Prominent Dominant Job Snob

opinion 1
Hi everyone! I constantly feel that my DB looks down on me. He's very disrespectful toward me. He never acknowledges me when he sees me. The only time he'll say anything to me is when the kids make a mess and he orders me to clean up after them. The family has a lot of money and only associates with the wealthy or Jewish. It's so frustrating!


world's best nanny said...

Why did you feel the need to say they are Jewish? A lot of us work for people of means, but their religions have nothing to do with it. I for one cannot wait for the day when being Jewish, Black, Hispanic, Overweight or a Woman will not be used in a derogatory form.

nanny of one said...

It sounds as if she is stating a fact, worlds best nanny. Why does this have to be made into a racial issue? I know quite a few people that only associate with others in a certain income bracket, color or religion. It doesn't make me racist saying so, right?

Nannyof2 said...

I don't think the OP is saying it as i there is something wrong with being Jewish. It sounds like DB acts like there is something wrong with anyone that is not Jewish.

Verbal abuse cannot be tolerated. You do not have tolerate verbal abuse that's grounds to leave your job.

Now if he just doesn't want to be buddy buddy with you that's fine. Non all your parent-nanny relationships will be that friendly.

As far as the mess, try not to leave the house in a total mess all day and when they come home. It is your job to clean up after the kids or make sure they do it depending on the age or ability of the kids.

Kel R said...

That's why I left my job. I walked out Thursday with no notice. There were days the dad would walk right past me not even acknowledging me, then there were days he would call me fat, correct my speech, and just in general treat me like trash. For your sanity's sake, don't put up with this for one more minute.

ericsmom said...

Wow! Kel are you serious?? I am so so sorry you had to deal with a nasty person like that. Did he do this in front of his children too? That is verbal abuse! I hope you defended yourself against his attacks. Sometimes, they need to be put in their place.

In the past I had to put a mom in her place. Actually, I kinda of shocked myself. She had her friends over one day. I was in the playroom with her four year old and her friends kids. She came to the edge of the playroom (which is in the basement). I think I asked her something not exactly sure what it was. Anyway, I saw when she was turning her head, she rolled her eyes to her friends, and made a face. Before I left for the night. I asked her if she had a problem with me. I also let her know what I saw, etc etc. She wouldn't look me in the face. She became all flustered. Driving home she called my cellphone five times. Apologizing, asking if I was still going to come back the next day.
By the way this was only a temporary job for three weeks thru a prestigious nanny agency.

As you age and have children of your own you learn to not put up with peoples bullcrap. Thats just my opinion. After that I always stuck up for myself. When I did that I was treated with more respect and not walked over.

You know as

MissMannah said...

Do you want to leave your job? If I was in your position, I'd just find a new job because I don't put up with disrespect in any form, but if you are fine with the job otherwise, just ignore him right back. Some people are just jerks and there's nothing you can do about it. But, if he really is being verbally abusive (ie: direct insults), I strongly suggest you leave.

Village said...

He's a snob. When one is around the rich, one has a disproportionate opportunity to be in the company of rude jerks. (The Bible says it's hard to a rich man to get into heaven for a reason.)

Just ignore him. Heaven waits.

Short story. MIght make you feel better. Very rich man buys used plane because new plane order will take two years for delivery. Sitting on newly delivered used plane with designer, used plane owner remarks, 'The way the leather is gathered on the back of the seats, it looks like an anus.' 'Yeah' replied the designer, 'the client was probably an asshole.'

UmassSlytherin said...

I hate snobs. And there is something wrong with anyone who thinks they are better than others, for whatever reason: I'm rich, I'm Jewish, etc.

I would quit if I were OP. Don't be disrespected like that.

Truth Seeker said...

Many families look down on their domestic employees. It seems they see us Nannies as the "hired help" and do not see us as the unique individuals we are.

If it really gets to you, I would find another job. Who needs to be treated like a second class citizen every day? Talking to him won't help a bit since he sounds like a snob.

If it doesn't really bother you too much, just suck it up and have a "Who really cares?" attitude about the whole thing.

Everybody's sh#@ smells and I am sure his does as well. LOL.

world's best nanny said...

I hate people who think they fart rainbows and shit ice cream. Ignore the SOB.

OP said...

OP here. I didn't mean to point out that he was Jewish like it was a bad thing. It's just the type of area I am in. And it has been my experiene that Jewish people stick together. Again, not a bad thing, just what I've noticed. Kel, that's horrible! My DB has also made a comment about my weight. Not cool. I should have quit right there on the spot, however, I really need the money. My plan is to quit once I find a new job. I'm to the point where I won't give them much notice. BTW, the kids are old enough to clean up their own damn messes (youngest is 9, oldest is 14), but they choose not to and the parents have THEIR back, not mine when I tell them to clean up. Whatever, my days at this job are numbered.

Phoenix said...

Just let the man be. As long as he isn't out-right abusing you verbally, physically, or emotionally. He is paying you to be a nanny to the kids, not to be his friend.

And don't worry about the Jewish comment. Some people here are a little sensetive and quick to pass judgment. i know you didn't mean it as an insult you were telling the truth and you can't be faulted for that.

it is very commom for people to seek out their own kind. You can observe this in children. People are drawn to others they have something in common to. That isn't bad it is just how we operate.

MaryMary said...

OP, I understand your situation I myself work for a DB who is arrogant, rude to me, and always seems to feel he is better than me, which makes me nuts! Thankfully my DB is not nearly as bad as yours, but still when you are spoken to as if you have rocks for brains or that your not nearly as good as them it's not only frustrating but hurtful. You could do two things, 1.) Approach DB and ask if he is unhappy with your work ethic or efforts, and that you always strive to give your charge 100%. This MAY open the door for communication or blow up in your face. 2.) Try to accept that he will never change and try your best to focus on the childrens well being. Sadly I truly feel that many people not all people because you work in their home they do not have to follow typical work place etiquette or rules. I truly feel that regardless of where you work you cannot walknover people and treat them like garbage. It's simple, you hire someone they work hard they earn respect. Always keep the floor open for issues and stuff that needs tweaking for instance new ideas to tame tantrums. I hope you are able to find a solution that works best for you OP! Good luck and hang in there!

MaryMary said...

By the way OP, My mother in law once told me when I was affraid to approach my boss she quickly said "Oh she shits on the toilet just like you do she is not any better!" I guess her mom used to say that all the time when people acted rude, arrogant, or thought they were the bees knees. it's not the most lady like thing to say but it can help you remember they are no different than you!

OP said...

OP here. Marymary, I actually sat down with DB about a month ago for a job review. He told me what I needed to work on, but I did question him on a few things...I don't think he liked that very much. I brought up the kids and their habits and behavior, all I got was silence. I think he expected me to sit there in silence. I agree with the "everyone shits on the toilet" saying, I guess high power ppl don't see it that way

Been There said...

This post is a good tie in with the nanny as a slave post.

Many people view their nanny as little more than a warm adult body to keep them from being reported to CPS for neglect. She's a robot that they can contiuously dump on.

It's wrong but in many cases it's the truth.

His verbal abuse is unacceptable. I put up with a similar terrible work situation for far too long because , I needed work, because I didn't want to be a quitter, because I ddin't want to rock the boat, and I kept hoping that if I just did the right thing things would get better.
They didn't they got worse! I ended up sick pysically and emotionally from the toic sitiuation I finally got the courage to leave and it it was a huge relief like I could breath again.

You can't change these types of people you don't deserve the abuse. You can and will find a better family to work for I know first hand.
Hugs and best of luck to you.

Logical Skeptic said...

No one has raised the possibility that this man is unaccustomed to having household help and doesn't know how to interact with the nanny besides issuing orders.

Household help used to be common even in middle-class homes (both my maternal and paternal grandparents my grandparents were comfortable but not wealthy, and they had a cook and a gardener, respectively), and so you learned pretty early on how to deal with them, but now that just isn't the case--even if you have maid service, she isn't live-in or even daily, so you don't have a lot of contact with your housecleaner (and the agency may send over a different person each time).

Add to that the fact that OP is *not* a maid who cleans and straightens the house a few times a week, she is a *nanny* who cares for his precious children and is around all the time (or a lot, anyway). He may be uncomfortable with the notion of hired help and erring on the side of caution and treating her like an employee by only speaking to her to give orders. Or he may *have* had household help growing up and this is how his family treated them. He may want to play with his kids but not know how to manage that when they're with their nanny. He may worry that he'll be labeled as a creep by OP or his wife if he displays even the slightest degree of warmth or friendliness towards OP. He may be awkward or uncomfortable around people in general or women in specific. He may be very stressed out about making all that money and too depleted when he comes home to socialize with OP. He may not like the idea of a nanny but his wife prevailed and hired one anyway.

Of course, he might also be a grade-A jerk, or actually dislike OP specifically. I'm not ruling that out. But since I don't see anything in the post to suggest that he is actually abusive--overly critical, overly demanding, inappropriate, insulting, etc.--OP should remember that she's doing a job for them, she's not a member of their family or a friend, so even though she's taking care of their kids they're not obligated to treat her like a guest (though of course it would be nice if he smiled once in a while!).

Aria said...

Unless this main has a total lack of social skills for whateer reson it really shouldn't take experience with household help for a grown person to know it's not ok to call someone fat.

If he was just not being social with you I would tell you to just deal and do your job.

Souns like he is verbally abusive, that's an issue that needs to be addressed, and could end with you quitting.

In the same boat! said...

Oh boy do I know how you fell OP! This sadly seems to be a pretty typical situation that I myself have encountered but mybother nanny friends as well! It's not being dramatic it's the truth! I think what Logical Skeptical said is one very good way at looking at this situation. My DB from what I've been told and have witnessed myself comes from a family that had lots of domestic help in the home and money, it sounds like too he grew up with a sense of entitlement. His wife on the other hand comes from a very basic humble, hard working family with no frills, little money, but lots of love and materialistic things are just that..just stuff! I myself come from the same type of family as the MB so I can relate very well to her and her views on family. Anyway, the DB always corrects my speech, tells me what I can and cannot say to his son, always makes snarky comments on what and how I feed their children (even though it's the stuff they bought and put in the fridge,) he basically has something to say about EVERY move I make and it drives me nuts. In this line of work I have become a pretty good observer of reading people. I have come to realize it's not me, it's him. He is type A and a control freak and there is nothing I can do to change how he interacts with me regardless of how many sit downs I have had with him. Even though he never had anything positive to say to me (I don't need a pat on the back daily or be put on a pedestal but the constant negativity can wear on a person,) I know I, a great nanny that give his child an amazing upbringing and that is what counts.!

NanaDarling said...

Quite honestly, I'd just start looking for another job. You can't change the personality/compatibility of the people you work for. However, I am surprised you didn't get this vibe during the interview. I usually try to use that as my main gauge for compatibility. And try trial days in the future, just to make sure you'll like working there.

You're a person! You're entitled to be treated like one.

OP said...

OP here. In the same boat, both MB and DB grew up with a silver spoon in their mouths at all times..very spoiled. They've passed it down to the kids (they don't have to clean up after themselves, after all, I'm the help, right? **eye roll**).

NanaDarling, I didn't get the vibe at all. DB left me alone for the first 2 months, then started micromanaging then snubbed me all together (unless I do something wrong or something he doesn't like). I'm in the process of looking for a new job. I don't deserve to be treated like garbage. Where are the good families hiding??

Andrea said...

OP did NOT say they were jewish. She said the family only prefers to associate with the wealthy and jewish which means that they might me INTOLERANT of her because she is a nanny (probably NOT wealthy) and probably not jewish either. its the FAMILY who is being discriminatory NOT the OP. And - this can be extremely frustrating. and I am jewish - and I know for a fact that it's not a stereotype for SOME jewish people to be like this. It's common knowledge!! They could be compared to "Wasps" but if the OP said they were "Wasps" I bet that wouldn't have seemed so offensive. So many double standards with you people who post here! Grow some backbone!!