CL - WTF?

Saturday, May 16, 2009
.... What?!

*Both Ads are from the same person:

1) Babysitter for Hire ( Newton)
Hi! i'm a single mom, i'm 23 years old, my daughter is 3. I live here in newton and need to make some money to help pay bills. If you need a sitter, i can work any shift any time. I love taking my daughter to the park and to the zoo, she loves playing with other children. I am very patient with children and have my own car. Message me and we can discuss rates, will watch any age!!!
Original URL: http://wichita.craigslist.org/kid/1170253708.html

2) Single mom needing a night on the town (Newton)
Hi, i'm 23 years old, a single mom, its been a long ass time since i've been out. Money has just been to tight to do anything. But i'm at the point of kiling someone if i don't get out soon!! I'm looking to be spoiled tonight. I want someone to take me out on the town, ya know, dancing, maybe a few drinks. NO SEX. I just want to have a good time and then go home to my bed. My last job was as a stripper so i like to think i got some good moves. I doubt i'll get alot of responses back but its worth a try
Original URL: http://wichita.craigslist.org/stp/1172756146.html
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3) Wanted: Mother's Helper/Nanny (Caldwell/Ustick/Lake)
We have three children ages 4, 2 and 9 months. I have need of a mother's helper. My husband works from home full-time, I am a full-time college student studying to become a Chaplain. We are looking for a live out/in depending on circumstances. If you live out then you must be located within a 15 mile radius of Ustick and Lake. If you live in the pay will be lower but living expenses (room and board will be provided). During morning and afternoon hours the duties would include: feeding, dressing, changing diapers, light housework such as dishes and folding laundry, taking the kids for a walk using the stroller, playing quietly with them around the house or outside, doing fun activities like craft projects (which would be organized by me), and also preparing quick breakfasts and lunches for the kids and yourself. You would also be expected to provide us 2 times a month a date night so sometimes we will need to leave the kids with you. I have school obligations that will take me away from the house for training so you will also be needed on some evenings of the week. This position would be starting in August. We are starting to look for the right applicant now and will need a commitment from you of at least 1 year. Continuity of care is important as we don't feel it is healthy for kids to have many caregivers and hope that the right person will feel the same and stay on with us for an agreed upon amount of time. We will ask that you put this into writing following a one month trial period. Requirements: High School Graduate Current CPR certification Fingerprinted through Health and Welfare (in last 3 years) 3 professional references (can be a boss, teacher, pastor, mentor, someone non-related) 3 personal references (can be family, friends or coworkers) Must love children and enjoy playing with and reading to children Must have a positive attitude, kind-hearted and gentle but most of all patient. Must be able to work independently for 4-6 hours and follow all written instructions and give spoken feedback about children's behavior and whether they ate, etc. Must be drug free (and agree to 1x a month drug testing) for the duration of your employment. Must be alcohol and tobacco free. We don't allow this in our home.The position is Sun-Fri. Sundays will be only 4 hrs. Helping get the kids ready for church and coming to church with us. Saturdays are your day off. You are free all day/evening. But we will expect our curfew of 1am to be observed even on your off day. Our faith is very important to us. It will be important for the applicant to be of either Christian or Episcopalian faith and willing to pray before meals with the kids and also come to church with our family. You should have your own Bible and be the kind of person who reads it regularly and seeks to live by its teachings. We would like only applicants with a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ to apply. We are actually not religious people, we don't talk alot about God but we do have a personal relationship with him. If this is the kind of environment you are used to and like to live in then we encourage you to apply. We believe in following the exhortation "not to be unevenly yoked together with unbelievers"...so only Christians need apply.The salary is negotiable but will be in the $5/hr range plus room and board depending on whether you live in or out and upon experience, we could offer slightly higher for someone with extensive experience. We keep a very clean and orderly home. We expect you to keep your room clean and to maintain a clean-cut and presentable appearance (no facial piercings or noticeable tattoos) no revealing clothing, this is essentially a babysitting job with toddlers so you will need to dress accordingly: jeans and tee shirts are fine, nice casual for church. We mainly want a person who will fit in well with our family and become like family with us. You will also be given bonus money on holidays and paid time off of 2 weeks per year at Christmas. You will be spoken to with respect and kindness, you will be expected to treat us and the little ones with the same. But we do take our schedule seriously and hope you too.We believe in gentle discipline with a smack as the very last resort.We would expect that you would also agree to use reasoning and time-outs as the main form of discipline and to consult us if there is a behavior problem that cannot be controlled with gentle discipline. If this all sounds like a good fit for you, please email me a letter discussing why you feel this job is right for you a page or so should be fine. A family photo would also be helpful. If you have children of your own, I'm sorry this position requires too much attention and time and our home isn't big enough to add more than one more person. Mature, widowed or retired women encouraged to apply, the more experience with children/grand-children of your own the better. Also ideal for a recent High School graduate or a nanny who would like a more permanent live-in position. We can provide basic room furnishings (bed, nightstand, lamp dresser). Thanks for your interest! I look forward to hearing more about you...
Original URL: http://boise.craigslist.org/kid/1171256778.html
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4) Night Nanny Needed (Silver Spring)
We need someone to take care of our twin girls who are 10 months old at night. You will work from 9 pm until 7:30 am Sunday through Thursday nights with occasional weekends. The weekends I need help are May 23-24 and June 13-14, June 27-28. We will be on vacation July 4-12. You will have a full-sized bed to sleep on in the children's nursery. We are a professional couple. We live in Silver Spring, near Layhill and Georgia Avenue. If you are interested, please provide your telephone number and experience with children. We will be interviewing over the weekend. Compensation: $350 for 5 days a week, $490 for 7 days a week
Original URL: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/mld/dmg/1159755002.html
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5) Yogi Babysitter/Nanny/Personal Assistant (New York)
Om Parents, Wishing you well with your little ones:) I’m a Sivananda yogi seeking employment as a childcare worker. In addition to having several years experience in the filed of education, I have worked with infants 4 months to 5 years, including special needs pertaining to visual impairments and blindness. I am working to support myself while pursuing a Master’s Degree in Special Education focusing on learners who are blind and/or visually impaired. I am willing to supervise a maximum of 2 children (1 if special needs) in a single household on a part time basis, but ideally am looking for full time employment while attending graduate school. The details below are included on my resume which I will supply upon request: Fully vetted through New York City Bureau of Daycare including background check and finger printing 2009. Wilderness First Aid Certified 2007 (will update upon request) U.S. Citizen I have a keen interest in health, wellness, nutrition and education. I typically favor electronic-free play with children and if age appropriate am keen to engage them in trips to the zoo, aquarium or park. I am easygoing and accommodating. I enjoy creating a structured environment for children, but am good about rolling with the punches. My current and former employers have described me as a patient, loving and organized childcare worker. I am a competent personal assistant as well. If you require a combination of childcare and assisting, a schedule can be negotiated. $25 per hour (free Sivananda Yoga twice a week if full time employment is provided 32 hours). Payment must be provided in cash, but will negotiate for a portion of payment via check (full time only) if your bookkeeping records require you to do so. ***As a dedicated yogi, I travel to India, Tibet and the Bahamas for meditation, teaching workshops and Karma Yoga. Advance notice of time off for this year include: all Fridays and Christmas Holidays December 24-Jan5 as well as May/June of 2010 for meditation and advance Sivananda training in Himalayas. Looking forward to hearing from you. Om Shanti.
Original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/kid/1168020242.html
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6) babbysitter needed (NE DC)
looking for a babby sitter for tomorrow from abut 7 am to 7 pm for 2 kids 5 year old and 3 year old if interested please call me at 202 486 **** and leave a message with you tel number you can also respond with email but has to leave your tel number i will not respond back by email .this is a real add so if you are not serious please not respond thanks very much we can ne gotiate prices when we talk .
Original URL: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/doc/dmg/1170296323.html
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7) 19yr old Liberal Babysitter (Lake Worth)
I love children and I'm interested in working with your little ones while you're out. I understand that growing up in this world can put a burden on children to be....children and I would love to help them develop an understanding and an appreciation for the simplicity that comes along with being a child. I would like to help teach your kids what they're interested in while also learning a thing or two from them. I'm not a teacher (yet), nor am I a certified care taker (although I've had my experience with some children) but if you're interested in what I'm offering, feel free to email me. Thank you!
Original URL: http://miami.craigslist.org/pbc/kid/1169754188.html
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8) Need RELIABLE SITTER ASAP (Columbus/Carbondale Rd)
I am in need of a babysitter ASAP for this afternoon. I was expecting another babysitter to call but didn't. I need someone to watch my 2 year old daughter from 3:30-6:00pm today. I am a full time student and looking for someone I can trust and may result in a long term thing. Please contact me by phone as soon as possible and email me your references. Thank you. Michele
Original URL: http://columbus.craigslist.org/kid/1170552224.html
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9) GOOD NANNY (PROFESSIONAL CARE) (DC)
Thank you for take your time, I looking for nanny job, I have 16 years experience, also I provide certificaid and license for CNA,CPR,PCA and others skills. I hope can be helpful for you family. I'm Caring & loving, positive, responsible, supportive, easy going outdoors on field trips (parks, museums,pool etc..), well organized, compassionate. I was working before in Fairfax hospital in post-partum with babies and moms. I can provide great references for previous family. If you more information in detail as I can. . (540)349-**** Thank you
Original URL: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/dmg/1172740738.html
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10) Cheap to free rent for Nanny - House help! (South Riding VA)
We are offering a private room and bathroom in our home basement for 300 a month and some house help. The basement has a private entrance and a little fridge, but you will be able to use the house kitchen. We are looking for some one to help clean around the house and sitting weekend nights. Nothing major just basics such as kids laundry, keep kids room clean, some times trips to park (park is a min. walk from the house) and sitting weekend nights, not every weekend just some and may be some Thursday nights. We also want some one to go to amusement parks, zoo and museums (once a week or every other week during summer). We will pay for your tickets when going to this places and some times we will do these trips as a family. We have 2 kids an 8 year old and a 4 year old, they are very easy going and well behaved. In addition, we are looking for a non-smoker and easy going singlr FEMALE, with driving license. If this sounds like something you would like to do contact us with some more information about your self and after we will contact you so we can talk a bit more. Thanks.
Original URL: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/dmg/1159595484.html
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11) Need a last minute babysitter (DC 20707)
Looking for someone to babysit our two year old son at our place in west laurel from 8:00 to midnight tonight. Please response with rates and references. I check references, so be sure they are included in your responses.
Original URL: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/mld/dmg/1172670670.html
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.... How Much?!

12) Infant Care Needed (Boise, SW/SE)
We have a 1 month old baby girl. My husband will work nights until August, followed by 4 months of days and then 4 months of nights, etc, and I work as a manager in retail. We both work 12 hour days. I must return to work at the beginning of June, and despite being EXTREMELY reluctant to leave my baby with anyone it is necessary in this economy for me to continue working. I am looking for someone to either come to our home during the day or be available for drop off. You must be available seven days a week between the hours of 5:00 a.m. and 11:00 pm. My husband works 3-4 days a week and I work 5, so that means you won't be needed every day. Here are the for sure needed times: Wednesday some time between 5am and 11pm (I work two different shifts-one from 5:30a-4:30p or one from 11:30a-10:30p) Thursday some time between 5am and 11pm (I work two different shifts-one from 5:30a-4:30p or one from 11:30a-10:30p) Friday some time between 5am and 11pm (I work two different shifts-one from 5:30a-4:30p or one from 11:30a-10:30p) Saturday every other weekend same as Thurs & Fri, the other weekends 5am-8am (James works until 7am) Sunday every other weekend not needed, the other weekends 5am-8am (James works until 7am) Monday-none (James off work) Tuesday-none (James off work) You'll get a week's warning on all scheduling in most cases. After August the days will change and we can rework the schedule then. Basically instead of working every other Saturday, James will work every other Wednesday, and he'll work during the day. I am looking for someone with lots of experience, of course, CPR and First Aid certified. A license in childcare is also preferred. You will be required to meet with me, possibly multiple times, and submit references. You can come to my home, I can visit you (especially if she'll be in your home) or we can meet for coffee. I'd prefer to be able to meet with your references or talk to them on the phone, if possible. This is my first baby and she's very young. I need to be able to trust her caregiver fully. I'm sure you can understand how little I want to leave her at all. If you're not serious about the position please don't respond. I need to be able to depend on you fully. As a manager in the retail industry I cannot just leave work like a cashier might be able to and I NEED to be at work to open or close the store. I need plenty of warning if you can't watch her during the day for me. If you are younger than about 23 you may apply, but know that I'm looking for a lot of experience that a 17 year old may not have. I'm not in this to pay your cell phone bill, so don't apply if that is your motivation. I need a loving, dedicated provider that isn't in this as just a business transaction. I know I sound strict, but this is important to me. E-mail response is preferred for initial screening purposes; resumes, references, availability and expectations couldn't hurt. You may also call and leave a message with Elizabeth at 208-949-**** if you don't have e-mail access. Compensation $15/day-$300/month, but negotiable DOE & hours (In home nannies would be a different negotiable rate)
Original URL: http://boise.craigslist.org/kid/1168931805.html
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13) help with kids and house (Avondale)
I am looking for some one to watch my kids for the summer and keep up with some house work monday thru friday 8 to 3 pm 150.00 a week my kids pretty much watch themselves and clean up. after them selves easy money BILINGUAL ONLY !!!!! email if intrested. duties intended: clean up laundry if needed meals adult supervison on my children 11 years and 6 years.
Original URL: http://phoenix.craigslist.org/wvl/dmg/1167491704.html

*Response from angry CL reader:

14) RE: help with kids and house (Avondale)
you want to hire someone to work 35 hours a week cleaning your house and taking care of your children for $150???? Please get a life. The minimum wage is $7.25 and you are offering to pay about $4.30 an hour.... You are so generous!!! Ass!!
Original URL: http://phoenix.craigslist.org/wvl/dmg/1168803052.html
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15) Need overnight childcare (University and Gilbert)
Looking for someone to stay at my house overnight starting next week preferably. I can only afford $20 per night and would need you to stay every other weekend (friday and saturday night). My kids will be sleeping the whole time you are there and I will be at work until 6 am. Please only respond if you are serious. Teenagers welcome to contact me. I will return all emails with more details and my phone number. Please have transportation, would prefer you have a cell phone but not required. thanks!
Original URL: http://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/kid/1170124164.html
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16) I need a babysitter (Renton)
I have a 5 year old daughter and I need someone to pick her up from daycare at 5:30pm M-F and bring her home. Tuesdays I will need you from 5:30 to 8ish. I get home around 5:45 or 6 (maybe later depending on traffic). I can pay 50/wk. This is temporary until I can find another daycare that is open until 6pm. You will need reliable and safe transportation and insurance. This job starts on Monday May 18. I need to do interviews tomorrow evening. If you are a person who can't be right on time please don't bother replying.
Original URL: http://seattle.craigslist.org/skc/kid/1171593857.html
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17) Nanny Need ASAP!!!!!! (Everett)
My name is Viola, I have a 20 month old who is in need of a nanny permanently or until we can get him into a daycare. I have been a stay at home mom since he was born but I recently went back to work, and my fiance has been layed off for the past two weeks, but has gotten a call that he needs to go back to work as well. So that means that we are left with no one to watch our son. We REALLY need a nanny. We can't afford much right now, as we haven't saved anything for a babysitter, and what we do have saved is for our wedding in August. We would love to meet some one who would be willing to work with us. The hours would be from 10:30 to about 6:30 or 7, maybe not even that late. Like I said before, we don't have a lot of money but we would be able to pay you, it will just take a week or two. I am willing to pay $20/day to start and go from there. A little about my son. His name is Konnor. He'll be 2 in August. He's a very happy and loved child, he does not throw fits, he is very good at keeping him self entertained, he loves the outdoors and animals. Also, if you have any children, he will love them. He gets so mesmerized by other children and loves to meet new people. What we are looking for: I am looking for someone who will watch him at our apartment, at least for a few weeks to see how he does with you and then if you would like he can be watched at your house if you wish. Someone who has experience and is over 20. CPR/ First Aid trained. Clean driving Record. Good working car. (in case you need to drive him somewhere) Like I said before we really need someone to start on Monday 5/18 at 10:30. If this sounds like something that you would be interested in please call Myself or Jeremy. our number is 425-212-**** or email at the link above or to viamaria007@**** with your name number and information. and a good time to call back tonight. we will return your call tonight or first thing in the morning THANK YOU FOR READING.
Original URL: http://seattle.craigslist.org/sno/kid/1172076617.html
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18) Seeking Nanny Mon-Fri for 2 month old (Bayside NY)
It is a flat rate is $250 per week. Monday to Friday 8am-6pm. You will receive payment bi-weekly at the end of the week. If this is an acceptable rate please read on. You must be a neat freak, have experience with newborns (preferably a mother as well), be CPR certified, responsible, own a cellphone, honest, non-smoker, able to take instructions well and follow them through. We also have a 6 year old Pit bull so you must like dogs (she's very friendly). I have a system in place and I need someone who can follow them precisely. You must be able to do some light housecleaning. I'm not going to ask you to scrub the floors but there will be some swiffering about twice a week, laundry, and bottle-washing. I need someone to care for my baby as if it were yours. Your full attention must be given. You may watch television, read a book, surf the internet, as long as the baby is in your sight. He's very young, our first child, and separating from him will not be easy for me so I need somebody who I can trust 100%. If this sounds like something you're interested in, please send me an email with the following information: Full Name Age City Phone number for contact Your experience with infants Description about yourself and why you want this position References You will also be required to come in for a personal interview and I will be doing a background check. Thank you and good luck!
Original URL: http://newyork.craigslist.org/que/kid/1170943604.html
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19) WOW!!!! $15.00 a day NOT a hour (Philadelphia/Germantown)
It gives me great pleasure to be able to offer my services to those who really needs it. I am available day, night, weekends ($20.00 for weekends days), and also overnights ($25.00 for overnights). I have ref., CPR certified, plus clearances. I have watched over 500 children and there has been NO complaints. NO I am not licensed, but I am good at what I do.
Original URL: http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/kid/1168517400.html
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20) In need of part-time childcare (Portsmouth)
I have two daughter ages 3 and 5. I just started a part time job and need childcare about once or twice a week (on the days my husband will not be home to watch them). If the day falls on a weekend the hours will be 6am to 3pm and I can pay $40.00 as well as provide breakfast and lunch for my girls. If the day falls on a weekday the hours will be 3:30pm to 8:30pm and I can pay $25.00 and can provide dinner for them. I can give 2 weeks notice to the days I will need the childcare and I can either drop them off at your house or you can come to mine to watch them. If I need to drop them off at your house ideally you'd live in Portsmouth near Portsmouth Blvd. or near ODU. Please send me an email or call me at 757-337-**** so that we can set up a time to meet. The first day I will need childcare is Sunday May 24th. Thanks, Faith
Original URL: http://norfolk.craigslist.org/kid/1172169785.html
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21) Do you ever just need a sitter to go on a date? I am the babysitter (Saltillo)
Hi I am a 24 yr old Cpr Certified mother to one surrogate mother to two seeking to baby sit in my home, looking for anyage or race children I am open to babysit 24/7 and days or nights, does not matter if they are potty trained or still on a bottle, I have reference and my rates are reasonable. My hourly rate is 2.50 a hr up to 2 and 2.00 a hr for two and older. for dropins just one night for mom and daddy to go out I charged 25.00 a child, meals and snacks provided. If you would like to speak to me NO SPAM email me please. I will answer all replys.
Original URL: http://northmiss.craigslist.org/kid/1171339637.html
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22) Childcare needed (Wendell)
Looking for childcare for 8 month old boy. Long term commitment wanted (not just summer). Days needed Monday through Thursday 7:15-3:15. Pay is $30 per day, 120wk. Prefer care in our home but will consider your home if practical. Child to remain in one location all day----No traveling. Please respond by email if interested.
Original URL: http://raleigh.craigslist.org/dmg/1155736656.html
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23) Summer Help (Southwest Austin/Shady Hollow)
My post keeps getting removed :( Several people have replied to this saying that I am paying below minimum wage and that may be the reason the post is being removed. That is not correct. This is simply about 45 minutes to an hour worth of driving each day. That equates to $20.00 an hour. Hence $100.00 a week. MORE DETAILS: Pick my son up at Crockett at 1:45 and drop him at Bowie by 2:15 Mon - Thurs. Pick up my son from home and drop him at Bowie on Fridays at 12:30. He works 1 or 2 days a week and would need to be picked up at Bowie at 4:30 and dropped at work about a mile away by 5. This is the month of June and up until July 7th . Pick up my daughter at Bowie at 11:00 3 days a week starting July 6th thru middle of August and occasional drop my son at work at 5. I have it all marked on a calendar. There is more money to be made should I need more driving assistance, errands ran or help at home. This is perfect for someone living in South Austin. Summer Help Needed I am looking for a very responsible and dependabale individual to help me Mon - Fri in the months of June and July. I will also need some help the first few weeks of August. The job is simple: Taxing my teenage son to summer school at Crockett High School, accelerated summer program at Bowie High School and possibly to work on occasion during the month of June and first part of July. This would also include picking my daughter up from Bowie starting July 6th and ending middle of August. You must be available the hours of 1:45 - 5:00 Mon-Thurs and Fri 12:30 - 5:00 the month of June and the first 2 weeks of July You must be available the hours of 11:00 - 2:00 Mon - Fri the month of July and August and occasionally at 5:00 pm. Pay is $100.00 a week
Original URL: http://austin.craigslist.org/dmg/1171884155.html
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24) childcare needed...every other weekend for one child (League City)
My husband and I are both nurses and work 12 hr shifts... he works days and I work nights 7-7. We have a 2 yr old son who is very loving, polite, entertaining, and full of energy. Very rarely, I will also need care for my 7 yr old daughter as well. She is very helpful and I find it easier when she is home. She's the wonderful older sis and is also very very loving, polite, and adorable. Our problem is that our schedules clash every other weekend. We are in need of someone for 2p-8:30p on Friday, 6 a.m. -8:30p on Saturday, and 6a-8:30 on Sunday everyother week. We would like for the care to be provided in our home. And although having your own transportation is preferred, we will provide transportation to and from our home if needed (if in close proximity). We are willing to pay $200 for the weekend.
Original URL: http://houston.craigslist.org/kid/1170852553.html
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25) Looking for P/T Nanny. Live in (Litchfield NH)
Single dad looking for a Part time nanny. Offer is you pay $200 a month for a fully equipted house,private room, tons of storage space and garage. Large house on the water with fantasic views. Fully share every thing and freedom of everything. What I need is to get my son the get on and off the school bus 2 to 3 days a week, Help with home work, light meals and light cleaning. Weekends off, no nights or special events. He is low maintenance and a great child. Females only. John (603) 759-****
Original URL: http://nh.craigslist.org/kid/1167368403.html
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26) Summer Babysitter (Queen Creek)
Looking for a summer sitter to care for our two kids in our home. Monday through Friday until August 3rd. Hours are 7am to 5:30 pm M-F. We have 2 well behaved kids, boy and a girl, 4 and 6 years old. Pay is $400 a month and includes your meals. We will also have a small house keeping list that I will need help with throughout the week, and chores the kids will be responsible for. We ask for someone that speaks English, is VERY RESPONSIBLE, likes kids, and has references. Perfect summer job for a teen.
Original URL: http://phoenix.craigslist.org/evl/dmg/1166387669.html
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