Monday

UES mother asks about working mother's low standards

Received Sunday, October 1, 2006
This may or may not be the correct place to post this, but as school is back in session, I feel I must give this a shot. I am a stay at home mother with two children. One is in school full time and one is not quite. I make and arrange playdates with children from both of the children's schools as well as places the children take classes and activities where they have connected with children they wish to see on a more frequent basis. I see good nannies everyday in my path about town, they stand out like red sox attire at Yankee stadium. I allow my children to forge their own connections which leads me to follow up on their leads. This requires that I speak with the parent or nanny of a child and attempt to arrange things like playdates, after school pick up. The so called good nannies are in short supply in my area and this leads me to deal with the bad nannies. This means I host a near weekly playdate for my daughter and her friend at our house but cannot allow my daughter to go to her playmate's home on account of the poor hiring choice of her playmate's parents. I will not leave my child at a drop off playdate with a "nanny" that speaks 19 words of English and seems in a desperate frenzy to clean the bathrooms. That isn't a nanny to me. There are nannies that stand at pick up with such angry and bothered expressions that I am almost intimidated to strike up a conversation with them and at the times I have, they have made me feel like I have somehow inconvenienced them. Playdates have been forgotten. I have a playdate on hold with a little girl my daughter is desperate to play with because the nanny has yet to get the "approval" required from her employer. These girl's are three years old. Don't you think twice before entrusting your children to someone you can't entrust with the simple assignment of playdate booking? I have play dates with other mothers. I have been to playdates at the homes where the nanny hosted. As per playdate etiquette, I always stay to make sure my child and assist my child in picking up the mess she was a part of making. The nannies who come to my house have NEVER stayed to pick up anything. When I walk into your home and have stayed (as the children are teetering between the age of drop off capable and not quite capable), I sit there for as long as an hour and a half without even being offered a glass of water. Employers, you do realize that when your nanny comes to my home I offer her coffee, pastries and lunch and sit down with her and engage her in a conversation? There is one WOHM (work out of the home mother) who has a nanny that does everything she should. She is punctual, dependable, polite and extends to me hospitality when I am at your home. And I when she comes to my house. When it comes time to leave the children conclusively for drop offs, she is the only one I will trust my daughter with. And it isn't that my standards are so high, but why are your standards so low???

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think I know you!

Anonymous said...

You sound like a bitch who is just mad because you are left having coffee with the help while real women are juggling home, families and careers.

Anonymous said...

UWS SAHM with same basic problem. Makes me want to scream. The mothers are off at work during their thing. Their children are left to fend for themselves against these cold and disinterested women. As for the elitist and class remarks, the professional nannies have as little tolerance for these "non nannies" as I do.

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain. Is it because you identify too closeley with the help and that bothers you?

L. said...

Why all the anonymous comments? Hmmm.

It sounds to me as if some of the babysitters have a problem with common courtesy. But others, especially less experienced ones, might feel a tad intimidated accompanying kids to playdates, especially if no one has taught them that it`s sometimes expected. Maybe some of them are from different cultures and still learning the rules -- maybe there`s a tactful way you can let them know what you expect, or maybe consult with their employers?

And if your daughter is really "desperate" for a playdate with that one girl, why not just go over the babysitter`s head and phone the parents directly?

Anonymous said...

Wait, to the poster above. Don't you post your whole BLOG anonymously????? WTF?

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny on the UES and I know exactly what you are talking about. There are nannies I will not let my cares go home with for play dates. They attend a tt private school, the parents of their classmates are affluent and well educated, and it seems what some of them look for in a "nanny" is a cleaning lady who will work off the books for a low salary.

L. said...

Actually, no, "Anonymous," I don`t. If you read back through my archives, you can find links to my real name.

However, I DO try keep my blog as anonymous as possible for the sake my older children`s privacy, since I write about them and their schoolmates -- I don`t post their names or their photos, either.

But I don`t mind signing my own name, here or anywhere else.

Lisa Twaronite

abbreviations? said...

OK, what is UWS and UES?

Jane Doe said...

Upper West Side, NYC
Upper East Side, NYC

Anonymous said...

I don't think it is a nanny's job to book playdates. They should be concerned with the kids, not scheduling. Perhaps she did speak to the parents and they were too busy to reply over it.
And as far as not speaking English well, why not try and help her?
Do you know how difficult it is to learn a second language?
I worked in Brazil one year as an ESL teacher and only knew a bit of Portuguese, and it was very difficult. I was lucky that my students and supervisors as well as the Brazilians I met were so kind and patient with me.
Even the children I met were happy to teach me a few new words and did not get impatient with me when I was slow.
Too many people these days are unkind, like you. I think you would get better results from people if you were a nicer person yourself.

Anonymous said...

Kids are color blind and only know the language of laughter and kindness.
I say you try living this other woman's life and see fast and well you acclimate.