Permission to Castigate

I did something I'm abit ashamed of this morning, I lost my temper and smacked my 2yo charge real hard on the backend (discipline are usually time-outs although I once saw DB spank her). Its already starting to show a deep red mark and little welts right between where my fingers hit. I was trying to give her a bath and she started acting up and screaming. I don't think she's old enough to relay back to MB what happened but I'm not sure how to explain this should MB notice when she gets home this evening. I feel bad but think part of my anger is from resentment, the kid doesn't listen, ever. MB works alot and when she's here spoils the kid. I'm not trying to make excuses for what I did- but now I'm worried I could get fired. Any advice? What should I say or do, will an icepak help?


k said...

What should you do? Resign. If you're so frustrated that you're going to hit a child, you shouldn't be that child's nanny.

curious said...

I hope this is bs but if it isn't I agree with PP. You have no right being in childcare!

tasha said...

BS? This kind of thing happens all the time. Nannies aren't perfect and like parents will lose their temper. But if this nanny can't control her temper, she needs to leave. Poor kid.

aregular said...

You have to tell MB. It sounds like you've been needing to talk with her for a while anyway, as you're saying that your resentment has been building for some time.
Be honest about exactly what happened- what MB does with this is up to her really. It sounds like you regret what happened but if you have already lost your patience/self-control to the point that you smacked the child and left a mark- it can only get worse if things continue as they have been.
Step outside of yourself- if it was your child, wouldn't you want to know?? Ice the area in the meantime and try to think about other ways that you could have handled the situation. Be sure that when you speak with MB you show her that you have truly thought out your actions.

aregular said...

Just wanted to add- this could justify a CPS call. I think you know that?

nynanny said...

aregular gave good advice, tell the mom. She has every right to know. Maybe you won't lose your job but if you really can't control your temper you should find another line of work.

I can't tell you how many times I've WANTED to hit my charge but I exercise restraint. I don't believe in spanking so that is what probably holds me back.

The Noble Nanny said...

I can understand being frustrated, however, nothing ever warrants hitting a child. Not only do you need to tell the mother, you should look for a job outside of the child care field.

Callmomnow... said...

I hope you aren't here looking for help in hiding this from the parents. You shouldn't wait and see if it is noticed. You really should call the parents right away. It sounds like you are sorry, but it also sounds like you need a break, if not more, from the child. I've been burned out lately, myself. I've been wondering if resignation is the answer. I understand frustration. But hitting a child as a parent is bad enough, as a paid caretaker is just unacceptable!

anon nanny said...

Wow, CPS? Even if the nanny saw dad spanking? What about the nannies that are allowed to discipline with spanking?

unbelievable said...

I can see it now, watch all the nannies rally around OP. There is no justification for what she did and needs to tell her MB now, call her and tell her to come home, forget waiting until she's off work!

aregular said...

Spanking is not illegal- however hitting a child hard enough to leave a welt or bruise is. So based on that, yes a CPS call could be made. I am not saying that a call needs to be made- just trying to get the point across that this is serious.

curious said...

agreed aregular!

Callmomnow... said...

@unbelievable, so far not a single person here, nanny or parent, has rallied behind the OP. why come across as though you need to reprimand the readers and other commenters when we are all already saying what you are? If you read up, you will see you were hardly the first person to tell her what she needs to do.

unbelievable said...

Callmomnow, maybe because they will be understanding of the frustration and that's why I jumped the gun. I'm not meaning to start a fight but many nannies complain they are overworked and underpaid which just breeds resentment.

Callmomnow... said...

That makes sense. I'm a nanny and have been very frustrated at times. But I absolutely don't believe in hitting! Especially since we try so hard to teach no hitting! I think that if a nanny even believes she might be reaching that point, she should give herself a time out and either take a breath in a bathroom or something (assuming the child is safe) or call a parent and just be honest, "I'm reaching my limit with your child and I need to leave early today." I think nannies feel like they can't admit to being human to their bosses sometimes. And I also realize an action like this could lead to being let go, but better this than being let go due to having actually hit a child!

nashville nanny said...

I worked for a family for a year, and then MB had a second baby. The agreement was that I would still be working with their toddler daughter (I have zero interest in newborns. Or their crying.) When the baby came, MB changed her mind (new baby boy cried NONSTOP.... I think it was gastric related... but MB was a twit who never looked into it) and stuck me with the newborn. 12 hours a day. He rarely slept, and spent every waking moment crying. (Colic maybe?) It sucked. I hated him. At around the 3 month mark, I was so fed up with the daily headaches, I found myself wanting to shake the hell out of him one day. I didnt. I called MB (from downstairs.. she was a sahm) to come to the nursery, explained that I couldnt deal anymore. I told her I felt forced into the newborn, it was beyond what I could handle, and we either needed to switch kids, or I needed to resign.

I resigned. She dumped both kids in daycare.

Moral of the story, we are not all cut out for this. Certain ages. Certain kids. Whatever. But hitting is wrong. Period. It is not your child to discipline that way, regardless of what you have seen. You need to tell MB. The heck with worrying over being fired, you need to find a new line of work.

Been there! said...

Thanks for your comment nashville nanny, it couldn't have been easy to admit all that. I know I've felt the same way at times, especially when you have 2-3 of them going -- screaming, fighting, crying. It's enough to drive you mad sometimes! Factor in the possibility you have a MB/DB who are disrespectful to you and pay crap, and you have a miserable nanny that both wants to pull her hair out and chuck the devil child out a window, lol.

bostonnanny said...

Resign tonight. Put some ice on that poor babies bum because it's prob sore, then write a letter of resignation during nap time. Just because a parent smacks their kid never means a nanny should. It is not your child to determine the proper way to discipline. If I were you I would find a new line of work or take a class in postive discipline, you dont seem to have the skills or knowledge to effectively handle difficult children. After working with a child for a period of time they will learn the difference between your expectations and those of their parents. So the mother spoiling her is irrelevant because you should be able to handle her bad behavior. You did not discipline her.. You lost control. At some point in their career every nanny gets to a breaking point where they just want to throw a kid out the window but you don't. You walk away from the situation and take a breath. If she was being a pain the ass, you pull her out of the tub with soap over her body and sit her in her high chair or crib while you calm down. You never take your anger out on the child. She's not some back talking 10yr old, she's a toddler.

Fiona said...

I think most nannies can relate to that moment of frustration where you feel like snapping and want to shake or smack a kid.,but you NEVER EVER do it!

That is the moment where you walk away from the child and calm down, or the job if you can't handle kids any longer.

There is no excuse for what you did.
You crossed a line.
Ice the kids bum and call mom and resign. Immediately. You clearly don't have enough control of yourself to continue the day.

Be prepared to be reported to CPS. You deserve it.

I strongly suggest you seek another career, and at the very least get therapy learn to manage your temper and anger. An appropriate discipline class is also worth your time.

Poor baby!

Sewickley nanny said...

That is awful!!! You should be ashamed of yourself..first because of what you did and second that you are trying to hide it. Even if you saw DB spank the little girl it doesn't mean you can!! What is wrong with you? I hope they have a nanny cam!! Please quit..immediately. And get a job in a new field. What if you hit her harder next time? Not a safe situation. Stop making lost control.

another nanny said...

Sometimes spanking will cause the area to immediately become red, but the skin returns to normal color after a few minutes. However, if the incident happened in the morning, for instance, and the child has "welts" in the afternoon, that's considered abusive in most states. The timeline is not clear from your post.
Regardless of whether it was legally abusive or not, do as others have suggested: ice the child's bottom, tell the mom what happened, and resign immediately. IMO you shouldn't be working with kids at this point in time.

Tales from the (Nanny)Hood said...

So, OP, what did you end up doing? Unless MPP posted this as soon as you sent it, you've had a chance to either do the wrong thing or the right thing. What did you choose?

In case you need a clue....

Wrong Thing: Continue to blame MB and toddler for your lack of control. Attempt to hide evidence of welt's bruising by applying ice. Make up story about how child got welts/bruises. Pretend nothing at all happened.

Right Thing: Call MB, ask her to come home early. Tell her you need to speak with her about something, and confess that you smacked her toddler so hard you left marks. Accept that you have done something unacceptable for a childcare worker, and accept her decision as to whether to report you to DFCS. Resign, and find work in another field.

WashingtonNanny said...

I have to agree with everyone. I have been a nanny for 7 years and worked in childcare for about 15. I've never ever hit a child I've worked with. My daughter has been spanked once by me when she was doing something dangerous, but it didn't leave a mark.
Did this sweet child have a diaper on when you spanked her?! If she did, you must've hit her REALLY hard. That's not ok!!! Tell the mom, and be prepared to face the consequences. If you hit my baby so hard that it left welts I would call the police and cps on you.

Village said...

QUIT you (*)(*). Since you have no remorse you hit a defenseless child, I suppose it's pointless to suggest you turn yourself in at the nearest police station.

missmary said...

Your first concern should not be how to cover this up, or wondering if the child will be able to vocalize to her parents that you've begun physically abusing her. That's exactly what this is. You are now a child abuser.
A spank is a light smack on the bottom. I would never give my charges even a gentle spank, because whether or not mom & dad do it, at the end of the day THEY ARE NOT MY CHILDREN.
A proper spank is not "real hard" and does not leave welts.
You need to go. Immediately. Never return to childcare. What starts with a spank can end in serious injuries down the line.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

If the welts are not visible by the time MomBoss arrives home, I would not tell her you hit the child. If you do, you risk her calling the authorities and unless you like sleeping on a cot in a jail cell, you will be better off.

However, if the welts are visible, you can tell MomBoss, but be more than prepared to be penalized for it. Ouch. :(

This was your breaking point. Believe a Nanny, I have had many moments where my stress level has been challenged, and not ONCE did hitting the child ever EVER occur. Since you actually hit this child, then you need to give your notice once and for all.

Not everyone is cut out to be a nanny and not everyone has the patience that one must have to work as a nanny. It takes a special kind of person to adequately care for another child and it seems you do not fit the mold. No offense to you, there are many folks out there who cannot tolerate caring for children other than their own.

Find a new profession that does not involve children whatsoever.

Lyn said...

Wow, just wow.
I don't even know where to begin. . . I certainly hope you put ice on that little ones bottom and quit with no notice the second your mb/db came home. Even if you don't tell her why, if you hit the baby hard enough to see welts afterwards mom will probably notice them after you leave and call you or the police.
You need to quit and find a job dealing with other adults who will hit you back if you were to get "annoyed" again.

MissMannah said...

Let me get this straight. You got so frustrated with the child that you hit her hard enough to leave welts and now you are wanting our advice on how to cover it up so you won't be caught and fired? You must be out of your mind. BTW, if your story is 100% accurate and you spanked her on her bare, wet bottom I just wanted to let you know that the mark probably won't go away. Wet skin is more sensitive than dry skin and your hitting her probably hurt like hell.

dont tell said...

It will welt for a bit and subside by the time mom gets home. Don't tell her- it doesn't matter. She's not apposed to spanking. Just change the kids diaper and get them into their pjs if you can and maybe she won't even notice.

Just tell her you need a break and ask for a few days off to collect yourself. Consider it a nanny time out. But before you go ask her how to deal with the kids behavior because you don't want to come back to the same nonsense.

To be honest, you sound a bit immature. Perhaps you need a different job.

Phoenix said...

it depends on what your charge was doing.

If she was simply reaching for a cookie, caught lying, not minding manners, and throwing small tantrums that is not something to smack a child for.

If she was being excessivly bad and no other methods worked and she knew that she was doing bad things. Then you can spank her.

YOu can't hit a child with a closed fist and it must be on the butt with clothing on. That is the acceptable way by law.

But you as the caregiver should feel sorry that you had to do that. It means that you have a heart. But what you HAVE to do is go and talk to her. YOu need to ask her why did you spank her? YOu need to a conversation with her so she knows exactly what she did. YOu have to walk her through and she needs to know from her own brain that what she did was wrong and that was the result.

Phoenix said...

and I think you should tell them mom. What is she had a nanny cam up that you didn't know about?

It has been happening to the nannies here.

Phoenix said...

also OP there is a difference between welts and red marks.

If you spanked her and gave her red marks, that just happens. If you spank her hard enough that you give her welts that is something else.

Why are you resentful anyway? I don't think you are using the right terms

If you are resentful, you need to quit ASAP. That emotion will turn into hate. Resentful can turn into abuse.

Sorry for the multiple posting but I didn't see the resentful part pop out at me until i re-read it.

It is never ok to spank with no clothing. There is also difference to spank when the child it out of control and nothing will help, to assaulting a child because you are beginning to hate it.

If i was in your position and saw a quality of resent, I would leave. You shouldnt be there anymore

Momwest said...

As a mom, I would handle it best if you told me about it immediately and showed true remorse. Don't bring up any justification except that you lost your temper when the child was resisting your attempts to give her a bath. Don't get into the kid's or parents' behavior because that will anger the parents. I would let you go since I could never employ someone who hit my child but I wouldn't call CPS. Good luck. It sounds like you have learned your lesson.

UmassSlytherin said...

I would never rally behind an OP who hits a baby.

OP: quit a.s.a.p. And then never do childcare again.

This is not OK and you have issues. If you want your life to be ruined, tell MB. Because I can tell you right now if anyone EVER laid a hand on my kid, (Especiallly their caregiver!) I would spend the rest of my life making them pay for it.

pleaseleave said...

Hitting a child out of anger is NOT spanking it is ABUSE!!!! please leave the child care profession and find something more suited.

Nannygal said...

Holy crap you are screwed. I can't believe you did this- I'm just shocked. The right thing is to leave the job- if you don't want to tell the parents fine- You probably would get fired if you did anyway- but either way, this type of job is obviously not for you. Everyone gets frustrated taking care of children but you never under any circumstances-ever- hit a kid- let alone someone else's kid. Get out of this profession now. You will only do it again.

Momwest said...

UMass, how can she not tell MB? The parents will see the welts/ bruise.

UmassSlytherin said...

I didn't say for her not to tell. I just said that when and if she does, her life will be ruined.

leftcoastmama said...

I don't believe this is real. I think someone is desperate for attention.

On the very slim chance this is real. You need to come clean to mom ,and you need to not work with children.

I would report you. had you done this to any of my children.

Honestly, if there is a way for MPP to track you down she should and report you.

How dare you ask for help in covering up abuse!
You hit that baby hard enough to leave a mark. That's abuse in my book.

I feel sorry for you, OP. You need help.

Momwest said...

Ok, Umass, just was a little confused there.

Momwest said...

MPP assures confidentiality to all posters. She'd probably end the blog if people started demanding she report posters for possible abuse/neglect.

Bethany said...

It's not possible if she admits to it.

I'm not saying MPP has to report, but I wouldn't be upset if she did report.

Like others I have my doubts that this in an actualy poster seeking advice.

OP, I would like to know what you chose to do.

I hope you've decided not to work with children.

Hitting one of your charges is never acceptable!

You don't need to be working with young children at this point in your life.
You lack the patience, self-control , and maturity.

This is one scenario where it would be great if the parents had a nanny cam.

A nanny321 said...

I've never hit my 3yr old charge. I always keep control in the situation. However, I have dreams.. No, nightmares.. Of me hitting my charge. I have had some terrible dreams of where I can't seem to hit her bottom hard enough to get her to behave. I am a professional nanny, I have never hit a kid. The point is this job is extremely stressful. So stressful, that it has crept into my subconscious dreams. I'm sorry, OP. I hope you learned a good lesson from this.

Teacher in a Combat Zone said...

I have to agree with momwest. If it were my child, I would handle it a lot better if you were up front with me about what you had done. I'd be upset, truthfully and if you did hit hard enough to leave welts, I'd fire you then and there.

As a mother, I'm guilty of giving my kids a swat on the bottom, when warranted. It has never been out of frustration and each time, it had to do with their immediate safety. My daughter was 4 when she ran away from me in a parking lot and nearly got hit by a car. She got a swat for that. But in all my years as a mother, NEVER have I swatted them hard enough to leave a mark, even for a few minutes.

I'm not even opposed to my nanny giving my child a little swat (say, if they attempted to run into the street or something equally as dangerous), but what you did was completely unacceptable. You didn't swat the child; you hit her. There's a difference. YOU lost control; don't blame this on a two year old. Own up to what you did, but be prepared to be fired.

Audra said...

To the PP who said that as long as the redness/welt were gone by the time MB got home, OP didn't need to confess -- not true.

Bruises from an injury like this always show up several hours later. There WILL be evidence.

HittingIsAlwaysViolent&Wrong! said...

Its NEVER okay to hit a child. Even when they try to run into the street or touch something hot. You supervise them better. You teach them. But you never hit them. Had that been an adult, what you did is considered an assault. Hitting is violence. Tell the mother. You need anger management. I've worked with the so called terrible twos for twenty years, since I was a teen & trust that I've worked with some very difficult children. The most difficult by far is my own son. He is severely delayed and is like a huge baby. You're supposed to be providing a safe environment for this child. You've turned a corner & I don't think there is any turning back. If you care about others & if you don't want to wind up in jail, quit & find another field. You're not nanny material. And of course you have to tell the mom!

sayitisntso said...

Teacherinacombatzone, how do you justify hitting a child because they did something dangerous? Why can't you supervise them better, using prevention & whatever other methods you would normally use to teach a child? I don't think anything a child does warrants a violence. Hitting is always violent and it teaches

Devils Advocate said...

Those of you suggesting it's a poster trying to get attention are just plain silly. How is writing something like this and sending it in to an ANONYMOUS blog bringing attention to herself? I can't see how this is getting her 15 minutes of fame when nobody knows who the hell she is!

Crossed the line said...

I'm surprised that people aren't more understanding, but it's better that way. In 25 years of caring for young children can remember each time I've crossed the line and it was always out of fear that the child would severly hurt themselves. Ive slapped two different 2 year olds hands for trying to play with an outlet after I did enough "no, no" that I needed to make a point. I've spanked (lightly) once when a 2 year old child tried very intently to break a the window in a china cabinet (I quit the job filled with guilt). I've also squeezed the hands of children that are attacking me or other children (I mean attacking not just a hit). I'm still disturbed that this behavior was my own, but it was. It was wrong and I've always tried to learn and grow from these mistakes so that I don't make them again. Feeling resentful, lonely, overworked and burnt out are usually signs that I'm not in a good work space and then I know it's time to move on. I also prayed a lot during those times. Even thought I've made those and many other mistakes I'm still talking care of little ones because I love it and them. I've learned about myself along the way. I'm not perfect, but 25 years later I know I've been involved in helping many children learn, play, grow and love life.

MissMannah said...

"I've always tried to learn and grow from these mistakes so that I don't make them again."

This part of your post confuses me. If you learned anything from your wrong behavior, you wouldn't have done it again (and again). But you have admitted to hitting three different children and squeezing the hands of multiple other children. Why? Feeling resentful and lonely doesn't mean you aren't in a good work space, it means you are in the wrong line of work.

"I also prayed a lot during those times"

I don't understand this part either. What did you pray? "Dear Lord, please keep control of my hands so I won't lay them on my charge today"? God is not in charge of you keeping your emotions in check--YOU are. it is called taking personal responsibility.

yousuck said...

You are so terribly dramatic it pains me.

handsareforloving said...

If hitting a child were okay, you wouldn't need rules. Your INTENTION makes it no less or more abusive. Wet butt, dry butt, in anger or while calm, its a violent act and abusive.

JuliaS said...

I tried giving her a chance. But everytime I turn around she makes a comment even more arrogant, ignorant & condescending than the last. She must be miserable with herself. She's insufferable.

Shirley said...'ve got to be kidding. I have no idea nor do I care if this is "real" or not. However, people make up stories online every minute of the day, for the attention they get, in the responses. Its called trolling and its been part of the internet since its inception. Surely you've heard of it?!

ericsmom said...

There is a difference between spanking a child and being abusive to a child.

I hardly ever do but occasionally if my son really acts up I give him a swat on the butt. It usually snaps him out of his mood. That is the last resort.

I hate when people judge others for spanking their kids. The poster that stated hitting a child is always wrong is full of crap. Are you telling me in your twenty years of raising your disabled son you never gave him a swat. Stop lying to yourself. Are you just trying to make yourself look like an angel, and all us parents that occasionally spank when needed the devil?

You may be the best parent and supervise your child. Honestly, you can't watch them every second of the day. You know when you turn your head how fast they are gone or doing something they are not supposed to be doing. I believe in supervision, making your house and surroundings safe, but no one is perfect. If you think you are your just kidding yourself.

Also to flame the poster that spanked her child for running out in the street is just plain wrong. She had every right to do that. She was actually showing love for her child. Teaching her a lesson. I bet that child never did that again.

Thats the problem with this world nowadays. A bunch of spoiled kids telling the parents what to do. These kids are going to grow up bossing you around and worse.

Well goodnite I am tired

Beezus said...

Totally agree with ericsmom and Phoenix.

OP I wish you luck in your future job,whatever that might be-perhaps not as a nanny though next time? At least not for a while?
And remember, GOOSFRABA.

I'm a nanny to a very difficult child.Never would I hit her,even if I tried, she'd probably clobber me back with her 4 foot Nerf gun or beat me to death with the arm from one of her life sized barbies when I wasn't looking, but I can certainly appreciate sending her to a well earned time-out.Safe and mostly effective.

HandsOff said...

@ericsmom..........Yes, I can honestly say with 100% certainy that I've NEVER once hit, spanked, tapped or otherwise been violent with my children or anyone elses. Ever. And especially my disabled child. Children are innocent. They learn what they live. My children don't need the threat of physical pain in order to make a good decision. Yes, in my opinion striking/hitting/spanking is always abusive & there is never a good enough reason to use violence as a teaching method. If you thought there was nothing wrong with it, you wouldn't need to justify why & how many spanks you've given.

ohPlease said...

Oh I get it. You either spank your kid OR you're a liar, a perfectionist & you're coddling. Of course.

ericsmom said...

Where in my post did I mention how many spanks I have given? I went back and never quoted a number.

Also, I am just stating my feeling on this. I am not trying to justify what I do. So you can post but if I post it means I must feel guilty about something??

p.s. I never think a caregiver should spank a child. You are not the parent. If you can't handle the job, either its too much for you. Or you may have a violent child you need to quit.

I don't agree with anyone hitting a two year old. At that age they really do not understand what they are doing. You can start training them of course. Sternly, telling them NO, or take them out of a situation.

Plus to leave a welt is unacceptable for anyone to leave on any child.

Aries said...

EricsMom - I agree with everything you said an I think handsoff is definitly lying or doesn't have children. Because I've never met not 1 parent who didn't occasionally spank there childs hand or bottom when they did something when they knew better.

Btw, I call BS on this post. It just doesn't seem real. I no it happens, alot but the way it's worded doesn't seem real. (the kid don't listen.. Will an icepack help?... 'abit ashamed of'..) OP if this is made up for reactions, can you please let us know lol?

SpankingIsBarbaric said... must feel guilty? What are you talking about?

Like I said, if there was nothing wrong with spanking, you wouldn't have to justify how many times you spank. You're asking me to point out where you did?! Okay, here, in your own words.

"Hardly ever do"
"Last resort"

You've helped prove my point, here, " I never think a caregiver should spank a child...if you can't handle the job." That's right spanking means you can't handle being a caregiver, I agree.

Aires, how can you say you've never met a parent who didn't spank, when I JUST said that I've *never* spanked? If you don't believe anyone who says they don't spank, then you can't honestly say you've not met a single parent who doesn't spank. And no, I've *never* hit my childs tiny little hands or bottom. That's barbaric and it teaches the child to correct their behavior only while under the direct threat of physical pain. I'm not raising animals. Wait, even animals deserve better care than to be hit into submission!

bostonnanny said...

I have to agree with pp, I have worked for a family that never used physical violence as a form of punishment and their children were great. Maybe it was because the mom was a calm granola crunching psychiatrist who read and researched alternatives ways to correct bad behavior. She didn't let fear or anger overtake her and her children were well adjusted. When people spank because a child ran into the street it's not just because the child did something wrong it's because you got scared and angry. When you grow up being hit, you believe it's the only effective form because you don't know any better. I grew up in a house where you got your ass whipped if you talked back. After taking ECE classes while being exposed to other families ways of disciplining, my mind set has changed. I saw first hand how to correct negative behavior without hitting. Instilling fear is not teaching a child right from wrong, it's just telling them that if they do a certain thing they will get hit. Doesn't explain why they shouldn't do such a thing. Hitting only teaches children to hit, it promotes abuse and violence, It doesn't improve behavior or teach what the right behavior is. There are hundreds of other options you could try before resorting to spanking, the problem is that spanking takes less work and release some tension the parent is feeling. It actually pretty damn sick when you think about it. You hit your child out of fear for their safety and because you are angry that they would put them self in danger. You basically lose composure under the stress and to alleviate the stress you use violence. It's no better then a angry teenage boy punching his wall.

OhhPlease said...

I have been using OhhPlease on here for a couple months now. Guess it's time to register since another OhPlease has popped up. Haha. Anyways back to the serious topic at hand. What was the outcome OP? Did you tell? Hopefully you quit. Never OK to hit your charge (even if the parents spank).

Fiona said...

I"ve met parents who never spanked and their kids were great.

I've met parents that never spanked and their kids were terrors.

I've met parents that spanked and their kids were great.

I've met parents that spanked and their kids were terrors.

As a parent, when my childen were little I swatted a hand or a bum along with a firm no. I also incorporated plenty of other techniques into my parenting.

I do not think a nanny should spank or swat a charge even if given permission too much liability there.

But this post isn't about spanking.

It's about a nanny who hauled off and smacked her charge because she (the nanny) was in a foul mood.
That is wrong.

Phoenix said...


Really hitting a child is ALWAYS wrong.

Hey, Timmy do you see that bug truck right there? He almost hit you. do you want to be a pancake Timmy? You must watch out for cars and look both ways."

Tommy looks back at you like you've got snakes crawling out your head. Timmy knows ALL the cars will stop for him as he is "the most special little boy on the planet"

The next day Timmy walks into the street again, not bothering to look both ways. And a car just barely misses him. Timmy almost got ran over.

"Now Timmy. did you see that? you were almost run over. Don't do it again, look both ways"

The next day Timmy walks into the street because he knows that no one will hit him. The car yesterday swerved around him and he made it

This time Timmy was hit by a car who didn't see him running into the road. And no matter how much you yelled, "timmy don't walk in the street, hold my hand, look both ways" doesn't matter. Timmy was hit by a car.

Now if a kid darts into the street once. You remind him. Twice you swat them to tell them that you mean business. Getting a spanking is way better than learning your lesson being hit by a car.

Timmy will think tiwce if you spank him. He knows you are there and if he crosses into the road he knows the consequance.

There are times you HAVE to spank. Some kids don't need it, others do

Phoenix said...

I would gladly give my kid spankings if I know that the act will change the bad behavior. it is not barbaric and not to be used for every little tiny thing. But life and death situations are different as well as teaching some kids to not hit other people. Some kids don't understand what hitting does to the person on the other end of their punch.

if all other methods have been used and none have worked, then you have spanking in your arsenal

I don't know why everyone is jumping on ericsmom. She spanks when it is necessary, that is not abuse. Many here seem to not understand what abuse means. Spanking is not the same as giving your child a black eye.

Also spanking is the consequence for bad behavior. They only get spanked if they did something very wrong. Abuse typically doesn't have to have a cause for the parent to hit the child. Meaning the could get hit for simply walking down the hall, or sleeping

the times we used spanking in my home wored wonders. And he never did it again. And it didn't hurt him. it was more of him being embarrassed than anything else.

NannyBrandie said...

Resign and tell them what happened. You had no right to physically harm a helpless child. Regardless of her behavior you are the adult, I am sure her talked to you about the ways they want their child disciplined. No child deserves to be physically abused because they were not cooperating or acting up. You have no business being a nanny.

NannyBrandie said...

*they talked to you

what works, works said...

I really have no idea why a swat is demonized by trotting out the old tired arguments about "helpless children", "violence", and "teaching them it's OK to hit".

EVERY SINGLE DISCIPLINE METHOD is, by nature, unpleasant.

The minute you do something to your child that you hope he/she will find unpleasant, you are teaching your child something.

You are teaching him/her that misbehavior results in consequences.

Whether or not that consequence is a burned butt or being forced to sit that butt on a chair, you are of teaching your child something.

The value judgement is ridiculous. Children have barely-developed brains and raw emotions. They will avoid what hurts, period.

Whatever works, works.

Spanking works with some kids.

Time-out works with some kids.

All kinds of other stuff works with some kids.

But if you can't instill decent behavior in your kids because you are too uppity to try one particular method that has been demonized, you deserve what you get. And your child should be pitited.

buzzbuzz said...

I would gladly give my kid spankings

Except that you will never have kids so your proclamations are as inconsequential as a gnat buzzing around incessantly.

bostonnanny said...


I think the real issue is who the fuck is watching Timmy? Why the hell is Timmy being left unattended multiple times near a road?

MissMannah said...

"EVERY SINGLE DISCIPLINE METHOD is, by nature, unpleasant."

Apparently you don't know the difference between discipline and punishment. They are not one in the same!

Nashville Nanny said...

@Mannah: If it was intended to be pleasant, it wouldn't be called discipline..... right? I'm not sure what your last post meant....

@BostonNanny: LMFAO! Love it. Timmy is a real pain in the ass apparently.

@BuzzBuzz: Wow. You are quiet a treat, huh? Phoenix isn't the only female, who follows this page, who is unable to bear children. So, take your snarky ass comment (because we can all comprehend what you were getting at) and shove it where the sun don't shine. K? Thanks. Phoenix has a STEPSON. And in my world, he counts as her child. Giving BIRTH doesn't make you a MOTHER. Raising a child DOES. So if she chooses to comment based on her role as a STEPMOTHER, that isn't for you to pick apart. Stop being a troll.

Phoenix said...

no the point was the caregiver was with him 'watching' him. she was trying to discipline him without actual forceful contact of the child.

So each time she saw him leave her side and dart into the street she just scolded him. Rather than takin harsher measures because the kid wasn't getting it.

Sorry I shouldve made that clear. His caregiver was there the entire time.

It wouldnt be right to spank a child 35 min after the fact.

Phoenix said...

Nashville Nanny

Yay! Thank you! i'm so happy you understand. I try to tell people that being a step parent is a little harder because the kid doesn't automatically love you. You have to earn their trust and love over time. Biological parents get their kids unconditional love.

Its not like that all the time with step parents.

And i do consider myself a mother

itsaboutselfcorrection said...

I teach my childen self discipline. There is no physical or mental pain involved.

Phoenix said...

what are your methods of self discipline?

ericsmom said...

Phoenix, I think your role as a stepmother is much more difficult than being a biological mom. I am not sure how old your son was when he came into your life. As they get older you have to gain more of their trust I believe. I am sure that must have taken alot of patience!!!!

I agree you are his mom, because you care and love him like your own!!

p.s. its funny how some on here think I am a monster. I don't even remember the last time I swatted my son. But I have before and I don't see it as something evil. Some people can't get it through their thick skull their is a difference between occasional swatting and abuse. Oh worries
Happy 4th to you guys!! What are you planning to do?

Phoenix said...


Thank you! Happy July 4th as well.

Yes, it does suck and can be very disheartening to be a step parent at times.

i first met my stepson (JC) when he was 17 months. That is when I first met my husband. He was already in the midst of getting a divorce and his ex kidnapped JC and took him down to Mexico, which is where she is from. She is an illegal and when my husband called the cops they said she had every right to take him and that they couldnt do anything

Fast forward 4 years of me trying desperatly trying to find her she crawls out from under her rock.

We got JC back when he was 5. he didn't speak English at all. The only good thing was his mom did tell him he had a different dad rather than the man she was with

My husband not only had to connect with this child who was calling another man papi. We both had to gain trust. Me a little more because he knew my husband was his real dad but he didn't understand how I couldn't be his real mom if i was with his dad. It was a mess and a mess that could have been avoided but a very selfish woman fucked up so many people's lives.

This is why he was having trouble in school, like i told you. He couldn't speak English and they kept thinking he was slow. and he was such a gentle little child, im sure that had a lot to do with their assessment.

But he is 13 now and still a good kid. Today I noticed some facial fuzz and some acne! I'm so lucky that i'm going to have a teenager soon.

LOL. At least he isn't a girl that would be worse

Also, i don't know how anyone would be able to say you were a monster. You are not a vindictive person so you wouldnt abuse your child. Discipline is discipline and if spanking is needed to knock sense into the kid to keep them safe, then i would do it in a heart beat. The reason you stand out from the crowd as mothers go is because you advocate for your child. people telling you he has a certain condition and you not buying into it right away. Whether or not if they were right or wrong but you don't automatically accept what others try to tell you is truth. A mother protects her child from everything that needs to, and she allows certain obstacles to get through so her child can learn.

from the conversations that i've had with you i would make a correct statement that you are good mother.

ericsmom said...

Awww, thanks Phoenix. I try! We just got back from some awesome fireworks going on!! We went with our family and Eric's cousin. My nephew is here with us now, sleeping over tonite. Tomorrow we all go to the town pool. Hope it doesn't rain!!

Wow, I didn't realize your son is already 13 years old. For some reason I thought he was younger. That had to be tough on you with the whole custody battles that you had. Also, what strain on the marriage. I am glad you and your husband are strong and able to stick it out. He is also lucky to have someone stick by him. How many people would just give up. How sad would that be for all involved.

Yeah, I understand about the school and the evaluations. I think our kids are the same in personality. My son is like yours very quiet (in school only), so they automatically label him as if, something is wrong. Yes, he does receive assistance. I try to get all the services available. Plus, not to brag if you met my kid he is so sweet! I thank god for him every nite when we do prayers.

Well enjoy your day off! I know I will, lol

gem in I said...

I believe spanking is wrong regardless of the frequentcy. Hitting someone unless you're defending yourself is always wrong. Can't get it through your thick skull that not everyone will believe in the same things you do? I'm giving my opinion & until now I've been nice about it. Now you're gettting what you give.

non-violent said...

Phoenix, why wouldn't the adult be supervising this timmy character? Spanking isn't a solution. If you feel you have to become violent, you're not thinking straight. Spanking doesn't make any more sense when a childs in danger, than when they are not. I know that someone truly sees something wrong with spanking when they try to justify why and how often they spank. If there was nothing wrong with it, it wouldn't matter how, how often & why.

ericsmom said...


No one cares what you have to say, get that through your thick skull.

ericsmom said...

Non violent are you still going on and on about this subject. Get over it already.

ericsmom said...

If you didn't understand what Phoenix was trying to say. Plain and simple your just an idiot.

ericsmom said...


I think these posters thought you weren't coming back tonite. That is why they want to write these nasty comments.

Well I am tired goodnite all!

Katie said...

As a nanny I wouldn't spank even if given permission to do so by the parent. I can see that turning into a lawsuit or CPS situation if the relationship were to sour.

In theory I don't have a problem with a parent spanking their child's bottom or hand.

I think it's a viable method of discipline. It's certainly not the only one that works.

non-violent said...

ericsmom, "your an idiot..." Really? Hilarious! I'm obviously not talking to myself about spanking. So, if you don't want to talk about it, stop writing about it, responding to it & reading about it. It really is that simple.

Phoenix, I've never made a comment on whether or not you have a life. Don't care one way or the other. If you're going to address me, please know what you're talking about.

ericsmom said...

haha I realized I phrased it wrong. Let me correct myself You are.

Nope if you keep trying to bash me, I am not going away.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Even if a parent gave me the option to spank a child, I would NEVER do so. Doing so would be like opening up Pandora's Box.

Susannah. said...

I want to know what you did, OP?

Did you confess to MB? Were you fired?

I agree with those that say a nanny should never involve herself with physical discipline.

Sewickley nanny said...

Plus I do think a 2 year old could relay that info..maybe not instantly but while playing may imitate..I hope and pray these parents find out what is going on

MissMannah said...

"@Mannah: If it was intended to be pleasant, it wouldn't be called discipline..... right? I'm not sure what your last post meant...."

My post meant exactly what I said. You do not know the difference between discipline and punishment because there is a difference, they are not the same thing. Discipline is not meant to be unpleasant, it is simply learning how to control one's behavior. Have you never heard of positive discipline?

I do not believe in punishment at all, or if it must be used, only as a last resort. I don't have kids of my own so I don't know if I will spank them or not. If I do choose to, it will be like Eric's mom said, only in extreme circumstances, like running out into the street. It is never appropriate to spank someone else's child and I would go so far as to say it is not appropriate to punish someone else's child.

97.1 said...

"I do not believe in punishment at all"

Heh. That's cute.

I believe in punishment and I believe it should be unpleasant. My belief has resulted in very well-adjusted, productive, happy, healthy adult sons.

nashville nanny said...

Wow Mannah. I wasn't even the person you originally wrote that to. (That poster was "what works, works") I was just chiming in, looking for a more indepth reply from you, since you are usually pretty educated in yours replies, and you back things up with facts.

Way to be a complete fucktard to someone just because they had the *gasp* audacity to question you.


MissMannah said...

I have no idea how my post was fucktardish, but whatever. I didn't even notice that you weren't the first person I wrote to. Sorry if you didn't like my reply, but it is how I believe and hasn't failed me yet. And no, I do not want any self-righteous mommies coming back with "Let me know how you feel about it after you have kids."

ericsmom said...

Wow!!! Why would you call her that word Nashville Nanny?? So wrong on so many levels.

Phoenix said...


I actually wasn't speaking to you about that comment. Vein much? I was merely making a point that most people, who choose to insult me by making fun of my comments, do have a choice not to read them. I'm not holding a gun to anyone's head.

Yeah ericsmom, lots of people like to waste their breath insulting me. I’m not sure why people think it bothers me.

Yay! Mannah! Welcome to the fucktard club. To be a member you need to be intelligent and use common sense. Also you need to be able to debate with accuracy. Most members have moral enemies. But don't worry; we have the means to fight back.

Not too many people are able to meet the criteria to be in the fucktard club. Welcome our newest member

ericsmom said...


Nashville Nanny said...

Sadly, I actually LIKE Mannah. I like her replies. I like her comments. I like her train of thought. What I don't like, is the tone that she felt she needed to use when addressing me... a poster who wasn't even involved in her debate.. and was simply asking for more information... BECAUSE I APPRECIATE WHAT SHE SAYS. I apologize for my choice of words (I love the word fucktard), but not for being insulted by her tone. (And MANNAH, you are still a bitch. Just sayin)

Ericsmom, don't get your panties in a bunch. No one was talking to you, and it isn't your job to cry about my choice of words.

Tired of full of themselves nannys! said...

Your language as nannies is atrocious as a patent of I ever heard any of you use language like that I would fire you immediately it's inappropriate in all circumstances!
As for spanking. You all sound like oh I was spanked I won't do the same. Get over it it didn't kill you!!
I believe if the situation warrants it then yes a parent/grandparent should spank.
The nanny should never spank!! But firing the nanny immediately I feel would be punishment enough. If she beat the child to leave bruises then the police would be called.
We are all human.
However children do not want to bath sometimes the answer put them in the bath bathe them take them out!! So you may get splashed do you not come prepared with a change of clothes incase that or

Ctnd said...

Anything else similar messy etc happens!!
You all need to get off your high horses!!
You are meant to be teaching children the right things in life not to be moaning cussing wenches!!

UmassSlytherin said...

Miss Mannah's good. I like her.

knittynanny said...

Personally, I would never spank my charge. That's not my place. Besides, he's only 18 months old. The worst thing he does is try to jump off the couch and smash his face into the floor.

I'm not saying spanking is unnecessary. I just would not do it to a child that's not my own. But then again, I don't have any children, so I don't know if I would feel the need to.

The closest I've ever gotten to spanking a child was my much younger brother. We are so far apart in age that sometimes the "sister" role and the "mommy" role get blurred. The two of us were in downtown Chicago in the middle of summer (which can be chaotic) and my brother wanted something he couldn't have. He started acting up and throwing a tantrum, and ended up running away from me. You can bet when I caught up with him I grabbed his arm and dragged his butt home.

MissMannah said...

I think it is hilarious how some people think we nannies speak to our charges the exact same way we speak on here. Come on! Do you really think I would still be working in childcare after 11+ years if I swore like a sailor around small children? Especially because I work for a WAHM! (who, incidentally, has a much worse potty mouth than I do!)

Nashville, don't worry about it, I'm rather fond of the word fucktard too. It's pretty fun to say. I still don't see how my tone was offensive, but I am sorry you were insulted. I thought I was simply giving more info, and like I said I totally did not realize you were not the same poster. I have a bad habit of not reading usernames when they don't have a picture next to them. And yes, I am a bitch, in real life and on here. I'm ok with that.

Nashville Nanny said...

Mannah... I still love you. :)

MissMannah said...


Handynanny said...

If a child needs a spank, then a spank they should get but NEVER from a nanny! That is a parents position. And saying a child is helpless when spanked is pretty ridiculous. Spanking is one thing abuse is another. Saying that spanking is always wrong is dramatic. Spanking was a rare occasion in my house growing up but yes we were spanked, and we're fine!

canadananny said...

Just wanted to say that I know what you're saying with regards to discipline and punishment. Discipline is not supposed to unpleasant. Punishment and discipline are completely different things! (I would expect that most people in childcare should know this!?)

By the way...I stumbled onto this site about 3 months ago and have kept fairly quiet...although I do find the banter rather entertaining to read while my 11 month old charge naps!

MissMannah said...

Thank you, Canada Nanny. It always surprises me when I run across people in our profession who don't see a difference between the two. I would love to hear some of your insights on appropriate punishments or discipline techniques.