I have a problem that isn't mine but may become my problem. I am working for a woman with two amazing children and a new live in boyfriend. He is always polite to me and acts completely normal most of the time. The problem is, when my boss leaves the house and he is home, he is going all through her house. He only moved in in January. Gradually he has become more and more comfortable going through things. I have even seen him retrieve mail from the mailbox and steam it open. I ignore him and pretend I don't see what I'm seeing. My female boss is so nice. I don't want to give her any bad news, but all his sifting through her things makes me think she is going to eventually think I am the one going through her things. Do I say anything? If so, how?


Nay The Nanny said...

That's an interesting one...if it were me, I probably wouldn't day much unless I was super close with the MB and had been with her for a really long time. If he is sifting through her mail, it is more than likely that she can tell when she looks through it herself. I really doubt she would think its you. If she begins to accuse you of things, that is when you let her know. But if she were to do that, I would consider leaving then anyway.

Village said...

I seriously doubt she would believe you. Boyfriend on one hand, nanny on the other. Who do you think goes?

If you are determined to protect your employer, then film it. As they say, people believe what they see on the TV. Since you can't point your phone at him, you will need a hidden nanny cam. And let it run for days. You don't want just one example. She can reason away one incident too easily.

Remember, no good deed goes unpunished. She may always see you as the one who screwed up her romantic nights. It could cost you your job. Think it through before you do anything. How much do you want, or need this job?

Megan said...

I think Village is talking a little crazy...
You are advising the nanny to purchase and set up a secret nanny cam in her workplace to film MB's new boyfriend? Don't you think that video would be kind of awkward to show MB?

Do you know the background relationship between your MB and her new boyfriend? My spouse and I were great friends, and actually worked together, years before deciding to date. Once we moved in together, there was never an awkward period where we felt the need to tip toe around each others things. Maybe MB is aware and doesn't mind?

I personally wouldn't say anything to her unless she approaches you about the situation. In that case, you could kindly explain that you have seen the boyfriend going through her things, but felt conflicted about saying anything. I don't see how she could get mad at you for taking that approach.

nanny s said...

I think with this one you really need to go with your gut. My DB is a weird guy and my MB is awesome. However, she likes to pretend to herself and everyone that DB is a wonderful husband and father. It's kind of the elephant in the room that he's not. My intuition tells me it'd really push her buttons if I said anything, so I don't. I just do my job and focus on the kids.

If I were in your position and felt that it was appropriate to say something, it would simply be stating my observations, free of interpretation and free of judgment. I'd say something like, "So, I feel kind of weird telling you this, but I know that if I had someone working in my home, I'd want them to tell me--yesterday I saw Boyfriend do something that struck me as odd. He took the mail, steamed it open, and then closed it up again. I have also seen him going through that closet upstairs (or whatever) and I just thought I should tell you in case you're not already aware."

Once you say that, don't expect a response or explanation from her. It's her business. Then after that, don't bring it up again and concentrate on being a good nanny.

MissMannah said...

Unless the boyfriend is doing something to endanger the children, it is none of your concern. MB is your boss, not your friend, and it is not part of your job description to protect her from creeps.

katydid said...

I wouldn't say anything unless his behavior could cause serious harm to someone, or you witness him stealing or something like that.

Even at that odds are she will side with the boyfriend and lash out at you even though you are just trying to help her or protect yourself.

I would also start looking for a new job.

If her boyfriend suspects you don't like him he will talk against you to her and try to get you fired. Things could get ugly fast.

Marty said...

I agree with MissMannah- your job is to take care of the kids, not to keep an eye on him. Plus, since he lives there, it's now his home too- I believe he can act as he pleases as long as he's not disrespectful to you or a danger to the children.