Looking Out for #1 Since MB has Gone Crazy as #2

opinion 1
The mom of the family I work for is a teacher. When I first interviewed with her 2 years ago, I made it clear that I needed to work summers, and she assured me that she would be teaching summer school. Two years in a row she has not been able to find a summer school position, and I’ve been out of work for two months. I realize that summer school programs are being cut left and right due to budget cuts, but I really need to work summers to make ends meet.

On top of not working summers, the parents recently separated. The dad is the nicest guy and one of the best fathers you’ll ever meet. The mom has gone bat poop crazy. She was always difficult, but since the separation, she has become completely unbearable. She rarely has a kind word to say to anyone including her own children. Her attitude, and the fact that I’m out of work for another summer, has led me to the decision to find a new job. Now here’s where things get messy. I found out through the grapevine that the principal of the oldest child’s school is looking for a nanny. I decided to call her, and she seemed really excited that I might be available. She said she’s always been so impressed when she sees me with my charges, and her and her husband would love to meet with me.

Her and my only concern is the fact that she still has to interact with my current family. I’m not looking to cause trouble. I want to leave my current family with plenty of notice, and even help them find a new nanny if they want my help. I would love to stay in touch with the children, although I know their mom is probably not going to let that happen. What it boils down to, is that I need to look out for myself. When I meet with the principal and her husband, if we seem like a good match, and they offer me the job, I'm pretty sure I'll take it. I just don’t know how and what to tell my current family. I am going to feel horrible for the dad and the children.


MissMannah said...

If you end up working for the principal, won't you be in the same predicament you are now with having summers off?

Op said...

OP here- nope, administrators work 12 months, so I'd be working summers.

Dr. Juris said...

I think regardless, you're going to have to deal with the fecal matter hitting the air circulater.

Frame it in terms of not being able to be out of work for two months during the summer. And as far as who you are working for, I don't think that's any of her business.

Susannah said...

You don't have to tell her who you're leaving for.

However I would interview with more than one family if you can.

it's always good to have a few options on the table.

I know you need a job, and I agree you should be looking for one, but this might be more trouble than it's worth.

Phoenix said...

it is not your responsibility to be in charge of other people's feelings. You have to pay your bills. is this family taking into consideration your position and your feelings? No? Then do not reciprocate. Children are strong and they are going to be having problems with the divorce just as much as the parents but that is also not your concern.

you need to take care of you first and foremost. Also understand you are not supposed to make other people feel any sort of way.

one of the best statments i've ever heard was. 'just because you got mad when i said no, doesn't mean that i should have said yes.'

Katie said...

I wouldn't tell them anything until you have a job lined up.

They will find a way to cope. It's not your job to play therapist.

It's sad but your time with them has come to an end. It might be good for a new nanny to be involved one with experience in divorce situations and one that hasn't already taken sides.

I would be skeptical of someone eager to snatch up a nanny that is currently working. Poaching I think is the term used here.

In my experience those bosses end up being extremely selfish and difficult to work for.

Aries said...

You need to worry about yourself. The mother went into this assuring you that you will work summers and pretty much lied. She didn't care about your needs, she only cared about hers. She doesn't care that you need money in the summer. People in the real world only care about themselfs and there loved ones. (for the most part). This is a job, dont forget it.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

Aries: Let's give the MomBoss the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she thought she would have a summer job, then budget cuts erupted and things are different now. A lot can change in a few years. Trust me...I live in CA where teachers are getting pink slips all the time.

OP: I would not worry about this until you actually get hired on. If you do decide to work for the principal, you do not need to tell your new family where you will be going. Simply state to your Boss that you MUST generate income during the Summer since bills do not disappear once the sun comes out. Give plenty of notice and try to keep things clean on your side of the street. If there is no way you can hide the fact that you work for the principal, then so be it. It's YOUR life and you need to do what is in YOUR best interest, okay??

I recently had to leave an amazing family where I bonded so well with the children. Yet, I knew in my heart the job was not healthy for me and that I needed to leave. Unfortunately, things got messy (they always do it seems) and now there is no more contact. Yet I did it for ME and as each day passes, I know I did the right thing. You will see it clearer as well.

I hope things do not get messy, but if they do, keep in mind you did your best.

workingMom said...

Yes, you need to look out for YOU first. So if you decide to take the job, be sure to frame your reason for leaving that you need to work those summer months, and this way you will be able to. Period.

I realize that you have limited information about the TRUE situation between your current MB and DB, and that as third-party posters we have even less information - but cut the poor woman some slack! The guy who promised to love her through thick and thin has left her with children small enough to need a nanny, and most likely with a serious blow to her financial situation. (teachers don't make that much, and if she is not getting accepted for summer school jobs.....well then). All of her hopes and dreams for the future have been destroyed.

On the other hand, HE is probably walking away from much of the dependent and financial responsibility, and gets to live the bachelor life. Of course he is pleasant and easy to get along with!

Be tactful, factual, and analytical when making the job change, and be careful about emotionally choosing sides. As much as you think you know, I would be that's not the half of it.

op said...

Just to clarify, mom is the one who wanted the divorce. Dad has done everything he can and more to try and keep his family together. Believe me, I'm sympathetic to a bad mood, but this is more than that. She is absolutely nasty every minute of every day. I just can't stand to be here much longer. :-(

Claire Is said...

Doesn't really matter why they are getting a divorce or who asked for it. It's none of your business really.

It also shouldn't have impact on if you choose to stay or leave.

You need to have work during the summer, so go on interviews. Yes I said interviews. I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket. The job from the pricincipal maybe available but it might not be a good fit for you.

Find a job. Make sure that job is confirmed. Tell mom that you are grateful for the time you had working for her. You enjoyed caring for the kids, but you absolutely must work year round and decided to pursue other opportunities. The end.

Apple said...

I think it's good you are leaving this job now.

Not only because you need summer hours, but I don't think you'd handle being a nanny to divorcing/divorced parents well.

It's a rare case only one person is at fault during a divorce. Trust & believe dad's hands are just as dirty even though he's Mr. Happy & Cool.

Manhattan Nanny said...

The principal is not poaching. The OP decided to look for a new position, and contacted the Principal about the possibility of the job. Poaching is when a mom tries to lure a nanny away from a family she knows, usually by offering more $ and perks than she is currently receiving.

OP,tell your MB that you have loved caring for the children, but you simply can't survive financially for another summer without income. Be prepared for her to be very upset. She is going through the stress of a divorce and this is one more stressful thing to deal with.
If the principal isn't worried about tension with your current MB, then it isn't your problem.
Do look for other jobs though until you have a firm offer.

Brielle said...

Can you interview with the principal? Absolutely you can.

Should you? That's a harder one.
If it were me I would avoid it unless I has no other job to turn to.

Keep looking for jobs. Interview with more than one family. Find the best fit for you if it ends up being the principal than so be it.

I would find a job first and then tell mom , because if mom is as bad as you say she is she could make it very difficult for you to get a job.

As far as the divorce stuff it doesn't concern you. So as my mother used to say keep your nose out of it.

The Devil said...

I think the only reason you are interested in the job with the principal is because you know it will piss MB of royally. Even more so than you just leaving your job.

You have it out for MB that comes through very strongly in your post.

By any chance are you shagging the dad? Because you seem to go out of your way to paint him as the most wonderful thing

Nanny S said...

Echoing what everyone else has said. It's important to remember that first and foremost, this is your job and how you make a living. It's hard to not get sucked into other issues, but you have to remain detached.

Take it! said...

I think that you will be ok.... And here is why.

The new job offer is related someone who knows you are a good nanny so you can have her back you up for future jobs if current mom boss choses to not give you a reference letter.

When does summer start for you? I ask because if your new job starts over the summer then your current boss will have 2 entire months to find care. I'm sure she can manage with all that notice.

Don't feel bad that is life my dear!

Also I find it weird that you are not paid over the summer. I thought teachers were paid over the summers as well? So let's assume she is paid... no reason she can't pay you!

Also the new job might have a better salary? She does have a higher paying job so perhaps so?

Let us know how it goes!