Thursday

A mom needs advice from our readers

In 2 weeks our family will be going on a vacation🌞 to Florida. Here is my dilemma my 14 year old daughter is scared to death of flying, not only that we will crash but she's more scared of the plane being taken over by terrorists! How can you rationalize that when it could really happen? Yes we could drive but that's 20 hours of driving each way so that's 2 days out of our 5 day vacation. I would love to hear any ideas or comments


7 comments:

NannySharp said...

OP,

You sound like a very caring mother, and I respect that and appreciate your desire to seek help with your situation.
Teens are tough!
Do you remember being 14? I don't know about you, but I had No desire to go on a family vacation at all! It was all about my friends and my boyfriend.... Just saying.... is she really truly afraid... Or is this her way of saying, I don't want to go, but she doesn't want to hurt your feelings?
Either way...
This is What I would do...
Tell your daughter, you love her a lot! And she is important to you and that her fears are valid (Validation is the first and most important step). Give examples of why it is valid, (everything going on in the news in paris etc)
Tell her you really want her to come on the family vacation and that it wouldn't be the same without her, and that it would make you so happy if she did choose to go!

Then, show her some statistics on the probability of her fears coming true (yes it is possible (don't devalue her fears or tell her they are irrational), but show her with physical/logical proof that the chances are probably slim to none...

Tell her you wouldn't want her fears to hold her back in life. And that you would want her to live a full life with experiences of culture and travel.... paris, jamaica, new york!

Ask her if she could think of anything that could help? (Give her a sense of control of her fear, and help her understand she is in control of her own body and mind and that she can do something about it)

Offer her your own ideas (let her know you support her)- Not sure what your resources are or how far you would be willing to go- but some examples- bringing electronic devices to help keep her mind off her worries(incentive like new songs for her iPod or new movie for the iPad etc) Therapy sessions, travel companion for the plane ride (pet/friend)

Then tell her she is a wonderful, smart, kind girl and that you know she makes good decisions and that you trust her and appreciate her opening up to you about her fears and that she can come to you no matter what and that you will always be there for her.

Then, give her the choice of spending the time of the family vacation with your family (airplane ride and all) in Florida. Or tell her she can choose to arrange to stay with a family friend during that time while the rest of the family takes the trip.

Then- This is the hard part- respect her decision!


Teens need impeccable communication, a lot of love, and to know you will be there no matter what! She is going to make mistakes (I know I did!) but as long as she knows you are there for her, that she can come to you always, and that you love her no matter what, you guys can get through anything!

Good luck!
And keep us posted!

Just my silly advice- take it or leave it <3

NannySharp

NannySharp said...

Edit:

Tell her you wouldn't want her fears to hold her back in life. And that you would want her to live a full life with experiences of culture and travel.... paris, jamaica, new york!

WOOPS!
(Maybe paris is not a good example)
NannySharp

NannySharp said...

OP,

Here is a link to a news story on CNN about an APP that was created called "am i going down" that shows you your statistic of your chances of your flight going down and it was created by a husband of a woman who was very fearful of flying and this was his way of helping her deal with it...


http://www.cnn.com/2015/01/22/travel/flight-crash-app/

NannySharp

Leigh Raymer said...

NANNY SHARP - thank you for taking the time to help people learn. wow. keep it up

Jaxx said...

Thank you NannySharp very good points I will definitely try this. It is her first time flying and mine & my husbands second time...dont laugh we are sort of hermits but we do take family vacations closer to home. I will also check out that news story. She is honestly wanting to go she is so excited about the vacation she wants to swim in the ocean, swim with the 🐬dolphins and manatees and most of all surf. Her Aunt also lives there and will be staying with them. She's so excited to visit Universal and ride the Harry Potter ride. I believe her fears are valid because she stated these fears long before we discussed flying. She really wants to drive down instead of fly. Again thank you NS for your helpful input I am sure it will be very helpful

Leigh Raymer said...

Awww, I hope you can get a picture of her riding a dolphin! And you will love universal studios, I used to work there part time while being a nanny part time also and be sure and go on the ET ride too, and bring lot's of money because they have many unique mememtos, not super expensive. If they are still there - try to see the blues brothers sing - they make it a hilarious show

Jaxx said...

We flew into Florida Friday night, happy to report that Morgan did not have a panic attack, but at take off she did almost break her dads fingers. Saturday we just hung out around the pool, read, and relaxed, we also went to the County fair in the evening. It is quite amazing what Florida 4H kids bring as showing pets vs. Wisconsin. ( I'm talking small animal not large farm animals) Flordia kids bring lizards, rats, snakes & Guinea pigs. Wisconsin kids bring rabbits, turkeys, chickens, ducks, and rabbits. It was neat to see the difference in the type of fair animals. For the most part everything else seemed the same such as food and rides. Today we plan on going to Down town Disney and then to an Adventure high ropes and zip line place. I know Morgan and her dad will love it. I am happy just to keep my feet on the ground and take pictures. I do not do well with heights. Monday we will head off to Universal and Adventure Island. Tuesday depending on weather we will go to Coco or Clearwater beach also hit somewhere that you can swim with the manatees and Dolphins. Not sure what we will do on Wednesday and Thursday we head back home already. Wish we would have more time here. I will try and get a picture of Morgan swimming with a manatee or dolphin and post it