i don't see how it is ~inappropriate for a WAHD to be home alone with a nanny, regardless of age.
Yeah, that can be very uncomfortable. I once worked for a stay at home dad, and I became concerned when he started commenting on my clothing and constantly asking if I had a boyfriend. He didn't make any overt moves, but it seemed that he was heading towards an inappropriate situation. I will not take jobs with WAHDs anymore.
I am apparently a weirdo among nannies - all three of my long-term positions have been with WAHMs and I've never found it annoying. I have had really good relationships with all my MBs and found it really handy to have immediate access to MB if I need to voice a concern or if I need help for a couple minutes (not wanting to leave the baby alone but needing to tend to an emergency with the toddler for example).
why would a dad working from home be creepy? Not all men are creeps. That is a very dumb statement. Work at home parents could be annoying, but creepy is not the correct word to use.
I'm a mom, and I'm happily married and I trust my husband. But there is no way in hell I am ok with him hanging out alone with a nanny all day. I can see potential lawsuits on both sides, and I agree with the OP, it's just inappropriate!
Tale of Working with a Stay-At-Home Mom! I really need to find employment, and felt I found the perfect match, working for a family of four children (1 girl, 3 boys) aged between 7-13 years old. The family was well off and the mom persumed it was her DUTY/JOB to watch ME all day long. She did not "work from home" excluding 2 days a month when she wrote up cases (she had a part time law job). Her husband is a well-know politican and thus she lives the good life. She would follow me around ALL DAY LONG, commenting on this, that and the other. She would watch me fold her laundry and then complain that I wasn't doing it to her liking, she would oversee me making the bed and comment on it. Her husband was an amazing guy, and would always tell me I was doing a good job, and even comment "don't worry about her, our last nannies quit because of her..." the pay and hours were good. So I stayed! The children began to often tell me to f**k-off, slam doors in my face, and the mother began to yell at me often both on the front lawn and infront of the children. The only good times I had at the house were when the maid and I would laugh about the mother while she was out at her yoga classes or shopping! Needless to say, the job ended when I decided I hated her so much I couldn't work there anymore. I simply quit! We had a huge fight on the front lawn, argued back and forth. Her husband felt so bad about it, he paid me out two weeks severance to simply clear the air. About a year after I quit, my father was reading the paper and mentioned did I notice that the family I worked for were in a messy-very public divorce battle. I will be honest, it was to my joy to watch her marriage/life unfold in the papers over the coming weeks! Also, I made it well known to those around me that if asked I would 100% advocate on behalf of the father! That was my experience working with a stay at home mom!
Not all men are creepy, true. But not all doctors are creepy, and you still can't have a male doctor examine a female patient without another female in the room. It's just taking precautions to cover everyone. Having a man home alone with a nanny is just asking for trouble.
I actually find it easier to work for a WAHD than a WAHM. Dad's tend to be a little more relaxed about letting nanny take care of things when nanny is 'on duty' (in my experience with several WAHD families). The one creepy dad I had worked out of the home, but surprisingly suddenly started 'needing to come home to fetch things' or having 'an early day' and coming home and hanging around the kids and myself and calling us all 'his girls'. THAT was creepy. I quit.
On two occasions, I worked for WAHMs. The first job involved a mother who practiced attachment parenting. There was no daily routine and her preschooler was helpless. "OK S," I would say, "let's get dressed and we can start our day." S would sit there for a few minutes and look at me, as if he didn't know what to do. He would start crying, and MB would call out, "I usually put his clothes on, so maybe that would be best", or "if he wants you to dress him, that's fine". He's 3.5! He should be able to dress himself with help, not expect me to dress him and cry when I encourage him to do things for himself. I read with enthusiasm, especially Dr. Suess. At noon one day while she was out shopping, I observed S giving signs that he was tired-ear pulling, eye rubbing, plus he looked tired. I put him on the couch for 45 minutes to see if he would fall asleep. He was knocked out shortly after, and slept for 2.5 hours. She was fine with this, however, the next time I was there (I worked Tu and Th)which happened to be Th, she didn't like his napping at 12p, because she claimed he fell asleep at 12a. I abided by her wishes, not napping him at all, even though S literally fell asleep with his eyes open. MB arrived home at 445p one afternoon, put on a video, and S sat in the comfy chair watching TV. As I was preparing to leave, I took a peek into the living and asked, "Hey M, (M is MB)S fell asleep. Do you want me to wake him?" I wasn't surprised that he fell asleep. "No," she says while starting dinner. "Just let him sleep". You don't want him to nap in the afternoon because he doesn't go to sleep until 12a, so you say. S is tired and worn out, so it's OK if he naps later in the afternoon while you are home, yet he can't nap when he obviously needs it with me? I observed this late nap a few more times before I realized that she was full of crap about the nap thing. Obviously if a child takes a nap that late in the afternoon, he will fall asleep at 12a. I also had an infant to care for; no schedule and when she was out she would call the house. If by chance the baby started crying, she would rush home, however, by the time she got there, I had the baby asleep without nursing. He didn't like bottles. I like to read with enthusiasm, especially Dr. Suess. One day I was reading "The Grinch" to S and O (the baby) and she called out, "Can you find another book? That story is too scary for them". Really. I ended up leaving because I felt that she wasn't easy to talk to, and that she was unable to compromise. I also felt as though she didn't trust me. The second job involved caring for an older infant while MB worked in a home office upstairs. It was as if she wasn't there, and unlike the first position, T (the baby) didn't cry for her, nor did I have any "advice" or "suggestions". Would I work for a WAHM again? Depends on the situation.
I think that is an incredibly sexist statement.
I work for a family now who has a WAHD. It's okay, like others have said, mostly it's just annoying because they don't realize how in the way they are throughout my everyday routine with the kids. The dad isn't creepy (but I've been there and there are some creepy dads out there, whether they know it or not!). Hes very kind, totqlly in love with his kids He's just awkward. The nanny they had prior mostly just spoke Spanish so I think he doesn't really think I want to hold a conversation with him. I'm very lucky that the kids are aware that they may not bother him in his office and to keep indoor voices low when we hear him on the phone. They are very well behaved about it, not fussy at all. Though it does pose the problem of the wonderful "only in front of mommy/daddy" behavior some kids do (mine do sometimes) that the whining and baby talk and such comes out. Which is totally obnoxious but this is just what happens when you have a nanny who cares for your kids for more hours then the parents see them. My prior family, the mom tried to do the stay at home thing but the kids just wanted her all the time, whined, cried ect and it was too hard on her, the mom herself, so we jointly decided it was best for her to go to the office.
ok let me get this straight. one woman said she trusts her husband but also said she wouldn't leave him with a nanny....so you don't trust your husband period.
I don't this this is sexist at all. OP said "it can be creepy" when a dad is home, not "it's always creepy." That would be sexist. I think avoiding dad-at-home situations is avery smart idea for a woman in this day and age. It isn't sexist, just a fact that men are more predatory than women, and we women need to make sure we stay out of potentially threatening situations.
Parents at home all day is just a gamble I won't take anymore. I've been a mother's helper to wonderful moms and dads, and we've gotten along great. I've also been a nanny for parents who plan everything, correct everything I do (the games or crafts I pick or what to serve for lunch) or just in general hover and micro manage me all day. The worst case is that the kids pick up on the fact that I have no true authority and run to their parent and this inhibits a true relationship between me and the children. The parents, weirdly, seem flattered. This is not always the case but it's happened to me twice. As parents are people too, it's not that unreasonable to suggest that being alone in a house with a dad could be creepy. My personal policy is that if I've known the family long enough through babysitting or something similar, I'll consider a job with an At Home parent. If not, then no way.
OK, I'll give you that. It can be creepy if the dad is a creepy guy to begin with. But that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with him working at home or not. We've seen many examples on here of live-in nannies who have had to deal with creepy dads who work outside of the home. Saying it is inappropriate for a dad to be at home while the nanny is there is sexism. Would it be considered inappropriate for a mom to stay home while a male worker (say, manny/groundskeeper/poolboy/etc) was there? If the wife is uncomfortable with her husband being alone with the nanny, then she doesn't trust either one of them and she is the one with the problem.
When I was in college I worked as a part-time nanny for a family where both parents would come and go throughout the day. MB was a social worker and had a private therapy practice and DB was a college professor and painter. Some days he was home and would be painting in his studio down the hall while we went about our day. Some days MB would be home working in another room. Some days she would go out and come back and then go out again. I never once had a problem and I trusted the DB completely. They were very laid back, but then again, so was the baby. It never bothered him that they were there or that they were coming and going. I also had a lot of freedom to do what I wanted with the baby (long walks-- they lived a few blocks away from a gorgeous Ivy League college--, afternoons at the playground/ children's museum/ library/ etc.). They were the best family I ever worked for and now that I've moved on from my college years, I'm glad to say that they became really good friends of mine.If I went back to nannying, I would most likely consider another position with a WAHP.
I worked for a family with two young boys with a WAHD for over a year, and I never had a single problem with DB. At first I thought it might be awkward since he is not that much older than me (I was 21 when I started, he had just turned 30.) However, I never had any problems. DB and I had an appropriate relationship as boss and employee, no different than if we were both 50 year old men. NO flirting NO crossing boundaries NO uncomfortable encounters. It's only inappropriate for a WAHD to have a young, female nanny, OP, if one or both parties MAKE it inappropriate. In my situation, I was lucky to find a MB and DB who hired me for my skills as a nanny and did not discriminate against me simply for being young and female.
I wouldn't feel comfortable working alongside a man who worked from home. I mean, there would always be the possibility that he may be attracted to me and I don't need any problems in my job. (Not saying I am a Beauty Queen.)I also hate working for mothers who stay at home since they like to interfere, give orders and watch me w/a third eye. The best jobs are those where both parents work outside the home.
Um what the fuck!??? Men are more predatory than women??? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. LOL. What kind of simple minded women do you know? Women are waaaay worse than men when it comes to "seducing" If a woman wants a man she is waay more agressive than any man has ever been. In fact I would say that most stay at home dads would be the ones to feel akward because they would be afraid of doing the wrong thing, looking in the wrong direction, or saying the wrong thing. Men know how stupid women can be and they also know that women lie and take things out of context. So sorry. Not buying it. I know more women who chase men than the other way around.
I have worke for a few families where the dad didn't work from home, but had their own business an we're in and out some days. The first one was a total creep who came and sat down while I was doing puzzles with the kids and tried to put his head in my lap- yuck! I just stood straight up and walked off. He tried to hug me a few times and I just shrugged him off. His secretary showed up to give the mom some important papers once and she was about the same age as I was at the time (early 20s) and had a strapless minidress on- you can't tell me something wasn't going on there. The second family I worked for the dad was really nice, treated me completely professionally and I never ha a problem. I think it depends on the person.
TOTALLY depends on the person. One nanny job the couple were mid 40's with adopted kids - toddler age. I loved working for them! They were both so appropriate and since I was early 20's they were always treated me as equal authority around the kids, but kind of looked out for me like extra parents. The dad was a WAHD most of the time there, but often out on business meetings, kept to his office, but still loved to eat lunch with the kids and take quick breaks to play with them during the day. There are some, but not many, families like that, so don't be too fast to totally rule out WAHD or WAHM families :)
Phoenix, of course women can be predatory too. But the fact is, most unwanted sexual advances do come from men. Most sex offenders are male. Most people with sexual misconduct suits against them are male. Most rapists are male. Most violent criminals are male. Most men are physically much stronger than women. This isn't sexism, it's statistics. We need to keep ourselves safe.
Would you take any other job if you are a young woman and the only other person in the building was your male boss? Of course not! No other job would even suggest that for fear of HR issues. Yet somehow as nannies we are and supposed to just shut up deal with dad? He isn't suddenly safe just because he's a father. I have heard too many stories about women in the workplace being taken advantage of by male bosses. No way will I ever work for a stay at home dad.
i work for a WAHD. It's not weird at all. It's just annoying because I feel like I"m never actually in charge. When the 3-yr-old doesn't get her way, she screams for daddy. He usually ignores her (thankfully), but if she cries for too long, he'll come up and try to take over. He always tells her that she needs to listen to me when I'm there, etc, but then will do the opposite of what I've been trying to say/do (eg. She wants cookies but she just had lunch. Cries/screams. Dad comes up. Tells her she needs to listen and be good. Gives her cookies anyway).ugh
I work for a WAHM. She is very nice, but it is a challenge. Trying to schedule the baby's needs and keeping him quieter when she is on a call and that she won't let me drive him anywhere, so she will drive us to the library once or twice a week maybe. We can go for a walk or to the backyard. Most of the time is in the living room cage though. I love my job, but it is getting harder as the baby gets older and my boss is trying to get her work done.
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