate the honesty if the intentions were genuine. If you want to approach her, make sure she knows that only YOU have noticed this, and that you haven't gone to your hubby or any outside parties about it (even if you have... she doesn't need to be embarassed by thinking others know too). Also, be as kind as you can, but honest too.
Lastly, if you feel like you just don't know her well enough yet, then I am afraid you will have to deal with it until you are close enough. There are some lines you shouldn't cross, and depending on your nanny, this may be one of them. Personally, my employer and I are really close and talk about all kinds of stuff that would not be socially acceptable. I like knowing that I can completely trust her, and she can trust me too in all ways.
Very lastly... maybe take a pregnancy test? It definitely heightens your sense of smell, and if this has been really obvious the last few days, then maybe that's it?
is your initial S?
i feel like i heard this story already- from your employer.
do i know you/her?
Maybe pass this along to her:
Remedies
Folk
Alcohol/witch hazel Wipe your armpits with alcohol, white vinegar or witch hazel instead of deodorant.
Alum Try using a crystal rock made from the mineral salt potassium alum instead of a deodorant. It won't keep you dry as an antiperspirant will, but they clog your sweat glands and contain aluminum chlorohydrate, which may lead to future health problems.
Apple cider vinegar Apple cider vinegar eliminates under arm body odor when used in place of deodorant because it reduces the pH of the skin. Bacteria can't live in areas with low pH.
� White vinegar is also helpful. Place some on a cotton ball and apply to the underarms instead of deodorant. The vinegar smell is gone in minutes and you should be smell-free all day.
Baby powder Use baby powder or talc in areas of heavy perspiration.
Baby wipes (see towelettes below) also work, but the results may be temporary.
Baking soda Baking soda, the odor-eating standby, can be used instead of deodorant. Just apply the powder to your dry armpits. It will kill bacteria and help absorb perspiration. Cornstarch can also be used instead or mixed with the baking soda.
Bauxite crystal deodorant works very well at controlling underarm odors.
Parsley/alfalfa Chewing parsley, alfalfa and other leafy greens will help neutralize body odor, probably because of the deodorizing effect of the chlorophyll.
Radishes Juice about two dozen radishes, add 1/4 teaspoon of glycerine, and put in a squirt or spray-top bottle. Use as an underarm deodorant or to reduce foot odor.
Rosemary is an antibacterial herb. Put 8 to 10 drops of the essential oil in 1 ounce of water and appy it where needed.
Sage Herbalists suggest drinking a cup of sage tea daily to reduce sweat gland activity. This is especially true for those who perspire excessively due to tension. Use 11/2 teaspoonsful of dried sage or two tea bags in one cup of water; steep for ten minutes; drink in small doses throughout the day.
� Fresh sage leaves blended with tomato juice has been found to be very effective.
Tea tree is an antibacterial herb. Make a deodorant by putting 2 drops of the essential oil into 1 ounce of water and apply where needed.
Towelettes (baby wipes) Useful when a tense moment surges the sex hormones which produce fluid under the arms and around the genital areas that, when combined with bacteria, causes odor.
Turnip juice Turnip juice will reduce underarm odor for up to 10 hours. Grate a turnip, squeeze the juice through cheesecloth, so that you have two teaspoonsful. Wash your armpits first, and vigorously rub one teaspoonful on each one.
Wheat grass Take 500 mg of wheat grass daily on an empty stomach and wash down with a glass of water. The chlorophyll will dramatically reduce body odor.
Homeopathic
Silicea Homeopaths recommend dissolving three 6X tablets of the tissue salt Silicea under the tongue each morning and evening to knock out odor.
Per the Mayo Clinic:
it may be a sign of certain medical conditions. A fruity smell, for example, may be a sign of diabetes, and an ammonia smell could indicate liver or kidney disease. In addition, a rare condition known as fish-odor syndrome (trimethylaminuria) causes an odor similar to rotting fish. People with fish-odor syndrome have a defective gene that prevents them from metabolizing trimethylamine (TMA), a natural byproduct of the digestion of some foods, such as saltwater fish, eggs and liver.
To OP, Does your live-in nanny have enough time in the morning to shower and get herself ready for the day? Some live-in nannies prefer to shower in the evening when the kids go to sleep because that is when they get some quiet time. If she gets time to prepare every morning and still emits the odor, then maybe the nice 'medical checkup' offer suggested by many of the posters is a great idea.
To 4:57 PM: Shame on you for being so judgemental. Different household situations call for different childcare situations, so for you to judge OP, and brag about your mom's superpowers as a do-it-all SAHM is quite unfair. People who go around oppressing others tend to do so because they have insecurities, and are trying to make themselves feel better about the crap that defines them. OP is not asking for your opinion on whether or not she needs a nanny. She is asking for your opinion on her nice nanny's odor dilema.
Everyone was so nice about this.
Good luck OP, let us know what you decide to do.
I think you need to be direct with her. Sure, it will be tough and embarassing and all that, but what is the alternative? Our nanny (not live in) wore horrible perfume when she came to take care of our son and I had to tell her about it. She was miffed at first but everything worked out. If it is meant to be, this will also work out too. If not, it might be best to get someone else anyway.
I have never commented on this blog before and find an odiferous nanny to be mildly amusing. What I don't understand is 11:57's comment. Finding a nanny is not an easy thing. Finding the right person to care for your children, to mesh with your household, to have a pleasant personality to be around- the right combination is rare. I must wonder how wonderful qualities your nanny possesses. I am guessing One. {That she obeyed you when you instructed her to cease use of the offending cologne}.
1:53 ~
touche` pussycat.
lol
Why don't the OP's ever follow up and let us know the outcome? The suspence kills me!!!
8:39 ~
I'm with you. There should be a follow-up section. I think posters should come back and let all of us know what happened ... at least then, we will know which advice worked best!
Ok, I've been reading these comments and wasn't going to comment, but I really don't get why a stay-at-home mom would need a live-in nanny. A live-in nanny is usually hired because the parents work SO much that they need a "third parent" in the home. If you are a stay at home mom, I can understand having a part-time nanny a few morning a week, but a live-in nanny who seems to work full time? What do YOU do all day?
3:43, you should have kept quiet and let us wonder if you are an idiot instead of opting in and removing all doubt.
Idiot.
Jealous much?
And ps, GET BACK TO WORK.
Why is she an idiot for having the opinion that a parent should parent?
I agree with her 100%. And why should she or anyone be jealous that you are unable to be a mother to your kids without a live-in nanny despite the fact that you are lucky enough to not have to work?
I feel sorry for you, but sorrier for your kids.
who is 3:43? can you not read?
343 is 348. Deal with it.
And the only people I ever hear acting sanctimonious over sahms with nannies are poor sahms or mothers who have to work.
Piss off.
UPDATE:
I don't know about all of that and certainly that is not a debate I care to get in to. I would like to thank you all for your suggestions and kindness in researching various issues for me. How I opted to handle this was to tell the nanny how happy we are to have her with us and ask her if she is happy. (She said she was). I then told her that after she was with us a year, we would provide her health insurance. Then I suggested that while we weren't ready to pay for health insurance yet, I would like to pay for her to have a complete physical. I lead in to this with concern over some moles I had on my forearm. I offered to either find her a physician or that she could find her own and we would pay for a complete check up. She doesn't seem to be overly excited about this idea. I did tell her in truth, that I feel guilty about the fact that she takes such great care of my children and does not have insurance and if there is a case in the winter or something where she gets sick that I would pay for her doctor's visit. This is how I handled it for now. Again, I just have to say again how wonderful she is. I hope she never learns that I have discussed this subject even anonymously in/on a national forum.
Wow, OP, You are great!
OP, why would you wait a whole year to offer her health insurance? Most jobs make you wait two or three months.
Also, why didn't you mention the bad odor? It would have been the perfect time and is the reason you want to offer her a checkup in the first place. Now maybe she goes to the doctor and never makes a complaint of odor so the doctor never addresses it. The doctor may notice the odor, but if the patient doesn't care the doc may not do anything about it or even mantion it to her. If it is an odor characteristic of a particular disease a really good doc may press the matter, but otherwise...
OP is nice enough to offer to pay for the check-up. The health insurance of course is a year late, but OP will offer it as soon as she can. Some nanny employers don't offer health coverage, and don't even offer to pay for a check up. OP is not perfect, but she is trying.
JMT,
Many nanny positions last only a year. There is a huge turnover rate with nannies. Once you start providing them health insurance, there are entanglements, plus hassles getting one of your policy to get the next one on.
We told our nanny we would put her on our policy after six months. She was super the first month. Good the second month. And now she is slacking, late and acts bothered to complete some of the very tasks she agreed to only three months ago. If she doesn't make some changes, she is gone. I have half a mind to start interviewing this weekend. And I quite satisfied with my decision not to offer her immediate health insurance.
PS We pay $17 an hour, on the books and pay her SS tax.
OP ~
I'm with jmt. While I think it's fantastic of you to offer a check-up and eventually health coverage .... are you saying that until then you feel it's just fine to continue to assult your senses, and that of anyone else in your family, including your husband and children? Why didn't you address the issue? I know you are afraid to embarrass her, but you had the lines of communication open at that very moment, and you should have dove right in. You said she didn't seem thrilled at your suggestion of a check-up (I'm thinking you were hoping a Dr. with a very good sense of smell would come to your rescue? Well, he ain't gonna say anything if she doesn't ... unless he recognizes the smell as some health-related issue.) ... but I have a feeling she won't take you up on your offer anyway -- so, that unfortunately puts you back at square one. Good luck, and by the way ... I hear Coroners use "Vicks" vapor rub under their noses so they can't smell the dead bodies.
OP, no good deed goes unpunished. Here you are trying to get to the bottom of a smelly situation, and you are being attacked for trying. I think you are doing the right thing. If the doctor does not say anything about the smell, it probaby is not a medical issue smell. Then you can move on to a dentist, and see where that visit takes you and your nanny. If after the doctor and dentist, you still have no resolution, then maybe it's time to let your nanny go. I have migraines, so many smells throw me in an episode.
to 9:10
Agreed. A doctor will not say anything unless he feels it's an issue. People go to the doctor at all different times. One time I had an appointment with my doctor for a physical and the only time I could go was on my break from work (daycare!) and a baby had just thrown up all over me right as I was walking out the door! I changed my shirt because my friend had an extra and cleaned myself as best as I could, but I still reeked of puke! The doctor didn't say a thing.
He won't unless he feels it's an issue, which he probably will just figure her deodorant's wearing off!
A physical is good to have your employee get though. We always have to have them updated at the daycare I work at.
9:10 pm LOL Vicks!!
Like "Silence of the Lambs"!!
Gahhhhh
But 9:58, the employers can shop the nanny around to all kinds of doctors, dentists, whatever (assuming she even goes), but unless the nanny knows she has an odor problem the basic issue here will never be addressed. And the nanny will never know why she's being sent for all these generous "checkups". The employer isn't going to bring the nanny into the office by the hand and be in the examination room with her as if she were a child. If you are going to go to these lengths to handle an odor problem that is "extraordinarily overwhelming" you have to clue in the nanny. Or get rid of her so you never have to hurt her feelings. Take the cowardly way out.
How would you feel if your employer kept suggesting different doctors that you go to, that she'll pay for without having a clue as to why? I'd think it was a weird quirk of the employer's. If she told me that she had a problem with my smell at least I'd maybe go to the doctor and investigate. Or I might be highly offended and quit. Is that what the OP is afraid of and why she won't be direct? It's more work to find a new nanny as good?
Just tell the nanny! Handle this like adults.
Maybe OP is hoping that nanny uses the physician SHE chooses. And has doctor delicately assess odor?
9:58 ~
I know you mean well ... but for the OP to "shop" that Nanny around to Drs., Dentists ... what next? She will end up in the poor house when all it would take is some balls and her telling the Nanny that she needs to shower, brush her teeth, and throw on some deodorant ... I think that about covers all the places a nasty smell could emulate from.
Hi, I am 9:58. I actually do mean well. You all make a lot of sense. I have dealt with people who are too touchy feely to handle the direct truth, and that is why I am hoping that OP's angle works. I hope OP and her nanny get to some resolution.
A comment for the person that thought their friends fishy vaginal odor came from the fish oil she takes,, wrong,,, that has nothing to do with it, the fishy vaginal odor comes from bacterial vaginosis, a bacterial infection. I have this and noticed this fishy odor and I have never taken fish oil supplements. This condition has nothing to do with how often you shower and it has everything to do with a chemical change in your body chemistry, do a bit of research on vaginal odor and you will find this out. There is a product online called Enzara that you can take that clears this up. I have been taking it for a month and have noticed a change, but not 100% gone yet. This nanny should really get an exam by a obgyn. The OP did not clearly say what kind of odor it was, but if it is a musty fishy odor that is bacterial vaginosis and I am sure the nanny notices it on herself, but figures that you cannot smell it. I had no idea that others could smell it because I only noticed it when I was going to the bathroom. But it was my husband who finally told me how much it bothered him and I wished he would have told me sooner. I shower twice a day and am by no means a slob, so for the original poster, please reconsider talking to the Nanny again, she may have no idea that you can smell it,,
VAGINAL ODOR is Natural and this way it should remain. Even though women must look appealing, it is very necessary to consider their health first. Although they say that globalization has left a trail of positive benefits, this is not necessarily true especially with the complicated health issues of women. Too bad if it is fish smell and uncontrollable. We may just have to advise such a lady to seek medical help. It could be serious
OP, Now thart you have broken the ice with the doctor idea, maybe you can urge her to go (since she is reluctant)by saying (little white lie) that you had a friend to the house who happens to be a doctor and that he/she mentioned your nanny's odor as potentially signaling a health problem...and so you would realy like to have her go in and get it checked out immediately...for her own good, of course. That takes the pressure off of you and makes it more likely that she will actually address the problem when she goes into the doctor.
That's judgy and up to her. If one has the resources and needs the help, why do you have an opinion?
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