The Good Wife

Hoping for some sound guidance from parents and nannies.

We are on our second nanny. Our first nanny was nearly flawless. She had a sound work ethic, took great care of the kids and was great at communicating directly. An example of direct communication is, "I would love to get off two hours early one afternoon a week, I can stay late another night or come earlier that day so you and your wife can go to the gym, etc". We made sure one of us was home by 4 on Monday. Sometimes we couldn't be, other times, we could be home even earlier This is not by much, but a couple of 2PMS were thrown in. Our second nanny is just never going to compare to our first nanny. I get that. My wife, however, continues to extend the kindnesses to the new nanny that she did to the first nanny. This would be great, except the new nanny hasn't earned it, and she seems to be a taker with an eye on what she can get. She has also rubbed me the wrong way by complaining to my wife about the cost of a summer camp for her daughter. She makes comments like, "I wish I could do something like that for my daughter". It's like she is a perpetual victim but only as it comes to eliciting financial favor from my well intentioned wife. I think she has already gone down the wrong path with this new nanny of four months. The new nanny will ask to leave early on a Friday, but offer no concessions or reasons. She's also borrowed against her pay already. The nanny came highly recommended and makes a very competitive pay. I don't want to come off as uncaring or sinister, but I think we are seeing a lot of red flags and the only one who can right this course is my lovely wife. Your advice?


Kat said...

I think you need to sit down and discuss things with your nanny. If you are that worried/concerned about things.

Nanny S said...

You need to be very specific with what you would like to be different with your nanny. No one can read minds. Asking your nanny to make certain changes or telling her no is professional feedback, not a character attack. Treat it as such. Give her a chance to improve.

If, however, the intangible quality of her negativity is seeping into your happy home, you have every right to let her go, just do so fairly--with either two weeks pay or a two weeks notice.

Good luck.

BKmommy said...

It sounds like the issue here is more with your wife and less with the nanny. The nanny will only go as far as your wife lets here and it seems she's "testing the waters" with your wife. I would first talk with your wife and make sure she's aware that (a) this is not your old nanny, and (b) this is a professional work situation. As with any boss, changes in a schedule should be discussed and agreed upon by both parties (not assumed as an entitlement). If it helps, put things in writing (for both the nanny and your wife).

Personally, I see the borrowing against her pay as a red flag. What happens if she quits or gets fired?

Your wife needs to be 100% on board with treating your nanny as a professional and establishing the appropriate boundaries. If the nanny doesn't follow suit to the changes/suggestions/constructive feedback, then you need to move on.

RBTC said...

i am an employer and this does not look good, in the past and present when someone borrows against their pay - it only works when that person is financially responsible which it does not sound like she is.

if it keeps up - she will treat your wife like an interest free credit card and the result will be resentment and it's entirely possible that if the amount gets to high she will quit

and all the other manipulative red flags are not good either

unless she is super super with the kids, this does not look good

keep us posted

Brynn said...

I wholeheartedly agree that these are red flags OP.

There are so many good nannies out there that it doesn't make much sense to have one who isn't very considerate.

I say talk to your wife and present your case to her. I don't think this nanny has any deal breakers, but it is quite rude to borrow against her pay. I wouldn't do it unless I fully trusted her.

Perhaps your wife can talk to your nanny since she might be able to get through to her more than you can.

Ms. Judy said...

Be on the look out for a new nanny.

Beezus said...

She could only borrow against her pay because YOU let her. I personally would never ask such a favor from any of my employers in or out of the nanny world,but that is just me.
By saying no one will ever compare to your first nanny is kind of dramatic. You potentially are going to go through a lot of good nannies if you keep thinking/comparing that way- in my opinion that is the first step to undervaluing someone. However if you truly believe no one will ever be as awesome as your first nanny than perhaps you or wife should be staying home with your daughter.
Bottom line-Why would your wife being kind to your nanny offend you? She is only caring for YOUR child.