Friday

HELP! NANNY NEEDS ADVICE!

I have many years of experience as a nanny, twelve to be exact. I am very skilled in learning and social development. I have been with my current family for over a year now. I follow a schedule, sleep-trained their now 16 month old, and was given the freedom to take him on outings. My problem is this. The mom is a serious germaphobe and up until the baby was a year old he was only allowed on walks around the neighborhood. His parents read a lot of psychologists' advice and have recently began to seriously micromanage my every move. When the baby scores as under-developed in some areas (ie. not walking yet, not speaking over 5 words yet), I catch blame. I must mention that he is only allowed not the floor of his playroom because the mom thinks the other rooms in their rather large house isn't clean enough. The reason is, they have 6 cats and I feel as if they take priority over the baby in that situation. They have a camera in his playroom so they can "record special moments" but really it is to keep an eye on me. I was recently texted one night at 3 AM with a 4 paragraph essay on how they don't think I'm talking to the baby enough. They want consistent reaction. He is never allowed to play on his own. I have to constantly respond. When he wants something I must say yes, unless it is to something that will cause serious injury. One part of the text said that she felt as if his self-confidence was hindered because I said "no" too much. The thing is, I don't. I do set boundaries for him but in no way hurt his feelings when I am helping him learn something. I give him only praise and encouragement, but to them it's not enough. Yesterday, both parents were home and during lunch I cut him blueberries. Because I was doing it by hand she suggested using a plate because "He tends to grab" but he's never done that with me. He acts out more with them than he does with me. I'm structured and they're more "Yes to everything" parents. The only socializing the baby gets is going to a little gym class every Mon and Thurs morning and a Kindermusik class on Friday mornings. The rest of the week I am supposed to be allowed to take him on outings but lately the mom just wants me to take him to the park that is 5 mins away. They bought us all passes to the zoo but they make it a thing to take him on the weekends and am discouraged to take him during the week. I can't take him to the aquarium because the mom doesn't like it, though it's the largest in the country and very educational. I was invited by my fiance's mother and his little sister who is the same age of my baby and the parents said no. I'm just at my whit's end. I was hired as an expert and have done nothing less of an exceptional job. I was even given a raise and $2500 cash bonus for doing so well but lately I've become discouraged and depressed. I have such a special bond with the baby but cannot take the micromanaging and undermining my work. How can I communicate my concerns without come across as disrespectful and arrogant? I want to be firm but not rude. HELP!

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

What you have here are parents who are never satisfied and feel the need to feel superior. Do not take it lightly and keep expressing your concerns. If they do not at least try to understand where you are coming from, then it is time to find another family. I have been in a situation where I had a mom like this. Excessive germaphobe, didn't think I did enough developmental activities when I clearly did but she thought her child needed to be stimulated 24/7. She read and understood every baby book under the moon but could not understand me as a nanny (who has been nannying for almost 20 years) These people constantly nitpick, undervalue you, but will throw in a nice word or action here or there to try and keep you. They get mad when you make a slight mistake but it's ok for them to make huge parenting mistakes and laugh it off. They most certainly have psychological issues from the past or perhaps anxiety issues and let out their frustrations on you. These parents may be extremely smart bookwise, but they clearly didn't master common sense when it comes to their child or you as a nanny.

Anonymous said...

Might I add... there are other amazing families who would probably be willing to use you as a nanny. I have worked with some of the nicest and kindest moms. Don't let these parents spoil your idea of parenthood, and if this really doesn't work out, seek out one of those amazing families that will appreciate you.

Leigh Raymer said...

I went thru the "stimulation" thing as well. When he and I were able to be alone we were so relaxed andhe was a cool human to be around. When the mom and dad were around with all the speakers I had to talk/sing/babble non stop. The kid would roll his eyes at me. And the constant nitpicking, I was able to gently leave not saying the real why. I think it's going to come down to weather you can find a better fit because you cannot change their behaviour

Anonymous said...

Under developed? What does that mean? The baby is completely within the normal range of those milestones (maybe on the later side, but that doesn't mean anything). My babe is 17 months and he's not walking yet either. I guess the difference is that I know he's just stubborn ;) Anyway, it sounds like your charge is getting enough socialization. That's not the concern. The greater concern is the helicopter parenting. I struggle when parents hire a nanny and then nitpick. As long as the baby is healthy and happy, that's what matters. Obviously the parents are satisfied with your work for the most part- you don't offer a raise and bonus to someone if you're not- but you're not happy. So, I'd either try to move on or adjust your expectations.