Received Wednesday, March 28, 2007
I hope the parents of Grace who goes to the Greenpoint Y for the grown up and me classes on Tuesdays and I am not sure about Thursdays reads this. You need a new nanny who can control your daughter. Not sure if you know this but your child has bitten a few of the younger children in class, she screams like someone is killing her and she refuses to listen to anyone. During story time she runs around and screams and the other kids cant hear the story. You need to find a new nanny who can control her. This has been a ongoing thing w/ Grace since she has been going to the Y, but has gotten worse the last few months.
Wednesday
The Greenpoint Y in Brooklyn, NY
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35 comments:
Maybe something upsetting is going on at home and the child is acting out with the nanny in response. Perhaps it's not the nanny that's a problem? She may be doing the best she can with a situation out of her control (or perhaps the parents have instructed her not to dsicipline or what-not). I'm not a nanny, just another mom.
Since you obviously know the girl, Grace, and obviously attend the same class. why not just contact the mother directly? Someone at the Y might be able to provide you the info-say you want to make a playdate with your kid. At the least-they can pass your phone number along to Grace's mother.
Does the nanny make attempts to control the child? What is she doing as the child screams and disrupts story time? Do you have any ideas about what she should be doing?
This seems like a very incomplete post to me.
Great website!
Does anyone of you have caught on tape moments from one of your nannies? It would be for European television station? We would apprecitae it! Please let me know.
I agree with 9:59. Acting out to that extent is not a question of the nanny "controlling" her. It is symptomatic of a stressed child. I have seen similar behavior when a family is going through a divorce, or there is alcohol abuse in the home.
A nanny
How old is Grace? What does she look like? What does the nanny look like?
What is the nanny doing when the child is acting out? I agee this may be an overall parenting issue rather than just a nanny issue.
If it's such a problem, why doesn't someone at the Y (one of the teachers) contact the parents to discuss it with them? This makes no sense.
It's just so unfair to blame the nanny! yes, I'm a nanny and my kids are not 100% controled, their mom it's terrible! She's obsessed with dance classes (three), sports (two) plus theater. And the kids don't know the meaning of "please" or "thank you" or "you're welcome". It's always "i need", "i want", "give me". Is the nanny responsability to make an appointment in the psicologist? No... you're right about complaining; but you must always remember the kid has a mom in first place. Say "you, mom, need to work dicipline with your kid and nanny" or "you, mom, need to find out if your nanny is following your instructions". After all, you're adressing your complaint to another mom, isn't it? Nannys are not moms, not educators.
I think this post is mean, to the child and to the nanny. Who knows why the child is acting like that, and who knows if the mom wants her to go the group? It is not a matter of the nanny controlling the child: children act like that all the time: if it is an ongoing thing, then I'm sure she acts that way with her parents as well. Why is it the nanny's fault she is doing it?
It seems incomplete to me too.
2:18: um, yes nannies are educators.
2:18 nannies are educators, but they can only do so much with what they are given. If they are the only ones who decipline than it doesn't really work. I wonder if this nanny doesn't feel comfortable deciplining this little girl for some reason. All I hear are horror stories from New York nannies, I'm glad I work in Texas.
I am the op.
first off there are also kids in the group that are afraid of this child. I am also a nanny to a child there and as for setting up a playdate that wouldnt work since it would be w/ the nanny. for 11.57, yes the nanny does try to control her, it doesnt work. grace is suppose to be sitting down w/ the nanny listening to the storys, or doing the arts and crafts w/ the nanny, thats y its called my grown up and me.
for 2.10, it shouldnt matter what grace looks like since shes the only grace in the group. I also believe that the parents have been contacted since the nanny had to leave a few times early w/ grace.
for 4.37 yes the mom wants her in the group since she pays for it. Its not a free group.
Sounds like the parents fault to me.
Something to think about - perhaps Grace has a hidden disability such as Asperger's, ADHD, etc. Don't always assume that a child who is out of control is undisciplined. Sometimes these kids have very real disorders.
Here's an idea, how about Grace's parents give the nanny a raise, b/c Grace sounds like a little monster, and then beat little Grace's ass to teach the little brat a lesson. Maybe then story time at the Y will be quieter!
OP, if Grace's parents have been contacted, why are you posting here?
11:55, good point! OP is obviously ignorant on the topic of special needs.
It sounds like she's posting here cuz the problem continues as though nothing's been done leaving the other kids in the group to suffer.
Ok, OP...
In your original post, you say the nanny can't control her and the parents need to find a new nanny. Then, in your follow-up on this comment board, you say the nanny does try and control her. Hmmm. Sounds fishy. Listen, I'm a nanny. It sucks when you see out of control kids. But, try and sympathize with the nanny. Maybe Mom and Dad need to do more and step up to the plate with the discipline. Everyone on this comment board agrees... it's not the nanny's fault. If the parents know about the problems, let it go. Or better yet, be a good "co-worker" and befriend the nanny. Maybe she's just inexperienced. Give her a book or suggest a website that has to do with behavioral special needs. This way, she can use the material to reference behavioral disorders and talk with mom and dad about the best course of action (if any is needed). Having info to back up a claim is an educator's best bet. Nannies, childcare providers and teachers are usually the first people to notice and have evidence of a child's special needs.
- A nanny with a master's who diagnosed a charge with autism... before the parents and doctors noticed a thing
I am the op.
thanks Lorenza. thats basically it. I will say at least two thirds of the kids in the group are afraid of her. during story time she runs around and screams. If we are lucky someone will ask the nanny to remove her for a few only to be brought back. Then I have heard horrer storys about the nanny bringing her to the park. I guess I will just have to wait for it to be a little warmer to bring my charge to the park.
My question for the OP is: how would you handle the child? If you were the nanny, what would you do to magically change this child's behavior short of taking her out of the group, which is most likely against the parents' wishes?
How does the nanny in question try to control her and what would you do differently?
Maybe the nanny is doing her job but she is not a good fit for the child. Grace probably needs a strict nanny who can curb her wild bahavior.
Deep down, I think the problem lies in the home. Happy well-adjusted children do not act this way.
I hope this girl gets examined by a child psychiatrist. There are a lot of disorders that could cause this kind of behavior. And your average nanny wouldn't know how to handle her. Average parents wouldn't know how to handle her either. The "nanny with a masters" above is right. And she's not too young to be diagnosed. If it is merely a bad behavior problem perhaps a doctor could refer them to parenting classes or something.
I feel sorry for this girl and her future either way.
My strong suggestion - Ask the Greenpoint Y administrators to contact the parents directly about Grace's behavior and the way it's affecting the other children. This is their job.
I think this post is funny because I live in Providence, RI and all the kids at the Y here act that way. Heehee.
I'd stay with Grace until she acted up the first time, having forewarned her at home what would happen. Then I'd leave and maybe the next time, she'd try a little harder to behave.
this is NOT the nannys fault....
never the less-
I saw your nanny....
and she was unable to control your child in public.
As a parent I would want to know!
So I could take action with my child!
A good nanny would proceed with a plan that called for perimeters
A "good nanny" tries to do what she has been told. Not all parents give their nanny the freedom to decide where they go and what they do. Nobody here knows the situation. The parents could be well aware of her misbehavior. Agreed: the right way to handle this is to take the child out, but I'm assuming the nanny is told to take the child there.
I asked a question under another post but it got pushed off the page. It relates here with regards to parents vs. nanny:
I was wondering about the parents vs. nanny rules. If the parents don't discipline or don't insist on common sense things like a coat, should the nanny uphold her own rules? If the caretaker knows better (and I know that opens a big can of worms), shouldn't the professional at least try to impose some order on the kids? There are a lot of parents who don't have a clue and don't want discipline for their kids - which I will never understand. But don't children need boundaries and socialization so they can function in this world?
The parents have power because they are the employers, but a professional nanny has power because she is educated and can leave to work for a family that will let her do her job. In a perfect world.
Comments anyone?
11:46 PM
Anonymous said...
JMT, we have given our nanny the right to discipline our children, as do several of our friends. I know parents who won't allow their nannies to. It isn't hard to guess who's children are better behaved.
An educated nanny should know enough to step up and keep the children safe. 207 was head on. Her employer does not make their child wear a jacket, so she won't take the child out on a cold day.
But saddly, taking charge can cost a great nanny her job. An EX-friend of mine fired her nanny for disciplining her children. The nanny gave the naughty children time outs because they went in her purse and destroyed a bunch of her personal things. The children had been warned to stop, and when they didn't, the nanny followed thru. Wow, was Mrs. X mad! When I sided with the nanny, things got cool. Fine by me. On a personaly note, with her children not coming over anymore (her decision, I would never ban friends) my childrens toys don't seem to suddenly break like they used to!!
Discipline is good for children, and they do need boundries! It should never cost a nanny her job, though, and if it does, then there is something wrong with the parents! Well, at least in my opinion! ;)
2:36 AM
jmt said...
Thanks 2:36. That's what I'm talking about. I know that relatives can have separate rules for their homes ("I know mommy let's you jump on the sofa at home, but not here at Grandma's"), but I can't imagine any nanny worth her salt being able to sit back and do nothing while kids run wild and act obnoxious. I think your ex-friend's nanny was lucky to be fired. Now she can find a family that appreciates her and her skills. It's not like she beat the children for destroying her personal property, she used a non-violent, proven method of discipline. I can't believe any parent would disapprove.
I wonder if moms like these are afraid the nanny will do a better job than they could. You know, insecure and threatened. Personally, if I was that clueless I would accept my ineptitude and thank god for a smart, level-headed woman who knows what to do with kids. And I'd pick her brain for childcare tips.
Ciao, babies.
4:10 PM
how did it get pushed off the page?
Nannies should be able to disipling their charges. Parents who won't allow it are doing a diservice to their children.
4:40 The article I put this question on got bumped off the bottom of the list when new articles were added at the top. Only so much room on the home page.
But couldn't you get it (the article) thru the archives?
Yes, but I don't see many new responses on the archived stuff.
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