17 March, 2012
Is it ok to Intervene Between Father and Daughter?
I'm working for the most amazing family ever. Thoughtful and kind parents who are both physicians. The toddler is super well behaved and the baby is adorable.
Today I came in and the little girl told me her dad pulled her hair with the brush while brushing it and then pushed her down. Mom was nearby so I quickly brushed it off. When we got to the car to drive her to school I asked her to tell me about it. Without going into too many details, basically she was whining and didn't listen to her dad and then went into her room where baby was being put down to go to sleep and she disturbed the dad and baby. Dad got upset, yelled at her and pushed her down and closed the door. This morning she was very sad and cried a lot. She didn't even want to go to school. No, I'm not calling cps. Dad got upset and she did not injure herself. He always treats her well. Now if I notice a trend and this happens again I will reconsider.
My question simply is: what do you say to a child who is 4. I told her - Evan, I am really sorry this happened. It should not have happened. I know your dad loves you but it's not ok. I asked her if it has happened before to her or mommy and she said no. I also told her that if it did happen again to use her words and tell dad violence is not ok and he needs to use his inside voice and words to express his feelings. And that he hurt her feelings. She is incredibly smart and articulate and is capable. I also discussed with her the fact that she didn't listen to her dad - she described a few incidents leading up to the incident involving whining and disobeying him. Listen this is his fault, he needs to not allow her to whine and then she will listen better. It works with me! And if they did preventative behavioral guidance this would not get to the extreme. But she needs to listen to dad as well. I was very delicate in not blaming her however.
Did I tell her enough? I followed through with several hugs and kisses. And verbal reassurance that mom and dad love her sooo much. Did I do the right thing?
at 3:10 AM