The Ties that Bind
I'm sure this is a common problem among some nannies who get close with their families but I'm afraid I've let things go too far in my situation. The only reason I decided to write this is because there's been a lot of talk on here lately about starting families through adoption, IVF, etc., and I'm hoping to get some advice about my situation.
I knew my whole life I was meant to be a mom. My husband and I tried to get pregnant right out of the gate but after a year of trying we knew something was wrong. After various rounds with Drs. we're now left with some decisions to make, adoption being one of them. I'm not sure why but I felt like I almost had to talk myself into it. I think it's because I wanted my own biological child so badly. I also feel like as soon as this baby is born it already has a strike against it with his or her parents not wanting it for whatever reason. We've thought long and hard about it though and decided the best thing to do when our child was old enough was to let them know they were wanted very much and that they were special because we chose them.
Since I love kids so much the most natural choice for me was being a nanny. I work for extremely busy parents of three children, the youngest being four. I see the children more than they do and it makes me incredibly sad. I've become super attached to the youngest and she's become my little shadow. After I began the job I convinced myself I'd try and make up for the lack of attention they were getting from mom and dad. Unfortunately, this has led to more than just my being the nanny. I've done nothing to discourage the little girl from occasionally saying things like she wished I was her mommy. In the beginning, she'd complain about missing her parents however that has all but stopped, and I hate to admit it, it makes me feel good. Trust me, I know it's wrong, but I love this little girl so much and the most amazing thing is that she has helped me to understand that I can love a child like my own even though it isn't biologically mine.
I know the advice for me is probably that I need to leave but I just can't, not right now at least. There's more to it than just the money of course, but they do pay me very well and I need it. Does anyone have any other suggestions on what I should do here, please? And what would be the best way to pull away from the little girl in the meantime so that she doesn't miss me so much when it's time for me to really leave? I know this whole thing is just awful and I feel bad about it, but I honestly did have the right intentions when it started. I can hardly write this without tearing up because I know I'm going to miss her so much. She's taught me more than anyone else in my life ever has. - Anonymous
at 4:45 AM