Sunday

Sugar in the raw, Manhattan, NY

Received Sunday, October 8, 2006
I am a twenty nine year old professional male living and working on the LES (lower East side of Manhattan-ed). For the past seven months; I have been dating a charming woman who earns a substantial salary as a nanny. The relationship is saturated with the jealous spoiling of an insecure hen who utilizes her vast leisure time by ferreting opportunities to inflict herself upon my workday. This means; I find myself having lunch or coffee with her and the child she cares for, at least twice per week. And while this woman possesses many attributes that make her inviting to myself and the male population in general; I'd prefer to spend my lunch and break time with my coworkers. And no; I cannot tell her this directly, because she will pout and weep (and wonder why). This is the second nanny position she has had since we began dating. The child she cares for now is not even ten months and if she were not utilizing a measure I imagine inexpedient, she would not be able to sit for these protracted periods of time. A child of that age should squirm, cry, cackle, fuss or otherwise make such ventures somewhat difficult; yes? Would it surprise you to know that she is never without a mad handful of "sugar in the raw" packets? And she has nary a qualm about lacing the child's infant formula with said. I wait for the mother of that child to chance upon such discovery. I wait.

18 comments:

Anonymous said...

This post can't be serious, and if it is, a) you need to learn how to write because you think you're sounding clever and intelligent but you actually don't make any sense, and b) if you don't respect the woman you are dating, take it up with her, don't bore us about it.

Anonymous said...

Don't give sugar to babies!

Anonymous said...

This is a health issue for this poor child. *You* need to be the person to contact the parents and let them know.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry but sugar is not child abuse and your writing style is obnoxious.

Anonymous said...

Are you insane? Do something! You sound like a sniveling little spoiled brat yourself. You want to whine & get people's sympathy, when you should be a man and report this woman to the child's parents.

Anonymous said...

Who is the insecure hen? Your girlfriend's employer? Are you saying the child's mother is jealous of your relationship with the nanny, so she intentionally has the nanny babysitting when she is supposed to be on a date with you? The world does not revolve around you!

Anonymous said...

This is between you and the girlfriend, apparently. If you don't want to be bothered with her during your workday, then get out of the relationship, report the nanny for giving sugar to the baby, and don't bore us with the sappy details of how you can't be an adult and end a bad relationship. But, first and foremost, TELL THE CHILD'S PARENTS. This woman is putting a child in alot of danger. Have some self-repect. Professional male, my ass.

Annie said...

Wow, you not only sound pompous and self-absorbed, you also sound like a whiny little boy who can't stand up to his girlfriend. The language you use to describe your girlfriend is appalling and disrespectful. She may not be a great nanny, but you are a foul human being.

If you don't want to have lunch with her, DON'T. God forbid you have to deal with a little pouting and whining. If you have so little respect for her, do yourselves both a favor and break up with her.

If you are really concerned for this child, TALK TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND. If you are too scared to do that, contact her employers anonymously. But it sounds to me like you could care less about the child and are more intent on patting yourself on the back for penning this loquacious diatribe.

Anonymous said...

This is obviously a fake post. Seems like you are trying out the opening of your lame first novel.

Anonymous said...

Dude, you need to step away from the sugar bowl.

Anonymous said...

I love the responses to this post. I thought I was the only one who thought this guy was trying to be bridget jones' 007 cousin or something, ha ha.
I wait for you to chance upon a better said writing style, I wait...

Anonymous said...

Bridget Jones 007 cousin. bahahahahahaha

Anonymous said...

For the love of all that is holy, learn how to use a semi-colon. THEY ARE NOT COMMAS!!!

K said...

Holy smokes! "And she has nary a qualm about lacing the child's infant formula with said." It's with the "above" said and who talks like that anyway. You and your nanny friend need to stay away from sugar and children!

Anonymous said...

THESE COMMENTS ARE THE FUNNIEST THINGS I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE EVEN THOUGH THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER- GO AHEAD AND RIP THIS DUDE A NEW ONE -

Anonymous said...

The best part of this post is that he abbreviates LES, then spells it out for us. Priceless. Strunk & White await you.....

ro said...

LMAO!
How did I miss this.

JerseyXJacqui said...

Hahaha that's too funny. I really have no idea what this guy is trying to say....something about his HOT nanny girlfriend putting sugar in the raw in the kid's formula? What?

I agree with the other posters...this guy's writing style is atrocious and pretentious. Uptight, pseudo-intellectual SNOB. Not to mention a passive-aggressive misogynist.