03 May, 2012
Soliciting a Social Gathering
I am a 23 year old nanny. I got my current nanny job in August 2011 after being unable to find a job in my field (graduated with a BS). I read ISYN all the time, and I am disappointed to see how different my relationship with my MB is compared to a lot of the posters. I realize that I am extremely lucky to have found a family that fits my personality so perfectly. I have never dreaded a day of work since the day I started, and I just gush about how great my job is to everyone.
Let me start from the beginning. I fell in love with my charges, a boy (4) and girl (2), almost immediately. I am so head over heels in love with them and I tell them how much I love them every single day, multiple times a day. My relationship with DB was a bit awkward at first because he was starting a new (very difficult) job when I started in August. Since then, however, it has only gotten better. In the beginning he seemed stressed and not as interested in getting to know me. Once he saw how great my relationship with the kids and MB was, he opened up a lot. MB and I have become very, very close. I look forward to seeing her and having her around (I love days when she works from home!) and I know she feels the same. We could talk for hours, about the kids or anything else. After testing the waters for a few months on what we could/wanted to share with each other, we now talk about everything. She has met half of my family and I have met most of theirs as well. She knows most details of my daily life...for example: what I buy when I go shopping, where I go to dinner (she often gives me suggestions), hears stories about who I am dating, loves to know what bars I go to and what happens on my nights out. MB and DB are 34 and like to drink and love to tell me drinking stories etc. Trust me, it shocked me in the beginning! DB also talks to me about things like this and recently invited me to a golf outing and insisted I bring my boyfriend--first social invite from the fam :)!
One of the biggest differences that I find interesting about my relationship with them vs. other people I've worked for is that they encourage me to drink their alcohol when I babysit on weekends and the kids are in bed. MB also tells to me grab a beer on Friday afternoons when I'm hanging out at the house-- I often hang around and watch TV with MB while the kids nap. They also constantly encourage me to nap in the guest room while the kids nap. I know they love and trust me a great deal. Also I'd like to say that I have never taken advantage of their leniency (the most I've had in front of them is one beer). I cannot stress enough how close I am with their family. I consider them my second family and have slept over at their house many times. I do much more for them than they have ever asked-- I empty the dishwasher, take the trash out, swiffer/sweep the floor, and make sure the house is basically spotless before MB gets home every single day. They have NEVER asked me to do any of this. I was used to it from my other job and honestly it makes my life easier because I feel more organized (they are kind of messy) and it gives me piece of mind that I am doing my job in the best way that I can. I know they appreciate it. The biggest reason I do it, though, is because I love them. I appreciate how they treat me like family, trust me, and allow me to take the kids anywhere I want, whenever I want.
Anyway...they often feel bad about having me babysit on weekends because they think I will be too burnt out from the week to deal with the kids, which has never been the case. My issue is that I WANT to be around and I WANT them to invite me to be around more often for social reasons. I've been kinda bummed in the past when I wasn't invited to the kids' birthday parties (family parties which is totally understandable), I didn't expect an invite but I was kinda bummed to not have it mentioned that I stop by. They feel bad having me around when I'm not working because they think that I would rather be doing something else. Also, to be fair, they would never have invited their old nanny (there are no pictures of her and she was around for 3 years), so I'm sure they don't know how to approach situations like that. MB seemed shocked when I got the kids gifts for their birthdays and Christmas. Shame on old nanny for not loving my babies in the way that they deserve! I would love to stay for dinner one night or take the kids out WITH the parents one day or night. I would also love to have dinner with just DB and MB sometime or interact socially with them. I know people who go to bars with parents they babysit for. I'm not saying I want to go to a bar with them, I actually don't and I think that would be awkward. I am confident that they feel the same way, I'm sure they would love to have dinner one night and a few glasses of wine or whatever, but they feel bad because I am around their family 7:30-5 five days a week.
So I guess the advice I'm looking for is how to approach the subject of being more social together? My birthday is coming up and it would mean a lot to me to spend it with them...It is a Thursday and I work that day. I don't want them to feel like I want to go to dinner so that they'll pay, that wouldn't matter to me at all, I would happily pay for myself. I also recently moved into a new apt that I have talked to MB about extensively, and we have mentioned having her come over to see it several times, but she hasn't yet. We are both kind of shy and I don't know in what context I should invite her over in. They are people that I want in my life forever, even after I get a job in my field, and it is important to me that they feel comfortable enough to go out to dinner etc. We have talked about them bringing me on vacation and one of MB's concerns was that there might be some awkwardness. They had a VERY different relationship with their old nanny, and I have never felt about other bosses the way I feel about them. So, I think we are both so new to the situation that we don't know how to approach it/make sure one another is comfortable. Please spare me the whole "you shouldnt drink with your bosses" thing because that is just how we are-- they love to drink and so do I. I don't need to hear that being too personal with them is a bad idea, we are way beyond that point already and our relationship has only been strengthened by sharing personal information with each other. I wouldn't want it any other way. Am I the only one who has developed a relationship like this??? I hope not!! MB is one of my closest friends! and the KIDS-- I could write a whole other post about my relationship with them and how awesome they are :) MB has told me I have a job with them until I don't need it anymore, but how do I show them that it's not just a job to me?! (We don't tell each other how we feel about each other it's more of an unspoken thing)
at 5:09 AM