Wednesday

The Best Intentions

I have three daughters, 10, 12 & 15. We have had the same nanny for two years. In this time, she has gained, I would guess, at least 50lbs. I have noticed my 12 year old is also getting a very round belly and weight on her legs. I'd like to address the two things at once and do something positive for them both, perhaps ordering pre cooked nutritious meals for them both and getting them a tandem bicycle? I am fairly sure I could do this without offending either, but how would I present it in such a way that I don't pressure either of them? My husband says it's a bad idea because if one or both don't lose weight they will feel badly about themselves and guilty.
*side note- My 12 year old child is extremely close to her nanny.

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11 comments:

Kara Ivy said...

Just don't present it in a way that makes them think you are implying that they need to lose weight. Order the pre-cooked meals to save time and the bike or another physical activity just for fun. She'd probably love not to have to cook meals anymore and also don't buy any fatty or sugary foods anymore. If it's not in the house they can't eat it. Also, I wouldn't worry too much about the nanny and more so about your daughter. She's a grown women and although I do understand that she is a role model for your daughter she can and will eat anything she wants. She's probably going through a lot personally and eating her way through her problems and needs more help than you can provide you. However, you can provide your daughter with all the help possible. Sign her up for soccer, swimming, tennis, cheer leading, etc. and when she meets new friends through those activities she will be motivate to stay active with them. Good luck!

Julie said...

Don't you dare say anything to your nanny about her weight in any shape or form. It is none of your business how much she weighs or has gained. Maybe she has Hypothyroidism, or is on prescription steroids for something medically, the point is that you don't know and its not your place to discuss something like that with her. Just because she works for you doesn't entitle you to talk to her about something that doesn't involve you, Your kid, yes. Absolutely. Your child, your right to be concerned and say something. If your nanny wished to talk about her weight she would. Just like your employer doesn't get to discuss your weight - you do no get to discuss your nanny's weight with her.

I mean seriously, do you have any personal boundaries?

Anonymous said...

^Exactly what Julie said. Seriously, where do you get off thinking you have a right to say anything about your employee's weight??

Emily said...

Don't address this with your nanny. You don't know her situation. Take your child's diet in hand though and stop allowing sugary, unhealthy food. Sign her up for a fun activity. When I entered puberty, I gained like 30 pounds in five months. My mom signed me up for an equestrian class and a fencing class ( I wanted to be a knight when I grew up) the weight dropped off magically and it didn't emotionally scar me.

RBTC said...

your question is reasonable and this is a good forum to discuss things - you have the right to have concerns about the health of the person in charge of your most loved possesion lol. But snarkyness aside - some posters are right that addressing the nanny's weight directly is not reasonable at this time

fill the house with the right foods and by all means schedule them BOTH fun and physical things to do - it will be good for both of them - let us know what happens

we've had people come on here sad that the mom does not care about the caretaker or the child - it's nice to see a careful mom getting advice for her nanny and child to help them both

nannyrobot said...

I'm sorry that everyone is going nuts about your question. It is very kind of you to think of your nanny like that. However, the previous commenters have a good point. As an employer, it would be inappropriate to say anything direct about your nanny's weight. However, you should be direct with your nanny about your concerns about your daughter's weight (don't say it to your daughter. It will affect her badly). Present to your nanny a plan for how your nanny can help your daughter get back on track. Stock the house with the right foods, order the pre-cooked meals, get the bicycle, and sign them up for activities to do together. Another great idea would be to get them both gym memberships. She might feel inclined to visit the gym in her free time, too. Tell your nanny that you would appreciate if she would do these things with your daughter because they are so close and you think that her encouragement would be very helpful for your daughter because your daughter looks up to her as a role model. If your nanny is open to losing weight, this will help her move towards that decision. If not, at least your daughter will be healthier. The way I see it, though, the nanny will probably realize that her role as your daughter's role model is important and will make the appropriate changes. She just needs the proper kick start and she needs to be made aware that there is a problem that she can help fix. You can also be a good role model for both of them by going for Sunday morning walks (or something of the sort) with your daughter and if your nanny lives in, invite her to join.

nannyrobot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Be kind about it,treat it the way you would want it to be handled if it was you,or one of your daughters. Weight is a hard issue for some woman.

Anonymous said...

Please dont fill your childs head with weight insecurities. I agree whole heartly that she should eat healthy and excersice. My mother constantly drilled me about food and getting fat and ive been struggling with bulimia since i was 12. I know as a mother you want whats best for your baby just please do it in a senstive way. Tell nanny (worry about hurting your daugthers feelings, not nannies) that you think that the child needs a healthier diet and more activity because you want whats best for her. You are the employer, she should listen to you about the needs of your child. As for herself just say that your daughter looks up to her and you would appreciate her setting a good example. You cant tell nanny what to eat, but she should respect your wishes and do whats best for your little girl. Good luck!

HeartHugs said...

One other consideration.... Since you don't know the nanny's health situation, it would be inappropriate to sign her up for anything. Also, she is an adult that you obviously deem capable to care for your daughter. Certainly, only she has the right to decide if she wants a weight loss activity excercise program. Attempting to "handle" your nanny the way you would your child is offensive . It is appropriate to sign your daughter up for fun activities and stock the house with healthier options.

Aria Bubbles said...

I actuality didn't get any negative tone from. The op.... She means well. And is concerned not to insult her.