Monday

Bad Cookies

I am re-writing an old submission that I originally chickened out in sending, and adding new events to a very troublesome position I am in. I am working for a family with extreme family drama which is the reason I am quitting. Before going on, keep in mind that I am actively looking for a new position, what I need advice on most is how to quit.

I suspect the 12 yo I am watching of sneaking into parents liquor. There are 3 times I highly have suspected she has been drinking but cannot confirm. The 12 yo also makes snarky comments about "I'm only like that when I drink" and then when I confront her about it, she denies it saying, "No of course not!!" I do not expect her to come clean to me, but I cannot tell if she is telling the truth or not. She has a history of "lying" about serious issues that, to my knowledge, have never been confirmed, e.g., eating disorders, fake boyfriends, hacking into her crush's social media accounts, etc. Because of dishonest history, I have no said anything.

Step MB works from home and is passive-aggressive to the max, leaving notes everywhere, about everything. If a few crumbs are left on the counter, we'll come home to a note that says: CRUMBS??? In all caps with little arrows pointing to all the different crumbs.

Both charges have accused step MB of extreme verbal abuse. I won't detail here, but it is very worrisome. Both claim DB has knowledge of and has witnessed verbal abuse. Again, older sibling has a history of being dishonest and younger sibling can easily be coerced into doing what older sibling wants. However, older sibling has detailed to her therapist the claims of verbal abuse, so she is either lying to more and more people about something very serious, or hoping someone will do something!

Both charges recently moved to DB's house because of severe issues with biological mother and have many, many issues because of it. I do not know the whole story because I have not witnessed any of this behavior so I do not feel responsible for reporting it, but it involves prescription drug abuse and severe neglect of the children.

When DB and step MB were away on vacation, I was staying with both charges. On last day of the trip, biological mom shows up to the house from out of state and tries to do a child exchange with the police without DB's knowledge (basically kidnapping the kids). It was severely traumatic for both of them (AND ME) and resulted in my having to keep out of school for the day and leave the neighborhood because biological mom is very unstable and was hanging around the neighborhood all day and I couldn't risk her trying to check them out of school. I spent all day long trying to keep their mind off the event and was on the clock until 1 AM when DB finally got back in town.

I have worked in many, many difficult situations over 6 years of being a nanny but this takes the cake. My relationship with the kids is disintegrating fast because I cannot emotionally handle the baggage brought into the home on an almost daily basis. The problems I've touched on here are barely a drop in the bucket; I haven't even brought up how DB asks me on an almost weekly basis to stay late or will just arrive home late without notice; ask me to work on weekends, work multiple over nights, etc. etc. I also want to add that both parents have told me that there are no cameras (when I asked if they had them) and I found out later from the kids that they do indeed have cameras, yet to be truly confirmed.

However, the most recent event is one that concerns and effects me personally. Both girls were extremely overweight when they moved here and it has been a long road to getting them to lose weight. As a result, snacks are portioned out into snack baggies and each kid is allowed 1-2 per day, as well as fruits and veggies. I eat maybe 1-2 of these snack baggies a week myself. Most recently, cookies were added to the regular snack rotation. I ate 1-2 baggies of 3 cookies over the course of a few weeks. One day I go into work to see a snack bag of cookies labeled with my name on it. Now, I know that this is most likely to keep track of what the kids are eating, and not to mirco manage what I am eating. However, I was pretty insulted at having a snack bag labeled with my name, thereby communicating to me that that is my ONE portion. I left those cookies alone for almost two weeks, and then ate them today because I had rushed to work from my class and had skipped lunch. Do you know what those cookies tasted like when I ate them? Soap. They tasted like soap. No one else has complained of the cookies tasting like soap. The reason I am suspicious is because it was in a labeled bag, with my name on it. If it was a regular, unlabeled bag, I wouldn't have thought twice about it and thrown them away. Again, no one else has complained of soap-y cookies and if these are the same cookies I was eating a few weeks ago, they are markedly different in that prior cookies eaten by moi did not taste like soap. I am reserving the right to admit in the future that I could potentially be blowing this way out of proportion. But given the instability of almost everyone in the family, I don't think this is "nothing." There was obviously soap in the cookies in my bag when there was not soap before. The taste of soap is unmistakeable. The only question is how it got in there, and by whom. What scenario would warrant an accidental adage of soap to packaged (not homemade) cookies in a brand new, not reused, snack baggie? Can anyone help me theorize a situation? It could 100% have been an accident. But again, no one else said anything about the taste.

How to quit: I can pretend like nothing is wrong (like I've done this entire time) and give my two weeks, saying I got another offer somewhere. Or, I leave after pay day one Friday, terminating effective immediately. I'm not sure the best course of action at this point, but I need to get out of there for my own sanity. Please advise.

Please send your submissions to isynblog@gmail.com.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

The soap in your cookies that horrible. I would just quit and leave. If u give two weeks- something might happen to you.

RBTC said...

QUIT RIGHT AFTER YOU GET YOUR NEXT PAY CHECK!! Many posters on here have brought up the fact that when you are in danger you do not owe notice. You are in danger of being blamed for the actions/repercussions of every kids and parents actions,and your life and health is in danger also - The word "toxic" is not enough - you are in danger - get out - and keep us posted.

Don't worry about your resume - people will always need a good nanny

Nanny said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

QUIT ASAP

Heidi Smith said...

I agree, quit after your paycheck. I would be concerned for your safety if you gave 2 weeks notice. Or they could decide not to pay you. I would quit ASAP because this seems like a potentially dangerous situation for you to be in.

nc said...

Just quit after you get your paycheck. You don't owe these people anything...

Emma said...

There's no need to give notice if you're being mistreated/food messed with. Get your paycheck on Fri, cash it and then quit effective immediately.

Corina said...

Who does that? Mess with someone's food! What horrible people. Get out while you can! If you are still there do not eat or drink anything from their house. If you see that they tampered with anything else they try to give you. With your name on it. Take directly to police station. No has the right to do any of this.

deanna@delirious-rhapsody said...

I googled and apparently sodium fluoride poisoning can leave a soapy taste in your mouth.get out asap.

Corina said...

That's so scary, Deanna!

Anonymous said...

Ya, you need to get paycheck then change your number! Cash the paycheck at there bank .Get out!

Anonymous said...

In this situation, if you've already decided to leave, I would just leave with no notice - those 'parents' don't deserve any type of consideration. Oh, and I really, really hope you kept those cookies that tasted like soap, because that should be reported to the police. You should be documenting everything that goes on in the household and then report them to CPS. They sound like horrible parents who shouldn't be around children unsupervised.