Ask or Don't Ask?

     I have a situation I haven't mentioned, even to my husband. I am trying to "let it go" but it bothers me.
     We took the children to Disney to celebrate the end of the school year. Our nanny is a live-in and we paid her her normal pay because she did not go with us, plus $200 to take care of the dogs. I believe she was fine with that.
Melissa Peck
      Over the past weeks, she made some different comments about how her Mom really liked a certain painter. And her Mom wanted an Island just like ours in the kitchen. It just clicked to me, that her mom had been in the house to see these things. She didn't tell me or ask me that her mom would be coming.
     The paintings that she refers to hang only in the master bedroom and upstairs study. Those are not areas people would come in to contact with. I have a feeling that she let her family TOUR my house. I recently learned that her Mother, father, aunt and two cousins all came for the same time we were in Disney.
     Nothing seems out of order or missing. But I can't imagine she would have her family come out JUST during the time we are away and a) let them tour or house or b) possibly stay in our home? The only way I will know is to ask. Do I want to ask? Because it's apparent her Mom atleast toured the house and even that alone violates my privacy and I don't like it. We are very private people!
    I'm wondering if other employers feel this same way. I cannot shake why it bother's me so much, but it does!

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Anonymous said...

I'm not an employer but I would have a talk with her. I'm not sure how she would think it appropriate but there are people out there that do not think of these things as issues. Make your expectations clear. Let her know that you feel uncomfortable and that you don't want anyone in the house if you're not present. Hope you resolve things, good luck

Anonymous said...

Nanny here, but she stepped over the line. I have been with my family for 8 years and they totally trust me. I have only had one person in this house the whole 8 years and I asked if they could come. It was a time the family was gone also. The family said my friend was welcome to stay in the home for her two night visit. I told them she could stay in my suite and I would sleep on my couch. They said NO and said she could sleep in one of the guest rooms. I showed my friend common areas of the house that we were going to, kitchen, my suite, great room and movie theatre. I would never take a guest to parts of the house that I felt were private, plus we did not need to be in those parts of the house. I think you have to be more clear in the future. You must ask permission for a friend/family member to come to your house. And tell them which areas they may go into. Some people just need more direction because they do not make wise decisions on their own. But, not ALL of us nannies are like that nanny. Since it is after the fact and you just assumed she wouldn't do this then you might have to explain to her what you expect. Where I work I am allowed to go in their swimming pool, but not the other staff. Everything is explained to each employee exactly what is expected and how much freedom they have in the house. Good luck!

Nanny said...

This is a deal breaker for me! To have people over without your express consent is a big violation. You need to talk to her and make boundaries crystal clear!

Anonymous said...

I don't agree with the nanny here.

But why have a live in when you are a private person? Wouldn't it be better to get a live out nanny and avoid issues like this?

Anonymous said...

It sounds like your nanny wanted to show her family her work place. The problem is it's your home, not an office.

I would ask her if she showed her family the house. Encourage her to be honest, and then tell her in the future she will need permission to allow anyone in the house.

You can't put the milk back on the cow, and you never told her she couldn't. She wanted her family to be proud of her. It's natural.

Nanny said...

It's bad because she did it in secret. If it were innocent she'd have mentioned it or requested permission prior to inviting them. Also, she didn't show it them the public areas of the house( living room, kitchen etc...) she took them into her boss's room! Ridiculous!

Amanda said...

My cousin was a nanny for a family that had a beautiful house. She was house sitting during the summer and had a bunch of us over. The deck and views of the canyon were amazing. Did the family know we were there? Who knows! Just saying it happens alot lol.

Anonymous said...

This is why having and being a live in nanny sucks. The nannies work place is her home and office. The nanny becomes a house mate, in normal housemate situations people can have guests over. In the nanny-housemate situation, parents think they can ban having guests or special permission must be sought.

Why must a nanny live in the employers home, for the benefit of the employer, for less pay; yet no perks. The only upside to a live-in situation is no rent, cons: less pay, boundary crossing, less privacy, and no guests!?!

Live in nannies should be treated like housemates. They should have their privacy and the right to guests in their living space: their room and communal spaces.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I agree with you. That's why I don't do live-in UNLESS it's an interesting one and that the perks Reaaallly worth it, that I have separate accomodation for my privacy and I would be very picky because of all the reasons you mentioned above( more cons than pros) I would keep my original place to go to whenever I'm off, that way I won't have to worry if I'm aloud to invite anyone while not working for the simple reason that they will go at MY home. But anyway as I said i don't do live in unless you pay verry well.

TJ said...

I wouldn't be a live-in for precisely this reason! I would want a completely private space with private entrance etc... BUT I still wouldn't take anyone into the family's bedroom.

this_nick said...

You don't even know for sure the nanny's family was there. Unless you have a one-of-a-kind kitchen island and the only painting ever done by the artist her mom likes, you're working in circumstantial evidence.

Ask your nanny if her mother visited your home. If she pauses and looks caught out, explain that the mistake is yours in not outlining your wishes for total privacy, and that in the future you'd like her not to bring people through the house.

Maybe the nanny will say she understands your desire for privacy, and/or give her notice so she can go find a sane family who allow the place she lives and works to feel like her home, too.