Received Tuesday, January 23, 2007 (published 1/25)
I don't know if it is at all possible to get out of the mess I am. I have held three nanny positions since moving out to the Tri State NY area. I stayed with my first for a year and then returned home to California. I missed New York, so I called my agency and began interviewing for a second position. I found a great family with two children who were both in pre-school. They were the nicest family any person could hope to work for. I was with them for thirty months. During this time, I was really getting to know the area and more people. I no longer thought of returning home. Everything seemed perfect. Great job, great family, great kids. Etc. Then I allowed myself to be poached by another family. I gave the Good family 2 weeks notice and went to work two towns over for an absurdly wealthy family. I have been making $300 more per week. I have nicer accomodations and a great car, but I hate this job and I want my old job back. I know that the family I previously worked for hired a temporary nanny so they did not have to rush finding a permanent replacement for me. The temporary nanny is still there, so I hear through the grapevine. I rationalized my choice to leave that job by depersonalizing it. In any profession, isn't the goal to move on to bigger and better things? I made a huge mistake. The money, car, house; it doesn't compare. I want my old job back. Do I have any shot at getting back or does the employer feel to betrayed? We had a very friendly relationship that surpassed the nanny/employer work relationship and they know that I left their job to go and make more money. Do I let this go? Or do I think that maybe they haven't found a new candidate for a reason and we are meant to be for awhile longer? (I am avoiding saying anything negative about the new position, but I don't think I will last here much longer regardless. I don't like it!) Anyone have any ideas about how my previous employer would respond? Or how I would go about bringing up the subject? It has only been 7 weeks that I have been gone. I have been speaking to the children by phone 2-3x week and I had dinner with the family once since leaving.
At that time, it was going okay but even if it was great, I wouldn't have discussed that part with them anyway. Oh this is such a mess. Help.
25 comments:
You live once, capture it forever....you will never know utill you try...give them a call....see how they feel...go for it...DO WHAT MAKES YOUUUUUU happy...you only live once!
Jen
Childcare Provider for 14 years...nanny for 2!
yes. You made a mistake. now deal with it. Since you left this job by depersonalizing it (your words), why not apply same logic to wanting your job back? Employees don't return to corporate jobs they have quit and say "I changed my mind". This is just my opinion. The second nanny I ever hired was a gem. But I didn't know what I was doing and was unfair to her, micro managed her day and made other mistakes. I ended up firing her after an argument. Three months later (1 nanny and one daycare experience) and I called and asked her to come back (with a raise). I don't know if it works the other way. But good luck to you.
It is unlikely you will get the job back but you can try. I had a babysitter who cared for my children for 2 years. Each year, she received a raise. Then she asked for $200 more a week. I told her I could not afford it and met her half way. Unlike you, she did not give me notice and made up a lie and left.
I missed and my children missed her and she kept in touch with them. SHe went to work a wealthy family. After a month she was miserable and quit. I did not want her back, b/c I lost trust and did not see how anything had really changed. I could not meet her salary requirement so eventually the same issue would surface again.
So, what makes you willing to take a pay cut now?
If your relationship with them is still good and you left on good terms (and it seems you did), I would at least give it a shot. Honestly, if I were your employer, I would be wary of hiring you back. But you won't know unless you try. Maybe they will just be thrilled to have you back and figure that you have learned your lesson and will be more loyal now that you realize the grass is not always greener.
Good luck!
Why don't you talk to the mom during one of those calls to the kids and tell her Deep Sigh... How much you miss those kids. Maybe she'll jump into the subject of bringing you back, especially if you drop a (not too subtle) hint about how the new family doesn't hold a candle to hers. Worth a shot.
I left my daycare provider because I thought my child would be better off with a younger person, who also had a kid for her to play with. Little did I know what a loon the woman would end up being. I hated being around her and endured her for a few months.
Because we left things open with our former daycare provider, we were able to go back to her. I gave her a raise, as much as I can afford. We're so much happier and will be very careful before we leave again. (probably for pre-school as I don't want my daughter to wait till she's ready for Pre-K to be around kids on a regular basis.)
I would just tell her that although the perks attracted you, you were much happier there, and see what your former employer says.
I never needed the pay increase. I was making a good salary before. As a live in with everything paid for. I didn't go out looking for a job. This person came looking for me.
Oh this is not looking good.
And I talk to the children during the day while the parents are at work. (After asking for input from them about when I should call). So to get the mother on the phone, it would be a special call on the weekend to her office or to her home.
Thanks everyone. Looks like I messed up.
This happens more often than you think. Nanny relationships are really tough to manage.
Your boss is likely going to have resentment towards you even if she asks you back. I wouldn't deal with it.
You got head hunted by some rich woman. Okay. You must be good at what you do. Sign up with an elite agency that does not deal with Tom and Jerry. You know? Tell them your whole story. Be honest.
It could lead to good things.
I dont think you messed up.....you only made a mistake. Life is short so make the most of it...if you really loved the job so much call them. The worst that can happen is they say no but at least you will not be left wondering what if....Good Luck!!!
if you are that unhappy, it can't hurt to ask. so you made a mistake: big deal. you are human.
I left the daycare I used to work at to go to another for about 2 dollars more an hour and a better shift. I was back within a year begging for my job. since I had been a good worker, they hired me on the spot.
I'm sure they will take you back.
It can't hurt to ask. the worst they can say is no!
:)
I think that if you're prepared to eat a sufficient amount of crow, it can't hurt to ask to go back to your old employers. The worst that can happen is they say "No", think, "HELL no!", and then you'll have to decide what you'll do next.
It's hard to give advice here with only your side of the story - we have no idea whether your employer is sad or pissed that you left.
I can tell you that if I were in your employers place I would be a bit reluctant to take you back, and I might insist on a contract clause that there will be no severance pay if they ask you to leave.
Good luck!
If you have a good relationship with the previous family than most likely they will hire you back on the spot. Apologize for making them look for a new nanny and most likely because of this they will want to pay you more since that was why you left in the first place! Good luck on this and it's true - you don't know what you had until its gone.
I would tell them that you miss their children and the relationship you had with the family, and that it's not worth the extra cash you're making at the new job. I think it will make the family know how much you care for them, and that it's not the money, it's that you love their kids, which is what every parent wants in a nanny.
...and if I lived in NY, I'd take the job you're trying to leave! College doesn't pay for itself! haha.
Good luck! I'm sure you'll get back with that family! Keep us posted!
There is nothing wrong with accepting a better job offer. That is how people advance in many careers. There is really no way to know if you are going to be happy in a nanny position until you experience it, no matter how experienced you are and how carefully you consider it. Don't beat yourself up. Register with an agency to find a new job, and let the former employer know you are doing so, and that you regret leaving and miss the children. If they don't harbor any resentment, they will probably ask you back.Good Luck.
If I was the former employer, I would hire you back. And then fire you.
It's okay to want to move forward and progress to bigger and better things in your nanny career. ASK FOR YOUR JOB BACK! Tell them that you learned your happiness with their family is important than your current position! Don't make any negative remarks about the current nanny job/positon. This would make you look bad.
Instead, tell the old employer that you would be happier with them and try to make it work. People make mistakes and you had to spread your wings to see what else is out there. Now that you know what is out there, tell your old employer that you still favor your former working conditions.
You have nothing to lose but your happiness. If they turn you down ask them to keep you in mind if they can't find a better nanny. They might just want you back. They are parents, they know and understand that young people make mistakes, need to grow and learn from their experiences as well. They might be happy to hear from you in this way! Best WIshes
You are SOL. Sorry.
maybe I can hire you. Would youy work for a single father?
Just tell them you learned a valuable life lesson here...that money does not buy happiness. And your happiness is more important to you than anything else. Stay true to yourself. If your old family says no, oh well, no harm in asking. But definately MOVE ON to a situation where you are happy. Don't settle.
12:39 If you were her former employer, she wouldn't want the job back. You are mean spirited and vindictive. She did nothing wrong, she gave notice. Nannies have a right to quit, just like any other job.
I think Meg was firing back because she was called out for being rude and then someone comes on here and calls the salary the OP is offering a joke. To me, that is rude.
As for taking 1/2 your salary while the children are sleeping-what are you talking about? Are you in your own bed? Asleep? I can understand if you are a live-in nanny and the parents are out of town but showing up for a job on a PRN basis, especially when the hours are limited to less than one full day, you are wrong.
My sister is an RN at a nursing home in Florida and she works 12-8. Be sure that her patients are all fast asleep and be sure she is getting paid!
11:23 Are you confusing PRN with RN? PRN is medical shorthand for "use as needed".
jmt,
um no. Rn as in registured nurse on the night shift from 12-8. She arrives and the patients are asleep. They start to wake at 545-6. Doesn't mean she doesn't get paid her full wage to be there. Just in case. Just like a mother doesn't get paid to just be there. A babysitter does. Sleeping or not!
12:48 Oh, I agree. Who knows what happens in the middle of the night. I was unclear on your PRN- based employment vs. full-time reference. I also had the "Did I pay her enough?" post in the back of my mind where a PRN sitter sleeps over, and how do you pay that. Your sister should absolutely get normal pay if not more for working the PM shift.
The worse they can do is say no. It seems you have a chance since they are still on a temp nanny. I'd at least try!
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