The Grandparent Dilemma

Omg, my MB's dad just blew his nose on the kitchen sink.... eeewwwwwww!!!!! The grandparents have been here for a few weeks and grandpa is nasty. He pees outside the toilet and the bathroom stinks, the kitchen sink now is offlimits for me... I'm not washing any more bottles there until they are gone! I don't think my BM knows he does that... and it's not my duty to say something, but ewwwwwww!!! Please, tell me I am not alone and more nannies have grandparents at home and they are nasty. Thank you!! San Diegan Nanny


Laura said...

On the contrary; it IS your duty to let your employers know. Grandpa's behavior is disgusting and puts your health and the health of your charge(s) at risk. Tell MB NOW.

freespiritedm said...

If the grandparents have been there for weeks, then I am very sure MB has noticed this behavior as well. Since it sounds like they aren't staying permanently, I would probably just continue avoiding his grossness and try to get through whatever time you have left with them.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

Hi San Diego Nanny! I also live in San Diego and wanted to say hi to a fellow nanny! ☺ ☻

If I were in your shoes, I would most definitely let your bosses know. Whether or not they know is not important here, what IS important is that you are allowed to work in a clean + sterile environment and this one sounds just nasty.

Your bosses need to talk to their parents and get them to make certain changes.

Btw, how much longer will they be around?
Hopefully, they are just visiting. Hopefully. LOL.

OP said...

Hi Amy!!

Well, the grandparents are here for a few more weeks, but they live out of state... The problem is that they are thinking about moving in!!!!

I do not think that MB knows, because she works a lot and if she knew she would tell me. At least she would warn me. I wash the baby's bottles there, do you think that she knows what her father does and she just ignores it?? I don't think so! she is not gross!

Thanks everybody. Keep the comments coming!
Have you ever had gross grandparents at your work?

freespiritedm said...

I see your point, OP. I guess I assumed that she would notice the behavior, since even if she works long days like my MB and DB do, she would still be home with him at night and on the weekends.

I can not disagree that it is extremely gross behavior, and especially now knowing that they are planning to move in (possibly), I might actually address it with MB.

nycmom said...

It is pretty disgusting and I am "pro-germ" in the sense that I am fine eating a piece of food that fell on the floor, don't mind exposure to colds, don't feel the need to constantly carry purell, etc.

But I have a hard time believing the MB/DB don't have any idea that the grandparents are messy and have no regard for cleanliness. They may not know about the exact kitchen sink issue, but they definitely know the gps are messy and disorganized. If you have a good relationship with MB and you feel comfortable, it would be fine to gently broach the issue with a little joke about the bathroom or kitchen. But I would not go beyond that, especially if MB is generally very positive about her relationship with her father and they only visit a few weeks a year.

However, if they DO move in, I would definitely use that as a big sit-down, details, boundaries, and revamp your work agreement talk. Even as an employer, I would recognize you agreed to work in a certain work environment and if the gps move in your work environment dramatically changes.

bethanytx said...

I've never dealt with gross gps but definitely weird gps.

I've had grandparents who ignore the kids, who undermine my authority, who feed the kids candy all day and I've also had grandparents who love me and ask me questions and respect my opinion and who I missed when they left.

No relatives! said...

I think it is incredibly disrespecful to a nanny to have relatives in the house while she is working. Nannies should not have the disruption of a relative, this can be really stressful just having them in the house. If relatives come to visit, either 1)put them in a hotel, 2) make sure the relatives leave the house when the parents do, or 3) give the nanny PAID time off and have the relatives watch the kids.

Anonymous said...

Yes my DB's mom stays with her son and DiL during the winter months. She's always hocking loogies into the kitchen sink, rinsing her dentures etc. she also leaves the door open when she's using the restroom and sometimes tries to get in the restroom when I'm using it and gets all mad about me being in there when she needed to go. With the spitting in the sink thing, to be fair, she does rinse the sink afterwards and I doubt (or at least hope) she wouldn't do it if she was sick but ugh that sound!! I mean, who does that in front of other people?

nycmom said...

No Relatives?

So if I employ a nanny, you think I have a moral obligation as an employer to ensure she never has to interact with unexpected guests (relatives or friends)? This sounds ridiculous to me as an employer. It is my home. Does having kids over for playdates stress you out this much too?

Certainly, I have an obligation to ensure my employee's workplace is free from discrimination, harassment and unsafe working conditions. I am obligated to abide by FLSA in regards to wages and benefits, plus any additional state laws.

I do not think I am obligated to guarantee a domestic employee a workplace free from interaction with other adults.

If elderly grandparents visit, who cannot handle the children alone or simply don't want to, I feel zero obligation to give bonus vacation time to my nanny. Nor do I feel compelled to insist any visitors, usually on vacation, depart the house at our working hours daily and only return at nanny-approved times! I find the use of the term "disrespectful" to describe an employer having short-term guests just plain silly. Come on. You work IN A HOME. Of course most normal families will have occasional guests.

Frankly, you would be hard pressed to find any job paying professional nanny wages that would be willing to give you veto power over who can enter the workplace and when. I won't make assumptions, but this attitude would not be inconsistent with the entitlement we see in so many of today's young people. You really think having to interact with occasional guests in your workday "disrespectful???"

Now, if those guests are being verbally abusive, making sexual advances, or expecting you to clean up after them (don't do it!), yes that is the GUESTS being disrespectful. But if they are simply occupying space, relaxing, watching TV, spending time with the kids and, yes, causing some disruption to your normal routine -- get over it! Stress, flexibility and adaptation are a part of being a nanny.

Otherwise, put a clause in your nanny contract at hiring that the family may have no overnight visitors or guests who are present in their home while employers are not. State that should this occur, you will assume said guests are now watching the kids and you will leave (and expect full pay of course). Good luck with that job!

I understand guests are not usually pleasurable for nannies, but they are certainly not inherently disrespectful and it is not your home to dictate terms. But if this does end up being an issue many nannies agree is egregious, I will certainly add to our future hiring contracts that visitors will be permitted to use our home as they choose for the duration of their stay and candidates should not expect automatic vacation, visitors leaving the home on a strict schedule, or that visitors will stay in a hotel.

One of the craziest things I've read on here!

Bekah said...

No relatives at all?

I've worked for families where the relatives live in the area and they pop over and visit.

That never bothered me. I grew up without the chance to get to know my relatives well so I think it's nice when charges have family close by

I also have no problem speaking up when needed. Like I'm sorry but baby really needs her nap now, if you like you can give her bottle or read the story before I put her down.

That said I wouldn't take a job where the relatives lived in and where constantly around.

That said I don't understand why a family wouldn't take time off if they were having an extended by relatives. I don't understand expecting your nanny to entertain them which they will be doing.
I would be inclined to take my vacation time during the same period.

nycmom said...


I would never expect my nanny to entertain our guests, nor have I ever had a guest expect that. My family and friends are capable of entertaining themselves.

Many of us do not have jobs that allow us to take full discretionary vacation. Sometimes the times of the vacation are quite limited and it simply doesn't overlap with when visitors can come. I have never found it to be a problem as my friends and family have no trouble spending the day doing their own thing if we are both working. Though I agree we do usually try very hard to have one or both of us home during guests' visits. But that still wouldn't eliminate the issue. Even if I am home, there will still be times during the day my nanny would have to interact with my guests to the extent of hello/goodbye/how was your day?

Sarah K said...

I actually agree with the no relatives thing. My nanny does a great job, and I would never want to burden her with relatives. I know how I would feel if I got to work and my boss told me her mom would be sitting in my office watching me all day. I would absolutely hate it, I would be miserable and uncomfortable all day. I would never want to put my nanny in that position, I love having her work for us, and I want her to continue to like her job. I think a lot of parents don't appreciate just how much a burden other people's relatives can be.

OP said...

Thanks everybody for your comments.

I do not like to work when relatives are around the house. Some think that they know more than you about the baby's schedule or her needs and they get annoying.

With the grandparents is just nasty. The other grandpa goes to the bathroom and does not wash his hands. Then he comes looking for the baby and feeds her while she is playing. Maybe he is eating a piece of toast and he goes to the baby and shares his toast with her.
MB has tried to tell him to stop feeding the baby like that, but he just doesn't listen!

When the grandparents are around I try to be as far from them as possible. In my head I thought I was being mean, but with the sink incident and the go-potty-and-don't-wash-hands.. I know I am not.

Thanks again for your comments. When the grandparents come back I'll try and talk with MB, but it definitely won't be easy.