Wednesday

How Can Nanny Avoid Walking Papers?

OPINION
This is time sensitive so I hope you'll post it as soon as you get it, please! I work for a SAHM, 2 adorable kids, 3 and 5, full-time. I've been here for about 6mo and everything seemed to be going well, or so I thought, until this morning. I accidently overheard MB on the phone, I'm not sure who she was talking to, but she said she was going to have to start looking for a new nanny. I swear I don't know what I could've done wrong for her to let me go. I need help on what I should say to her if/when she confronts me about leaving. I love these kids and really need this job. It took me forever to find and I can't handle going through the grind of being unemployed again!

58 comments:

RBTC said...

in most cases - honesty is the best policy - say " i deeply apologize, i was not over-listening, by accident i did hear you say i may not be a good fit - i love my job with you and i would greatly like to know if i can improve/change etc to work this out..."

also - parents can rarely argue with their child's name - say such as--

" I love janie and freddie so much, the times making arts and crafts with janie and freddie, i would be devastated to lose my time with janie and freddie"

the hurdle to get over is the awkwardness - you can do it, you have to!

let us know what happens

Village said...

I think the best way is to talk to MB and tell her the truth. You overheard her, you are sad, you like her and the children so much. You had no idea she wasn't satisfied. What can you do to make her happy?

Whether you are successful in changing her mind or not, you need to start looking for a job. You can't trust her now to keep you.

The economy is perking up. Be optimistic. You may find a better job, but get to it now. Don't wait. It gives you more time to look.

Nay The Nanny said...

I'm so sorry you are in this position! What a disappointment...just throwing this out there. Did you discuss their plans for sending the children to school? 3 and 5 are definitely ages where many children are either in or enter into school full time. Perhaps the mother is contemplating putting both children in school full time which would mean she would only need a part time nanny and know you need full time hours? I would certainly hope if this were the case she would come to you immediately, which would mean you wouldn't need to go to her. I really hope that is the worst case scenario...that you did nothing wrong that they will help you find something else asap with a glowing reference! If she doesn't approach you by the end of the day I would definitely follow the advice of the last two posters and approach her yourself. Good luck...

missmary said...

Maybe they're moving, or maybe she's pregnant. Probably not much you could do except wait it out. Keep us updated!

Moniker said...

If I were you, I'd be looking for another job. She's a bitch.

huh said...

She's a bitch? How did you come to that conclusion?

UmassSlytherin said...

OP,
I think you are making this situation more complicated than it is.

Your boss wants to let you go. There's nothing you can do. I would be glad if I were you that I overheard that, and I would begin looking for another job immediately. I wouldn't say a damn thing to this person. I would just look for another job and hopefully you can find one before they let you go.

back.on.the.road.gypsy said...

Why would you want to work for someone who doesn't want you?? I would be searching for another job today. If you find someone that needs you immediately, I would quit right away. This woman has no loyalty to you. So you shouldn't to her. She is too immature to communicate whatever her issues are with you. You can not rectify that. Its time to move on. It didn't work out. Such is life. Usually, in situations like these you will grow to look back & find leaving this job as a huge blessing in your life. If someone wants to leave your life, by all means open the door for them nice & wide so they can exit promptly. Sucks about the kids tho. But I won't say it sucks that you overheard her. Because that was someone looking out for you!! Consider yourself fortunate for the heads up. Its all about your perception! You'll be okay. There is something better on the horizon for you!

Nashville Nanny said...

I agree with umass. I wouldn't confront her. I would seek new employment.

? said...

OP, can I ask how she said it & in what context? Did she sound upset? Have you mentioned it to her? Do you know what you're going to do?

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

If I were in your shoes, I would most definitely approach the MB. There's no way I could keep quiet after hearing what she said on the phone.

You can just say that you accidentally overheard what she said and that it saddened you since you love her kids so much. Let her know that if there is anything she is unhappy with, she is welcome to discuss it with you and you hope you guys can come to an understanding and work everything out.

She might get pissed at you and think you were "ear hustling" or she may discuss the situation with you in a mature manner.

Regardless, be prepared to find another job.

Yes, it does suck, but something tells me this is a red flag that this woman is two-faced.

Good luck OP.

I am so sorry this is happening to you right now. :(

Susannah said...

I would start looking for a new job asap.

No point and asking her anything even.

I'm certain she'll accuse you of snooping no matter what you tell her. and let you go on the spot. This woman wants to let you go and seems as thoguh she is two cowardly to be upfront with you, the phone conversation ( even though you overheard by accident) will give her an easy way to cut ties.

Find a job put in your notice and move on asap.

Not surprised she prob is a B said...

Easy. Shes. SAHM with a nanny. Unless the child has disability depending on it. OR she helps run her husbands business. Why does she NEED a nanny to care for her own kids if she is suppose to be a SAHM for that same purpose? She is probabaly an entitled selfish woman who gets whatever she wants thus her justifying being lazy and not taking care of her own kids though she doesn't have a job! I glad you overheard her. Be smart. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. I am not surprised she acts like that. She is spoiled of course she will. Just start looking for a job ASAP and count this as a blessing. Get real or you will end up on the bad end of everything. Smart girl will take a hint. Work quietly and move on before they even blink. That's life.

Alex said...

hmm, this is really a tough one! I'd be hesitate to approach her but then I would really want to know what she meant. Are you sure you heard her correctly? Is there possibility they could be moving?

Now, if those are not the cases, is there anything you can think that you did that made her upset? If you are really wanting to ask I would say something like,
"MB, I was not trying to listen to your conversation but I overheard you say something about needing to find a new nanny. Have I done something to offend you? I absolutely adore Jake & Ella and working for you and DB. etc. etc."

I would be cautious to approach because she very well could let you go right then (if that was her plan) and then you would be out of a job.

Good luck & Keep us updated!!

JoblessInSummer said...

When she lets you go,or like others have said even start looking now but jobs are hard to find. I'd say file for unemployment. It's not a lot and it's not a crutch but it certainly helps as you look for jobs. You take what you make in a month ÷ it by 26 then you'll get that every week until you find another job.

With my family DB is a teacher so I'm not needed in the summer, I file unemployment and get a pt nanny job under the table- no commitment. 6 weeks goes by in a flash then boom back to the old grind.

Good luck!

:) said...

I'm a SAHM & we have a part time nanny. So that makes me a bitch, right? Its automatic, right? My personality doesn't matter. My generosity doesn't matter. I'm automatically selfish & lazy. I don't want to take care of my kids too, right? Why did you have kids if you were going to allow a teacheer to raise them? I could turn it around and say that all parents who use public schools are lazy. They don't want to raise their own children. What a broad brush to paint parents with.

Is it painful to be so ignorant & judgmental? I would imagine so. You don't know enough about me to conclude that I'm a bitch, lazy, selfish & that I don't want to take care of my kids. But based upon two factors: me being a sahm & having a nanny you will ignorantly conclude so.

Do you think Mrs.Brady didn't want to take care of her kids because they had Alice? Was she too a lazy, selfish bitch?

You are very immature & judgmental. You should judge people as individuals. Not whether or not they're a sahm or wohm with or without a nanny. What would you say to me if I said all wohms are lazy. Because they could raise their own children, but instead take the easy way out & hire someone to do it for them. So they can sit on their buts all day at work? I could say that if you weren't lazy you would NEED a nanny. Because you should have more going on in your life than child care & cleaning. If you're a sahm and you don't NEED help with your children, you're not active enough. You're lazy. See how this works? Makes no sense, right? You should judge people as individuals, right? You wouldn't want me judging you based upon whether or not you have a nanny, right? There is a real person there. And having a nanny or not can not possibly define one, RIGHT?!!!

Chunky Photojournalist Barbie said...

Mrs. Brady was a fictional character.

lol said...

Nothing gets past you!

Lyn said...

Actually, what WAS Mrs Brady doing all day?

Also, Alice was a Maid.

:) said...

Obviously she is a fictional character. So do you also assume she was lazy & selfish & didn't want to raise her children?


Funny how you'll point out the obvious but refuse to answer the question. You don't need to now! :)

:) said...

She was eatting bon bons of course.

Lyn said...

I'm not being a bitch. Seriously, what was she doing? I think I've seen that entire show and I really don't know. Can't say I ever thought about it before now. Hmm. I guess I'll turn to Google because I must have missed something.

. said...

Alice took care of the children. Getting them off to school in the morning & supervising them.

Lyn said...

When you type "what did C" into Google "What did carol brady do all day" is the first result. Apparently no one knows, haha.

on.the.road.again.gypsy said...

As gypsy, we spend 1/2 of our life traveling. Id love to bring a nanny with us. So we could have ourselves a hot date while the kids sleep back @ the hotel. But I couldn't offer enough hours to intice a nanny to be available to travel with us. Now, I'm a sahm. So if we did hire a nanny would that somehow change who I am? Would I become a "lazy, selfish, entitled bitch who doesn't want to take care of her kids?" Were together 24/7. It would be nice to have a nanny who could take the child off our hands for a couple of hours. I really don't see how a sahm having a nanny defines a woman. Its as ignorant as saying that working moms are selfish & lazy bitches. Its like me saying if they had their priorities straight they would have arranged their lives so that they could raise their own kids. I don't believe its fair or accurate to judge other women like that. I like to believe that were all just doing our best with what we've got.

Lyn said...

I agree Gypsy. It is unfair judgement.

Also, I would think you could find a live in Nanny pretty easily. Traveling is one of (in my opinion) the super fun perks of our profession!

Summer said...

As a single mother who raised three children all by myself with no family or father involved, I must say that I DO think mothers who stay-at-home and have nannies are lazy.

Raising children is a JOB...it is not fair to delegate duties to someone else.

It's a 24/7 job that lasts 18 or so years.

That is reality.

. said...

Maybe the sahm who has a nanny is super active? Maybe she has a full schedule & a life outside of children & child care. Is that so wrong?

IDC said...

Active banging her lover. SAHM moms want to play the martyr card. Yet they are typically self centered. I should know my SIL is one and so are two of my sisters. Statistically speaking the biggest cheaters are SAHM for women. Also. Work moms. Apart time ones are the happiest from a new study as well. Also. If you're going to stay home how about educating your kid ? Two of my newphews are -from the words of their step grandad'dumb as a rock'. She doesn't do anything but watch qvc. Eat lunch with friends. Barely plys with them as she is always ''busy'. Sothe kids practically live at the Y. This SIL even thought about hiring a part time nanny. So she could entertain the kids while SIL is again out and about doing herself. I have no respect. I don't care what your excuse is. If you're a SAHM and have a nanny and your kid is not disabled or you're not running a business or helping hubby do so. You're lazy in my opinion. Nothing is going to change my mind. I've seen it first had and then some!

NanonymouslyYours said...

Just admit to what you heard. You'll feel better knowing either way!

Lisa said...

Wow so being a SAHM is lazy if they have a nanny? I never knew that being able to afford a nanny is something someone has the right to comment on. I went to school more than most people and put myself in a position now where I can afford to stay home, raise my kids, and have a nanny to help me. Judge away but maybe a SAHM actually has a brain and an education but chooses to stay home with her kids because she wants to not miss anything....

LittleTeaCup said...

IDC sounds very envious.

Sewickley nanny said...

Do you think maybe she said it and didn't mean it? Like maybe she was joking with a friend of hers or something..
I would start looking for a new job..you need to protect yourself
Also be on the lookout for more signs or any clues. One of my friends saw her job posted online..people can be shady...she had finally stood up for herself and put boundaries in place and the next day it was posted..with a flexible start date. She quit shortly thereafter out of principle

almost.to.the.hotel.gypsy!! said...

Statistically sahms cheat more often than employed women, really? What study proved that & who funded the study? I've never ever heard such a claim & I have read countless books on women's studides & sociol
a SAHM & I have no desire to cheat. My needs are well taken care of, tyvm.

Summer, unless you homeschooled your three children, you delegated a ton of work to the teachers your children spent the majority of their time with.

I wouldn't argue with you that you believe your SIL is lazy. No problem. But to conclude that all sahms who have nannys are lazy is flawed thinking. There are extremely lazy wommen who are employed. I've certainly encountered some myself. Just as there are some lazy sahms, who are mentally checked out.

The sahms that I know who have nannys have full schedules of activities some with their kids some without, they're volunteering, are active in the pta, have their kids in many activities(they can't be @ four different places at once), are college educated & wouldn't fit the definition of "lazy" by any standard. They're physically very active & live full & balanced lives. They're setting a very healthy example for their children.



Raising children is no less of a job than any other paying gig. If an employed mom can have a nanny to assist in the raising of her children there is no reason a sahm should deny herself one, should she so desire & have the funds. Its okay to get help. Martyr? The only complaining I see is not coming from the sahms.

Alyssa Peterson said...

I used to nanny for a SAHM and she was the worst woman I have ever met. She basically couldn't handle watching her 2 kids everyday without a break. She hired me part-time just to watch her kids. She then started asking me to do other things around the house before I started to feel more like a maid than a nanny. I eventually quit because I couldn't handle her selfish behavior and her kids were seriously awful. I will NEVER work for a SAHM again. Why do they need nannies anyway?

gypsy said...

Why not? Isn't it easier when your spouse is there to help you? Who cares who helps you. There is no shame in having help. Raising kids is serious work. Remember?

mirror.mirror.on.the.wall said...

Working women are so lazy! They can't handle raising their own children so they shuffle them off to daycare so they can go to a job where they're instructed what to do. They can't handle being a parent so they take the easy way out.

Get back to the post please said...

Raising kids in the most important job there is. If it takes a village to raise kids, so be it! If you want to hire a nanny and be a stay at home mom, then that is your business. There are awful people out there. Let us not judge the SAHM or the working mom. If you have a nanny, then my opinion would be if the SAHM wants to be involved in raising her kids, you have another adult to help with watching the kids! My friend has a nanny, and the nanny got overwhelmed by only two kids when the mom wasnt there! So there are stories from both sides. Can we stick to the topic now???

MissDee said...

I worked for 3 AHMs: 2 worked from home, and one stayed home.

M was my first WAHM. No schedule for either child, nit picky and asked me to put "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" away and choose another book, because I was "scaring" the children. I read with emotion, which is the fun of reading! She expected me to dress her 3.5 year old, and not nap him during the day, as she claimed he didn't fall asleep until 12a. Gee, let the kid crash at 5p and he is going to fall asleep at 12a!!!!! Der.....

A was my second WAHM and awesome. An attorney who worked from home, she had an office upstairs and the door was closed throughout the day. T, who was 10 months at the time, was unaware that she was home working. Great environment, nice family. Loved that summer of 2007 as a nanny....

T was my first SAHM, who I worked for last semester. Although I was only there 4-5 hours a week for one day, I can tell you that she was not cheating on J and she is very involved with A and A's school and classroom, along with A's cheerleading and A's hockey. I have mentioned this family in previous posts: their house is big, they have 6 tv's in their home: kitchen, living room, master bed and master bath, party room and play room (5 are flat screen wall units) an exercise room (T is almost 40 in good shape and 8 months pregnant with their 4th child, a boy) pool table and pool in their backyard with hot tub and fire pit. They have money, and it shows. Do I think they are shallow? Not at all. T isn't out lunching with friends and getting her nails done, acting like a spoiled queen. She is active in her children's lives and makes time for A and A, since A's special needs take up a lot of time.

Some women stay home because they want to raise their children, as they may have had a SAHM growing up. Others stay home because they know they can afford to and think the world revolves around them. Before we, as nannies, cast stones, we need to understand exactly why they chose to do this, and base our opinion on how they act toward their children and in general, rather than say negative things. When I worked at my last center in the 3 year old room three years ago, I had a parent who stayed home due to illness, and another who stayed home because she chose to, even though they were loaded.

See my point? We don't know why they are SAHM's, and while they can be obnoxious, overbearing, demanding and ridiculous...oh wait, I am thinking of Martika from Beverly Hills Nannies....we have to get to know them before we make that judgement.

Yea right ..liar said...

Yea right. Liar lair. This is a good fictional story though lol. Also. If you're going to try and bash a mom who works. Nice try. You lose. How will you handle going to a physician if youre conservative huh? For example. Your gyno. If you're not comfortable with a male. I know plenty of women who aren't, I bet you would want a woman and guess what , she prob has a family lol. So you lose! haha. Bet when it comes to certain specialities, including medicine you female physicians are crucial and guess what, this means they are changing the world and making a difference by saving lives or discovering new advances. What the hell do you do besides sit on our behind and whine? lol Although this exempts the SAHM I know who has very brilliant kids due to her encouragement and dedication. She doesn't need a nanny. She can actually care for her kids because she realizes how big of a blessing it is to do si instead of fending them off IF she has an opportunity to do so. She does. My female gyno though ? she is saving lives doing research for breast cancer saving lives -yours too. Is that selfish ?!!! Yea I didn't think so! Ahahha

Yea right ...liar said...

Your*

YouCantBeSerious said...

Are you........on drugs?

Haha in your dreams said...

Are YOU on drugs ? lol ... sweetie, if you can't seem to handle the truth, then I'd recommend looking in the mirror, maybe that will help open your eyes in realizing you're the probably the one high on something. : D

Mrs. Billy Lamar said...

@almost_to_the_hotelgypsy:

That was a dumb remark you made about Summer. (No, I am not her!)

You said unless she homeschooled her kids, then she delegated her duties to teachers.

It is THE LAW to send your children to school.

So to criticize a parent for following the law is just plain flawed logic in my book.

So I think you are basically saying that any parent who sends their child off to school is in the same category as a SAHM who employs a nanny.

You must be off your rocker.

wow said...

There are plenty of educated people who can't afford childcare...or even a nanny. That's part of the reason I nanny at a low rate , to be with my son and pay bills and buy groceries. I work my ass off and have a 120,000 education in my pocket. You are so ignorant it makes my stomach bile curdle.

UmassSlytherin said...

"Do you think Mrs.Brady didn't want to take care of her kids because they had Alice? Was she too a lazy, selfish bitch?"

lmfao

jesus.

melissa said...

Wait- is this post about being a SAHM, or about a nanny who overheard her boss talking about her? Just asking. To OP- don't ask your MB anything about what you heard. You don't know any details, and it could easily be misconstrued that you were eavesdropping. To everyone arguing about SAHMs- my SIL is a SAHM. She's not a lazy, selfish anything. She's raising four children. She's pretty busy. They could never afford a nanny, but if they could, I wouldn't fault her for having someone PT. being a mom isn't ever easy. I think we're all forgetting that. Yes, I'm sure some SAHMs act entitled, but most don't. Maybe let's stick to the original post instead of arguing about Mrs. Brady.

BeverelyHillsGypsy said...

Mrs.Billy Lamar....You're misinformed. There is no law that requires a parent to send their child to school, if they're following the regulations to have their child(ren) home schooled.

No, I was not critisizing her or anyone for using public schools. Don't be silly.

The point is she, too delegates some of the raising of her own children to other adults (teachers) just as the sahm who delegates some of the raising of her own children to other adults (nanny)

? said...

The truth?

NWNanny said...

I have no idea what she is rambling on about, either lol.

? said...

I think she was mad bc someone said working moms are lazy. Must have hit a nerve.

NWNanny said...

Oh, okay. I wasn't sure who she was going off on or why. She's sitting on her butt & whining. That's what I got out of her rambling post.

BeverelyHillsGypsy said...

I've known some women who find jobs because they want to avoid taking care of their children. They're overwhelmed & just don't make very good sahps. I honestly believe some women are better parents when they work.

Personally, I enjoy not having a career. Although @ one time I enjoyed being a working mother very much.

To judge someone based upon whether or not they work or have a nanny is silly.

My husband is home fulltime with us(wahd). If I judged women for working, shouldn't men be held to the same standard?

Back to the original topic, I wonder how things are going for the OP?

SAHM said...

@Mrs Billy Lamar

That was a dumb remark you made. There is no LAW that requires parents send their kids to school. There are plenty of parents who don't shuffle their kids off to school five days a week September-June. If you're not homeschooling then you're in no position to look down on a sahm for using a nanny. As you're both delegating parental responsibility out. If a parent is using public or private school, they're also delegating parenting responsibilites out. No different from. Sahm who delegates parenting responsibilites to a nanny.

NWMom said...

Which law disallows parents to homeschool?

WestchesterNanny said...

Wow, this is pretty ridiculous.

OP, look for a new job. Don't bother talking to MB cuz she obviously wants to let you go and you're just going to give her another reason to do it cuz I highly doubt she'll believe that you "overheard." She will most definitely accuse you of snooping. Take this opportunity and time to secure a new position or at least line up a few interviews. This is the best time of year to find new nanny jobs. Many families are looking for help.

As for the whole SAHM+Nanny=Bitch, I do not agree. I worked for a SAHM with an au pair/housekeeper and myself the babysitter...and she was...ok. A bitch, sometimes. She would constantly go out with her lady friends and I felt like she needed all the help cuz everything just overwhelmed her. But I didnt think it made her awful. My mom works as a housekeeper for a SAHM and when the kids were very young they had an au pair as well. I know the MB personally and I can definitely say she is one of the nicest women you'll ever meet. Always very involved with her children's education, PTA, all that jazz. Her husband just didnt want her working cuz he's kinda old school and makes all the money. Her kids are great too so clearly not all SAHMs+Nannies are bitches.

no moniker #5 said...

Re-posted for Anonymous...
I'd quit on the spot. Let her take care of her own kids. I wouldn't sit around and get replaced.

No more nanny said...

I wish I could have heard that type of conversation from the boss who fired me and ignored the contract as it meant nothing. But I know my former boss was also going through a hard time after divorce and things with the former spouse weren't in good strings. My firing notice was giving through a email... after all the years working together, where I had the utmost respect, yet through a email that was very low and made me felt as it I was nobody. However, I noticed strange behavior, but I took it as stress from work. But it came the day when I let the boss know that I would have loved to know the reason why I was being fired, and also if there was any subject to talk about, I was willing to work out. I stated I understood that anyone is free to take decision. But later I found that the searching for another nanny was happening about a month ago, and that really hurt me. I did not wait until the day I was supposed to work. I did not want to stay anymore in a unhealthy environment dealing with somebody that would not even greet me with respect, just ignore me as if I am invisible. Or just had those mood changes that let me think if I did something wrong but when I asked if it was so, no response I would receive. I loved the kids, but my family also comes first and I cannot really, sacrifice more than I can do if I wasn't going to be respected, specially when there was a contract. I thought also about that job market is hard, but I knew that I would find something better. I quit the job, I cleaned some houses while applying for another job where I could have at least, benefits. Finally I got it. So, first, don't think that nannying is the only way to survive. There are other opportunities that can come in the way. I am pretty sure that if I wouldn't have quit the job, I wouldn't have found the one I have now.