Now before any Moms that are reading this get insulted-I am in NO WAY generalizing all Moms out there and saying they are all the same. I am just going to point out something I have experienced with Moms I have had encounters with in my area personally. Why is it that some Moms don't seem to want to associate with a nanny? My previous job was complete opposite--all of my MB's friends loved me and would gladly plan playdates/outings with me and my charges. But with this job--maybe it's the area I'm in--I feel like I have the nanny plague!! I take my charge to music classes, swim classes, to the park, etc., and have had many conversations with many mothers. More often than none, they stop being interesting in talking to me after they find out I am the nanny--then, after that encounter, they never interact with me again.
What is so bad about us nannies that Moms just don't want to be around us? I don't understand. Has anyone else experienced this? Again-I am NOT generalizing and saying all mothers are like this..I know they are not. Just wondering if anyone else has had the same issue. It's insulting to me. I'm extremely friendly and outgoing and always trying to meet new people because I know NO ONE here so it kind of hurts me when Moms act like they don't want someones nanny thrown at them.
18 comments:
I have been both a nanny and a mother so I may have some insight. I think many mothers are looking to make friends and have some camaraderie when socializing with others at playgroups and such. They may feel that a nanny isn't able to relate to them as a parent. Having been a nanny then becoming a mother I always tried to be friendly to nannies I met while with my own children. Also there could be some judgement there or jealousy. Try not to take it to heart because it isn't about you. Hopefully someone kind will come along.
well. if these women are treating you this way why would you want to be friends with them? They are obviously shallow stuck up bitches and you don't need to associate with them if they are doing to behave that way. Just move on and find other people to talk to. There are probably other women around who don't mind your profession. So, if they don't want to talk to you, don't get bent out of shape. Maybe you are just too good looking for them to want to be your friend anyway. Some moms may feel intimidated by that.
Keep your chin up, girl
I totally agree with JLeigh. I think a lot of moms don't know what to say and don't think a nanny could really relate to them. I do think it's a bit silly because I know all about the teething, talking, potty training issues just like the mom does. My MB and I have discussed this. We live in an area where nannies aren't very common. She said it may be judgement or jealousy. It takes people by suprise sometimes when they assume you're mom.
These mothers that you are coming in contact with sound like a bunch of snobs...the type that look down on household workers and consider them the "hired help."
You don't need their friendship. Why? Because they suck.
A lot of moms are threatened by nannies. Like you said, not all, but some. Nannies these days are not teenage babysitters, they are adults who make children a career. Moms can rant till they're blue in the face about how "You don't know anything, you're not a mom!!" but a nanny who spent the last 10 or 15years with kids definitely has more experience with kids than a new mom with a 4 month old. Moms like the world to think they know everything, and I think they realize that we nannies can see through that facade, and they lose their confidence.
It is interesting to watch how moms have changed over the years. It seems very few new moms have confidence anymore. In 1997 when I was started nannying, the moms never had trouble telling me exactly what they wanted and how they wanted it done. Now I feel like they are unsure, giving hints and suggestions but not outright orders. I wish they would just come out and say what they want. If you give me a job working in your house with your kid, you have every right to give orders, not suggestions.
Moms need to get back their confidence! It shouldn't matter to any of you what the nannies you meet, or anyone else thinks about how you raise your kids. Even if you don't know everything, you are still MOM. Don't worry about what we nannies are thinking about you, it's none of our business anyway!
I grew up in a place where you didn't have nannies, you had a babysitter. I don't have a problem with a working mom because that is what I had and I also don't have a problem with nannies b/c I find u all to be very helpful. However, I think I would actually befriend the nanny over the mother because she is the one spending the most time with the child from what I have seen and I could probably relate to her more than the actual mother. Although I do find nannies to be helpful and I do understand that balancing a career and a family can be hard, I don't feel like my nanny should spend more time with my kids than I do. I should be doing the dance classes and the piano lessons. That could be some of the other parents views, that the mother should be there abc not to or as stated earlier, they are just jealous because they can't have one. Either way, they are wrong for taking it out on you.
This comes up ever so often on here. Believe me, you are far from alone in this opinion.
Would be curious what part of the country you were in, and where you are now. I understand if you don't want to say, but I'm guessing the answer lies somewhere in where you are geographically.
NVmom-I was previously in Maine, and am now in North Carolina. The area I am in is a wealthy area, though so I am sure that plays into it as well. It's just really too bad! I'm a nice person :)
I am sorry these people are treating you this way...I work in a area with not many nannies, so I never have personally known any. I do have some Mom friends that I have befriended and talk to me regularly - but I have had instances where once they find out I'm the nanny they feel as they don't have anything else to talk to me about anymore. I hope your situation gets better and that maybe you can find some nanny friends in your area!
Knock on wood I haven't had that happen yet.
I get family members who stick there nose up at me. Mind you I don't go shoving my ideas on anyone, in fact I'm ery careful not to do that because I know my family's attitude on people who have not given birth commenting on child rearing or education.
Still, mostly my mother likes to make her snide remarks now and then about me being just a nanny.
It stinks.
I nanny in a ritzy area and the moms of the friends of my charges are all generally super nice. All, but a few. But in the library today, I was at storytimw with my youngest charge, 13 months, and when asked if she was my own I go "aw no, she is the cute little girl I nanny for" and she goes "oh." And walked away. I was actually taken aback, I've rarely had this response with most other parents.
Nannies, next time someone asks if your charge is yours and you can sense they are going to be rude, just say, "why do you ask?" That usually sends rude people on their way pretty quickly.
I am seriously going to start marketing the business cards I designed that are my current profile picture...nannies can hand them out when the situation calls for a politely snarky response.
I have had this happen on numerous occasions, and its very sad, I was even "kicked out" of a music circle that was held in a public park when they all found out I was the nanny and told the lady holding the music circle. I never did anything wrong, I wasnt even talking to them, I minded my own business and let my charge play on the playground till it was time for music circle. then let him enjoy the music, I was basically pushed out so mommies could make space for there friends. and when I refused to move cause I had been there first they got all huffety with me. I stopped going. I signed my charge up for karate instead and met another nanny there and she said she gets the same backlash. there was another mother there who was actually nice to us. and some other mothers joined but once they found out we were the nannies we were the outcasts... even though we were there first. Swim class was different, the other mom who was in the class with us, she understood and wanted my insite as she had just hired a part time nanny. Now Since im watching my nephew and he looks just like me, I just tell people im his aunt not that im also his nanny. and I mostly stick to my friends who have kids around the same age, they dont judge me and actually call me for advise cause they know I have been doing this way longer than they have been!
I don't say anything about being his nanny directly, but I do say things like "their dog" and "their house" and stuff like that. If they ask something like "is he your only child?" I explain that I am his nanny and they are nice about half of the time. If they are nice, I keep talking with them. If they give me the cold shoulder, I am still polite, but don't push to talk to them much anymore. It is so sad, I have taken care of more children than they have, and have tips and things to say. Oh well.
Ugh, I've experienced this at the kids' preschool. Same mother both times-snide remarks about how she wishes SHE could afford a nanny so she could go get her nails done and get coffee (fwiw, both my bosses work fulltime). Another time, she made a VERY rude comment about how the mother better keep an eye on her husband because "everyone knows what happens with the nanny!" A couple of the mothers she was talking to had the decency to look appalled while I just o-O at her.
Sorry you deal with this. :(. Some people are huge snobs. I am having the same problem but from the other side. I'm a SAHM and most of my mom friends have returned to work, so now my son's friends spend their days with their nannies. I run into them and try to talk / suggest getting together for play dates, and they are polite but don't seem too interested. Maybe it's just the specific women, but I kind of get the feeling that they just aren't into hanging out with their employer's friend. I don't know. I would totally be up for socializing with whomever, but I respect their boundaries.
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