Have you ever worked for a cheap family? Or were clueless that you were working for parents who also happen to be clueless as to what a nanny actually is? I'm asking to share my story due to the fact I didn't realize how detrimental the job was until my final days and I have to get this off my chest.
I worked for a family for almost a year and a half, who I should have known from the get-go were going to be cheap and awful to work for. I was in desperate need of a job and to be honest took the first job offered to me. I had been searching for a month and a half before receiving a job offer. I had decided to go from sitter to nanny. The B family hired me to take care of their two kids. We seemed to click. The interview was crazy due to MB having HR experience. But I thought they were professionals. Wrong! They tried to carry themselves as such but it was a facade. In the interview they asked if I was OK with NOT getting paid for vacation. DB said he thought it was ridiculous for them to pay someone for not working. That should have been a red flag but it wasn't. Next they discussed pay. After calculating what I was going to get, it came to minimum wage, but even lower after taxes. For two kids, they felt the caretaker should only get paid minimum wage.
They lived in an apartment that used to be DB before he was married. I guess they are practical and prefer to save and not spend. The MB was always late about 80 percent of the time, with no OT for me. It took almost half a year before they decided it was ok for me to take the girls out and they claimed we could go here and there BUT that was a lie. The only place I could go was down the road to this park. Eventually after pleading with them I was allowed to take them to story time at the library. Then they moved and the new place was out in the country and that cut story time out and the only park I could take the girls to was a few blocks away. They hinted that it probably wasn't a good idea to take her to story time since the library around the corner didn't do much of story time, even though they knew just 10 minutes away, the girls could go to a huge kid friendly park and library in another town.
When I first started the job they encouraged me to help myself to anything I wanted, but over the course of time, they started hinting hubby was on a diet. Certain foods were his and 'haha' his diet was serious, but we shouldn't compromise his food, even though he probably wouldn't last longer than 2 weeks. Then of course, mysteriously the girls were 'diagnosed' with allergies and couldn't eat certain foods, even though when they got lazy, the girls went buck wild with the same foods that supposedly caused their allergies. Needless to say, I couldn't touch their food, so I was slowly cut off from eating their things. They are by far one of the cheapest people I've ever encountered.
The DB was also really nosy. He tried acting like he wanted to converse but really just wanted to pry. MB bragged about how they were going to buy a used car for 15,000 and pay cash, yet they never gave me a raise. They didn't believe in reimbursing me for gas mileage either. I honestly got depressed and cried towards the end but kept it together knowing I didn't have much longer to go. For almost a year, I tried having a positive attitude and believing in the best. Staying at the house with barely any interaction and no outings were driving me crazy. I did manage to be vey creative though. I had to be for the girls and I'm glad I didn't give up. When I realized after reading nanny forums and becoming familiar with how things worked, it made me realize how badly I was being treated. I became a zombie just going through the motions.
The last straw was when (I was already planning on leaving but this took the cake) I was accused again (indirectly) about the water heater being too expensive that month and it was due to 'someone' abusing the dishwasher. DB started rattling on about how he had never once in his life, even in college, spent so much money in utilities and couldn't imagine how it became so expensive. I know they thought I had something to do with it, because the day I was accused, was the same day I was asked not to touch the dishwasher and told plates would have to be washed by hand.
In the end I believe their cheap ways screwed them over, because before I left, they had a guy come and try to fix something that wasn't broken. DB is cheap and he felt like he didn't owe this utility money. Well, turns out it was something that just needed tightening underground. No money would be deducted from the rent. The guy who inspected it was related to the property manager of the house DB and MB were renting. Well I guess the property manager didn't like DB and took his complaint to the owner of the house. The owner gave them three months to move out because of the incident and what was worse is they were expecting a baby around that time. Even though the house was vacant for almost a year and the owner was being supplied with money, he didn't want them to continue renting the place. I think through word of mouth he thought DB was nothing but demanding about a house he didn't own and it was more of a headache. No one knows about this because unless you nanny it's hard to understand how business is done. I just had to vent. I sometimes get panicky when meeting new families because I dread working for someone similar. Nannies, what are the biggest red flags you know are a given when interviewing? Thanks for listening. - Anonymous
88 comments:
Maybe you didn't explain the situation very well, but they don't sound like awful employers, you sound like an awful employee. You agreed to minimum wage, you agreed to no paid vacation. Bad-mouthing them for living in an apartment to save money and having a repairman come look at the dishwasher is irrelevant information and shows me that you have no class. I also have to wonder if you were doing partial loads in the dishwasher, because you conveniently left out that piece of information, yet that can really raise the water bill by a lot.
Why should you be professional in your own home? I am professional but when at home I wear sweats and put my feet on the couch!!!!
I totally agree with miss manna
No I didn't. You weren't there. I was a good employee. Got a reference from them. I admit I was naive going into this. Stop tryin to sleuth around and find more information then I gave. I wrote a lot an gave information regarding my lack of knowledge on how to conduct business with families. Over bearing much?? my point is that they were cheap and when they said I could do this then they changed their minds. This happened with almost everything. I tried my hardest with he little things I was allowed. I don't care if they live in an apartment. You missed my point wise one.
I totally disagree w/Miss Mannah. Surprise, surprise!! Hahahahahaha....
OP:
I have been in your shoes many times. I have had to accept certain jobs because I was in dire need of money. I would simply hope for the best. Despite my good intentions, I would get majorly screwed over. Big time.
You are a victim here. This family screwed you over and took advantage of your good work.
Even though you stayed a year (I am assuming your contract stated such), you could have left anytime. I do not think nanny contracts hold up very well in a court of law.
I feel sorry for their next nanny.
Anyway, certain red flags during interviews for me would be a family who scheduled multiple interviews, had bratty children they tried to tell me were just "having a bad day today," and parents who won't discuss rate until we meet. (These types hope you bond w/the kids first, then agree to work cheap.)
I hope you find a new position soon. In the future, try not to accept any jobs that pay such a low wage.
Best of luck to you.
Regarding the dishwasher. I always made sure everything was clean when needed. Didnt over use it The issue of why the bill was high was due to an underground screw transferring the water that needed tightening. But they thought I had somethig to do with it repairman sai otherwise Don't talk on here and act like you know what you're talking about when you don't! But thanks nancy drew for solving the crime! :) How would you feel being accused of something you know you didn't do? ....I held my chin high for timing being. I know I didn't do anything. Luckily I moved up north and nothing ugly came out when we departed.
1) "we don't think we should be paying someone who isn't wokring" did they try and offer half rate when kids are napping or did they instead give you a "to-do" list?
2) you agreed to the terms of the job. So you can't complain about its terms not changing. You agreed to unpaid vacation. You agreed to not leaving the house. You agreed to not being paid for milage. Hopefully now that you know better you will request these things in your next interview.
3) Going off on a rant about the repairman? What does that add to this story?
4) As far as red flags in interviews:
a) "we are looking for a cheaper alternative to preschool/daycare"
b) "we don't believe in paying someone who isn't working" (when referring to nap time/vacations)
c) "we don't believe in ever telling our little one 'no'"
d) "just do whatever. We trust you." (Really? Because you JUST met me ten minutes ago and haven't even asked about getting a background report yet...)
This was an inexperienced nanny and this is a help forum, so no need to tell her off, we are not her mother.
Try to have a written contract or agreement, written preferably by you. If they write it, You can correct add or delete anything you don't agree on or want changed. And if the agreement changes for their benefit, not yours (decrease of pay due to child going to school per example), it is time to move on.
I must say, I am quite tired of young girls coming on here acting haughty, as if the entire world owes them a favor. Do your homework before looking for a job and if you don't like the terms the parents lay out, either try to negotiate or don't accept the position. It is really that simple.
OP i woulda quit too!
I have no idea why people are being so harsh to you, OP. You took a low paying job out of financial desperation & grew bitter. I've seen this happen for the past twenty years. Its the natural progession of accepting pay that's lower than the job is worth. Of course you've hopefully learned your lesson to have a written agreement that give you rights, rights to a paid vacation, rights to food, rights to outtings. You don't need us to "scold" you. Maybe I'm just in a light mood, but these people changed over time & even with an agreement they would've driven you batty. GL with your next adventure in life. :-)
Example of her acting haughty? Wanting to take the kids out of the house? Wanting to have access to food? Wanting to not be blamed for abusing their utilities? I don't see what you see...........Not having an agreement & the job falling apart is irresponsible, buy haughty? Again, I don't see it?
OP - ignore the posters on here who are snarky/immature - there are a couple of them that are just like a 2 year old having a "bad day" - it's not personal to you - they do it to just about everybody - ignore it and take the advice of the mature professionals who are on here to help each other
I don't have a lot of sympathy for you, OP. You knew what you were getting yourself into, and you made the choice to take the job anyway. Regardless of your financial situation, your inability to negotiate a decent contract for yourself is no one's fault but your own.
Missmannh the only nanny here acting "haughty" here is you my dear.
OP, I just left a similar position to yours and it feels awesome. I have a new nanny job where I actually feel appreciated and I am paid well. It feels great. Child care is never,ever only worth minimum wage and if that is all a family is willing to offer-RUN,run far, far away because
cheap families suck plain and simple.
I am sorry OP, that you have to deal with such bitches on this site.
ALSO
OP asked for red flags,not for you all to call her out on her obvious neglect of a less than amicable contract. She knows better now, so why are some of you insisting on telling her how wrong and terrible she is?
If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Some people just like to make others feel bad, to make themselves feel better.
She was desperate for a job. A job even if its not the best is better than being out on the streets. Sometimes, we have to work at places that are not the most desirable or the best pay. We all do what we have to do to survive. My husband is at a job he hates but guess what he stays for now. The economy is not the best.
I too work for a cheap family they bank half my vacation time they take and have to make up the hours as overtime not get paid
Today I asked for a few dollars to get icecream for the boy and was told I can't do this all the time it is once a week when we go to the free show at the community center this is the latest incident
I spend my money on the boys but when asked to do this why should I
I hope you are able to find a great next job. Not all nanny employers are nasty.
Some of the red flas I look for are:
A family with multiple nannies in a short period of time.
A family that talks ill of their previous nanny or nannies.
A family that won't offer their previous nanny or nannies as a refrence.
A family that gives vague answers during an interview.
A family that doesn't ask questions during an interview and seems to eager to hire someone.
A family that balks at a fair wage or paying on the books.
A family that has not interest in developing a work agreement.
That said even employers that pass the red flags test can turn into duds.
It's all about respect and if they don't give it you go.
Believe me I understand about taking a job out of desperation.
You live and learn and do better the next time.
Don't give up being a nanny just yet. Most nannies have a crazy job tale r two tell situations that they should have left sooner than they did.
NExt rime you'll go in with experience and be able to sense bad apples.
I hope you find a great job.
If you have one get yourself a contract and don't be afraid to speak up you can do it your worth it!
I meant that her subsequent replies were haughty. Her first post wasn't, what annoyed me about it was how she seemed to look down on her employers so much.
Eric's mom: that is the biggest bunch of BS I've ever heard. I'm not down on the OP to feel better about myself, I just think she needs a slice or two of Humble Pie.
I also love how (again!) other posters can say very much the same thing as I am, but everyone is pointing the finger at me. Am I just shouting the loudest or something?
No, Miss Mannah...you are simply the most annoying one on here. No matter what, you always have to say something negative and you are ruining this site for everyone. No one likes to be around negativity. Misery loves company. Enough said.
OP, ignore all the snarky comments on here.
I have been in your position where I needed the money so bad that I was forced to work in jobs where I was paid peanuts.
People are so easy to blame the nanny here, but I think the blame lies entirely w/the families here.
They love taking advantage of a bad situation and their actions make me sick.
I sincerely hope your next position is one where your family respects you and treats you like the great nanny that you are! ♥
RE-post for Anonymous...
I understand what It is like to take a job because you need SOMETHING to live on instead of nothing
Parents can be terrible next time have higher standards for yourself! Being a nanny is tough! :)
RE-post for Anonymous...
I'm so sorry for you, I would love to hear if the parents dont get paid vacations how will they feel....Even if the kids are sleeping the nanny is on charge we are talking about gratitude , respect, something that many parents dont know.
Nannies are humans ,and next time ask for more money if they say no, be a waitress or something else that is the only way to exterminate this kind of people
i have said it before and i will say it again LOL - there are two Miss Mannah's - Dr Jekyl Mannah and Ms Hyde Mannah - when she is in a positive mood she gives very good experienced advice which builds the OPs up and informs them as colleagues
But when she is in the Ms Hyde mood she tears the Ops down by pretty much making false accusations and attacking their characters and professionalism - which is not what this site is about
I have been the recipient of both as an OP so i know
she has been ms Hyde for a couple of days - Ms Jekyl Mannah ! Come back! LOL!
and again OPs - when you see this kind of thing - move beyond it - it's just a roadblock on the site, it's not personal
Miss Mannah,
Please in the most respectful way I implore of you to keep your opinions to YOURSELF! The opinions you espouse are highly ANNOYING!!!!!!!!
Miss Hannah...
Stop. Just stop.
Miss M.
I never said you were a bitch personally.
Where did I name names. Yes, I feel like people are being harsh on OP.
I use to nanny and I understand where she is coming from. Some parents are a piece of work.
Hopefully, she will learn her lesson now and stick up for herself.
to be the dicken's advocate:
Miss Mannah is not always harsh and accusatory - when she is in a good professional mood she can be extremely helpful, experienced and articulate
but - the bad mood Miss M does not acquit this blog well - so maybe she will gain circumspection and contribute in an ameliorating mannah rather than an exascerbating mannah - sorry - bad pun, i apologize ! LOL
Where is Phoenix? She usually pops in right now with something abrasively off the wall - we shall be thankful for small mercies ;)
i was not going to bring that up - but it's an interesting question - it does bother Miss M when we discuss the medical aspect of her pejorative accusatory attacks as opposed to her insightful professional positive contributions
should we be allowed to tell a new poster who is on the receiving end of the irrational negative Ms M that she might be having a bad medical day?
or just try to comfort them in some other way?
or - Should Ms M try to be discerning of when she is having a bad midical day and try to not be mean to people on ISYN?
it's an interesting question
i know i personally felt better about her attacks on me when i learned there may be a medical explanation
The way I feel about Mannah is the way I feel about Phoenix. I think they must be bffs because they usually feed off each other. I think Phoenix realized, "oh ok this site is for nannies/parents with nannies. I'm neither if those!" so now we just have mannah, great.
On to the red flags. Well I guess I'm lucky cause after 12 years I haven't really had an experience where I thought, i should have stayed away from the moment I heard.... Whatever.
I did turn and run from an interview where the parents were into childwearing and I'd have to wear the baby (7mos-16lbs) all day unless she was napping, getting her diaper changed, or during "scheduled" playtime.
Another family that I worked for the grandmother raised the baby. Like from birth got up in the middle of the night to feed, change diapers, kept the baby in her room upstairs while mom and dad slept peacefully in their beds downstairs. Both mom and dad were fully capable and had the time of from work to care for their own baby. Grandma was burnt out after 10 months and thats why they wanted a nanny. After two weeks of 8:15-6:30pm even I was burnt out. Doing everyone's laundry, vacuuming the house everyday, mopping the kitchen, all during the baby's 1 hour naps.
That's about it tho. Good luck finding your family!
I don't understand if I bother you guys so much, why do you feel the need to discuss me and the possibilities of my mental state when I'm not around? I really wish I hadn't brought that up awhile back, but it was helpful to the OP so I thought they could benefit from my experiences.
RBTC, no I do not think it would be appropriate for you to go around telling every new person about my personal business. I'm assuming you are being facetious by even bringing that question up.
I'm also assuming that none of you have any real experience with mental illness (save Lyn, we all got a glimpse into her experience) because you would see that if I was truly being "Ms Hyde Mannah" then I would not be able to adequately argue my points. Nor would I even be at work right now or on the computer, because I would essentially be non-functional. (BTW, I think I'm going to steal your Jekyll and Hyde references and allow my husband to call me that from now on.)
Getting back to the subject at hand, perhaps this nanny does not need to be taken down a peg. Perhaps she is a stellar nanny who is also an excellent employee. Who knows? But I have my doubts, based on the overall tone of her OP and the belligerent and haughty attitude she came back with in her responses. She appears young, inexperienced and needs to understand the ways of the working world a little bit better.
Please steal away Ms M, steal away.And yes, when you act wrong on the web people will discuss you.And it's not behind your back - it's in response to your own postings ! The OP is a reasonable person who had a valid question, not as you say someone immature who "needs to be taken down a peg"
Wow, Ms Hyde Mannah
Wow.
You can try to turn this site into a "taking down a peg" site - but there are a few of us who will protest - we want it to consist of informative reasonable discourse.
OP - i want to apologize that the 1st person to welcome you was Ms Hyde Mannah - that can give a very wrong impression
If you have not been put off at this point - stick around - there are many professionals on this site willing to give valid advice - and - maybe tomorrow Ms Hyde M will be in a better mood !!
Come back ms Jekyl!!
OK, I am done here. Apparently, using reason does not work with you. I can handle being called a bitch or whatever else but I really can't handle being made fun of for being mentally ill. Time for a vacation from this place.
OP, you know the biggest red flags, because you outlined them in your post.
And unless you don't live in a "right to work" state, you could have given notice and left at any point. If you're underpaid, not given PTO, not paid for mileage, and not allowed to drive anywhere anyway, LEAVE.
You could have earned more at a fast food place, and still had time to look for a better nanny job.
Good luck in the future!
i'm going to comment one more time on Miss Mannah:
i know there are things i and we cannot know about her condition - but the accusation of me or anyone making fun of her being "mentally ill" gosh i did not even know she was "mentally ill" I had just surmised from things she has written that she has good and bad days with a medical connotation
When she is in a good mood she is very intelligent with well thought out and educated responses
In the state she in in at this moment she seems to be completely unwilling to realize that on a regular basis she hurts people's feelings on this site by saying false things, and in the words of more than one poster - she ( and other negative elements) drive traffic away from this interesting blog - i have personally experienced it.
my philosophy - wrong or right - is that any person who has pretty much any problem should not be given carte blanche to harm their fellow man
let's put out a good thought for Miss Mannah - she is a very valuable resourse when she is doing well ;)
@RBTC... you clearly don't know when to shut the hell up do you? You're bullying Mannah, and quite frankly, I think it is disgusting. Grow up, or shut up. Your choice. But please, for the love of God, crawl back under your rock until you decide which one you're capable of.
Come on, Manda. You called OP an "awful employee" & accused her of lying about abusing their utilities. You know how bad you're feeling, about not being able to handle being made fun of for being mentally ill? Consider that OP can't handle being called "an awful employee" & being accused of lying. I think this comes down to the golden rule.
thank you gypsy - well said
nashville nanny - i greatly regret my defense of the OP has resulted in such anger and distress on your part - maybe if i explain
As an OP, Mannah painted me as a pedophile supporter (!) and as a child activist, working with kids for decades since being 11 years old - it was hurtful
I came to realize she does these things when she is in a bad mood and it affects this site negatively- she pretty much called the OP a immature, haughty, water waster ! Sometimes mannah's exhortations do not make sense but they can hurt just the same
when mannah attacked me i remember how good it felt when others had the courage to call her on it - so that is what i intend to do for any OP that is being treated badly on this site - by mannah or anybody
ps - i was not making fun of mannah for any medical condition etc - she herself used the word "facetious" - which is the use of irony/alliteration/imagery etc
i do not think any of this is funny and none of it would be here if mannah had not said these wrong things to the OP,compromising the communication of ISYN
*****RBTC runs back under the rock!!**** -----for now LOL
Just who are the real bullies? Let's go view some previous threads. Let's go slap the wrist on everyone who's been a bully on here! :eye roll:
Many people on here have been jerk-ish (or a bully) at some point or another. I'm not going to throw a blind eye to past offenses nor pick sides out of sympathy.
2 words of advice:
*Learn how to treat people
*Don't be so sensitive, esp. on the internet.
An insult to someone's character can hurt as much as an insult to one's mental, emotional, financial (etc.) stability. Depending on the person of course.
OP, Ok everyone remember your first job and what you agreed to do and for how much money, we all live and learn. Experience is golden, literally. The more you deal with families the more you learn, then more you can ask for and expect to be paid. We all know who the trolls are around here. Take time to reflect on how much you've learned in the field and communicate your feelings truthfully from the get with the next family.
Freedom of speech....she can say whatever she wants, if we don't agree well, whatever.
Repost for Anonymous:
I don't understand how this is a place for professional help/advice/info, etc and there's this ridiculous fighting back and forth going on as if we were the children needing nannies. Bitches, put your claws away! The poor girl just wanted some help and insight for her situation. My end thought is this: if you're mentally ill, I apologize but I just do not understand why someone with that sickness would be so blatant with talking about it. Bless the people who employed you and trusted their children with you!
Le Sigh:: I only reposted it because if you don't have a name, the host of the website deletes it. Gosh. Talk about high-strung. Anywho...
2nd REPOST for Anonymous character:
It doesn't matter who I am, what my name is, who my momma is, etc. I put a thought out there. Truth hurts. You reaching further because I happen to be writing my comments with anonymity only proves my point that girls like you are out for a fight. I don't need to be fighting with bitches I don't know via the internet. You don't like what I say, keep it movin...
LMAO! The reason WHY miss smartypants, that your name/moniker is important, is because if you don't have one, you get deleted! Read the rules next time! :D
What are you talking about?
Yeah, its inappropriate guys. Theres some things you can dig on people about, thats just not one of them.
I think it explains her behavior. No dig there, jus the facts. I think that's why it was brought up.
Wow, what a passive-aggressive comment. And it ends with a blessing, how predictable. *sigh*
Mental illness has become such a crutch these days. Does your mental illness make you a bitch? Maybe?, Ok own up to it, and don't defend your behavior. Basically don't come on here and rail on someone because you're having a bad day.
1. Mannah has mentioned her illness as a defense of her behavior in the past. Which is why it's brought up. Honestly it explains a lot of her behavior on this board. I mean that with out sarcasm or judgment.
2. You cannot tell me that MPP does not favor Mannah, Phoenix and a few others every single time one of them doesn't like something or has their feelings miffed she is there to fix things or sae them.
Yet does nothing when they are nasty to other posters and the nastiness is brought to her attention.
thank you to the above posters - very wise and very thoughtful info and ideas
mpp has told me personally - without mentioning any name - and also posted on the site numerous times - that she and the owner jane D - are very concerned about negativity - they do their best - and it's a good site so they are successful !- they watch every day - but they do not micro manage - they want ALOT of participants ! As many as POSSIBLE!
You know - Miss M is a teacher and good nanny - so even when she might upset some people - she teaches them - that is a pretty good testament !
It is not shameful to admit to mental illness. God knows I suffered with it as well. Also, I was hospitalized in my 20's with it. If I get bashed I get bashed. Alot of us suffer from it. It's not fun.
I feel bad now. I never would say anyone is a bitch. BUT the comments sure are bitchy sometimes, lol.
I think the main point about Miss Mannah is that she is mean to many people. Mental illness or not is not important here. I just don't like her mean comments. It cheapens this blog. She is really unpleasant.
Caring for children is never only worth minimum wage. I understanding you accepting this job. However,; the wage is so poor, I don't know why you didn't actively seek other employment.
You know they get paid for their vacations. Cheep & tacky of them not to pay you for your vacation.
If it took them six months to allow you to take the kids out, well I don't know why you allowed that to go so long. After a month, I would've gone crazy. Its a good thing to include in an agreement, the right to take the kids on outtings two or more times per week.
Cutting back on your food is again cheap & tacky! How could they ask you to restrict your food without feeling like cheap-os???
As far as them "bragging" about buying a used car & paying $15,000 cash, well that's really not your business. The issue is, you accepted a job @ a rate much lower, probably half of what its worth. So the natural progression of things would be for you to start noticing how they spend their money. Accepting a job for less than its worth always ends in the nanny pointing out all of the other things they spend their money on. However, you've only served to help them spend their money elsewhere by accepting such a low wage. You can't put the blame on them. You could've said, for two children, considering my experience & the location, $20(or whatever) an hour is a fair wage & not budged. Now looking back, don't you wish you hadn't accepted such a low paying gig?
I don't think its possible that she was late 80% of the time. I think she was on time 80% of the time & early 20% of the time! I would've had a sit down the third time it happened. I would've had a calendar where I write down the exact time I've worked each day. Bring that to the talk & point out the days & hours where you worked but did not get paid. Explain that between 1-30 minutes, you charge 1/2 of your hourly wage. And that between 31-60 minutes, you charge the full hour. NEVER EVER let someone have you nanny for free. Also, if you're working more than forty hours within a seven day work week, you're legally entitled to time and a half of your normal wage for hours forty one plus. You can sue for the OT pay whenever you'd like. There is no statue of limitations on that labor law.
Them accusing you of abusing the dishwasher was just nuts. It really does set as a good example of how irrational & cheap they are.
You almost lost me while explaining the house but then I got your point. This family is irrational, selfish & they cause problems for others.
Its hard to tell if these people changed over time or if these people just didn't have the opportunity to be themselves yet. Were all on good behavior during an interview & during a trial run. Its what I call the honeymoon phase. I think an agreement would've given you something solid to refer to, BUT I don't think it would've made you any less miserable. These are the kind of people who wouldn't follow their own contract. Ugh!
Yes, this is my second response. I'm up watching BH Nannies & I am sooo bored. Everyones asleep, lol.
okiedokie,
I am so sick and tired of dimwits like you accusing me of playing favorites. I treat everyone fairly.
If you look at this thread, quite a few people have been extremely nasty to MissMannah... to the point of her saying she was taking a break. Did I play favorites and remove those comments to avoid all of you upsetting her? No, they are still up.
If you don't like the way I run things, get the fuck off my Blog.
"IF YOU DONT LIKE THE WAY I RUN THINGS, GET THE FUCK OFF MY BLOG."
:::standing ovation:::
Again not recognizing that mannah was being nasty, as well. Just saying. I like this blog, I do. I just want it to be acknowledged when the "victim" was also in the wrong at one point, too. We all probably were out of line but to say that she was a perfect angel through all this is really ignorant.
MPP,
Profanity? Really?
I never said MissMannah was a perfect angel.
I cannot control what other people say.
And I am no angel, either... never said I was. So if my profanity offends you, my apologies.
Does ks stand for kiss my ass? who're you to say what Mpp can or can't write on her blog? Jeez, what a bunch of goody two shoes some of you are! Good for her for standing up for herself! And we all know miss M is trouble, does it need to be spelt out?
That doesn't even make sense, Mr. Pibb. That would be KA or KMA.
It's not hard, folks. If someone who posts here regularly annoys you, IGNORE. THEM.
Don't turn a post from a nanny seeking help into a bashing event against the person you dislike. Don't be bitchy. Don't act like a sullen child. Just IGNORE. THE. ANNOYING. POSTER.
It won't be abrasive posts to OP's that collapse this blog, it'll be the continual whiny, self-righteous, bullying of OTHER posters who cause MPP to shut this place down.
Grow the hell up, put on your big girl undies, and stay on topic for the love of pete!
Now, how do big girl undies stick with the topic at hand? I think you've just violated your own suggestion.
tales - go look at the very 1st post - it was unhelpful at best and false at worst - it was the 1st thing a new OP saw representing this blog ;(
When a regular blogger compromises the blog like that - there are options--
1. ignore them
2. disagree
3. agree
you are a regular here - do you remember the posters who fequently say they would love to participate but have great distaste for the posters who flame the OPs on a regular basis?
The reality is that some of us have thick skins - maybe that is you ( and Dr J ) - i admire that;)
But - what of us who don't have thick skins? Some of us when we are called an untrue name or accused falsely it feels bad for a short time - i have experienced it on this blog
you can see the OP of this thread feeling it
Do we have the right to stand up for ourselves and others?
Do we have the right to ignore it?
Yes! We have ALL those rights!
It's clear to me that there is a constituency on this blog that are getting tired of the bashing of a small group prone to that behavior - it seems alot of people are getting tired of ignoring it and feel the need to speak out - so we have the right to do that ;)!
I know this is only my opinion, but I have alot to say. Firstly, I agree with Tales in that if another poster bothers you, just ignore them! Going toe to toe with them only adds fuel to the fire. And trust me here, I'm certainly not a big fan of missmannah or phoenix (I can't think of the other one or two posters that make some of you mad) but really, this blog needs their opinions just as much as yours! (where the hell has phoenix been lately anyway?) But good, bad or indifferent, everybody's comment should be valued! And honestly, I believe mpp tries her best but some of you put her threw the ringer when she's done nothing wrong! How's she supposed to control what other posters do? If their racist she deletes them! And to okiedokie, what did she do to "save" missmannah or phoenix? That makes no sense. I've never seen mpp come up here and tell other posters to quit picking on missmannah or phoenix! Besides, their tough girls that can handle themselves!
If you guys like this blog so much, stop whinning like Tales said or she may just shut this place down! And I don't know about some of you, but I need this place! I'm in the middle of nowhere and at times need advice or really, just knowing there are some people here going threw the same things I am!
ks, did you contribute anything to this thread, or to the blog for that matter, or are you just going to continue leaving these annoying little non-quips of yours?
Actually she doesn't look like a bully at all. But you sure do.
So the only bad mouthing allowed is from poster to OP. Never poster to poster? Got it.
Mary Poppin Pills sure knows how to throw the "F" bomb around. ROFL.
On a personal level, I think it is inappropriate for a nanny/blog to use the "F" bomb, call me old-fashioned.
I don't need your sympathy. Trust me. I've learned my lesson. I asked a question about other red flags. All I did was share my story. I have a new job now. Pays more then what I want with awesome benefits and parents are professionals who know how to treat their nanny!! Thanks for chiming in with a uselesadams obvious statement and not answering the question.
useless*
I actually did sign an agreement. I'm no longer there. I am at an amazing nanny job. So thankful. I've done my research and have grown a lot regarding how to navigate this Business and of course continue to learning from
Others.
Apparently some delusional individual could not read the story right so me going on a rant about the repairman was to clarify what I had already stated. He defended me when they tried pinning the water damage on me. Apparently someone here couldn't read thoroughly and had to jump the gun and try twist things. So yes I had to clarify.
No gypsy, I would appreciate the OP's not being flamed. Without them, there would be no blog. As for the posters, I have no control over the in-fighting. It seems some of you succeeded in getting your point across to those you consider bullies as they have not been on the blog the past few days anyway.
As for my throwing the F-bomb Amy Darling, I already made my apologies. Just as some of you here, I am allowed to reach my threshold of frustration. I spend several hours every night of my free time, often missing sleep, to run this blog for the sake of neglected and abused children... and in the interim, it is used as a sounding board for you guys.
I love what I do but refuse to take any abuse from those that are upset about the few posters that shake things up around here and accuse me of favoritism. That is between all of you, please don't bring me in the middle of it.
to the OP: you did everything right - told your story, got some good advice from reasonable people, let the rude comments roll off your back and checked back in with us to let us know you were good ! thank you!
to mpp: it's possible this blog could save a life - thank you for your hard work!
RBTC,
Thank you, that means a lot. I also appreciate the Parents that write me after seeing their Nanny on this Blog. Some, depending on the severity of what is reported, do let their Nannies go... and others decide to just keep a closer watch.
Over time, there have been a couple of Parents I exchanged several e-mails with, getting a glimpse into their lives with the Nanny, and how upset they are to have missed all of the red flags.
I don't think I have ever shared the emotional toll running this Blog can take on a person but I will do my best to continue.
MPP,
Thank you for everything you do. But at this moment, thanks even MORE for all you put up with.
Several Thoughts:
Remember that a contract in dispute (court) will always be construed strictly against the drafter and liberally in favor of the party who merely agrees and signs. I have many times seen it recommended that the nanny show up with a contract - DON'T, it won't go your way if disputes arise.
Yes,there is a statute of limitations on labor disputes, both federally and state. In fact, this was part of a major Supreme Court ruling a few years back.
It is awful to work for cheap people, whether parents or law partners. You may accept a job as a new nanny or a new graduate and then find yourself nickled and dimed to death.
Lastly, anyone who needs to worry about how much the DISHWASHER costs to run should not be in a house. A few years back, we were selling our home and I asked our Realtor if she wanted me to prepare copies of utility bills. Her answer was no, if they needed to worry about that, they could not afford the house. So maybe the parents are right to remain in Dad's former bachelor pad, although they sound AWFUL, in fact.
I think this would be a good opportunity for me to just say thank you. Thank you for caring about the kiddos, who can be helped by this blog. At the end of that day that's what matters most.
Its not always about affording the utilities. Just to give you another view point, had we known water would cost a little under $200 a month, we wouldn't have bought an old home of ours. We went to the water co & they looked into it. We didn't have a leak. Water is just verrrryyyy expensive in that area/house. $200 isn't an unaffordable amount. But its an unreasonable amount. But I agree with the Realtors decision. That would've prevented the sale in our case.
MPP,
I rarely write personal comments on here as you know, but I also want to take a moment and thank you for the service this blog provides. I am well aware of the huge number of work hours that go into maintaining this blog.
Separately, you mentioned receiving emails from parents identifying their nannies from sitings and/or "getting a glimpse into their lives with the Nanny, and how upset they are to have missed all of the red flags." If you have posted it in the past, apologies for the repetition. If you have not, I wonder if there is any way for you to post a summary or list of those glimpses and red flags while still preserving the family's anonymity?
In the interest of protecting our kids, direct and personal experience such as that could be an invaluable resource. Parents would surely be reluctant to openly admit their oversight in real life, so this may be even more helpful. I understand, of course, if it is too much work or not possible. Just a thought!
i was wondering that also - and that revelation re-doubles my belief that this blog should be friendly to OPs rather than scare them away - a child's life may be in the balance
Thank you to everyone for all of your support... ISYN would be nothing without you! xo
nycmom,
As for offering up red flags, none were any more substantial than what was listed here. The few I corresponded with at length had no clue anything was wrong and felt guilty their children had been neglected or abused.
One Mother in particular trusted her Nanny so much she told me she had a hard time believing the validity of the Sighting. Her husband suggested having a friend keep an eye on the Nanny and they were devastated at some of the things the trusted friend reported back to them.
Another Sighting comes to mind of a Parent not believing the bad sighting of their beloved Nanny. She asked if she could talk to the OP so I wrote them asking permission to pass along their e-mail... the OP actually offered up her phone number to this Mom because she was so upset at what she had witnessed happening to her children she wanted to relay it personally.
Those OPs are heroes and so is mpp
Wow, hope you find a better family this time around!!
The past 2 families I had were AWESOME... and I passed up other jobs before selecting these families. These were some red flags for me:
- SAHM who seemed to want a maid/cook more than a nanny.
- 2 year old climbing on the countertop during the interview.
- Wanting to pay under the table
- parents w no discipline
Note, a family I LOVED working for did talk about their prev nannies in the interview and was very honest about what they liked and didn't like in an employee. I happened to agree with them, and was glad to have them be honest.
Best advice ever
1) get a contract
2) do a 4 or 6 week trial period to see if they like you, and you like working for them :)
OP: I have *definitely* worked for a cheap family before! In fact, I recently had to take an employer to court for refusing to pay 2 month's worth of wages!
I was a live-in, and part of my contract was that I would be provided with food. Well, apparently their idea of food was 2 minute microwave noodles, bread and butter, and french fries! I'm very big on healthy eating, and while I wasn't expecting organic, fancy food, they knew beforehand I was a vegetarian so you'd think I'd at least be able to eat a carrot every now and then! Nope!
They required me to get a state DL, even though I could legally drive with my current license, for insurance purposes. Before I got it, they assured me they would reimburse me for the $50 it would cost. I fought for a month to have them finally shell out (and, when I left, they tried to argue in court that it was an "advance in wages" and not payment for the DL, and argued that they should not have to reimburse me for the DL...)
Basically anything I needed during my (very very short) stay that had been agreed upon they would provide, I ended up having to buy.
I found out after being there for a month that the family was over $250,000 in debt. They could not afford weekly groceries, and it baffled me why they had a nanny if they a) couldn't afford to pay me and b) couldn't afford to even buy food for themselves and their kids. The father would go out and spend money on new electronics, unnecessary repairs for his car, and heaps of other big-ticket items, but wouldn't buy his daughter new shoes when the soles came off.
I ended up leaving after 2 months, and warning the nanny they had found to replace me.
Oh, OP, I forgot to mention that I was being paid for 20-25 hours/week of service, and I was working about 50-55 hours/week! Did I get any overtime? Of course not.
I was in a different country, and ended up taking my former employers to court. It was a huge headache, but I did win the 2 month's pay they owed me. I can't believe they just refused to pay me because "I decided to leave"... I kept working for them for the duration my contract requested, I did everything they asked... yeah, some people are just cheap. I think you totally did the right thing by leaving, and all the other people on here who say otherwise are probably the people that we end up leaving.
Nannies do NOT deserve to be taken advantage of or treated like second-class citizens. If something is stated in your contract and then the host family doesn't follow through, you have every right to leave and that does not make you "entitled"
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