Thursday

Complicated Predicament

OPINION
My husband and I had hired a nanny for our 2 children, ages 1 and 4, in August to begin in September. She seemed like a lovely girl when we hired her, but after 2 weeks, she began demanding higher pay, fewer hours (we pay 16/hr for 32 hours, above the going rate for where we live, no housework aside from cleaning up any mess they had made while she was there, all of which was agreed upon and written in the contract), and she wanted us to potty train our 1-year-old, who just turned 1 last month, because she doesn't want to change diapers.

We were also concerned about the amount of television the children were watching. Our 4-year-old would talk about so many television shows when I would come home, he must have been watching the majority of the day. These were not children's shows either, she had things like Maury, Jerry Springer, and Court TV on all day (we also found a few of those shows on the DVR that she had forgotten to erase, I suppose). When I mentioned to her that I prefer the children not watch more than an hour and a half of tv per day, she accused me of spying on her via nannycam, which was not true. I fired her on the spot when I came home about 30 mins early one day and found her hovering my terrified, screaming 1-year-old over the toilet telling him to go potty, and my 4-year-old watching a very graphic movie on one of the movie channels.

We decided to enroll the children in the preschool where my sister sends her children, and we absolutely loved it, up until the beginning of the week. I brought my kids to their drop-off room to discover their newest employee -- our ex-nanny. I am absolutely devastated and don't know what to do. I don't want to remove our children from the school because they love it, they've seen too many changes, and not to mention we prepaid a few months already. - Anonymous

37 comments:

Caring Mom All Day said...
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NayTheNanny said...

OP,

I am so sorry to say this but if I were you, I would pull your children from that program immediately. What she was doing with your one year old baby scares me...I have a 14 month old charge and just cannot imagine dangling her over the toilet, trying to force her to use the potty. Horrible...You did the absolute right thing by letting her go, I would not feel comfortable leaving any children in a school with her as a staff member.

Horrific...I feel for the other children in the program, honestly. But I guess there isn't much you can do about that, and better that she is working there where there are other adults around instead of nannying.

What a poor excuse for a childcare provider. Your poor little one. :(

Kat said...

I would speak to the administrator of the school. Let her know that her new hiree is your previous Nanny and the reason that you switched to the school to begin with. They may take that into consideration and let her go, but probably not because legally I don't believe they can based solely on your word of mouth. I'd request she have absolutely NO contact with your children, and wait out your weeks you did pay for and pull them from the school.

Awful said...

What a traumatic experience :( Tell the Director of the preschool immediately. Put it in writing. And withdraw your child. If you really want to do everything you can to be sure she does not treat children the way she treated yours, call your local state child care licensing office. Make an anonymous complaint about the teacher by telling your story.

CMAD, it's so true that the quality of the vast majority of preschools is low, and the kinds of interactions described very common. Teachers are not to blame for taking $8-10/ hr jobs. They are trying (desperately) to live and it's a job they can "get". Agencies choose their employees, and their wages. But many agencies are sorely underfunded and mismanaged, because (again) directors only make so much- 30-50k.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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At Will said...

Yes, they can fire her at will. Anytime.

Amanda said...

I would let the director know immediately and let him or her know that your children are not to be in the same classroom. If this nanny conducts herself as poorly as you say she does, she will not last long in the preschool before is quits or gets canned.

As for CMAD's comment about teachers not being teachers without a degree, I might have to disagree. While this nanny is obviously not a teacher I will state that one doesn't have to have a degree. Today, I worked with a two year old on candy math. We counted m&ms, sorted m&ms, and even tried making patterns. We work on fine motor skills and letter recognition. Do you really want to tell me I am not his teacher? His nine year old brother would laugh at you.

Lyn said...

Withdraw your child IMMEDIATELY. Tomorrow. Call the administrator, submit your experience in writing, tell your children's friends parents. You have the potential to have dozens of children from the same sort of abuse your 1 year old got when she tried to force him to use the toilet. There may be other teachers there to hold that woman better accountable, but none of them have witnessed what you have. None of them know her like you do. Speak up OP. Don't back down. I am all for ruining someones childcare career if they are abusive. Everyone should know about your experience. She may not have hit your children (who knows) but she abused them. That is NOT how one cares for a child.
Go with your gut op. How would you feel if one of your other mommy-friends had inside knowledge of this sort on one of your children's care takers and said nothing to you for years?

Caring Mom All Day said...
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The Toddler Whisperer said...

There are many kinds of teachers. Have you looked at Lyn's blog? She is an amazing teacher. So creative in the ways she gets her charges to learn!

Lyn said...

TTW, thank you for your kind words, again, haha! I actually am a professional teacher. I have a degree in elementary education and spent time teaching 1st grade. And, you HAVE to blend creativity into learning. Make it a game for the kids and you'll see amazing results and eager learners! :) Thanks again for the love! I always appreciate your posts! You are a refreshing breath of fresh air on ISYN! <3

Caring Mom All Day said...
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Caring Mom All Day said...
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Caring Mom All Day said...
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Caring Mom All Day said...
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Amanda said...

Thank you CMAD for clarifying yourself. I misunderstood you.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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Nanny S said...

First of all, that is absolutely horrible of her to do and you were right to fire her, obviously.

Secondly, I don't mean to scare you, but if that's the sort of behavior you walked in on, imagine what went on that you weren't aware of, Pull your kids out immediately.

Many people have said to talk to the director about her. I would choose my words carefully because it could be a legal liability. I don't know enough about this, but just be cautious.

GBRudy16 said...

I agree with pull your children out of the school. The next one you enroll them in, check up on the teachers. Ask what the turnover rate is. And sit in on the class for awhile. Make sure you know who is watching your children AT ALL TIMES because preschools are notorious for sending the kids to other classrooms or having a new person watch the kids in the early morning or late afternoon.

I would say you can talk to the director of the school but only if you know how she'll react. Many times directors want to defend their teachers and will think the parents are overreacting. But if you think she will think it over reasonably, you should tell her about your experiences with the ex-nanny.

Bethany said...

Oh my goodness, OP that is scary!

I know you love the school , but I believe the best move for you and your children is to withdraw them and find another preschool that you thoroughly research.

There is no gurantee that if you talk to the director the girl will be fired and depending on the size of the school or the staff there may be no way for the director to gurantee she will never have any contact with your children.

I don't know how things will go even if you tell her about your experience with your ex nanny. Yes I think abuse should be reported, but I csn easily see this becoming a situation of you against the ex nanny in a battle of you said she said.

So sorry this happened to you and your family.

Bethany said...

For the off topic discussion a degree does not a teacher make. The spirit of a teacher is a gift I believe, something you are born with a cultivate. There are many teachers without degrees, that I wish would get one so they could get the respect they deserve. There are many degreed teachers I wish never set foot in a classroom because they don't have the gift. I say all this as a degreed teacher.

nina said...

I agree with you, Bethany. I think a degree is great but that does not mean you have a wonderful teacher. Its all about what kind of person you are and whether or not you have a gift of caring for children.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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creepy said...

Cant you just tell the director?

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

I agree OP that your children have been through so many changes lately.

First and foremost, I would speak directly to the school's director and tell him or her what you experienced w/your former nanny. Hopefully she will get fired. However if they do not fire her, then I would change schools. Sure, you prepaid your children's tuition and all, but can you really put a price tag on the peace of mind you won't have if you leave your children in the company of this unfit girl??

I am hoping the school will let her go and you won't have to disrupt your kids again.

workingmom said...

Once again I agree with Amy Darling; it's exactly what I would do.

This girl has no business caring for anyone's children in any environment.

thatswhatisay said...

Just tell the school what she did to your children. Tell them she isn't a good employee and ask them to watch her closely.

MissMannah said...

Amy, while I agree this woman does not need to be working with children, the director would have no cause to fire her. You can't fire someone just because someone else said she sucked at her last job. The director will be more likely to ensure she is never alone with the children and keep a close eye on her.

anon poster said...

What is her education if any? A daycare cannot hire her to actually care for children unless she has certain credentials. If she is young then she still has a lot of learning to do.

anon reader #2 said...

I had the exact same thing happen to me! I had hIred a nanny, she was horrible, and fired her at the end of her first week. I then choose to enroll my kids in a local daycare that a few friends recommended. After the kids transitioned (infant & toddler), two months into being there, our ex nanny was hired as a new teacher in my daughters infant room. I immediately went to the director and explained my problems with that person (not to mention she worked with my kids a few times before I even saw her and SHE didn't mention it to the director- red flag!). The director immediately acted appropriately and contacted the corporate office, put the new teacher (ex nanny) on probation in ANOTHER classroom, and put it in writing (signed by the teacher,director, and my husband and I ) that the teacher was never to have any contact or be in the room with either of my children.
I kept my children enrolled in that center and there have been no problems since. I feel comfortable that she is being closely monitored by the staff and director. She doesn't have any contact with my children. This was six months ago and I couldn't be happier with my decision. It is possible that she just wasn't suited for home care and is appropriate with older kids in a center based program.

At Will said...

Mannah- Yes. Yes you can be fired for no reason. It is completely legal to fire "at will".

nc said...

Why do you take a job that involves changing diapers, when you don't want to change diapers??? This lady sounds crazy...

MissMannah said...

It is legal to fire at will, but many daycares don't want to do it because they already have a high turnover rate.

To whomever asked what credentials this woman has, not all states require anything. My state only requires a high school diploma or GED to be a lead teacher, and they are required to get entry-level training withing the first 60 days of employment and additional 20 hours of training per year. Most daycares will only hire people with experience but obviously this woman has it, though perhaps it is not good experience.

Nanny Jenn said...

I think Amy's advice is good because this nanny/daycare worker needs to be let go. If I were the director of a daycare and was truly concerned about my business, I would fire this girl. It just wouldn't be worth the risk to keep her on knowing what a certain parent experienced with her. There would be no way the worker could sue me because legally anyone can get fired for any reason.

On a personal note, I hope this worker gets the ax.
No matter how good her credentials are, she does not have the kind of personality one needs in working with children.

Be upfront and tell on her said...

Seems to me that this nanny lied on her job application. Did anyone call you for references? If not why not?? If she did not put you down as a former employer she lied and can be fired for it,,,go for it swhe doe not belong with kids.

SonnyGirl said...

OP- IS it possible the ex-nanny sought out this job because she knew you were there and wanted to ...what, I'm not sure. Annoy, harass, frighten you? I had a nanny I had to fire for an unbelievable series of events, and I was literally frightened of her for yrs. The thought of her being with my kids is nauseating. Remove your kids, tell the director your concerns (truth is an absolute defense) and if the ex ever shows up again, consider reporting it to the police just to create a record. I happened to informally tell a police officer of my experience and she said I should have reported it for the above reason.

Denvernanny said...

Yep - get them out of there. There are quite a few people out there that are looking for an "easy to get" job that are not skilled with children. I've met people who have been childcare workers for years that are terrible with kids! They are there to make money and avoid fast food jobs. Maybe if we had higher expectations and higher pay for the industry, we wouldn't have this problem.