Friday

More Nanny advice please

I work Mon-Fri hourly. my boss decides she didn't need me Monday. shouldn't I still get paid my normal 8 hours for that day? She pays me for holidays, she didn't need me Martin Luther king day. I assume I'm getting paid for that holiday even though it's not a major holiday. she insists we agreed on major holidays. well it's Friday and my boss said no pay for Monday. they have never not needed me. what to do in this situation? I feel like if I take off I don't get paid,if they don't need me I still should get paid.they know this is my only income. please I need advice. I feel like either it was a miscommunication or a manipulation to not have to pay me for a day since the whole family was home and they didn't want anyone else there. I've been here a year,no contract. ugh that was my mistake.

47 comments:

OTNanny said...

Pretty simple - you said you and she agreed on "major holidays". MLK Day is not a "major holiday", so there is your answer.

Jaxx said...

I have always been in a position that if they don't need me for what ever reason I would always be paid. It sucks that they would tell you at the last minute we don't need you and you won't be payed. I would remind them that you count on this money because this is your only income, I am sure if they had the day off they probably got paid, you should get paid too!

noeladd said...

If my boss and I agree I have major holidays off, I would expect to work minor holidays like MLK. If they don't need me that day and tell me not to come in I assume I am getting paid. If they didn't need me any other day that I was scheduled I would also get paid. Next time get a contract that states this in writing.

Anonymous said...

This per diem work. You don't get benefits, therefore if they cut your hours, it is their prerogative.

Karen Nomore said...

we also agreed to me working a minimum of 30 hrs a week after the hours were already cut. I worked 22 hrs this week due to the day off.I have stayed with them bc I love the family and am waiting for mom to get a new job so I can get full time pay again.since they cut my hours I couldn't pay my rent. I had to move my kids and I in with a friend until I make more money. so we agreed to 30 hrs so I can at least take care of my family. I've sacrificed a lot to be loyal and stay with them. I could easily move on and make the money I want and need. but I love the kids and the parents. I'm mostly hurt that they don't value me the way I thought they did.

Karen Nomore said...

we also agreed to me working a minimum of 30 hrs a week after the hours were already cut. I worked 22 hrs this week due to the day off.I have stayed with them bc I love the family and am waiting for mom to get a new job so I can get full time pay again.since they cut my hours I couldn't pay my rent. I had to move my kids and I in with a friend until I make more money. so we agreed to 30 hrs so I can at least take care of my family. I've sacrificed a lot to be loyal and stay with them. I could easily move on and make the money I want and need. but I love the kids and the parents. I'm mostly hurt that they don't value me the way I thought they did.

Anonymous said...

You love the family so much that you can't pay your rent?! You've got children, yet you seem more concerned about loyalty to your NF. You deserve what you get. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Without a contract, there's really nothing much that can be done. It's your opinion against theirs. My paid holidays coincide with the father's paid holidays which are all the major ones. I have a contract with them though and all the holidays are also listed out in the agreement so there's no question.

Karen Nomore said...

jobs are not just handed out. I choose to keep the one I have bc I will be full time agian very soon and I get paid really well. part time hours don't cut it but the full time pay is more than enough to care for my family.as for your little comment I deserve what I get.....you clearly have never been through any real life experiences. you shouldn't judge someone if you have never been in their shoes. there are plenty of single mothers out there struggling to care for their kids and can barley pay their rent.I can almost guarantee you don't have any kids bc any mother wouldn't make such an ignorant comment.

Karen Nomore said...

jobs are not just handed out. I choose to keep the one I have bc I will be full time agian very soon and I get paid really well. part time hours don't cut it but the full time pay is more than enough to care for my family.as for your little comment I deserve what I get.....you clearly have never been through any real life experiences. you shouldn't judge someone if you have never been in their shoes. there are plenty of single mothers out there struggling to care for their kids and can barley pay their rent.I can almost guarantee you don't have any kids bc any mother wouldn't make such an ignorant comment.

Lacy said...

MLK is a federal holiday, the schools are closed, I know Apple/Facebook/Google employees all had it as a paid day off (I work in silicon valley/bay area). If your job was paid national/major holidays off; then when they told you to have that day off you should have asked/said "Does that mean MLK is a major holiday/paid day off, If not per contract I will be working that day or we can re-visit our contract soon"

If the job is 30 hours a week and they are not providing that, remind them of the terms you accepted the job and how you are fulfilling your end. If they still fail to uphold their end find a new family and just leave them-- I believe in a family can't uphold their end/break promises/ect, then they are undeserving of notice. If the job is 30 hours and your only getting 22 hours, how are to pay rent/bills/food/fun/life/future.

Cynthia said...

Agree with PP (Lacy ). Major companies pay for this day. That's enough for me to know that I need to pay my nanny. My rule is if she cancels/calls out and has no paid leave left, she gets an unpaid day off. If we cancel for any reason, we still pay her. Same as if our kids were in daycare. We would pay whether they attend or not.

The other things you mentioned make me question your judgement. No job is worth risking your family's well-being. If you cannot pay your own bills you need to leave. And information your boss valued you, she'd pay you the agreed upon hours regardless of hers family's situation.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the above comment...

People will treat you the way you allow them to. Your judgment is also questionable as stated in the above comment. Why on earth would you prioritise a job that doesn't sustain you ( you said you can't even cover your rent) over your own kids??

You said that jobs aren't just handed over, well in the cities ,If you are a Nanny with experience with good references, they kind of are. If you leave near the little house on the prairie, you might want to consider moving to a city and you will see a pretty wide difference in term of opportunities.

In the suburbs, the number of Nanny candidate is more important that the supply of jobs. As a result of that, families with use the fact that there aren't many jobs opportunities as a leverage ( not all of them of course but many).

Loyalty is a great quality, but not at the expense of your family's well being. You need to recognise when it's worth to stick with a family. I am a very loyal person myself, but under certain conditions , and if those aren't fulfilled , my loyalty will vanish and ill move on.

A family value their Nanny if they provide:

-Employment on the book
-Fair wage
-Written work contract stating every single subjects that needs to be covered
-4 Weeks annual paid holidays + x amount of sick days
-Guaranteed hours ( means you are covered even if they cancel on you)

A family that doesn't provide what stated above do NOT value you.

You put all of the above + a good fit and you'll have me ( and most experiences nannies) staying in the position for years.
It is also all of the above that tends to guarantee a clean start as well as a clean ending securing potential good reference and improving your career and jobs opportunities.

You should look for another job and hand your notice. At this stage, don't even try to negotiate as you allowed them too much already and chances are very unlikely you'll succeed in negotiations. Just make sure you leave in a clean manner so you can secure a good reference from them.

Please always think about YOU and YOUR FAMILY before your Nanny job, because at the end of the day, it is also about YOUR family well being and financial welfare.

Good luck and hope all will work out for your future , keep posted!

Anonymous said...

I have plenty of life experience, which is exactly why I made the comment I did. I also have two children, which is why I made the comment I did. They come first before anything. Having housing for them comes before anything. If my job doesn't give me what I need to provide that, then I either supplement or move on. My comment wasn't ignorant. It was said out of shock. I still can't believe that you love your job so much that you had to move your children in with a friend. It's shocking to me. That's all.

Beth said...

In agreement with almost everyone. In emergency situations, the rule is to put on your Gass mask first. This applies IRL too. You need to make sure you and your kids are taken care of FIRST. There's no award for martyrdom. Loyalty at the expense of yourself and your kids isn't loyalty. It's blind allegiance to be frank.

Nanny jobs do not grow on trees, but a good nanny is a high value asset. There are families out there who will value you and pay you what you're worth.

Anonymous said...

Karen Nomore, you said in one comment that you could easily move on and make the money you need, and then in the next breath you mention that jobs aren't just handed out. Which is it? If you're a good nanny, the jobs are there. Take care of your children, not the family for whom you work.
Also, don't accuse people of being ignorant because you don't agree with what they said. Anonymous was simply stating that the loyalty you showed this family was questionable (which it is) when you're putting your children's livelihood on the line. As a mother myself, I couldn't imagine that either.

Karen Nomore said...

thanks every one for putting things in perspective. i understand now what you all mean. i am really attached to the kids i watch but they cannot and WILL NOT come before my own children. I know at this point i wont be able to negotiate with them. im going to have to do what i have to do. thank you for helping me and i appreciate all your advice.

OTNanny said...

@Lacy - not all companies give you MLK Day, Columbus Day and Veterans Day off, even though they are "federal holidays". They are often considered floating holidays for many mid-sized to smaller companies and you can opt to use vacation time to take them off, but they are not guaranteed off. The federal government, public schools and very large companies, maybe, but not all places. I am not a 'career nanny', and so have worked jobs in a regular office environment and have never gotten those days off. Similarly, my last MB did not get those days off either, so she needed me to work them.

Karen Nomore said...

thats ok i know im a great mother and everything i do is for my children. im not going to sit here and "explain" my entire life in detail to you people. i dont really care. i asked for some advice and i got it. however i did not come here to be bashed as a mother. so with that being said i am done with this.

Karen Nomore said...

thats ok i know im a great mother and everything i do is for my children. im not going to sit here and "explain" my entire life in detail to you people. i dont really care. i asked for some advice and i got it. however i did not come here to be bashed as a mother. so with that being said i am done with this.

Leigh Raymer said...

karen - thank you for your posts and thank you for navigating the negative element. I want to appeal to all our readers - you are greatly needed by many people who come on here asking for advice - and i have to say it is SO impressive to see professionals help their fellow moms and nannys.

But my appeal is this - when someone comes to you for advice on this blog, do not make insults part of the advice - it just drives good people away

karen - please ignore the high-strung element - we need good moms on this site to give advice

Anonymous said...

I don't think there were any insults. No one accused her of being a bad mother. A couple questioned her judgement, which was completely fair. Please don't turn this into a "you're so great for navigating the negative element" thing. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it seems like you don't agree with that. Everyone doesn't have to tell her that she deserved the day paid and that she's the greatest mom in the world. People answered that question to the best of their ability, and some mentioned that the job wasn't worth keeping. Again, it's totally fair game to question her judgement as she was the one who mentioned that she couldn't pay her rent. That wasn't necessary to the question she posed (should I have gotten the day paid?), so she should he prepared to hear what others have to say. No one was particularly rude. Please stop moderating the comments. It's annoying. Even for those of us who have stayed.

Corina said...

On spot, Annon.

Leigh Raymer said...

Anonymous - all I have to say is - on a regular basis - the Ops keep complaining that the comments from a certain element are harsh and attacking. When different types of people - regular readers,new readers, moms and nannies keep saying the same thing - they feel insulted and/or feel the comments can be demeaning then something is wrong somewhere

This blog has some REALLY brilliant people who give advice and when it's given in good faith there is no parallel on the net but - yeah, pretty much telling someone they have bad judgement as a mom when they are coming to you for advice - that's pretty much a low blow, not worthy of the caliber of people here, and karen did not deserve it. We are getting about 2k hits a day - so the 1000's who stay are very valued.

I hope the element that builds up their fellow man stays - there is nothing like them ! And that is what this blog is about - nannies, moms and anyone helping each other and children.

Karen Nomore said...

Leigh, thats exactly how it felt. thank you for explaining that. its exhausting having to defend yourself all the time. But i love this site and theres nothing else like it.

Leigh Raymer said...

karen - I am glad you will stay, it's clear you are a GREAT mom who is working your toosh off to give your kids a good life, and it will only get better - if you have time - join the Nannies Love Kids Club ( just send me an address ) as we are sending out fun freebies today, especially valentine oriented, but other fun stuff too.

Karen Nomore said...

awe thanks so much. i appreciate that!

Leigh Raymer said...

It's just the truth. I am reading a book right now - THE NANNY TIME BOMB ( by Jaclyn Burke) which takes much care to go into detail the special concerns of nannies who are in fact mothers themselves. Any great nanny job can be the best of all worlds and that can be doubled with a nanny/mom if she is in the right situation. But as we can see on this sight - a bad nanny job can be traumatic for any good caretaker if with the wrong family and- how much more so for a mom. Great thoughts to you and your kids - we will be reviewing THE NANNY TIME BOMB soon

I hope any nanny who is also a mom might give us some Ops about their unique perspective!

Jaxx said...

Thank you Leigh for the idea of an excellent book to read. Our family will be going to Florida on vacation in a few weeks and I was 👀 looking for a good book to take along.
Also thank you for putting Anonymousis comments into perspective. I totally agree with you. More on my 2 cents in another post🤔

OTNanny said...

I'm with Anonymous - no one posted anything "mean". If you aren't going to allow for people to comment with opinions that are counter to what the OP may want to hear, then what is the point of having the comment section open, or for the OP to even ask for the opinions of others? I'm starting to have a hard time taking seriously the owner of a blog who has previously called the readership "stinkeroonies" and "meanies". If this is a blog for "good, professional nannies", then I'd love for the management to bring their own behavior up past the eighth grade level.

Leigh Raymer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leigh Raymer said...

OTN - responding to you: " no one posted anything "mean" " - I am asking for compassion, and I know you have it. Many people who write here for advice are in an emotional situation and need your help, not judgement. Looking at the above comments I do feel karen's ability to be a mother was attacked- and with no cause. Other Ops in the past have complained about being attacked in a similar manner. I feel this site and you and all the other commenters are better than that and are definitely capable of better

"What is the point of having the comment section open?" very wise question - most blogs on the internet do NOT have an open comment section because of "the element", but - here it is a tradition to have an open comment section and it really adds to the depth of what we can accomplish for each other. There have been times where the owner here closed down the comment sections etc because of "the element" so - I have not made that decision yet - I feel the esprit de corp of the blog has the potential to be professional and calm and it is heading that way - we are getting very positive emails, and REALLY great advice from regulars who are gracious

But - does that mean that having an open comment section means it's ok to bully someone and say they are a bad mom? No. I want people to feel comfortable in coming here and asking for advice, which is brilliantly given by yourself and many others. I will skip over the little insult there because I am sure you didn't mean it ;)

Anonymous said...

Not one time in the comments did anyone say she was a bad mom. Not once. Again, there was no need to mention that she couldn't pay rent. That was completely irrelevant to her question. I feel like you act as if you don't have a judgemental bone in your body. Come off it. People questioned her judgement. That was totally fair given the information she gave. If she (and you, and anyone else for that matter) can't handle that, then I think you should disable the comments. But then again, isn't the point of this blog for posters to seek advice? Not everyone will be nice. It's just not going to happen. Hopefully most people are, but there are always going to be a few that aren't.
And again, please PLEASE stop moderating the comments.

Leigh Raymer said...

you are addressing me and I will respond
" sorry you deserve what you get"
" questionable judgement in regard to your children"
" I as mother {am better..} "

anonymous - i really have to say that I do believe you are a discerning person and can tell that the above comments to a mother could be handled differently, especially when that mother is already in an emotional situation and asking for advice

and I am very sorry but if i see someone being treated insensitively in a way that literally causes them emotional stress ( which you have to admit does keep happening on this blog) then I will jump in and try to deal with it as best as can - that is a promise!

Readership is up, not down, and I want people to feel comfortable coming here.

But - help me understand something, seriously
"not everyone will be nice, that will not happen"

Why not? What is the point of using pejorative language? What does it accomplish?

Look at how many times Ops get upset at being ganged up on. If it was ok to be that way you would not have Ops getting upset

nobody has to be treacly sweet, but it gets to a point where Ops are AFRAID to post here and that needs to change and it will change when the dynamic is professional rather than negative - thank you for your input i appreciate it

Jaxx said...

Karen Nomore decided to stay with her Nanny position not only because of loyalty but maybe because she could see that the grass was soon going to be greener on the other side. She sees that Mom is looking for a F/T job so she will then be paid better again, she then will make a better living for her and her children!
I give you credit, Karen for staying even though your hours were cut, even though you are not making the money as you were promised you did not just quit and become homeless, you stayed and found a temporary solution, you moved your family in with a friend. At least you are not jobless without an income. Anonymous what is the big deal if she moved in with a friend? It's good that she has friends she can count on in the time of need. Like Karen said...Don't judge until you have walked a mile in those shoes, because until you have, you haven't got a clue!! You said if she moved to the city she have more job opportunities, I agree, but maybe besides children she might have something tying her down to where she's at, such as, if she divorced maybe she has to stay within so many miles of the children's father, or maybe a million other reasons. Anonymous, you keep stating that you no longer wish to stay with ISYN, but for some reason you keep appearing, why is that?! We would all love to read what you have to say if you'd have more positive suggestions, instead of always being so negative!
Also, you keep telling Leigh not to comment/post on ISYN. Who are you to decide that?! Last time I looked this belongs to her! I really enjoy what Leigh has to offer, she as well as the majority of other posters have a lot of good advice and insight! I am so glad that Leigh has brought ISYN back to life, because I and a lot of other people enjoy it!
Karen, You are a good mom and doing what you think is best for you children, You did what you had to do, you moved your family in with a friend, I admire you for that, I am sure that was not an easy choice for you. I know you stated that you are not going to stay with the family, but at least add up all the missed pay, 8 hours per week or so? then figure out how much back pay they owe you and submit it to them. Tell them that you understand that there was not contract, but it was a verbal agreement of 30 hours per week so you would appreciate when mom goes back to full time that she mail you a check in that amount. If they value you it's possible that you will get your back pay, if not it was worth a shot. Good luck with finding another Nanny job!

Leigh Raymer said...

dang that was gooood i wish i was that articulate !! I hope karen reads this and keeps us posted

Anonymous said...

You need to renegotiate your contract. I have a guaranteed minimum of hours that I'm paid for each week, which has been indispensable as they often have family in town or get off work early, which would cut my hours and affect my pay without that agreement. Holidays need to be outlined and discussed in advance -- "major holidays" means something different to everyone. I get 10 paid holidays off per year, in addition to 2 weeks paid vacation and 1 week sick pay.

Jaxx said...

Kind of funny you say that I usually have a hard time getting out exactly what I want to say it never comes out as I hope it to. I was just reading these posts over and over , the more I read the more frustrated I got and it all just came out. 🙄

Leigh Raymer said...

No, you REALLY read carefully - every single person, regardless of their view, and wove it into a whole tapestry - understandingly putting the mother/kids at the front as the most valued part, considering all views, pulling no punches. An A plus college term paper crunched into a paragraph - thank you - and I hope karen sees it.

a nosy question - you do not need to answer - was your mom a great mom?

Leigh Raymer said...

CONTRACTS !!! just need to say - the anonymous just there above who said all about contracts is very very smart - the idea that if you need your NF to provide you a living wage - it needs to be in a contract. And I have been there - you are needful to just get a job so you settle unhappily. This idea of CONTRACTS is very important and I hope we can get many views on this - even set a standard !!!!

Jaxx said...

Yes she is awesome. Both of my parents came from a bad back ground. They didn't have much but they moved half way across the state to provide us kids a safe and stable home. They gave us a lot of guidance and wisdom they did not grow up with. Seeing how all my Aunts Uncles & Cousins lives turned out all living in the same place my parents moved from, I am so thankful that my parents made the good choice to move. So to answer your question, yes, my mom is awesome, unfortunately I do not tell her enough !

Leigh Raymer said...

as usual - everything you said is important - every sentence !, but may i pry? you say "bad background", i think you mean not much money - does not mean bad ...

Karen Nomore said...

hey guys, i just want to say thank you for your support. i really appreciate it all so much.i actually talked to my boss and she agreed to pay me for the 30 hrs even if they dont need me. we decided to write it all down. basically a contract! so today they are going away to celebrate their sons birthday, they dont need me. and i got paid for the whole 30 hrs last night. i honestly wasnt sure if i should talk to my boss or not bc its hard after a being there so long to ask for a contract. but i know mom has been on a few interviews lately so i played my cards right and hey today ive got a paid day off to spend with my kids! i just want to say thank you guys for pushing me to do whats best.i always did in the beginning of this job and then we became close so it gets harder to ask for more,and it gets emotional too. its not a "normal" job. theres so many different aspects that you have to tread lightly on. but anyways Jaxx you really said things they way i wanted too.i have a hard time too saying things the way i want, but you expressed yourself really well.Leigh i love that you comment, it makes the readers feel like they are important to this blog and we feel valued and protected. like you said a lot of people who are commenting are in an emotional state and its not ok to put them down. you never know what one comment could do to someones state of mind. it could push some one over the edge.its the same thing as bullying. its not tolerated in the real world so it shouldnt be in the virtual one either.

Karen Nomore said...

Leigh and Jaxx, you guys made my morning! thank you for taking the time to say the things you did.,i read everything and it put a smile on my face. i know im a great mother, but it feels good to be validated. it wasnt an easy decision to move my kids but in the long run it will all be worth it.

Jaxx said...

Well they did not come from any money, but more so, bad choices that my parents siblings made that influenced their kids, my cousins, too also make bad choices. So I feel my parents made the best decision they could and moved us away from that situation. I am pretty sure that if we would have been brought up their we( us kids, my sisters) would have been influenced also. I'm talking biker gangs, drugs and worse. So yes my mom was a wonderful mom and taught us well mom & dad taught us to be kind respectful and caring. I am so glad our parents moved us, just grateful! No not having money does not mean bad in my eyes at all, you might not have any money, but be the best parents in the world... Look at our poster Karen, she's going through a rough patch with money but she is doing right by her kids and giving them a good home with a friend... And that is what a good parent is😃all about love💕

Jaxx said...

Karen I am so glad that you did speak up and didn't leave. I'm sure they weren't taking advantage of you i think they were thinking of their financial situation and didn't think about the impact it was causing you!

Leigh Raymer said...

Karen the Great MOM has helped our site by bringing the issue of a great mom who is a nanny! And - the power and criticism that may come! We are learning, and it is fun! Thank you Karen/MOM ! Your kids will be role models for us all - we want pics!