What Should Nanny Do About Mom #2?

opinion 1
Hello nannies and parents! I actually have a sticky situation that I would really appreciate your insight on. I have been a professional career nanny for the past twelve years, and MOST of the time, I absolutely love my job! I say most of the time, because I recently accepted a full time nanny position through a local nanny agency and only two weeks in I am already thinking about quitting. Before I get into what's going on, please allow me to give you a little bit of insight about what my previous nanny jobs have been like.

When I say that I am a professional career nanny I mean: I have been exclusively nannying for the past twelve years, have child development units as well as my preschool teacher certificate, have tons of experience with multiples, tons of experience with infants and toddlers, celebrity nanny experience (both in New York and Los Angeles). All three of my last nanny positions were long term, where I was seen both as a professional nanny and an extended member of their families. In my last position, I was nannying for an infant 50 hours a week and was being paid 16 dollars per hour plus overtime for the extra 10 hours per week, was given 10 paid sick days a year and two weeks of paid vacation. Unfortunately for me, the time came for mom to get a promotion at work and they ended up moving to another state, which left me scrambling to find a new position.

To cut to the chase, I ended up going on an interview a few weeks ago for a family with a 14 month old little boy. Mom #1 works out of the home, and mom #2 (two mommy family) works from home. That was an immediate red flag to me, as I am aware of the problems that can arise for a nanny when one of the parents works from home, but because I really liked the family and the baby, I decided to accept their position when they made an offer. Unfortunately, due to the current economy, I was forced to take a position paying much less than I have been making the past 5 years. I am now making a set salary of 2500 a month for 40 hours of work a week. It is roughly 1,000 dollars less than I was making before, but I really was desperate to find a position as I had been out of work for over 6 months by the time I got the job offer.

Now, if this job were easy, I would feel much better about taking a lower salary, but to be honest, it is definitely one of the hardest positions I have ever had. Most of this stems from mom #2 working from home, as I feel that she is constantly watching every move I make with her son. Some examples of this: they live in a very small one story home with the office off of the kitchen and the living room right next to it, instead of her going into her office and working during the day, she leaves the office door wide open, I believe to keep an eye on us through out the day. Not only that, but while I am upstairs trying to put her son down for a nap, she will turn on the baby monitor that is in her office just so she can hear what is going on upstairs. If the baby cries even the slightest bit, she will come rushing upstairs to ask me why he is crying, and then take him from me to breast feed him.

He is not on a consistent schedule in regards to eating or napping and therefore is an overly fussy and needy child. At fourteen months old, his daily diet consists of something like this: am-breast milk, noon-Gerber puffs or baby crackers, pm-breast milk. Due to not being exposed to many solid foods, he often pushes them away or cries when I try to offer them to him. Nutritionally, I feel like this is so wrong, but the more I encourage the moms to feed him solids, the more they shy away from the idea. As far as the napping, the moms do not believe in forcing him to take a nap, and because of this, the poor baby has several melt downs throughout the day because he is so exhausted and is fighting his sleep. Also, mom #2 has made it a habit to hold him throughout his whole nap when he does fall asleep, and she expects me to do that as well. Not only do I think this is completely unhealthy for many reasons, but it also makes it to where it is nearly impossible for me to complete the daily household chores I am required to do.

Now on to what I believe is one of the biggest problems about the position. I was very clear in my interview with the family that I am the type of nanny that does not like to sit at home with my charges all day long. I would much rather be out and about doing fun things with them on a daily basis (and even more so now that I work for a family where one parent works from home.) During the interview, they said they were fine with this, and that they would absolutely love it! I am a very organized nanny and I provided the family with a very detailed list of activities that I would be doing with the baby during the next two months (I like to plan our outings at least a few months in advance.) When it came time for our first outing to see a children's play at a local library, and then go to a local beach for a playgroup with other children around the same age, mom told me that we could only go see the play and that she wanted us back in two hours (the play itself was two hours long, which meant that we had to leave even before the play was over to make it back in time.) I was so disappointed, as I had really been looking forward to meeting up with my nanny friends again and for the kids to be able to play and build sandcastles on the beach. I agreed, and chalked it up to mom just being nervous because it was my first week. During that whole first week, several things like this happened, and it lead to me feeling more and more uncomfortable with taking the baby out of the house at all.

Fast forward to this week. It was on our agenda on Monday, to go see a puppet show at a nearby community college. Originally, I had written down that we would be there from 3:00-4:00, but then I realized that in order to get good parking we would have to arrive at least 20-30 mins before the show started, so I crossed it out and wrote 2:30-4:30 to allow for time to get there and park, and time to get home after the show. Well, to make a long story short, the first thing mom said to me when I walked in the door this morning was "why did you change your outing from 1 hour to 2?" I explained, but she told me to make it work in the me hour time frame. I found this impossible to do, so we didn't even end up going at all. =(

Anyway, I feel stuck in this position, because I really don't want to let the nanny agency down by leaving the job. I am afraid that if I do that, they will refuse to help me find another position, and that would leave me in a really bad place, as finding my own position here right now has proven to be extremely difficult. What should I do? Any helpful advice would be greatly appreciated.


Wow said...

That's a lot going on there.
I got lost in all the words, but are you their fist nanny?

I find first time nanny parents are eager to let a nanny teach them or they hover hover hover. Hovering is understandble, but can drive a pro crazy.

I think I would have told mom about the time change , and not just left it in writing.

Manhattan Nanny said...

These moms are not going to change. The nutrition issue is alarming, and I can't believe their ped. is ok with a 14 mo not eating solids. There will be bigger problems down the road, and you need to get out now.
I would go back to your agency and explain that you discussed and agreed to things in your interview that the moms are now going back on, and you are not a good match. The first couple of weeks should be seen as a trial period by the agency, Getting out later will be harder.
If the market for nannies in your area is so difficult, have you thought of becoming a baby nurse? People have babies year round, and sometimes if they love the baby nurse the parents will ask her to stay on as a nanny.
You sound like a terrific nanny, I hope you will leave this job and find a wonderful work family.

Tales from the (Nanny)Hood said...

The agency should understand that you have discovered during your trial period that you and this family are not a good match, to put it mildly. The agency should have a replacement policy to cover the family, and if you've been a profitable placement for them before, I doubt they'll dump you for realizing you are a poor fit and taking steps to assure the family ends up with a nanny they are pleased with long term.

You sound like a very take charge nanny who likes to have complete freedom to do her thing and I can't imagine you ever being able to work your way with a SAHP.

So, go to the agency, tell them that you feel you need to search for other work, and move on. I don't know where you are, but if you are able and willing to take a small pay decrease, you should be able to find something better. You went down to a little less than $14.50 per hour in this job, right? I bet that even at that rate you'd be fine financially if you were back to 50 hours and OT.

These moms seem to be taking and twisting the odder aspects of attachment parenting to form their parenting philosophy. Not a set up many nannies would be happy with, IMO.

Part Time Working Mom said...

Hi. I can see why you are frustrated. It sounds like you are a very skilled and experienced professional. Please remember that mom #2 probably works from home so that she can be around her baby. So keeping the door open, listening on the baby monitor, wanting the baby to be home at times and wanting to know precisely when the baby will be at home and when he will be out-- all these things most likely stem from her desire to have work/life balance. It sounds like you should have a meeting with the parents-- set some expectations on all sides. If they are first time parents they can probably learn a lot from your experience. But you are their employee so you'll need to respect their wishes and values. If you can't do that then you're right that you may not be a good fit for this family, but why not talk to them first?

StrawberryShortKakes said...

I am usually all about trying to work things out and I usually don't advise quitting without trying to solve the problems. However, this job seems like a nightmare. I worked for a work at home mom who wasn't all on top of me and I was even annoyed by that! I totally feel your pain on this issue because it is so awkward. If you are their first nanny and you are still new, it is understandable that she is concerned about her son and wants to make sure he is being taken care of but she is taking this to a whole new level. Babies cry and if she cannot let you handle it without running to see what the problem is, then clearly she doesn't trust you. You sound like a great nanny so it definitely isn't that you aren't capable, it's that she just doesn't see it.

I agree with the PP who said you should go back to the agency and explain the situation, that you aren't a good fit. It shouldn't be expected that every nanny/family relationship is always perfect so I'm sure they will understand. Best of luck and keep us updated please!

Anonymous said...

Hello, this is OP. First, thank you so much to those of you who have responded thus far. I really do appreciate the advice/suggestions.

WOW-Yes, I am their first nanny, and in fact prior to hiring me as their nanny one of their mothers was caring for the baby. Unfortunately, her health recently took a turn for the worse, which is why they decided to hire a nanny. As far as the time change goes, you're right, I probably should have mentioned something the day before the outing do she was aware, but to be completely honest with you, it never even crossed my mind that it would be such a big deal or a problem. This is probably because I have never had to really answer to an employer in the past in regards to taking the children I nannied for on outings. I have always just been given full charge, and been fully trusted. So to work for a family like this is completely foreign to me.

Manhattan Nanny- First, thank you so much for the compliment. I really do give my all in my nanny positions, and I pride myself in being the very best nanny possible. I completely agree with you that I need to get out of this position ASAP. You are also correct that the first few weeks should be seen as a trial period for both parties. In fact, through this agency the first 90 days are considered a trial priod and either party may end the agreement if not happy. In this case, and if it is within four months of the hiring date, the agency will find the family a new nanny for no extra cost. I just feel bad that it is not working out. To be fair, the agency director did tell me up front that moms were a little nervous about having a nanny, but that they were open to suggestions as well. The problem is, every single time I offer suggestions, I am told they don't think the baby is ready for that. It's ridiculous, and I feel like I am not able to give my all, because they won't allow it. Anyway, back to the agency. This agency is the best in the town I live, and they constantly have jobs available. I just cannot afford to burn any bridges and have them tell me they can't work with me anymore if I call and say this is not working out. Part of me is tempted to just fulfill the year contract with this family, and then decline to renew it after the year and then go back to the agency afterwards to find another position. There are two problems to this solution. One- I will be miserable and dread going to work every day for the next year, and two-I don't feel like the family is one hundred percent happy either. If they were, I doubt I would already be having s many problems with the position. I really am at a loss for what the RIGHT thing is to do, as I don't want to burn any bridges with anyone.

Tales from the (nanny) hood-You are definitely correct in saying that I am a take charge nanny, but I think that is just because the types of positions I have held in the past have really required me to take charge. In addition to holding positions as a nanny, most of my positionsw have required me to take on t he household manager as well. As far as the pay goes, my hourly pay actually breaks down to right around 14 an hour, which is two dolllars less an hour that I am used to making. In normal circumstances, I would never have been okay with accepting a position with such low pay, but I felt that I had to do it because of my situation. I am a single mother of a 5 year old little boy, and in order to support him I had to find a new position ASAP, which is why I settled. In regards to the attachment parenting, you are SO right on! When I suggested we start laying the baby in the crib for nap time, they were completely against it because "he might start crying, and we don't want that at all." I, don't necessarily believe in letting a baby "cry it out" for hours and hours, but I do believe that it is okay for babies to cry at times, and that it is certainly not going to hurt them.

Anonymous said...

OP continued:

Part time working mom-Thank you for your input. I completely understand that she is trying to balance the work from home/being a mom aspect of her life, but the fact of the matter is that it is not what was portrayed to me during the interview, and it is definitely not what I agreed to. I was told that she has several Skype meetings through out the day, and that for the majority of the day she would be inside her office with the door closed. I was also told that I would have free range to take the baby out during the day, as long as I kept the activity log up to date. Unfortunately, this has not been the case.

StrawberryShortkakes-Thank you for your kind words. =) Yes, it definitely is awkward and very uncomfortable for me. I feel like they believe I don't do anything right, even though they have both admitted to me that they knew nothing about babies before they had their son. I just really value and appreciate parents treating me as a professional, and being appreciative of my advice and recognizing that after twelve years of experience as a nanny plus five years of experience as a mother, I really do know what I am talking about.


Ps: any other solutions, ideas or comments are so so appreciated!

StrawberryShortKakes said...

OP- you are welcome for my kind words. I am very surprised that you are considering staying for a full year! I hate quitting things and burning bridges but I think your happiness is important too. Going to work everyday miserable is not good for you and won't be good for your child either. You will probably be taking your work troubles home with you at the end of the day and on weekends and that just won't be good. I strongly advise you to weigh both options but also keep your happiness as one of the most important factors.

I understand that you don't want to burn any bridges with the agency but I am sure you are not the first nanny to resign from a family during the trial period, and you certainly will not be the last. There is a trial period for a reason. I think that the parents are tough to work for and that is reason enough to want to move on to another position. You can even tell that to the agency, obviously in words that don't make you sound ungrateful or judgmental. It just simply isn't working out for you. I am sure they will understand. Maybe you could even offer the agency advice on what to look for in the next nanny that they place with this family. Perhaps a nanny that doesn't like to leave the house or put the child down LOL. I understand that parents are protective of their children but not feeding him a solid diet and not letting him shed a single tear is ridiculous! Come on, moms!

Wow (the real one) said...


You may not know this, but I've been using Wow for quite some time. Can you please choose another moniker so people won't think you're me? Thanks.

You've been given great advice. For your own peace of mind, follow it. There's only one solution. Leave. Period.

keep up said...

WOW (the real one),
Why don't you register your name then? It's such an ordinary moniker. I've seen others use it before and we don't know it's not you until you speak up. :)

Wow said...

keep up...

Doing it as we speak (or read...,lol)!

Wow said...

I'm finally officially Wow!

LuvWhatIDo_ (formerly Wow) said...

I know I look incredibly indecisive right now, but since Wow is fairly common, I've decided to register under the same name I use on the chat board - LuvWhatIDo_.

Anonymous said...

OP here...I am literally dreading going into work tomorrow morning, but that's nothing new. :( I really should have not accepted the position. What do you all think of maybe just giving it one more week and giving mom the benefit of the doubt by assuming that maybe she was just nervous because it was my first few weeks?

LuvWhatIDo_ (formerly Wow) said...


You already know the answer. Of course you CAN stay another week, but don't expect anything to change. There are too many red flags, and the worse is the fact that MB is under-feeding her baby. It might be a situation where you might be obligated to report that fact alone to CPS.

I work exclusively with families of multiples and preemies and I've worked with some traumatized, mildly parents, but none of them were nearly this bad. I can tell you that there is NOTHING normal about your current situation. There's more than a little dysfunction. It's like a bad romantic relationship - the only healthy thing to do is to get out ASAP. Call the agency tomorrow and ask them how they want to handle things. Good luck!

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I sympathize w/you OP. It doesn't sound like a great job to me. You sound like a competent and professional Nanny while the family sounds to me like they are a little over-protective and "Type A" to me.

Doesn't your agency offer trial periods? Ask and see. I think they will understand if after a few weeks you do not think it is a good match. After all, they probably have a lot of experience in dealing w/situations such as yours. I would tactfully tell them you just don't see this family as a good match and leave it at that. Hopefully they will understand and assign you a new family.

Working for a stay-at-home parent is hell. I have had jobs like this and they have NEVER worked out. The parents interfere too much, always have a third eye on the Nanny and it's tough keeping the child quiet so the parent can get some work done. I know jobs are scarce now, but you NEED to find a job where both parents work outside the home.

I would most definitely quit this job. I don't see how it will work out unless Mommy #2 starts working outside the home.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I can't believe the Mother doesn't make her 14 month old take a nap. You're right..he needs a nap. Kids this age usually fight it.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I find a lot of families I work for these days are so against having their child go to sleep on his or her own. It's crazy. They want me to cradle the child, walk w/the child, etc....until the child stops crying and falls asleep.

I personally feel that this will make the child grow up to have self-entitlement issues at best. Children need to learn that falling asleep is something natural and something you do by yourself. If the child cries when you leave, it is very common and not bad at all. I let my children cry it out when they had to nap, and the end result was they finally learned to go to sleep unassisted. They are adults now and to this day, do not remember a darn thing about me leaving them in their cribs to cry it out.

This younger generation is going to be so used to instant gratification that we will someday have some very spoiled adults running the world.

Anonymous said...

OP here. So as if things couldn't get any worse, I was told today by MB that outings will now have to be limited to one hour in length. No explanation, just because. The problem with this, is that we live in California, where it can sometimes take up to 20 minutes to get to an activity and then 20 minutes to get back to the house. That means we only have 20 minutes for when we're actually at the place of the outing. I don't know how I am going to get through my days when we are limited to only being gone for an hour out of an 8 hour day.

Village said...

I don't understand why you are so afraid of the agency. If they have tons of jobs, why are you with first timers at a reduced salary?

I'd contact the agency and tell them it's not a fit. I'd concentrate on their feeding of the baby, or lack of it, holding while napping, no crying allowed, that sort of thing. The agency should understand that your experience is not being utilized, and it's frustrating for you. I'd ask the agency to find a new job for you, and a replacement for the Moms.

OFF TOPIC Back in the dark ages when I was a nanny, I had a family that only allowed me to watch their child. I had my own agency, only directly worked for one family, but this family wouldn't go out unless I agreed to sit. So I agreed, at $28 a hour, and this was decades ago. They were rich and wanted me, so I made it worth my while. My point is, their thinking was very irrational regarding the care of their child, their one and only child. It reminds me of these Moms. Their thinking is irrational. And it will drive. you. nuts. (My family left, came back, gave me the money, and I went home. No frustration for me. Otherwise, I wouldn't have done it.)

Susannah said...

I will echo others here and say you need to get out ASAP.
Contact the agency if you are as experienced as you say you are they should have no qualms finding you a placement that's a better fit.

I would document the underfeeding thing as well.

What a nightmare!

WAH3 said...

I'm a mom who works from home a few days a week, and even I think this family is, well, not one I would work for. One-hour outings? Not feeding the child? Not pushing the naps? I cannot imagine a nanny agency that would think any of those things are acceptable. There is no way I would spend 7+ hours a day cooped up in the house with a tired, cranky toddler and overprotective mother I barely know.

LAK said...

OP-Are you in Los Angeles? I'd love to know where these plays/puppet shows are if you are in the area! I actually have a small nanny group and these sound like perfect outings (and I think it would be fun to combine nanny friends/group :)
If you would prefer to email me:

Anonymous said...

OP here. You guys will not believe what happened. So, I took everyone's advice and called the agency this morning. I explained to them that I was unhappy, and a, b, and c were the reasons why. Basically, they told me to suck it up and deal with it....and that he is their child and I just need to take direction from them. In regards to the hour outings per day, they think that is enough time for him to be out during the day. They also basically insinuated that if I leave, I won't get their help again. :( Here's to at least a year of being extremely miserable! :(

Anonymous said...

OP again. In a week I will be doing a self evaluation form on myself and the family will also be filling one out letting me know what they think of my work performance so far. I am contemplating bringing some of these things to their attention at that time, especially in regards to the outings. How can she expect me to sit in her home for 7 hours a day while she hovers over every move I make while I'm supposed to be doing my job. She wouldn't like it if her boss did that to her. Any advice on how to word this would be greatly appreciated!!

MissMannah said...

On the one hand, the agency is right. He is their child and they make the rules. They may be illogical rules and ones that no sane nanny is going to want to abide by, but still they can parent however they want to. On the other hand, the agency told you upfront that you had a 90-day trial period and that they would find the family another nanny if it didn't work out for any reason. Does this not apply to you too? I would call them on this one, they are possibly in breach of contract.

I know you're probably not going to like what I'm going to say next, but I kind of think that you need to work on being a little less rigid. You said you are very much a take-charge nanny and that's great in the situation that calls for it. But you aren't going to always be in one of those situations. If you do end up staying in this job (and I hope you don't have to), you are definitely going to have to learn to be flexible. I agree with you on the eating and napping things, but these are things you're going to have the implement very slowly, like over the course of several months, to get both the boy and his moms used to the idea.

Anonymous said...

OP here. Shoot, I don't know why it posted three times...I only pushes the button once. MissMannah-I have absolutely no problem being flexible. The thing that bothers me the most, is that I was very clear with them in the interview process that I am not the type is person who wants to sit at home all day with her charge. I don't feel like I am living up to my best nanny potential by doing that. Also, there is only so much you can do with a 14 month old in a small house when one of his moms works from home with the door WIDE open. I feel like I am closed off from the world all day, and so is the baby, and I dont find that fair. I feel like she needs to develop some trust, and i can give her some more time to do that. I just wish they would have been up front with me in the beginning as I was with them.

Anyone have any ideas on how I can explain the outings/mom working with her door open? (of course, baby sees mom and he wants her, and it makes my job extremely difficult)

Beth said...

I'm sorry for your situation, OP.
It's awfu; you arent getting any help from the agency.

Honestly, it sounds maybe they don't want a nanny. Perhaps a mother's helper would be a better fit. She could come in a few days a week and allow mom to get some work done, but maybe mom wouldn't feel so threatened.

It also seems like she maybe dealing with deeper issues that go beyond you and how you care for baby.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

OP, I am sorry you are not getting any support from the agency. Sheesh, I can't believe they do not offer trial periods. I thought all agencies do, it only makes practical sense to do so. Perhaps you can try another Nanny agency??

Anyway, I would go nuts in your job situation. I have worked w/SAHP and it always is a tough gig. The child knows Mom or Dad is close by, thus he or she acts waay differently than if the parents were gone. Plus, you have the added stress of keeping the child quiet and occupied so the parent can get some work done. I hate the way the parents interfere w/the way I do things which is most definitely going to be different than how they do things. Duh!!

LuvWhatIDo_ (formerly Wow) said...


Quit. There is no way to make this situation better. Find another agency if the one you're with won't cooperate. Neither the family, nor the agency respects you.

Meanwhile, document EVERYTHING that has happened, including your conversation w/the agency, and everything that happens from now on. If they fire you, at least you have a log of what's been happening when you file for unemployment. Good luck!

Village said...

WOW-The agency is not doing its job. It must be the economy. They don't want to have to place you twice, because they don't get paid to replace you. It's all about the Benjamin's.

Since you have decided to stay, consider having indoor playtimes. If you want to go to a play, construct a stage, and put on a play. You'll have to play all the parts, and the child will want to join in. The same goes for puppet shows. And Mom will be watching. Build tunnels and courses, and crawl all over like it's a playground. I doubt they want sand in the house, but pretend digging may work with a 14 month old. And Mom will be watching. And the old standby, Mary Poppins. Kids today have no idea who she is, but playing follow the leader with an umbrella in the house is NEW. And Mom will be watching. (I find small children are like the very, very rich in many ways. They get so excited over the littlest thing, anything that is new to them.)

Instead of being miserable, make this a challenge. (Well it already is, but make it fun.) The more you create an outdoor in, and show the Moms, not tell them, that their child is ready for more stimulation, perhaps they will get it. Good luck.

Phoenix said...

so how can you be upstairs if this is a one-story home?

Why is this mom breast feeding a child that is 14 months? And why is this child not eating solids? (you are asking the same questions)

I think you need to quit. Or silently find another job. These moms are whacked and they are going to screw up their kid.

Tell the nanny agency exactly what these people are like so they don't think that you are bailing for no reason.

This kid is going to have real issues when he gets older. My husbands mom had a child with her girlfriend. Her girlfriend found a man who could have been my mother-in-laws brother so use for his sperm. (This happened after she couldn't get pregnant from my MIL actual brother) So they had this kid together and she sorta acted this way with him. Even worse when the kid's gay father took her to court because suddenly he wanted to be in the kids life. So this kid has two gay fathers, and four moms because his mom and my MIL broke up and both "re-married"

Anyway the kid isn't exactly right. She was very overly protective of him. Much like the mom is with your charge. I know they are trying to be careful or whatever you want to call it but it is really bad for the kid. Messed up sitch.

Tales from the (Nanny)Hood said...

OP, I have to ask if there is more behind your agency concerns than you have detailed here. Usually, agencies accept that THEY made a poor match, and suck it up and re-place nannies if there is such obvious discord as you have with these moms.

So, have you backed out on this agency during a trial period before? Have you been "hard to place" in the past? Is this agency struggling to survive and desperate for placement fees, thus not worrying abiout matching well?

And why not hit up some other agencies? there has to be more than 1 agency in LA that places higher wage earning nannies, right? Do you have history with those agencies that negates working with them?

To be clear, you have my sympathy. It stinks to be so poorly matched. But there has to be some avenue you can take other than giving up and accepting a miserable work life for the next year.

AnonLA said...

I am a nanny in LA (not sure if OP is in LA or just somewhere in CA) but there are a couple of agencies here that are very unprofessional. If, during the TRIAL period, you want out of the job they basically black list you. They also hate when nannies turn down interviews. I did a trial weekend for a job. Called in Monday morning to say that the family was going to change the hours (2 days instead of 3) and that it just wouldn't work out (they also wanted me to drive over early in the morning instead of letting me sleep in the guest room-which they had said in the interview). Anyway the agency was mad and basically told me not to call back.

Of course this isn't every agency in the area but OP is probably dealing with the same one or one that is similar.

Anonymous said...

OP here again. Thanks everyone.

Village-thank you so much for the great advice. I will definitely try some of your ideas. Although, it would make it easier if he poor child actually had "toys." Dont get me wrong, he has one Small basket full of them, but that's it, and they are mostly baby toys. :( it was so bad the I actually went to a second hand store, bought some toys for him, sanitized them and created a "nanny bag" to bring in with me everyday so he actually has some stimulating toys to play with.

Phoenix-when I said "we went upstairs," I meant the stairs that go from the living room up to the main living area. It's a sunken living room. Sorry I wasn't clear about that.

And yes, this agency is definitely one of the unprofessional ones in the area, however, for some reason, It seems like EVERY parent in the area goes through them to find a nanny. What it basically comes down to, is that they are huge advocates for the family, but only for the family when they are trying to make money off of them.

Will still be talking to the family about all of this on Friday...and would still love/welcome advice on how to word things with them. Thanks everyone!!

Anonymous said...

OP once again...I have another question for you nannies. How do you handle your sick days? I was given 4 sick days per year, but to be earned AFTER the first 6 months of employment. Unfortunately, the 14 month old has had the stomach flu this week with lots of throwing up, and of course it has been me providing the majority of care for him. I woke up this morning not feeling well at all, but am afraid not to go in because Im pretty sure they will refuse to pay me for the day. I just think that if I get sick from caring for their sick child, that they should always have to compensate me.


MissMannah said...

LOL Phoenix, I thought the same thing--upstairs in a one story house? I chalked it up to a typo.

OP, I'll answer your most recent question first. No, you won't get paid. Why would you even think that you would? Many nanny jobs do not even offer paid sick days so the fact that you're getting some after 6 months is pretty good.

I really think you need to just quit and I don't know why you haven't done so yet. You keep saying you're going to bring stuff up with the family, but what's the point? They are very stuck in their own ways and it seems like none of their ways go along with your childcare philosophies so I don't see any good compromises coming out of this. If you really are hurting for money, then apply at another agency ASAP and then quit this job as soon as they find you a job.

Anonymous said...

Op here...

Missmannah-with all due respect, I feel that nannies NEED to ask for sick days, I definitely always have! In fact, I'll turn down a job if the family isn't willing to offer them. I feel that as nannies, we work extremely hard, and that we shouldn't be expected to be healthy 365 days a year. It's just not humanely possible.

Also, I do not think it is fair or ethically right to have your nanny take car of your extremely ill child, and then not pay her when she can't come into work because she contracted that same illness while taking care of your child. It's just not right.

Phoenix said...

OP, I agree that one should be compensated when a child is sick. As far as sick days go. My company gives up 5 days a year and we accumulate 2 weeks every pay period. You need to have it in writing that they will pay you when you are off, out side. Both sign and get it notarized for hell of it!
You need to leave thise family

Village said...

OP-My advice would be not to go over the same territory again.

They don't want you out more than an hour. IT'S IRRATIONAL. You want to feed the child differently and let him sleep, and they don't. IT'S IRRATIONAL. It's irrational of you to think they are rational, and that 'talking' to them will make any difference.

Better topics would be how to best implement their restrictions. If I were you, I would lobby for plush toys. Not only will the child love them, he will have company in the audience, and someone for whom to perform. Also, is there a library within a 20 minute drive? In 20 minutes, you can check out a boat load of books. Then you have your own story time, and he can pick out the book. He and his new plush toys can attend.

OFF TOPIC AND NOT ASKED You want some explanation for this behavior? You have first time parents. You also have two moms who have probably had a struggle to have this baby. One is home nursing, and the other is working. The working Mom doesn't want the baby to sleep so WM can hold him when when he naps, like her partner gets to hold him when he nurses. Home Mom don't want solid foods because HM wants to nurse; she wants to keep her baby a baby as long as possible. That makes the WM want her share of closeness with the baby even more. So that makes HM want to keep her door open. The Moms are in a competition with each other for the baby's attention, and the irony is, you get him most of his waking hours.

Go into your meeting with the idea of how you can keep the baby physically close to the Moms. Going out is in opposition to that. Feeding him solids is in opposition to that. Doing things your way is in opposition to that. They are IRRATIONAL control freaks. That is the beast that needs feeding. The more control you give them, and the less you try to wrest away from them, the more your ball moves forward. It may not seem that way, but they need to see you on their page. Then after time, they may relax, but I wouldn't count on it.

PS You have to remember one of the grandmothers quit. I'd bet a dollar to a donut it was over this control freakiness. It was probably driving her crazy too.

Miss TJ said...

WALKS ARE YOUR FRIENDS! Taking the baby for some fresh air would be good for the baby and will also give you some time away from the mother.

Also, that agency can't be the only one in the area. Check another one. If you've been with them for 12 years and been highly respected and sought after than they are CRAZY to treat you that way.