Disintegrating Discipline

Hello there, I am so glad I found this group. I'd like to ask a few questions of fellow nannies and parents as well. I am a nanny with multiple families part time (having some issues with one in particular) Have been with them for a year and a half - they are a family of 4 (older 2 in school - younger 2 home with childcare) 2 days with me, 1 with another woman and the other 2 a mix of parents and close family.

Let me start by saying this family right off the bat was great, needed specifics as far as finances go, and had a pretty on point schedule and was very warming. Felt valued and appreciated and welcomed like I had known them for years. But much has changed! The youngest 2 seem to have SEVERE attachment issues (which makes sense a different person everyday - how could it become normal) but on top of the attachment there is attitude, disrespect, and they continually call me by the wrong name (none of which is being corrected) its tough because I'm very easy going and have a great relationship with the parents and we have never had any issues arise. Mainly because minor things are easily brought up in conversations and not awkward... However the potty training (or lack thereof) of the 4 year old - lack of interest in anything "educational" - and his emotional breakdowns of "please mommy don't go to work" leave me in a tough position. I'm not sure if for the under 10 hours I'm there a week I should speak up, or allow it to keep on going as is and just "go with the flow".

I'm not a teacher but as a caregiver their safety, happiness and well being is important to me. And a priority! But it truly seems as though the younger children are allowed to do whatever, no structure is needed. (No potty training happening and no "disappearing" acts for the binkies.) I am there watching sometimes all four at once (9,6,4 and 1.5) obviously entertaining them all doesn't come easy/there's no pleasing the masses. But all 4 together seems more volatile and chaotic like I'm just there making sure they don't burn the house down. Parents are very busy with their careers and shuffling of life, needs and day to day coverage. Which is understandable, but I'm afraid of speaking up and saying after MONTHS of observation, I am concerned. I don't want to come across like a bitch if I say something, but also now wondering if I look careless for not saying something! HELP and THANK YOU :) - Anonymous


nycmom said...

You can relay your observations of recent changes in a "just so you know" kind of way. Then you have done the right thing, but avoided conflict for yourself.

I am sure the parents are well aware of most of these issues and just making the best of the situation. I always have to cobble together a ft nanny and occasional sitter assistance because of odd hours and it is not inherently unhealthy IMO. Not ideal, but not a setup for attachment issues!

I welcome and value my nannies input regarding my kids' behavior. I would absolutely want to know about any behavioral issues, especially the disrespectful talk. However, I think a good nanny-family match is key. You either can accept their overall parenting style and lifestyle, or you cannot work in such an environment. If the former, just do you job as well as you have been and convey the issues you think the parents may not know about (or that are behavioral toward you). If the latter, time to move on.

BrooklynMomma said...

I agree with nycmom in bringing it up as an FYI type of discussion.

I'm curious, why do the children have inconsistent childcare? It seems that it would be difficult to implement a consistent routine if during the time they are not with you they are shuffled to different people who will do different things. The best advice I can offer is to create a simple activity that they will always do with you (whether its arts and crafts, cooking or science) and from there, implement some type of order (setting up the activity, doing the activity and cleaning up). This will at least be one situation where there will be some routine and the children will know what is expected of them. Good luck OP!

Lyn said...

As usual, NYCMom has said it all. :)

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NannyTastic said...

Can you disguise a learning activity as a fun for the four year old?

For instance, I have a egg carton with numbers and shapes. I also have a play hammer. I tell the two year old in my care to find the number eight. If he gets it right he pounds it. Depending on the kids, it will last one sitting or maybe even a week.

Find more ideas online, in books, and pintrest

Prioritize said...

My advice would be to make a list of each and every goal/ concern you have. Do NOT share this with the parents.

Then decide on three to start. Ask for a meeting and talk to the parents about what you would like to work on with their kids. Decide TOGETHER the first priority. Decide together with much input from your expertise the ways you will go about implementing and write these goals down. Post on fridge. Keep a log and share/ email parents every time you're there.

It is indeed hard when you only work part time. Your efforts will be for nothing unless your parents work with you an are committed to being a team.any parents are! Hope yours turn out to be:)