Tuesday

Not you again! !

I arrived at work today, and on her way out the door, the other nanny mentioned that "MB's friend and husband would be moving in sometime tonight."

Yes, I heard correctly. Moving in.

This friend already stayed with the family earlier this year after having a fight with her husband. What we thought would be a one or two night cooling off period stretched into a month - long stay. And while she was here, she drove us all batty. She tried to take over the cooking (nobody really liked what she made). She tried to take over for the nannies (despite MB repeatedly telling her that we were in charge and she needed to leave us alone). She went through the kitchen and pantry, throwing out things she deemed unnecessary. She constantly talked about how the kids needed a better schedule/routine (we have one and it works great for us, thanks so much!), how far behind they were (they're not), what MB and DB were doing wrong as parents (they're awesome). She had no sense of boundaries whatsoever.

MB and I repeated often to each other in despair, "Isn't she ever going home?" When she finally left we literally stood in the kitchen and giggled in hysterical delight because she was GONE.

Fairly or not, I am angry (and a little bit hurt). Angry because this is the worst possible timing - there are major changes going on right now in the kid's lives (they just adopted their fourth child with some developmental/emotional issues, and the bonding/adjustment period has been rough for us all). The first time the friend moved in, my stress level was through the roof the entire time; it's pretty much sky - high right now ALREADY without the added stress. I've been with the family for over three years. In that time, they've gone through seven other nannies (because of the kids special needs and mom and dad's unique schedule, they need two nannies). I've been there for them through all of it - family emergencies, sickness, etc.

I am hurt because I did not get so much as a heads up. Also, this friend and her husband intend to stay for 3-4 MONTHS while they have major renovations done on their townhouse. They're bringing their two dogs (my NF already has one big one). Also, the husband works from home and so he would be home with me and the kids during the day. I don't know him at all and this makes me extremely uncomfortable.

I have a really good relationship with these people. In some ways, we're more like family. When this happened before, MB repeatedly told me that if it came down to the friend or her, she would make her leave. Do I have the right to say, "this is not okay, I'm not on board with this?" I could muscle through the first time because I knew it would only be for a limited time, but I'm dreading the summer now, especially considering everything that is going on now already. I feel like I may cause some uncomfortable moments if I bring it up, but I think our relationship would survive and honestly, I don't think I can do it again. Any advice?


5 comments:

Anonymous said...

what an awful house guest! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that nutty bat!
I guess in a perfect world, you would speak up. And MB and DB would tell the horrible friend she cannot stay...
But what if they say- if you can't stand to do it, then you should find another job.
Is job security at stake here?
It sounds like you really like your job! Is it possible you could get through the summer and grin and bare it all?
If not, speak up, I guess. But, be prepared to possibly end up Looking for a new job!
Good luck! And let us know how it all turns out!

Anonymous said...

I would definitely speak up. Sounds like there is a lot of respect and appreciation for you :) Time to put it to the test... as uncomfortable as it might be. But it sounds like, as much as you love the family and children, emotionally you can't go through that again. Update us! Hoping for the best :)

Anonymous said...

You think since they are renovating there house this decision did not come up over night. So why wouldn't they have talked to both of you Nannies about this in advance?! Yes I would definitely sit down and talk with them, at least to vent and verbally let your feelings be known. I would for sure see if you could get a raise, this is a lot of stress for both of you.

Colleen McDermott said...

Hmmmm. This situation is tough especially considering she tries to but in on your job. As close as you may be with them, they are still your employer, and if you speak up and say you are uncomfortable with the arrangement you may risk job loss.
I would see if you could talk to MB about how the loppy friend interferes with your job. Ask her what she would like you to do when the friend makes comments about the children's schedule etc....unfortunately there is not a whole lot you can do. They are your employer and you don't have the final say, but you can ask for their suggestions on how to handle it when she buts in, that may help. Yes it is extra stress, but you seem to love your job, I would try to get through the summer but, maybe start looking just in case the situation becomes inappropriate, or they end up staying longer. You don't have to stay at the job, if you are uncomfortable, or not being respected.

Colleen McDermott said...

Hmmmm. This situation is tough especially considering she tries to but in on your job. As close as you may be with them, they are still your employer, and if you speak up and say you are uncomfortable with the arrangement you may risk job loss.
I would see if you could talk to MB about how the loppy friend interferes with your job. Ask her what she would like you to do when the friend makes comments about the children's schedule etc....unfortunately there is not a whole lot you can do. They are your employer and you don't have the final say, but you can ask for their suggestions on how to handle it when she buts in, that may help. Yes it is extra stress, but you seem to love your job, I would try to get through the summer but, maybe start looking just in case the situation becomes inappropriate, or they end up staying longer. You don't have to stay at the job, if you are uncomfortable, or not being respected.