Thursday

Nanny Advice Needed....

I need advice.

I have been working for this family for the last 3 1/2 months. At first, everything seemed great. I relocated from NY to FL just after Christmas and was lucky to have found a position so quickly. They are nice people and the baby is sweet as can be (he will be 9 months old in a few days). Like I said, everything was great. I specifically was looking for a position where no parents worked from home. This is because I've had experiences with this and they aren't for me as the parents hover a lot and make my job uncomfortable. This father is retired (they're older, used a surrogate to get baby boy O). The mother works out of the home, when she actually goes. The father kept busy and out of sight in the beginning. Now he sits on the couch most of the day in the same room I am with baby O. Very uncomfortable for me to have him just a few feet away for 8 hours watching my every move. The mother is a control freak helicopter mom at it's finest. When she's home she sits in all the same rooms as me and just watches. Or is on her laptop on facebook. During the interview I was told she worked outside the home. However, she's home at least twice per week.

At first, baby O was not on a schedule. I put him on one that would fit both mine and the parents needs when they have him on the weekends. He wakes up at 7am. I would put him down for 2 naps once in the morning at 10:30-12:00 and once in the afternoon from 2:45-4:15. This worked out beautifully for 2 1/2 months. Then they decided to change it up so I am not allowed to put him down until 12:00-1:30 and then again at 4 ( I leave at 5 and he is still sleeping, if he even sleeps). He goes 5 hours after he wakes up without a nap and he is miserable from 10:30-12:00 when I can finally put him down. This has gone on for a month now. This is not the right schedule for him. I have brought it up and they said its what works best for them (the parents) because after church on Sunday's they wanna be able to go shopping and stuff (clothes and wants..not necessity shopping. Mom is a shopping addict) and not have to come home first and give him a nap.

Today the dad tells me that after his baptism on Sunday, they might change his naps again to ONE nap per day for only one hour. Mind you..he is only 9 months old! I know how he is now if he doesn't get two naps. I can only imagine how its going to be after one nap and me waking him up an hour into it (I already have to wake him up after an hour and a half so he doesn't sleep too long).

Another thing that was brought up yesterday was his schedule notes. I am required to take note of diaper changes, feeding times and amounts daily. Usually in the morning I find out when his last feeding was, and I develop a schedule based on that and place it all on paper so I can visually see when his next bottles are and where to squeeze in solid foods at times where it won't disturb his appetite for a bottle. I've done this since day one. Mom notices yesterday and tells me to not do that. I tell her it is a way for me to visually keep track of when he needs to eat next. She tells me she wants things written down as they happen. I tell her that the amounts he eats and his diaper changes are written in as they happen, that this is just the schedule times. She tells me it doesn't matter and to stop doing that. I left it at that.

There's just so many other little things about this family that would take me forever to write down. These are just the things over the last couple of weeks that bothered me the most.

The parents are very quirky. Dad is totally checked out. Mom is really weird. She dresses her 9 month old on baggy huge 18 month clothes because she thinks 12 months is too small (12 months was also a little baggy on him).

I need advice. Do I need to run for the hills? I found out recently I am their 4th nanny and O is only 9 months in a week. Red flag right? When they told me of the stories of each nanny they never had anything nice to say about any of them. Summed pretty much all of them up as having mental issues.

I love baby O, but I cannot deal with the parents. While baby O and I are great matches, the parents and I aren't. Is this OK to say and to think?

I've been working as a nanny for the last 7 years. I've had both good and bad experiences with families.

What would you do in my position?

I am prepared to quit on the spot if they announce the schedule change to one nap a day for one hour only. This would only complicate my happiness and job performance. Baby O is not ready for this.

Thank you, and please be nice. This is my first time posting to this blog. This was my last ditch effort for advice

8 comments:

Jaxx said...

Ok I understand that being new to the nanny world is hard. It is really frustrating when you are told one thing during the interview and they know full well that they are handing you a line of bull! Yes, I would have to agree that's a red flag 4 Nannies in 9 months that's like a new Nanny every other month. I would start looking for a new Nanny position ASAP, they sound like quacks ! Ugh that poor baby needs more sleep than that, it is so unhealthy for him to have such little sleep. Good luck get out fast!

OTNanny said...

Yes, 4 nannies in the span of 9 months is a HUGE red flag. I'm guessing they all quit, as should you. This job is going to make you even more miserable and resentful of these cuckoo parents. I understand how difficult the decision probably is considering that you are the only source of stability in this poor child's life, but I couldn't stay with a family like that.

Karen Nomore said...

start looking for a new family now. it's def the parents that are the problem. and until they figure out how to treat nannies they will keep going through them. you won't be able to change them, get out fast,find parents who aren't first timers,or if they are make sure they are laid back.get references from them and see what type of people they are.I don't think people understand that nannying is a partnership. you both have to like each other or at least mesh well. I always tell the families I work for that I work for myself,I am my own boss. I will work for you and respect your choices and implement your parenting, but I also do things my way and the way I feel most comfortable, and I'm not to ordered around,you may ask me to do something and most times I will say yes,but if I don't want to do somthing then I won't . and that's that. basically we are a team. stick up for yourself, you've been doing this for 7 years u know how to take care of babies. they hired you and should trust your judgement. good luck with the nut balls.

Karen Nomore said...

start looking for a new family now. it's def the parents that are the problem. and until they figure out how to treat nannies they will keep going through them. you won't be able to change them, get out fast,find parents who aren't first timers,or if they are make sure they are laid back.get references from them and see what type of people they are.I don't think people understand that nannying is a partnership. you both have to like each other or at least mesh well. I always tell the families I work for that I work for myself,I am my own boss. I will work for you and respect your choices and implement your parenting, but I also do things my way and the way I feel most comfortable, and I'm not to ordered around,you may ask me to do something and most times I will say yes,but if I don't want to do somthing then I won't . and that's that. basically we are a team. stick up for yourself, you've been doing this for 7 years u know how to take care of babies. they hired you and should trust your judgement. good luck with the nut balls.

Kara Ivy said...

Yes, I understand you love this baby but it's still your job, it seems you and the parents are highly incompatible, so it's not going to work in the future anyway so like you said, yes, you should run for the hills, now, and fast!

Anonymous said...

I say run for the hills! The parents are extremely selfish. They changed his naps based on their shallow needs and not the child's. It sounds like they make everything about themselves. Also, a major red flag is that they are very controlling and this behavior will only become worse. They do not exhibit any flexibility or consideration of what allows you to do the best job. C'mon, how controlling is it to try to forbid a nanny from writing a schedule out for her day or trying to plan things ahead of time with feeding? I honestly believe that they get off on controlling you and seeing how far they can take it. I think that they have a deep psychological issue that they need to examine. It seems like when you create a routine that proves beneficial for the child, they feel the need to sabotage it because they cannot handle the feeling of you running the show. I might sound harsh and judgmental and really wish this were the case but I have been in a similar situation and know others who have been so I can recognize the pattern.

The Modern Nanny said...

Hope you've been able to take time to think about what to do since posting this- I would definitely say it's not working out. I worked for a similar family (older, checked out of baby's life during the day, baby started calling me mom, etc) and I quit on the spot one day, but I had let it go too far. Did you work with an agency to find them? It seems like they struck gold with you...you've very knowledgable about babies and thats hard to find sometimes! If you worked with an agency, I would tell them, or if it was on care.com, etc, I don't know if you can leave a review? I think also writing a letter to the family explaining how much you tried to apply your experience and knowledge and how much you cared for and bonded with Baby O, and that ultimately, the lack of positive communication and teamwork from the parent's end made you leave. Obviously it's their kid, but when you ask someone to take care of your child full time who has experience, you have to allow them to bring their skills and practices to the table. So sorry you had to go through this! Best of luck, and if you need a nanny job use an agency so you can have support through the process and not feel so alone next time!

Anonymous said...

Just because a parent can afford a nanny doesn't mean they know how to professionaly and respectfully interact with her/him. You've apparently expressed your concerns and advice regarding sleep/eat schedule and they've chosen not to listen. You cannot force them to do so and any further conversation is, in my opinion, futile. I agree with the others here; you should respectfully give your notice based on your contract agreement. If you don't have a contract 2 weeks is standard. Since they've been thru this 4x before be prepared for them to get huffy and demand you leave and not come back. My advice for future positions is to vet prospective clients as thoroughly as they should you. I always ask clients the same tough questions I expect they to ask. I tell them I desire a long term position and want to make sure we are in general agreement on child rearing principals. This usually impressess them and serves to establish an equal power structure. I ran an in home daycare for 10 years and have been a professional nanny now for two. Best advice is always have a written contract. Again, insistence on this impresses clients because it means you take your work seriously, that you consider yourself as much a professional as they do in their work. Any potential client who is unwilling to sign a contract is not someone you want to work for anyway. Best of luck.