Wednesday

Very Bad and Mean People

Hello everyone I am very sad , depressed and not happy at all. I REALLY NEED HELP with my case. I was hired for a family on 2014 (January ) to take care of an awesome 3 year old and be her nanny. When they interview me ( restaurant ), they seemed very nice people and gave me the job right away and offer me $1000 dollars weekly on the books for 60 hours (700 cash). Of course, I was so happy thinking this will be the job I will stay forever but after 1 year and half I CAN NOT STAND IT AND WANT TO QUIT. As I mentioned, PARENTS seemed nice but with the time, they became very bad and mean people.

Many little things happened and want to explain all of them so all of you can help me because I really need it.

-Mom told me one day THERE IS FOOD WE COOKED , BABY CAN HAVE IT AND U CAN HELP YOURSELF and Dad said : BABY ONLY CAN HAVE IT :(

- Dad told me : MY WIFE ONLY DECIDED TO HIRE YOU . I ASKED what about you? he said : it was her decision NOt mine :(

-THEY(mom and dad) DON'T SAY GOOD MORNING, HELLO, THANKS, PLEASE etc. I have to be the one always saying hello and most of the time THEY IGNORE ME:

-THEY NEVER talk to me about what will happens for example if they will come early , or next day they won't work. They only talk to the baby and said : no worry baby I will come early today or your uncle will visit you. I Know what will happen during the day ONLY BECAUSE they talked to the baby NOT TO ME :(

-Dad used to make me drive him every day to the bus stop also , pick him up and I had to rush what was I doing (bathing baby or feeding ) to get him because he used to request me to pick him up in like 15 minutes :(

- THEY have cameras everywhere around,outside ,inside the house and when I told them I felt uncomfortable with it because I have never worked with it, they said : too bad we won't take it out and they put even MORE CAMERAS without telling me :(

- They have a GPS in the car and follow me everywhere :(

- One day I woke up with fever but decided to go to work so I wouldn't get in trouble. In the afternoon, I TEXTED mom POLITELY asking if was possible to leave early because I had 104 of fever and she got really mad and texted me really bad and hurting words. She got home and screamed at me saying : WHY I Went to work if I WOKE UP SICK, I explained and said didn't want to cause a trouble that's why I came to work and SHE only said : HOPE BABY DIDN'T GET SICK BECAUSE OF you. The "funny " part is that one night before I TOLD MOM that I started having fever and didn't feel good. She ignored me and went to talk to baby :(

- One day, I prepared some Colombian food for baby and me ( they allow me to use kitchen) and had some left over so I storage it in a glass container (theirs). I received a text at 11:30 PM asking me what was "that" I explained nicely that was my food and was told : NEXT TIME USE THE CONTAINERS THAT WERE ON THE RECYCLING bag:(

-They don't respect my TIME OFF they can text me any time at night or weekend to ask silly things like : were is the blue ball, were are baby's shoes ( baby has more than 10 pairs ) , were is the monitor( they have 10 cameras), were are baby diaper, who is in the picture that you sent us in the afternoon etc and HONESTLY I AM VERY TIRED OF IT because after 12 hours of working I REALLY NEED TO REST AND SPEND TIME WITH MY FAMILY. If will be an emergency , will be ok with me :(

- I went to swim with baby to the lake and when we came back I put everything in the washer and because it was late AND I had to leave, and I thought that next day I will put it on the dryer. My surprise was that all CLOTHES( baby clothes, towels) WERE ALREADY IN THE DYER and OF COURSE DRY and my bathing suit was all wet on top of the washer machine smelling bad because of been wet all night . Could be just a silly thing but IT HURT ME :(

- When I decide to talk about baby bad behavior, dad walks away and let me talking to myself I really think is very DISRESPECTFUL. Because it happened many times, I decided NOT TO LET THEM KNOW when baby has a bad behavior because I know they will ignore me or get mad and said that I am wrong and their child is one of the perfect kids on the earth so since that day on I ONLY SAY: Baby did very good today even thought it;s a lie.

- In my contract says that I only need to take care of baby but when I started, I ofer to but baby's food when there is none at home, NOWADAYS, They only do shopping for them not even MILK for baby they wait for MONDAYS and tell me to buy it even though they went to the store during the weekend.

- They only empty the dishwasher with all what they use. They don't put away baby things either cups or plates I use. When I do empty the dishwasher, I EMPTY EVERYTHING.

-Probably, you will ask IF they HAVE done any positive thing to you : YES, PAID ME ON TIME, gave me some presents for Christmas and my bonus.

- These are only some of the " little things" that I can write because If i will write all of them i will take forever . Some of my friends told me to quit but other says to be strong and just do it for money. Even though I only see them for 1 hour per day, I FEEL THEY MAKE MY LIFE VERY MISERABLE.

** Maybe many of you think that I should talk to them WELL, I DID. I spoke with her first and explain how I feel I even cry and what I gOt for an answer : I DON'T SEE IN ANY PART THAT WE DISRESPECTFUL YOU. After that,MOM, DAD AND ME had a " meeting " and I was told that they walk away from me because THEY DONT WANT TO HEAR ME , THEY DONT CARE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AND , BECAUSE I " COMPLAINT A LOT " If I wasnt happy with the job I SHOULD LEAVE , I only said : I AM VERY HAPPY WITH BABY :(

Money in this case is not the problem because the only good thing is that I GET always paid on time and not have any complain with it. The only issue are the parents which HONESTLY I am tired of all what they do to me .

I love the baby SO MUCH , AND also need the money. DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO :( should I stay and just stand everything or LEAVE AND BE HAPPY. PLEASE HELP ME I NEED IT.

34 comments:

Lifelong New Yorker said...

I think you might have unrealistic expectations. I'll take your complaints one by one:

FOOD: If mom said you and baby could eat the leftovers, when did dad say you couldn't? Was mom there? Dad's an ass.

HIRING: Pretty typical that the mom would be the deciding factor in hiring a nanny. Again, dad's an ass, but probably telling it how it is.

MANNERS: Not everyone has manners. I couldn't put up with it, though.

DAY's EVENTS: It's to your benefit for them to tell you what is going on for the day, but I guess they're assuming you know because they are telling the baby. Has there been any situation in which you were unprepared because they hadn't told the baby? That's their way of telling you, with very little respect.

DRIVING DAD: If this is part of the job, it's part of the job.

CAMERAS: Deal with it.

GPS: Also deal with it. If it's not your car, then they have a right to know exactly where you take it ... especially if you are on the clock.

FEVER: You're in the wrong here. It's irresponsible to work with a baby when you know you are actively ill.

COLOMBIAN FOOD: Do they have any dietary restrictions, whether health or religious? That might explain why they didn't want you using their containers for your personal food. Also,

OFF-HOURS TEXTS: They're inconsiderate. If they're providing a phone, leave it with them when you go home for the night. If it's your phone, don't respond to inane texts.

WET CLOTHES: If you put wet clothing in the washing machine at night and expected to put it in the dryer the next morning, they would have all been full of mildew and stinky by then. Not nice that they only did the baby's, but probably not the best plan for cleaning them either.

BABY's BEHAVIOR: If they don't want to know how she really acted, then it's not worth telling them. This would be a dealbreaker for me though.

BUYING FOR BABY: It's in your contract. It's their prerogative whether they want to do errands themselves over the weekend or want to wait for you to do them.

DISHWASHER: Again, it's in your contract to take care of the baby's things. It's rude that they'll only empty what they have used, but also not their responsibility to clean up after you.

POSITIVE THINGS: Being paid on time is the only thing they truly owe you. The rest is just gravy.

TAKEAWAY: If you're unhappy, leave. There's not much more you're going to be getting out of these people it seems like. However, don't expect all other gigs to be sunshine and rainbows. The grass isn't always greener.

Anonymous said...

Exactly. You answered your own question. LEAVE.

MissA said...

You sound like a whiner. Quit if you don't like their style. They're probably right, sounds like you do complain a lot. Suck it up or go.

RBTC said...

i rarely say the Op is wrong but the above posters are exactly right. I had someone who worked for me that complained constantly and i had to part co with them. If you are happy with the money and like the child - you could do alot worse - maybe nannying is not for you - in my business i have clients that are like friends, i have others that are "cold fish". When i can, i quit and when i cannot i put up with it - you have no other choice - you cannot change them - let us know what happens

Anonymous said...

This was really long and not easy to read. I also don't like the "very bad and mean people". What you are describing is neither bad nor mean. It's work. Don't take things so personally! They are paying you well and on the books, giving bonuses, giving Christmas gifts - it sounds to me like they are trying to do the right thing by you. Your complaints are silly too. Honestly, I get that some jobs chip away at you slowly until even the thought is pure torture but if it's that bad, quit! I'm not sure how bad a baby can be, either...how old is it? Honestly, if the baby is under 2 years old it cannot be that bad. It's developmentally impossible! Also by not sharing your concerns with the parents you are hurting the child that you claim to love. This whole post is ridiculous, and yes, you complain (and capitalize) A LOT over very small things...

Jessica said...

Ok. I'm going to assume that cultural differences may be affecting your expectations/experiences with this job.

- I agree that your NF is not very polite. They don't seem to have any manners. If that bothers you enough to quit, do so.
- Complaining about the baby to the parents almost never goes well. Most parents don't want to hear that their child is not a perfect angel.
- Being a nanny takes a special kind of person. Not everyone can handle the blurred line between personal and professional. I tend to behave like a professional and DON'T want a personal relationship with the families. Some nannies can successfully get close to a family. If you decide to stay in the profession, decide which you'll do.
- Ultimately, I think you should look for another family. I have loved EVERY baby I've nannied. You can find another baby to love. Also many responsible families pay well and on the books. Look for a family with whom you can form the relationship you want. Good luck

Anonymous said...

I really appreciate all your comments and probably for my English which is not too good you guys didn't understand me. I have never complain to them NEVER about what I just explain here. The only day that I "complain" as they told me , it was a difficult situation where the little girl (3) didn't behave ( because parents dont discipline her )at the supermarket and through many glass bottles and I had to leave the store. They ignore me , walk away and I had to leave home because I was by myself. That's the only time I Spoke with them and because of that they told me THEY DON'T CARE WHAT I SAY AND THAT I COMPLAIN ABOUT LOT. I have been a nanny for 15 years already, and helped raise many kids during my nanny life and I really love what I do . I have excellent reference even a family who loved me a lot that did very big thing for my life. Unfortunately, The only problem I think is that I have been used to many good families who treat me really well and make me feel happy and secure in the environment I work. With this family, everything is different never one hello, good bye , thanks or even Happy birthday. They are always doing things that any families have done to me. Anyways is always good to hear from other people good and bad advices. I really appreciate and please give me advices how to handle those situations because I have never had a family who didn't receive me with a smile on their face. Thanks

Anonymous said...

I Wish u can stay one day in my job to see how uncomfortable is to have 2 people watching at u all the times on the cameras, people that don't care if u say Good Morning. Who never say how happy they are with u, who always go over u when you teach the baby. It is a very hard situation hopefully you never have the same problems as me. Take care and the best of luck

Anonymous said...

THANK U VERY MUCH MY PSYCHOLOGY says the same. "YOU CAN NOT CHANGE THEM* and yes I go to a professional because to cry every day after Job is very hard. Thanks

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much for your words and yes I think cultural differences definitely makes my job hard. Specially because I had parents who taught me manners and to respect peolple. Thank u and all the best for you

Anonymous said...

Thank u and hopefully you never been in this situation. You don't know how sad it is to have many friends with wonderful stories about how good is the relationship with bosses and how nice they are with them . You don't imagine how hard it is for me to stand rudeness, not polite people and not thankful. I have been doing this for 15 years and the only thing I got from my past employers are excellent recommendations, still good relationship, and happiness. It may sound a lot of complain but I assure u that if you Come to work and you say Good morning and they ignore ypu, you will feel bad and won't take any bad things from them. I am pretty sure you wouldn't stand that. Anyway ALL THE BEST.

Kara Ivy said...

I have been a nanny for 15 years and all but one family was EXTREMELY nice to me!!! The family that wasn't I left them! Bottom line, I know you love this child but at the sake of yourself you love this child sooooo much that you'd allow for a family to make you miserable every single day, even after one hour of contact per day??? I think not! I think you should love yourself more than this baby, it is awesome that you love this baby but eventually this baby will leave your life and you'll be left with yourself and then you'll need to deal with that. It's time to move forward to another family that will treat you well and you'll also love the baby on top of that! You need to be the one to give this rude family the last word! Tell them the truth, tell them you love their baby and take care of there baby as if it were your own but you can no longer

Kara Ivy said...

Sorry, something happened with my connection.

Kara Ivy said...

Ugh! Just tell them the truth and that you love the baby but also need to feel appreciated by the parents in order to feel complete in you job. You work very hard everyday and you do not deserve AT ALL to feel like a second class citizen. They should be VERY grateful and lucky that they have someone who loves and cares for THEIR child in the manner you do and it's absolutely crazy that they don't express that you at least one in awhile. I promise you and if you've been a nanny for awhile now you also know that the majority of the families out there would be very kind to you because you treat their children so well and love them so much...GO FIND THAT FAMILY AND BE HAPPY!!! You work wayyyyyy too hard to be crying after work because you're feeling disrespected!!! Good luck and please for all of us (the nannies) stand up for yourself!! Thank you if you do!

Kara Ivy said...

I just re-read my first response and I meant to say that, "all that one family has been extremely RUDE to me".

Anonymous said...

These people sound very passive aggressive. I know where you are coming from though. You want to do your job, do it right, and have a positive experience doing it. In my experience I have found I can categorize parents into two categories, those who treat the nanny as an employee and those who treat her as part of the family. I have worked for both and found out real fast that I have to go with the second type of parent. I was miserable being treated as "the help". I know you become attached to the kids and it becomes hard to leave, but the best thing you can do is quit and find a better fit for you. You will be happier with yourself and with life. There's no point in going home miserable every day. Life is too short and no ones deserves that, no matter what type of job they have.

Jessica said...

Ok. Based on this post, I really think you should leave. No one deserves to feel bad at work. Find another family who will treat you better

Anonymous said...

You have no clue what stress is op.... no clue

Anonymous said...

Contrary to what some people have said above, I do think this family is 'bad and mean'. Who on earth does not say good morning or speak directly to someone who is looking after their child 12 hours of the day? I can't even imagine being so rude to one of my employees, and yes, the caregivers I employ to look after my children are treated as much like friends as someone you are paying can be treated - because if you can't be friendly with the person who is for the most part shaping your child, you actually are a bad and mean person. I probably spend about 20 minutes each morning catching up with my care giver and 10 minutes at the end of the day for an overview of how the day has gone. We also make small talk, talk about our lives and how the kids are doing. That is what a normal employer-nanny relationship should be like - not the one the OP has described. She has every reason to complain. I would be entirely miserable in her shoes also.

Quit lady, and find yourself a nice family to work for. They sound like assholes.

RBTC said...

Op - you are not a fit there - i don't see anything super wrong they are doing, but they are not right for you and your standards you have been accustomed to - you need to leave for your own health - let us know what happens

glick glick said...

I have a friend in a similar situation. I told about this post...she asked me what advice did people give...I said, most people said to stop complaining after all they pay you on time and that's all that matters or else leave. I was happy to tell her that cos once you are on complaint mode, its hard to shut that floodgate. Bottomline you guys are not compatible.

My employer is passive agressive. So am I. I totally hear what she doesnt say and I like it like that. My friends say, that would drive them crazy. I say, it works for us.

Anonymous said...

Ugh the people posting above are gross! They parents ARE rude and mean, if what the poster is describing is true. Start searching for a new family, and once you find them, leave! If the parents walk away mid sentence, they don’t deserve your hard work and dedication just because they’re paying you. Those high paying jobs are a dime a dozen in NYC. The relationship between parents and nanny should be at the very least, comfortable, and this does not seem to be. I can bet the people saying the parents aren’t doing anything wrong are not nannies and are in fact the same type of gross people she’s posting about. If you don’t see anything wrong in the lack of basic respect these parents have for their nannies, YOU ARE GROSS.

Anonymous said...

I have been there OP
Feeling like "the help", being handed your pay at the end of the day with out a thank you.
Going from one position where you are a family member to a very different environment where you are treated so unkindly, leaves you confused and helpless. How can people treat someone this way? What about the poor children?
I too was driven to depression and anxiety and I too had to seek professional help after the way I was treated on the job. There I learned that, for me, I could not continue to live each day feeling the way I was feeling.
I was stuck in a contract that required me to give 60 days notice. I knew that wouldn't be possible, but worried my employers may take legal action. So I had my therapist write a letter staing that, the work environment was detrimental to my health and that I could not return to work.

Maybe some people can be okay with such dismal working conditions. But, I have found that the most important thing, for me, is the feeling that I am respected and apreciated on the job.
OP-
You need to start looking for a new position asap.
You will see...everything happens for a reason. You needed to have this experience. To learn and grow as a person.
When you start your search for a new position know what kind of family you are looking for. Ask them point blank during the interview process "do you (plan to) view your nanny as a member of your family or as a second pair of helping hands in your household?"
You will find a new, more deserving family. And you will feel happy again.
Good luck OP

Kara Ivy said...

I absolutely 100% agree with everything you just said. OP Please listen to her!!!!!

RBTC said...

agree with above - let us know

glick glick said...

You know, we are all saying the same thing and that is...if you dont like it, leave!

What folks are reading into certain replies is that just bc we say leave doesnt mean we are saying they are kind or okay or not mean. Rather than name calling we just cut to the chase and say "not a fit, leave!'.No need to expand on folks manners or behaviours bc then she'll need a therapist for that to help her deal with folks that are not like her....which is most of the world :-( :-(....You see the dilemma? ??

Anonymous said...

I don't see many people diagreeing with the op. The parents aren't nice people. But some people are seemingly ok with rude parents if said rude parents pay well and on time. Others? Not so much.

Anonymous said...

Thanks

Anonymous said...

I think you are right I dot fit there. For my they do many things wrong because I don't take care of something * I take care of their kid and they honestly don't care. I really want to quit but don't know how to do it

Anonymous said...

Thank you very much Kara and Annonimus who reply September 17 I really appreciate your help. Thanks

Anonymous said...

You are welcome OP
Please let us know how everything turns out :)
-(Anonymous from sept 17th post)

D said...

I can't believe some of these replies??Let me guess most of them are not nannys. This is very mentally abusive. When you're in a situation like this is day after day this messes with you. You are not crazy or in the wrong .You are not there house girl or slave.No one deserves to be treated like that. My advice to you after 20 years of nanning. Run find another job!!!!! Go!¡! This will not change!!! No one else in there right mind would stay.My boss is very paranoid and has no filter .Over the years I realized this has affected me only threw counseling and loved ones telling me.No job is worth that!

D said...

You take some o e to court if they don't pay you???? Why is a nanny job any different ??

D said...

You take some o e to court if they don't pay you???? Why is a nanny job any different ??