Nanny Regret is Rough to Carry

I went to Church for the first time in years last Sunday and all I could think about was the little girl that I was a nanny for about five years back in Mamaroneck, NY. The girl was 3 and the daughter of an alcoholic mother and drug addict father and money was used to ply her with gifts to detract from the fact that she received little or no parenting and a hell of a lot of dysfunction.

Enter me. Taking my second nanny position. I recognized the girl was sad and cried for her mother all of the time. I recognized the parents fought constantly and talked about killing each other and who was better in bed than their spouse. I think I could have made the child feel better. I could have spent more time with the child.

Instead I got caught up in the parent's craziness because it was thrilling. I accepted gifts of cash, lottery tickets, bottles of vodka, marijuana, cashmere sweaters, boots, pocketbooks, necklaces and I stuck around for ten months. In those ten months, I did a few preschool worksheets with the little girl. I took her to the park maybe twice. I took her to Friendly's quite often, but I adopted the parent's style of caregiving and it was whatever suited my first was important.

I don't know where the girl is now. She would be 15 today.  I did call Children's Services on the family when I left, but the family had too much money to be taken to task by something as pedestrian as a state agency. I know this because when I started the job Children's Services was involved. They talked with me, the nanny and toured the beach house and deduced that the report must have been that of a disgruntled employee.

Anyway., I hope if she remembers me, I hope she forgives me. I hope if other nannies find themselves in situations that can be financially prosperous and effortless for them, I hope they don't take the easy way out. I have thought of her often over the past 12 years and not once with pride for how I cared for her or allowed her to be treated.

Sometimes, a child just needs to hear, "This is not normal." or "This is not your fault."

With regret,
Ashley in California now
Any other former nannies with stories to share? Email



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nc said...

It sounds like you've grown up a lot since then. I, too, hope the girl you nannied for is doing really well...

Anonymous said...

Do the math!! Your are full of xxxx! Do you really think people in this forum are not capable of adding two and two together?

If you are looking for forgiveness, go and see a priest and get some professional help.

You disgust me!

Hope you are not working as a nanny anymore!

MissA said...

This posting makes me wonder if ISYN blog administrators even read the submissions before they post them. There have been some very salacious (and questionable) posts lately and I now wonder at the possibility of any of them being real.
The OP says 5 years ago she nannied for a 3 year old. That would make the (alleged) charge 8 years old today. However, the OP goes on to say the charge would be 15 today and that she has spent 12 years grieving her mistakes.
Please at least try to keep your story straight, OP.
ISYN blog administrators, you may want to read your postings more closely. Attention getting posts aren't worth anything if they have blatant lies and errors in them.

Anonymous said...

This times a million!

Anonymous said...

Yes! There have been some troll like posts lately and it's kind of ruining the site for me. The whole point of a moderated blog is to avoid this. But I guess it's good for the moderators to increase traffic or whatever.

I miss the old old ISYN

this_nick said...

Right? I usually get yelled at when I call a post bs but come on.