Crushing on DB

I need advice for a situation. Please be kind. I’m already upset with myself.

2 years ago a took a job as a nanny for a guy I went to college with Nothing happened between us in college. I had a crush on him. I found the job through my agency. I did not realize he was the guy until I went on the interview. I realize now I should have never taken the job once I discovered who I would be working for, but I truly believed I no longer had any feelings for him, and felt I could work for the situation.

He needed a fulltime nanny because his wife had left and they were divorcing, and he was left with the kids. My job would be caring for the kids Monday through Friday from sun up till sun down.

 At the time I started the kids were 4, 3, and 1 years old. As always, I have fallen completely in love with my charges. The problem is my boss and I have also formed a relationship beyond that of employee and employer. We haven’t slept together or anything like that, but we have dated/dating. I know I crossed boundaries I never should have crossed.

Thing is the kids’ mother and his ex-wife has returned. I know there are things they need to resolve with each other so long story short I’ve decided to take myself out of the picture. I have given my notice from the job as well. I need advice on is the 6 and 5 year old girls have begged me to come to their birthdays and send me notes and pictures. I don’t want to suddenly and completely disappear on them, but at the same time I don’t want to make the situation worse than it is. I also, know that their mother is not fond of me, and I feel as though I need to be respectful of that.


April said...

Don't feel bad OP.
Since your former DB was separated + single at the time, you did nothing wrong. Most women would have done the same thing.

You're right though, you do need to stay out of the picture if the mother and father are trying to reconcile. Does the mother know that you and your former DB have dated?

Explain to the daughters that you would LOVE to go their birthday parties, however it just wouldn't be a good time for you now. Be very casual and leave it at that.
To show how much you care for them however, give them each a birthday present and a card so they will know you mean what you say.

I hope things work out for all parties involved.

Sounds like a tricky situation. Maybe his wife got jealous when she learned you two were dating perhaps?

RaleighWorld said...

Yeah I don't think you did anything wrong. There was no physical relationship so I don't think it will take much to delete yourself out of this family as hard as it may be. Like PP suggested tell the children you love them very much but only you will understand what's best for you and them. In the end it's good that they are trying to repair their family. Good luck, op!

nenanny said...

Oh my sweetie!

First let me say I think you are doing the right thing by leaving the job and removing yourself from the situation.

Get yourself very busy. Don't give yourself a chance to think about him. It's going to be hard. If you are in a place in your life where you can move. Do so. I can see the potential for employment problems depending on how things go between your former DB and his ex.

As for the little girls, as other have said tell them you are very sorry but you won't be able to go, and send them cards and presents by mail and let that be the end of it.

I doubt you'll have to worry about further communications as I'm sure their mom & dad will see that it stops.

I wish you well.

snow said...

So mom abandoned her family

Nanny starts working for former crush. They start dating.

Mom comes back.

Nanny tries to be upstanding finally realizing how dumb it was to get involved with boss quits her job.

Good god!

Does Mom know you and dad dated?

I'm glad you quit because things could have gotten very bad for you.

Mom already doesn't like that the girls have bonded with you. Imagine how she'll feel when she finds out you and her ex had a thing.

As pps have suggested send the b-day gifts in the mail and be done with it.

If you haven't already delete all of DBs contact info from your cell, facebook etc.

BeenThere said...

First of all, he was separated, you did nothing wrong. I think you did the right thing by moving on from this family when the mom came back, but..........what sort of woman leaves her children and husband behind, then strolls back in 2 years later like that? She obviously has some flaws in her moral character. If they choose to work things out, cool, but for your own sanity, honey, cut all ties with that family. Send the girls a little gift with a heartfelt card and leave it at that.
I was in a similar situation with a man whose wife had up and ran off on him and his daughter. I was not his nanny but we were together for close to 2 years when she all the sudden showed back up trying to claim her rights to her family. It got messy, so I bowed out, and as far as I know, they are still trying work things out. All I got was a broken heart.

Penelope said...

Just because two people have children together does not necessarily mean they are obligated to work things out. Many couples think they should so they can raise their children in a two~parent home and offer stability. However, over time they usually realize that they broke up previously for a good reason.

I am pretty sure the only reason this mother came back is because she was envious of you. She didn't want her kids close to you nor did she like the idea of her hubby dating you.

I betcha things will not work out w/these two and it will only be a matter of time before DB calls you and says he wants you back.

Trust me.

katydid said...

Do you know the OP Penelope?

MissMannah said...

Wow this guy sounds like a total flake. You're better off without him, OP. And, like others have said, I don't think you did anything wrong. As far as the kids go, you can either cut them off cold turkey (which would probably be best) or you can go to the birthday parties (assuming they're coming up soon) and then tell them you will send Christmas cards and not talk often. It is really up to you, but don't let the mom influence your decision. She's the one who left her family.