employer horror story
Hello! I been thinking about sending in my story but i am a bit frightened that my boss will read it. But i know that you guys keep it confidential. Here it goes: I work for a family outside of LA and MB and DB usually work from home. They have a 19 month old boy (K). I make 15$ and work around 25 hrs. I am a young nanny but have worked for great families and have never had issues with any of them until now.

I got this job thru care and it seemed like a great position. Been working for this family for over a year. Got the job around May 2011 and issues started around SEPT 2012. I am a part time nanny for them as i work with another family. I'll sum up some of the issues i have. First of all: I started driving baby K around in my car and MB gave me a list of places were i was only allowed to take the baby. She never ever said well here is money for gas. Maybe it was my fault for not bringing it up but i mean all the other jobs i have MB's give me money for gas whenever i drive my charges around. Time passed by and i could not afford to keep using my money to drive child around. So I asked MB if she could please give me money for gas because i drive him around 3 times a day. She seemed extremely upset and said she would talk to DB. That friday she said she would give me 10$ a week and that i was "ALLOWED" to drive him even further. I guess she wants me to stretch those ten dollars as much as possible. She is giving me 3.30$ a day for gas. Thats one issue.

My next issue is that i take the baby to indoor playgrounds, different parks, the beach, library and i ALWAYS end up paying for parking and food. I mean im not asking her to pay for my food or my own stuff but i mean at the end of the day it ads up and i end up making less money. When i got the job i was told that I could get anything to eat from their fridge. Now MB always makes comments like "this food is for me and the baby" .. so to prevent more problems i bring my own food. That is not a big deal. But my problem is that she is on a really strict budget and even when i ask her for money for snacks she will say "well.. and make up an excuse". I do the laundry for the baby and she even says "don't dry the clothes so much it uses all the coins". It frustrates me that she is so CHEAP. I work part time with other families that NEVER do this to me and even if there late 15 min they pay me for that. This MB is ALWAYS late and does not pay anything else. I don't mind paying for lunch with the baby here and there. But just the fact that she feels that its my responsibility to have that "extra money" handy and not bother her frustrates me.

Another thing that upsets me is she changes her terms very often. When i got the job she told me i would have at least 20 hours a week guaranteed. Since she goes on vacations frequently i told her that at my other job i was getting more hours and that i was going to quit since she was not paying me when she traveled. I know I am only a part time nanny and she agreed to pay me half of the 20 hrs (10) when she was gone. When I told her i was going to quit she told me she was expecting her second child and that she wanted me to stay. But i feel that if she is so cheap .. is she even going to give me a raise when the second baby is here .. ? Highly doubted. What pushed my buttons was that she asked me to take her, her mom and baby to LAX on Thursday. So i did.. when i dropped them off all she said was Thank you for the ride! I was extremely upset she realized i was upset too but u didn't say anything. How can you work with someone who is that cheap? I mean im not her FREE TAXI! I mean we have to contract and i can quit but i love baby K and i don't know what to do. Can anyone give me helpfull tips. My other MB and their family are famous hollywood producers and they want me to quit and go work for them more hours. I have worked over two years with the other family so im not the problem.. But What should i do? Thanks!


workingMom said...

I think you should quit and go work for the movie producer FT.

This MB is nickel and diming you, and she will not change. I thought about suggesting that you draw up a proposal on a chart, in black and white, how your costs have increased and how that affects what you actually wind up being paid after all of those expenses. But I don't think it will make any difference. You say you have a contract, yet she keep changing terms.

She seems fully aware that she is taking advantage of your emotional ties to the baby to USE you. She won't get better when she has the second baby; she will get worse.

I understand having a budget, and I am also notoriously cheap, but this woman us using her frugalness as an excuse to be "cluelessly rude".

If you have the other job available, I don't know why you would spend any more energy trying to accomodate this one; you can't changer HER, but you can change YOUR situation. And you need to look out for YOU.

Village said...

QUIT! These people want to use your money to take care of THEIR children. QUIT QUIT QUIT! Get another second family that VALUES you.

And don't be such a push over. NEVER USE YOUR OWN MONEY FOR ANYTHING. If they don't give you money, you don't leave the house. It's as simple as that.

ericsmom said...

You should just tell her you have another job offer. What are you waiting for?
I figure to go out with kids it costs about $15-$20 for the day.
She is using you as a free ride.
Why does she think its okay for you to use your own money, on her child? Its not your baby. Don't worry the baby will not remember you

Laura said...

I agree with the previous posters. You should absolutely quit this job and work full-time (if possible) for the other family. MB is reaming you here. $10 a week for gas (especially in California)is ABSURD.

Good luck!

Also, what's up with the spam comments?

ericsmom said...


You took advantage of your boss by using the card to buy cigarettes and booze! Did I read this right? You had permission to pick up cigarettes for yourself??

Lauren said...

Can't get past the "I buy gin and cigarettes with my employers' charge card"

This family is taking advantage of you. You are letting them. Move on. Now. You won't be happy unless you do.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

@Baxter: You should not be smoking. It is bad for your health. Period. Oh yeah...but if you choose to smoke those cancer sticks, I hope you are not doing them around the kids. They shouldn't even see you buying cigarettes in my opinion.

OP: Leave this family. They are using you and are taking full advantage of you. If you stay, you will only be taken advantage of more when the second baby leaves. Give your notice and start work for the other family who treats you better.

Good Luck to you. You sound like a great, young Nanny!! ♥

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...



I read all your drama, and I think it's time to change a job. But, first find a new job and then quiet this job. Once she is a cheap person, she will always will and this people learn only when you leave them.

I had the same problem.

However, for the next job you must ask them to pay you for for full and no not half of your salary, when they hava vacation or others days off. Because, if they have for vacation they will have mane to pay you.
I hate these family.

Erin said...

I also spoke up and asked for gas money about a year ago and MB is giving me $7.50 a week for gas!!! I drive her kids to and from school 3 days a week. How does she think $7.50 a week is enough!?! I almost lost my job when I even asked for gas money so I'm not saying a thing about it. They have money (they are both doctors) but they are SO cheap when it comes to certain things.

MaryPoppin'Pills said...

We got hit last night with a bunch of spam and one obnoxiously bored troll. Unfortunately, the filter doesn't catch everything.

UmassSlytherin said...

gosh, quit!

the laundry thing is crazy. if you don't dry clothes enough they get moldy, which is super harmful and unhealthy. eww.

UmassSlytherin said...

ps doctors are the worst people to work for.

N is for Nanny said...

Your words hit it on the head: you're not the problem. As a bonus, you have the solution! I would definitely go work for the producer family, for as many of your working hours as they can offer.

I've been where you are, underpaid and underrespected, but in love with the kids. Also a PT ended when a cousin lost her job and was willing to watch the kids in exchange for room and board. During my time with them, I had turned down other, better options out of one-sided loyalty...and most nannies I know can say the same, be it at a nanny job or a babysitting job that they were grossly underpaid and/or disrespected and/or overworked, but they stayed out of loyalty/love that the employers didn't return. I think we all agree that that in hindsight, we wish the situations had ended sooner and under our control. You have a way to end it, in your control - more hours with a great family! Take it!

The K family aren't treating you well right now, and I doubt that the stress and expense of an additional baby is going to help the situation. I understand that you likely don't want to just slam the door on them. Since you have a contract, I would follow whatever it states with regard to resigning. If you want, you can offer to remain an occasional babysitter for them on weekends/evenings, but I wouldn't factor that into your schedule or budget and would consider it something you do more for "enjoyment of seeing K" than as your job.

Good luck! As a nanny, it can be really hard to separate the emotional from the rational, but it sounds like you have a healthy situation in which to do it.

oh well said...

OP - as everyone else has said, you should leave. The parents are cheap, they are not going to change. I am sure you love the baby, but you have to love yourself first, and what you are doing to yourself is not right.
I know it's hard to leave, but there is no other option. Of course they want you to stay and they are going to make it hard for you to leave. I would secure the job with the producer family, and let this family go. You could tell them that you need to make more money, and that you have had an offer that you could not refuse. Do not expect them to make it easy for you, they will probably try to make you feel guilty and they might even be abusive, so be prepared to leave ASAP and not look back. Good luck to you

Phoenix said...

well first of all I wouldn't drive that baby around at all. She wants you to drive as far as her gas allows then drive down the street. Go to the nearest park and take him there every freakin time.


Quit. If you don't need the job just quit. She can't try to con you into staying. This is a job and you are not obligated to her at all for anything.

Phoenix said...

and because she is the type of person don't be surprised if she all the sudden "has a miscarriage" and is too emotionally distraut and needs you to stay to take care of her first baby. She might be a prego faker. Some women are. Not saying she is doing it now but she has the ability. Why would she just all the sudden tell you she is pregnant when you are trying to quit

Aries said...

She is taking advantage of you because you're letting her. You need to speak up and in detail explain that legally she is required to pay you 44cents every mile you drive when bringing her child to places or running errands. I would record the miles. (this doesn't include the miles to and from her house, mind you.)

Also pack a lunch for the child and if she asks why just tell her that the kid will get hungry. Then maybe she'll realize and give you lunch money. You can also show her receits if she doesn't trust you.

If she wants a nanny she needs to cough up the expenses. Theres always daycare.

She knows she's getting a good deal and that other nannies wont tolerate it so shes trying to milk you for all your worth. Stand up for yourself.

If you can't respect your worth then don't expect others too.

Tryin to quit! said...

Thank you! She comes back tmrw and I will sit down and talk to her .. I really apreciate your comment!

Trying to quit! said...

I know and your so right but at first I was just trying to be the better person but like you said They want me to pay out of pocket and I won't! In just scared of their reaction !

Trying to quit ! said...

Yes!! Around 15 a day!! And I only get 10$ a WEEK for gas! That's crazy! Thank u.. Your right the baby won't even remember me! Thanks!! I just don't know what words to use with them when I quit!?

N is for Nanny said...

Good luck tomorrow! I'd suggest keeping it as polite and impersonal as possible - MomBoss probably won't be excited that she's losing a great nanny at a great price, even if it is due in large part to her actions. I would let them know that you love K and have enjoyed being a part of her life on such a regular basis. However, you have another opportunity that is better for you professionally and you have accepted it. In keeping with your contract are giving them notice for Month Day. They don't need the details of why you are leaving and avoid entering into a negotiation with them. If she gets upset, remember she isn't upset at you, she is upset at LOSING you.

Hope the transition is smooth! I'm glad you're taking care of yourself too.

Trying to quit ! said...

thank you to EVERYONE who commented !! I greatly appreciated :) its good to know that I AM NOT THE PROBLEM !! I love the baby but it's a job and if I felt I needed to quit now I know it's the right thing! ...... thank you! :)

I just don't know what to say .. Should I say I have another job? What the problem is? I have no clue ! But I need to Do it ASAP! :$

N is for Nanny. said...

I would tell them that you have a new position (or are adding hours at your other position), but not tell them the problems you had with them as employers. Much like any bad relationship, if you give the other party problems, they might try to fix them...but is doubling your gas money, telling you to dry the baby clothes as much as you think right, or "promising" to pay to you "from now on" when they travel going to make them respectful employers and not inherently cheap? Doubtful. And you DO have an excellent opportunity. You don't want your resignation to appear up for debate. You can also give them a note WITH the conversation, but you definitely will need to tell them.

Is the producer family so excited to have more hours with you? I bet they are, because it sounds like you're a great nanny.

Princessbluekies said...

wow wow wow. At this point you are just doing that job out of the kindness of you heart. You can't actually be making any money driving them around all day, paying for everything. You should quit and not look back. The kid is still young so he will bounce back. I don't think you should invest more time into this family. if you are having these feelings now, they will not go away. You might end up just freaking out on her and we don't want that. Just give your notice, leave with your reputation intact.