Monday

Favoritism ? Bad Nanny Sighting San Antonio

I work at a large furniture store with a big lunch area and my job is to hand out samples of fun things to eat. I regularly see a nanny with 4 charges - an older girl,younger girl,younger boy, and a baby. I have briefly spoken to them enough to know that the boy is her child and the rest are her nanny kids. I get uncomfortable because she treats the little girl unkindly IMO. On one occasion she let all the kids have a little treat except the girl because of something the girl had done- not eating everything, so I wrapped the treat up and said "I bet she will be good and can have it later". She lets her own child spend time receiving give aways while finding ways for this little girl to not receive anything. I try to immediately pay attention to the girl so she gets something, but the situation worries me as the little girl does have developmental things going on which are not being addressed. I could not file a complaint, I would lose my job so - any suggestions or insight would be helpful.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe a better example? If my son (or my former charges) doesn't follow rules set forth, there is always a consequence. For instance, if he doesn't finish everything he's supposed to eat, and I told him I'd withhold a treat, I will. To me that's an example of good nannying. So maybe there's more?

Anonymous said...

This is why some people are suited to be a nanny and some people are better fit for working in a furniture store...
Unless there is Untold info here, all I see is; this is a darn good nanny. She set expectations and a consequence and followed through.
You, however, tried to undermine her by still offering the undeserved treat...
BTW-If there were signs of real abuse or neglect and you reported them, you would not loose your job.
However, in this instince there is nothing to report so, yeah, if you filed a complaint, maybe you would loose your job.

Let's pretend you saw the opposite-
The nanny said treats for finishing your healthy food. And this girl didn't do as asked and the nanny still gave her the treat anyways. Would you be judging her for not following through?

Jaxx said...

In general it sounds as the Nanny is doing a good job such as, following through with whatever expectations were not met, but it sounds as though this is an ongoing thing not just a one or two time deal. It sounds as though the Nanny may be singling the child out. Poster you have a right to be concerned. Please keep track of this write down everything thing the Nanny says not only to the child she is singling out but what she says to the other children ( record all positive and negative things said and done) go as far back as you can remember. Do you ever see the parents with the children or do you know where they live? You could talk to the parents if you see them or you could mail them a letter with all of your concerns if you don't want them to know who u r. You could make it look like a concerned citizen. Also it is against the law to be fired for reporting. Good luck and thank you for being an advocate for this child, because someone needs to be. Let us know what happens.

Jess said...

Withholding a treat is not something I'd be concerned about, especially when it's used as a negative reinforcement (not punishment, very different!). Children, especially as they get older need clear rules and follow through, anything else opens the door to terrible behavior issues. Some children, especially those with developmental delays (which were mentioned but not in detail, what is it?) seem to be singled out but perhaps this is the nanny attempting to protect this little girl. You mentioned a situation where the girl couldn't participate in some kind of activity that resulted in a prize (?) - perhaps the girl is unable to participate, and if allowed she will have a meltdown over it? I used to take care of a boy aged 8 who had a physical disability, when it came to the Easter Hunt, I knew he is unable to participate, no matter how much he wished he could - the way the hunt was organized he could seriously hurt himself and/or other children. Instead he watched with me while his fully-able sister collected enough eggs for both of them (and got a scratched knee too ;/ - this park was terrible at organizing). I wished that there was a way for him to take part in this activity but foremost I needed to think about his safety.
Thank you for keeping watch for abuse and neglect, but either the examples given aren't the best or the poster is slightly over eager to help!

Jaxx said...

Jess
Depending where you live sometimes a community or group will hold Easter Egg hunts, trick or treating and other events for special needs children. You can check into your local YMCA or the Birth to three program, Churches or any chapter that works with Special needs children, public schools special needs dept or the Jaycee's. Or how about a group of Nannies put one together. I know it must be so sad for a child who has special needs and cannot participate in what other children are doing. Hopefully any Nanny or Parent will be able to do something extra special with that child to make up for missing out on what they cannot do.

Taleia said...

You're talking as though you know this family well, but unless you have another connection with them that you're not disclosing, what you're seeing is only a few minutes of a couple days. Unless there is actual abuse/neglect going on, you cannot make a judgement on whether developmental issues are being "addressed" or not.

I agree with the above posters regarding the treats - that's the policy at my nanny family's house, too, that treats are a privilege that can be lost through bad bbehavior. Had you tried to insist, I would have politely declined and taken my charges and left.

Also - as much aas I hate to say it, kids have different personalities and some kids are more often in trouble than others. It doesn't mean we don't love them all equally, but it does mean that sometimes they lose privileges far more often than siblings.

Jess said...

Hi Jaxx, this family was actually in denial over his disability, and kept on saying he will overcome it with enough therapy. I specialize in special needs kids, and it would have been medically impossible for him to overcome it and become a 'normal' child. Even a suggestion over anything for differently-able children would be met with scorn from these parents, which is the reason I left them. While I was sad to leave this clearly needy boy (who on top of everything was in private school, so no special ed intervention at all), I got too frustrated not being able to implement the truly effective tactics (he also had behavioral issues, all caused by a stroke) because the parents would veto it all (in front of kids too :/).
Unfortunately sometimes we cannot help all the kids, no matter how much we wish we could.

Jaxx said...

Parents like this frustrates me so bad! Unfortunately it's the child who suffers. I used to teach 4K in a private school so I know all too well about no services being offered. We did have a few services come in from the public school but very few.

Jaxx said...

Parents like this frustrates me so bad! Unfortunately it's the child who suffers. I used to teach 4K in a private school so I know all too well about no services being offered. We did have a few services come in from the public school but very few.

MARIA Osman said...
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Anonymous said...

I think it is very kind of you to give the girl special attention. Children need to be loved regardless of their behavior. So many people make excuses for the nanny but there are reasons for children to act a certain way too. Not finishing the food on the plate can have many reasons too and you don't want to attach punishment to food behavior because that will create negative association with eating/not eating. Even if she did not "deserve" a treat, for a child, seeing one person get one while she is being punished only breeds resentment and sense of lonliness. I don't know why people are so quick to defend the nanny when the poster probably saw other behavior that shows distance to the girl. Anyway, I appreciate the poster being concerned and offering some warmth to a child who may be feeling bad about themselves or others inside.