Uncompromising Situations

Nannies: do your MB and DB pop in without letting you know they're coming home and you've been in an uncompromising situation? I always feel that popping up without warning is a great way to catch you off guard and make you look like you're being idle. I try to do my job well but can't because I feel like I have to explain things when they see me and my charge. Even though it's nothing I'd hide. Like charge being in restroom with me. She does NOT have a pack and play and high chair sitting while I use the restroom. She will cry. She is mobile and I don't want her going anywhere I can't see. Also, the baby gate is not set up yet. She is more of scooting around not crawling. But still mobile. - Anonymous


missmary said...

I don't see bringing baby into the bathroom as compromising! That's part of raising a kid. If they're open, realistic people then they'd know it means you're looking for the baby!

Jessica said...

I Don't mind when MB and DB show up unexpected it is their house and their children they are welcome to go and come as they please. I did have an uncompromising situation happen once that made the DB ALWAYS call before walking into his own house. I was caring for a baby who had a poop explosion. I calmly cleaned up the baby and then put her down in her crib for a nap. I then realized I had poop on me. I Stripped down to my bra and underwear and went into the front hall to grab my extra clothes that I always kept in the closet. Well the door opened and I had nowhere to hide. He asked what was going on (after slamming the door and giving me privacy) I explained everything and we laughed about it.

I would talk to them about buying a pack n play. You need a safe place to put the baby when you use the restroom or are cooking. I would talk about baby proofing the house ASAP. If she is already scooting around she needs to able to do so safely. You want a baby to be able to explore and learn in her environment. You also don't want to say NO to every little thing.

OceanBLue said...

Do they seem bothered by you having her in the bathroom?

If they are I would

Ask for a baby gate and babyproof the room.

Or leave her in the high chair and let her cry for 5 minutes.

I don't understand ringing a baby in the bathroom with you especially a mobile one, but it doesn't seem that bad, and it's not unheard of unless you have some strange toileting practices.

I don't have a problem with them coming home unannounced. For one it it is their home and they can come and go as they please.

I actually think it is a much smarter option than a nanny cam for checking in on your nanny.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

My last family used to text message me twenty minutes or so before they would come home. I requested it because after 10 hours caring for a two year old, the house was pretty messy w/toys, books, puzzles, etc. all over. Once the Father came home unannounced and I almost DIED when he saw the mess. We both just laughed and after that, they always gave me a heads up. I also used the restroom w/the door wide open and that is another reason I am glad the parents would text me prior to coming.

Susannah said...

It is their home and I would never dream of telling an employer when they coul and could not enter their.

I am also surprised that so many nannies think stripping down and using the toilet doors open is acceptable and professional.

Susannah said...

If you are doing your job you should have nothing to worry about.

If you think having their daughter in the bathroom is against their wishes stop, put the baby in her high chair and let her scream.

I would also stop other behavior that could be compromising.

What are you doing that you wouldn't want them to see.

Either way, you should have them install a gate and do some baby proofing so the little one is able to safely explore and use her new found mobility.


Nowadays, Nanny cams are everywhere. If they don't announce when they are coming they see you and the baby by their computer or cell phone.

Some people never cease to amaze me said...

@Jessica: You couldn't go get your clothes and then head to the bathroom to strip to your underwear? You stripped first? You sound like a whackjob. Who the hell does that???

ericsmom said...

What the hell?? Why is it such a big deal she got dressed in the hallway!! She was alone with an infant.

Penny said...

I don't have a problem with parents popping in unexpectedly however it does at times cause some commotion so I understand the awkwardness of that situation. For instance a few time my MB & DB have come home unexpectedly and we were in the middle of a play date & lunch which makes me feel that I have to rush our friends out because I feel like I have inconvenienced them. So now I write a daily schedule to at least give them a heads up on activties however it seems to not help me anyways.

I agree with ericsmom, I have had babies poop & puke on me unexpectedly and had to change & have had to do the same reason because I either forgot to grab the clothes first or have been dripping with puke so walking around dripping was not an option. Calm down, it was a freak occurrence shit happens, literally!

MissMannah said...

Yeah I'm not understanding why it bothers you the parents come home unannounced. It is their house! They can come and go as they please. I also don't see what situations could possibly be interpreted as compromising, unless they like strict boundaries and don't want you taking the baby in the bathroom. Which I agree, you shouldn't do. She can sit in her crib with a toy for 45 seconds while you pee. If she cries, oh well. That's what babies do. Plus, the house should be baby-proofed anyway if she's mobile.

melissa said...

I care for an infant and a two year old. I would never take them into the bathroom with me. The only time I find that remotely acceptable is if we're out in a public restroom. I would put the baby in the highchair and let her fuss. As long as you're only in the bathroom or a minute, it's really not a big deal. Good luck OP.

Future nurse :) said...

Personally I don't disagree with the child being in the bathroom with you. I mean there are always boundaries and rules and it does depend on the parents comfort with the nanny, but I would much rather my charges be in the bathroom with me (as in if they are under 2 and can't be trusted to not get hurt when you turn your back!) than for them to pull a lamp over onto themselves or the high chair or you get where Im going with that! Children also learn that mommy, daddy, nanny, etc go pee pee in the potty and they want to do it! Modeling and imitation are huge in potty training. I know that's controversial but it's my stance.

Ms. Dr. Juris said...

Seriously? When I get baby shit on me, I want those clothes off ASAP.

Susannah said...

If the child is in a baby proof room there should be no chance for them to pull a lamp on to themselves or chairs.

Also what type of high chair are you using that that is so prone to falling over in a split second if the child is sitting in it?

I really want to know so I can avoid using it.

Modeling is important, in our society we don't toilet in front of each other and have bathroom parties why teach the child this is the norm only to teach differently?

Also why teach a child that the bathroom is playtime?

I assume you have them sitting on the floor with toys or books why your in the on the toilet or you are holding them on your lap.

I'm sorry I just don't believe in the communal toilet and see no justification for it save being out in pulic and their being no other safe alternative.

Susannah said...

I don't enjoy bodily fluids on me either and I attempt to remove them as quickly as possible.

I just do not understand stripping down and then getting clothing, nor do I understand toileting with the door open.

To each their own I suppose, but if you are concerned aout your employers walking in on you it seems it would be best to stop those actions.

Whoa! said...

Some of you seem to lack basic organization, time management, and planning skills. Very alarming for nannies.

Nanny in Sweltering San Diego, CA said...

I disagree with those that say it is not a good idea to take a child into the bathroom with you. Rubbish.

A child can get injured in a mere thirty seconds. With liability being so high, a nanny should take the child in with her. It makes no sense not to.

gypsy said...

Its no big deal at all for a child to see mom, dad, siblings or the nanny use the restroom. Its good modeling for the little ones because they will soon need to learn. Its nothing dirty or shamefull. I also don't see how it teaches a baby that its playtime. But that's jmho.

I always assume I'm on a cam & behave accordingly, therefore being walked in on wouldn't bother me too much. Although, I can understand wanting a warning. But like MissMannah said, its their house. I think it would be awkward if they gave you a warning. Also, they probably feel good about popping in because it feels to them like their checking up on you.

ananny said...

I'm going to assume those of you who advocate taking children into the bathroom with you have never cared for more than one child at a time.

look at yourself said...

Oh Whoa

Yes, nannies are supposed to be perfect. Great at everything right.

Get that stick out of your butt

the kid can stay in the high chair said...

Yes kids can get hurt in 30 seconds how are you going to keep them from knocking their head on the bathtub getting into the soaps and such why you are popping a squat on the toilet?

Whoa! said...

Not everything.

But I expect a person caring for an infant to realize she might need a change of clothes during the day and keep those clothes near her.

I would expect that same person to keep the home in a condition and their actions of a manner that they parents could walk in at any moment and the nanny not be ashamed.

It's simple really. For those that are professional

lala said...

Yep and while your at it they should probably help you wipe your ass because that's good practice for them

Let them hop in the shower with you too it's a great opportunity to teach good washing skills.

There is no shame in the human body

not talking out my @$$ said...

San Diego nanny,

What do you do with your charges at nap time

Bethany said...

Back to the OP's question,

I don't mind if my employers pop in on, and I would feel weird asking them not to.
I also think requesting that would make me them suspicious of me.

The only way it would bother me is if they hovered and made it difficult for me to do my job.

From what you posted it doesn't seem to be you are doing anything you need to worry about.

If your employers don't want you to bring your charge into the bathroom you should stop out of respect for their views.

Other than that, I would suggest, you suggest to them a gate and basic babyproofing for the safety of the baby.

Lyn said...

I've never had a parent come in unexpectedly. My current family always calls or texts me first. I don't ask them to, they just want me to be aware. The Grandmother however, haha, she shows up with no notice to me or the parents. I can't blame her as I am the first Nanny and she has never known anyone with a Nanny. And the parents always scold her for doing so and apologize profusely, but I really do understand and don't have an issue with it.

gypsy said...

I've cared for five children full time, for many years. So, yes..more than one. I also have more than one child of my own. Respectfully, what does that have to do with it? I don't see your point?

gypsy said...

Id be so upset if someone strapped my child into a high chair & left the room-for any reason. Without good straps or loose straps, a child can climb out & become injured. High chairs come with warnings that a child is never to be left in one unattended.

I agree with Mannah saying to put the child in the crib. Personally, Id bring the child with me. But if that's not feasable, the high chair isn't a safe option IMO. I have Peg Perego high chairs (the kind that lower quite a bit) & even on the lowest setting, that's still high off of the ground, for a small child. If you're doing this, I hope the child can't get out. Not all straps will restrain a child.

@lala...It is recomended in early childhood education courses as well as potty training books to allow your child to see you use the restroom. You can model healthy habits without going to the extreme. Your child can witness you using the potty & washing your hands. But that doesn't mean that they need to wipe you. That's just silly.

gypsy said...

Although 100% of accidents can not be prevented, it is *always better to have your charges within your site.

Yes, I could easily prevent a child from eating soap while using the toilet. Also possibly hitting their head, that would depend on how it happened. Multi tasking comes naturally to most parents. But no way would I want to explain to a parent that I didn't even SEE how their child got harmed.

30 seconds said...

Gypsy didn't you run a home daycare.

Are you saying your brought your daycare kids into the bathroom with you?

That's so inappropriate!

I hope you have your license stripped!

Anna said...

Funny I manage to have a succesful career as a nanny ( over twenty years)

Raise two children and never once had to take them in the bathroom with me unless we were out in public.

My mother never took any of us in the toilet with her and we were all trained without a problem as were my kids, and the kids I cared for.

I'm not saying it is wrong to take kids into the bathroom with you.

But let's not act like those who do are somehow more responsible caregivers.

30 seconds said...

You shouldn't leave them in their cris either.

Cribs can be dangerous.

You best not leave them in a pack n play either because those have warnings as well.

30 seconds said...

The same experts you mention do not approve of cosleeping something else you advocate because of the danger it can cause to children.

I guess you just pick and choose which safety guidelines you like to follow.

ananny said...


I simply meant try bringing in mobile twin infants into the bathroom with you and go to the toilet.

You'd be singing a different tune.

Drama Drama said...


It's nearly fall and the holier than though nannies are back in full swing!

I love this blog.

enough already said...

The holier than though nannies , parents, and other caregivers are my least favorite part of the blog.

I wish people could just agree to disagree without namecalling or accusing others of being terrible caregivers.

ignore the know it alls said...

Just ignore gypsy.

She has a very difficult time dealing with posters that do not share her extreme views on child rearing.

I do wish this blog had an ignore feature it would make for more pleasant reading.

That would mean requiring everyone to register.

lianne said...

Hmm, I think parents just pop in to reassure themselves things are going well. It does feel a little weird I know, but I can totally understand it. I think it would look MORE suspicious if you ask for warning!! If you normally have the tidy when they get home, I doubt they'd care if it's messy during the day. Do you do anything unusually messy, like stack up dirty diapers in a pile or leave all meal dishes on the table until the end of the day? If so, maybe be mindful they could be stopping by...otherwise I wouldn't worry they're judging you, I'm sure the place gets like a disaster when they're home, too.

It seems like a people have different opinions on taking small kids into the bathroom...maybe you could ask them what they do in case they have a preference.

gypsy said...

BTDT. With five. Not just two. I thought I already said that. :)

gypsy said...


You don't care for me, I get it. Would it kill you to be an adult & just ignore me?

For what its worth, its total BS that I have a "difficult time" with people who do not share my views. Quite the opposite. There are as many parenting ways as there are parents. What works for you may not work for me. What works for me today may not work for me tomorrow. Obviously I enjoy hearing others views, that's why I enjoy the dialoge here. PEACE!

gypsy said...

This isn't correct. The experts *I listen to advocate safe co-sleeping.

Yes, I pick & choose what safety guildlines I follow. We all do. Not sure if you had a point somewhere in there.

gypsy said...

I've never seen a crib with a warning not to leave a child unattended in one. Obviously there is one on high chairs & not one on cribs, making the crib the safer option. Nothing is perfect & accidents will happen. Its JMHO the crib is safer. :)

gypsy said...

My drivers liscense? :)

Jessica said...

I should mention that my extra clothes were moved to the front hall because the bathroom was being re done. I was headed to the bathroom (literally 2 steps away from the kitchen) and realized that my clothes were no longer there I wasn't going to try to put poop clothes back on so I quickly ran down the hall and we all know what happened after that.

Nanny of One said...

Dear OP,

I understand your situation as I work for a single father and he loves coming home and popping in. There have even been times when he comes home and finds us napping, the child getting a talking too, be on my cell phone, me in the middle of taking an online exam etc.

However, with the relationship that we have that is built around trust, he knows that I am looking out for the child at all times. I am a student and he knows and understands that I am allowed to bring my computer to work as I have tests to take during the day at times. He has never once made statements such as, when your here you must etc.

Also, due to the nature of the divorce there has been times when the charge was under 2 years old where she has stayed at my house with me for weekends. In that case because my house isn't baby proof, I have showered with my charge etc. The parent is aware of this and is totally okay with it as we have a great relationship on which a great foundation was built from the onset.

another nanny said...

Hi OP,

Keep in mind it is the parents' house, so they should be able to come by whenever they want without alerting you.
I think you should just directly ask the parents about the bathroom issue and then follow their wishes. Phrase it as, now that the baby is mobile, how would you prefer I handle times when I use the restroom. Some parents have wanted me to take the child in the bathroom with me, while other's wanted them left in the high chair or crib.
Other than that, I don't know what could possibly be seen as "compromising" if you are doing your job. If it's simply a matter of feeling awkward, just say to the baby in an exaggerated tone, "Look, baby, Daddy's here!" Then turn to Dad with a smile and tell him what you're doing (e.g. "We're singing Itsy Bitsy Spider and then we're going to eat lunch").
I'm not trying to be mean, but I'm a bit confused when you say this issue is actually preventing you from doing your job well. Maybe if you gave some other examples that would help.

EastBayNanny said...

I find it fascinating that y'all are perfectly comfortable getting naked in front of kids and even "modeling" toileting with your charges- as long as ther is no accidental touching. But when it comes to open discussion about sexual abuse you're willing to allow that subject to remain taboo. Get a clue people!

nannyinmanhattan said...

In my opinion, if you start of explaining yourself for every little thing, you'll be stuck doing so till "thy kingdom come" Although it might be too late to change your act now since your employers expect your explanation the second they pop in because that's how you "trained" them, you can ease up on the explanations until they ask for one in the future. That's what I would do. If they didn't ask, I'm not volunteering any information. Be more confident in your judgement. Yo have a schedule right? They approve because you're still employed right? Don't fret over explaining if they didn't ask, but make sure to have a great answer when they do!

Ohio Nanny said...

As a mother who stayed home with her kids for years, I always went to the bathroom with the door open (my house) when the kids were very young. That way I could hear the kids, and if they were mobile, they could see me.

For kids I nanny, I do leave the door cracked some if kids are playing and it's gonna be a quick pee. I open door fully while washing hands.

With the infant twins, they get put in their bouncy seats or swings and I make sure the 2 year old is occupied in her play room. I crack the door. If I hear the two year old coming up from her play room, I will call her name to bide time and keep her from going in alone with babies. If she sees me on toilet, so be it, but it doesn't happen often.

It does seem like the doorbell rings (usually a family member, not usually the parents!) anytime I decide to sit on the toilet. Most frustrating. especially if the babies happen to be fussing at that moment. :\

Nope said...

I only bring a kid in the bathroom with me if there are more than one children and I'm afraid one might hurt the other.

OceanBLue said...

I've read this post again and I think maybe now, OP is talking about parents that come home unexpectedly and hover.

We all know how hovering parents can make a job harder.

I don't have any tips on how to get rid of a parent that hovers but you have my sympathy.

RBTC said...

EBN - yep ;(

OceanBlue said...

RBTC & Eastbay I'm going to have to ask you yet again to keep the discussion of the other post out of other threads.

There is one at the top of the page perfect for discussing last night and your feelings concerning that.
We do not need to turn every thread into a discussion on that particular topic.

MPP deleted that post for a reason.

Have some respect for her decision and for the OPs

Lyn said...

I agree with Ocean. Either let it go or continue to discuss it in the place where it is the most relevant (the apology from MPP). This is totally unfair to this threads OP.

Wednesday said...

Aww. That's the sweetest post ever :)

cosleepingGypsy said...

Worldwide research has shown that SIDS is almost unheard of in countries where co-sleeping is the norm.

You're spreading lies. There is NO danger when you co-sleep safely.

OP said...

The bathroom is spacious so we're not crammed in there. The kitchen is opposite of restroom so I can't leave her there IF she cries. Which happens to be that she is very vocal about her needs and if she doesn't want to sit for a minute she will arch her back and spread her little feet out so I don't strap her in, because she wants to be held. So I take her in with me and she's by the sink cabinets happy to not be left alone. Also. I can't Leave her in her crib because she is only put in there when she's fallen asleep as they are AP parent so any other time (I've tried) she will have a huge fit if put there by herself. The bathroom though is extremely spacious and she amuses herself with water books while in there. They do have a gate but it is being occupied for outsid purposes as of now. Also. I don't do anything wrong just being caught off guard freaks me out. I don't know I'd there are nanny cams BUT I always act like there are cams around the house so I always am professional -parent present or not. The dad is home depending on schedule.

@somepeople said...

YOU sound like a whack job. And a stalker.

Dallas said...

@nope You're supposed to teach children not to hurt each other.

RBTC said...

ocean blue - mpp has started a thread above this one to talk about the EBN issue- if you have anything to say to EBN or me - do it there ;0)

OceanBlue said...

RBTC, as you will see from my above comment I was the one to direct you and EBN to MPP's thread so I am well aware of existance.

I said what I wantes to say in that thread to you and EBN.

I have nothing more to say on that matter, or to you in general.

RBTC said...

have a nice day ocean blue ! ;)

compliments to all the posters giving advice on this thread - these suggestions should be made into a book!

:) said...