Mom Blaming Rant

I am writing in response to the post last week about the part time nanny who said ugly things to the mom before she left. I did not appreciate the comments directed at the mom. You don't know her story. Maybe she was injured during childbirth? Maybe she has to work to keep a roof over their head. I don't like the notion that anytime some wild nanny goes off her rocker it must certainly be due to the employer. She is blamed because she wasn't a good mother, she wasn't present, she didn't keep halibut in the freezer. I mean STOP. Seriously. And all of you who complain that a mom isn't a good mother because she isn't with her child 24/7. Are you kidding? Isn't your whole employment based around the concept of mom's needing help with their children? Isn't that kind of like being a mad that you are a fry cook at the only taco bell in town and then burning it down?

I've had good nannies and I've had bad. The reason they were this way or that is connected to one thing only and that is the cloth they are cut from. I have had honest nannies and deceitful nannies. I've never had an underpaid nanny but I've had thieving nannies. I had a nanny who got her period while lounging on the chaise and tried to cover it up by smearing spaghettios into it, and blaming the 3 year old. The upholstery specialist was able to ascertain the origins of the stain and yes it was a period piece that was ruined beyond repair, but wouldn't have been if she had just been honest.

I've provided nanny vehicles for the nannies over the years. When we had live-in nannies, they used the vehicles 24/7. I've had vehicles towed, vehicles ticketed and never paid and when replacing the insurance cards in the glove compartment, I've found a baggie full of MOLLY. I had one nanny who seemed wonderful, she had energy and was creative. I thought she was health conscience. She asked for psyllium husks and snap peas and hummus and tofu. I assumed the drink she carried around was one of her shake cococtions. I'd been near her when my then five year old asked for a sip and she reminded him, "remember we made one for you in the blender yesterday, you didn't like it?". Maybe sometimes it was a health shake, but it was also WYLERS SUGAR FREE GRAPE DRINK AND VODKA a good percentage of the time. And I only know because the empty popov ( a very cheap vodka we don't drink) alerted me to a problem.

I've had a nanny cut my two year olds hair. (!!!), sign a child up for magic camp and borrow my clothing. I've had fat nannies, thin nannies, black nannies and white nannies. You don't know what you are getting. You are at the mercy of their references. We hope they are honest, but maybe they are just trying to unload a hostile? Because I've dealt with a hostile too. A hostile is a nanny who runs the show perfectly, but then starts running you. You have requests or complaints but are afraid to say anything. You feel as if you are living a Nazi Regime. She would say to me things like, "It's hard for me to enforce the children to take their shoes off at the door if you don't", and then look at me waiting for me to take off my shoes. She organized everything. Then she would ask me something like, "did you drop these overalls in the washer? I was processing whites only?" and she would look at me sternly, and I only responded, "sorry".  She made lists of toys that I needed to buy. She wouldn't let the kids watch nickelodeon on her clock.  It came time to fire her and I couldn't fire her. She treated the firing with a negotiation. She asked for more money and suggested that if she went down to four days a week, I could set the pace of the days better. I AGREED! Fortunately, my husband stepped in and terminated her.

SO please, stop mom hating and mom blaming. I've seen people complain that nannies are over running this site. I don't see that. I'm here. I don't write, it's not in my wheelhouse, but expect to hear my voice loudly from this day forward.

Proud New York WAHM with nanny
Send your rant to


Kim said...

I don't remember a Halibut post, but anyway, you will see blame go both ways here. Just like you've had your share of bad nannies, some of us have had our share of bad NFs.

I think many people here vent about bad experiences as this seems as likely a place as any for a vent.

They say if someone has a great experience, he'll tell five people but if he has a negative experience he'll tell fifty.

I've had fantastic experiences and families/moms who were perfection but I've also had horror stories. From families who literally moved over the weekend owing me $$$ and DBs and MBs who have sexually harassed me to parents giving baf online reviews because I wouldn't do an unpaid overnight shift.

Again those experiences are few and far between but they're memorable.

Kate Feathers said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

"Period piece." I like your wording!

Anonymous said...

Exactly , I was about to say the same thing , it goes BOTH ways.

I currently work for 2 families for over a year and they are absolutely perfect , I really couldn't have asked for a better match. My am mom stays home or does what she has to do although NEVER undermines me, she is very supportive and we are a team. On the top of that we get along so well that we are pretty much friends although we put that aside when it comes to talk business or review and go back into professional mode for the length of the meeting.

My afternoon one is a single mom , with a strictly professional relation ( I'm kind of friend with the grandma though). She actually could come across as cold but it's just from the outside, she is actually an excellent boss , always made sure I was being treated and paid fairly and also approached negotiations and reviews in a non tense manner.

So I'm basically happy, feel valued and absolutely won't talk trash about my current bosses since I love their kids as well as them ;).

The majority of families before them though... Damnnnnn I came across several stingy ones, psyco maniac moms, undermining, micromanaging, bullying and so on and it's partly my fault because I was young and desperate and for me a job was a job even if it was a bad one until I started to filter the families like parents filter nannies. It's when I talked to other nannies at the park that I realised how bad it was and found my current ones and stuck with them for over a year now.

I get where your coming from , but you'll always have parents hating on nannies or nannies hating on parents, and stories from both sides seeking for advices on the top of the post reporting a bad or good situations .

They are bad malicious nannies, but they are bad malicious parents too. It's life .

Hope that you will find a match that will stick with you for as long as possible with whom you will find happiness and stability !

RBTC said...

OP - i appreciate your view - let's hear from you more !!

Anonymous said...

I got paid today...I was owed $789 for last week...DB asked me if I had $1.00 so I looked through my wallet and noticed that I only two $20.00, he said, "do you have any change?" I said, "yeah, I have nickles, dimes and pennies only" he said, "that's fine, can I have a dollar please?" so I sat there counting out all the change and then gave it to him and he said, "this should be $789.00". He did this knowing that I buy his daughter treats, toys, clothes and work outside my work agreement AND have watched her for free over night and on date nights many times. I would be embarrassed to be soooooo cheap!!! Before you all tell me I shouldn't do all that I do it because I genuinely love being with her and seeing her's not work to me.

Anonymous said...

Sorry...I forgot to mention that he only had $790 in his wallet

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD! Sorry girls...I meant for that to go under the, "Let's Talk Pay" post.

Jen said...

Wow! Holy cheapness, Batman!

Anonymous said...