Family Devastated By Thieving Nanny

opinion 1
This past Friday I found out that my nanny of 8 years who we treated like family has been stealing checks, forging my signature and cashing them. I am embarrassed to say that she stole a ton of money. I am so hurt and my children who are 8 and 5 don't know yet. They think she will be back. She admitted it to me when I confronted her as she forged my signature and couldn't deny it. Now, we don't know what to do. We are completely devastated as we treated her so wonderfully. Why would she do this? And what do we do now??


MissDee said...

There is no way of knowing why someone you trust would steal from you. I know how you feel, because my ex had my pin numbers for my check card and stole $300 out of my checking account. I wasn't aware of anything until loss prevention from my bank contacted me and alerted me to the activity. Later that week when I deposited a check, I found out I was overdrafted by $225. At that point, I asked him directly if he had made any withdrawals he forgot to tell me about. He denied everything. The next day, I was on the phone with customer service, who gave me the exact date and time, along with machine used to make the withdrawal. I then realized what happened: he stole money from me. Following that conversation, I went to the bank who printed out all recent activity on the account, including the withdrawal. The next trip was his house, where I mentioned the withdrawal. He looked at me and said, "it wasn't me. Must be someone else you are dating." Funny, because he was the only one I was dating, but he was a three legged dog who was licking everyone in town but me. lol

I found out I could press charges, in which case I couldn't do it, because of something known as a crazy little thing called love.

Contact your bank and obtain the fraud forms. There is a possibility you can get the money back, however, you would have to file charges to do so. I would then contact your local police department, and see if you can get your hands on any videos where is shows the nanny writing your name on the checks.

This is the hardest thing to deal with, because I know from personal experience. It hurts, especially when it is someone you trust and love.

Let us know what happens!

alex said...

Please contact your bank or the police and see what you need to do. Yes, she was your wonderful nanny but she made a mistake and as an adult, she needs to be held accountable for the mistake she made. You may never see the money again but that doesn't mean she does not need to learn that what she did was wrong and that there are consequences. To let her get away with it (in my opinion) is less loving than actually holding someone accountable for their actions. And maybe down the line you can repair your relationship, it could happen. But please contact the police, bank, etc. and see what you need to do and what your legal rights are.

RBTC said...

you are going to be hearing some stories which will show you are not alone. when my mother, grandmother and cousin all dies in the same year i put two friends, one 20 years, one 12 years, and 2 other women in charge of my business.

the results broke my heart

they stole clients/money etc

2 of the women used $1200 they took from my cash fund to buy their own equipment and advertising - all the while quoting scripture that i would not be a good christian if i do not let them have the money and forgive them

i had to go into my savings to make payroll

one of the women was working in my office and used one of my credit cards to pay a $400 light bill and the list goes on

heartbreakingly i have had to cancel these friendships - and yes they deny everything

when faced with proof they change the subject/deny/say they do not understand/ and then finally apologize - and then do it again if given the chance

so - in my case i have cut off contact with them but have taken no legal action - the things they did are very subtle and clever - amazingly so

but - in your case this is a clear case of fraud

i might tell the nanny you will give her a chance to pay all the money back before going to the authorities

but make it clear to her that it's out of your hands - either you get the money back or you need to take action - for banking reasons

let us know what happens

also - this phenomenon is happening everywhere - any one of us with any money or resources needs to watch our back

Beth said...

I'm very sorry this happened to you and your family.

I hope you are able to find a new trustworthy nanny.

You may never know the reason why. But please know it has nothing to do with you or anything you could have done.

Contact your bank and police.

I would not giver her a second chance. It could just be a one off and she temporarily lost her sense of right and wrong, or you could let her go and she go on to steal from someone else.

Jade..... said...

I totally agree with Beth. It has nothing to do with you or anything you could have done. It has everything to do with her and her character. This is who she is and if given another chance by you or anyone else she will do the same thing. You should go to the authorities and get her to be responsible for her bad judgement. Who knows, she might have done this before and gotten away with it. She knows right from wrong and should be held accountable for what she did. I am so sorry this was done to you and please understand she is just one of a few. There are many good nannies out there. All the best.

Nanny of One said...

Dear OP!

This is a sad situation without a doubt.

I would talk the situation over with your partner (or in the event you are a single parent) I would talk about it with a close friend.

Decide, if you would like to press charges or if you would like to approach the nanny and get her to sign a note stating that she will repay you in the amount of X per month until X amount is paid off and that she admits to stealing X amount from you.

Get the letter notarized so that in the event she does not pay it back at least you have evidence and can sue her in a court of law.

Best of luck, and please do not feel bad, as normally it is those close to us that end up doing the unthinkable.

- Nanny of One-

ELam said...

Am I the only one surprised that you did not notice this happening after the FIRST check was forged? Maybe I'm paranoid but I check my bank account daily just to make sure things are as they should be. How long did she get away with this? She must be an idiot, forging checks and still showing up to work like you would never notice...wow. I'm very sorry this happened to you. Depending on the amount stolen I would definitely consider pressing charges.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

OP..I am so sorry this happened to you. You must feel so betrayed by your Nanny and it sucks because your children will be affected by this Nanny's unthinkable behavior as well. :(

I think this is a no-brainer, but first and foremost I would see if legal action can be taken. Your Nanny committed a crime and needs to be punished accordingly for it. I think she should be jailed for what she did. Also, you must fire her ASAP. No doubt. Then gently let your children know the Nanny will not be back. It is up to you to provide details, but I would just say she did a very bad thing and you are no longer able to keep her on.

I am so very sorry for what this Nanny did and I wish you the best of luck in finding a much better one soon. Keep the faith. There are many of us who would NEVER in a million years do what this woman did to you.

Good Luck.

StrawberryShortKakes said...

The reason that this nanny took money from you was because, simply, she could. Somehow she got the idea in her head to do it the first time and when she got away with it, she kept doing it. I'm not saying it was your fault because you said that you trusted her. It's sad that she took advantage of you in the first place.

I have to disagree with with PPs who suggested giving her a chance to repay the money. You trusted her for the last 8 years and look what she did. Don't give her the opportunity to repay the money, go to the police and the bank and talk to them. If you let this nanny stick around, she will probably end up stealing something else or doing something else sneaky. She proved to you that she can't be trusted.

that's easy said...

You need to press charges, of course. You need to contact your local PD right away.

911now said...

Report her to the police because what if she goes and steals from someone else? I am really low-income, and if someone stole money from me like that, I would be up shit's creek.

Don't let this sitter pray on the rest of us. Bring charges against her now.

911now said...

prey i mean

CIS said...

Yes, of course you should contact the police to see if they will pursue charges against her. Once you give them the information, they investigate and decide whether there is evidence to pursue charges. There almost certainly will be, and you don't need a video of her signing a check She has no respect for you or your family whatsoever. Look around your house an see what else is missing.

Then, file a claim in civil court to get a judgment. She will never pay you back on an IOU. (I have a $!500 one from a former sitter dated 2003 in my files on which I have never received a dime.) If you have the judgment, you can at least get in line with other creditors someday. DO NOT let emotions get in the way - she was not thinking a whole hell of a lot of you when she wrote all those checks.

RBTC said...

yes, i take it back about letting her repay the money. i have been in situations where a friend stole and i know how emotional it can be - this is a hard thing

when it's an 8 year relationship - they make YOU look like a hard hearted bad guy when you have a prob with them stealing from you

they say things like they did it for their kids, their grand kids, their sick parakeet etc

if the OP was not a good hearted trusting person the thief would not have gotten away for so long

StrawberryShortKakes said...

I am hard-pressed to think of a situation where MAYBE it would be sort of easy to forgive someone for stealing. I just can't think of anything. Even if, god forbid, it was for something so serious as medical treatment or something, if she really cared about your relationship she would have either asked you to borrow the money or gotten another job. I don't see anything good coming from forgiving this nanny and letting her pay back the money on her own free will. You need to let her go and have the authorities do the dirty work of getting your money back.

DenverNanny said...

OP I am so sorry to hear this. How horrible to find out someone so close to you was stealing from you. As a nanny for a family for 5 years I can't imagine ever doing something so horrible.

As other posters have stated you need to file charges. That's simply unacceptable and if she's been stealing from you who knows who else she may have been stealing from?

While it's a heartbreaking situation you need to make sure that this can't happen again and ensure that there are consequences for your nanny. While having her pay it back, having a "contract" notarized, etc. is all well and good as alex stated she is an adult.

Again, so sorry that this happened to you. I'm sure that you'll find someone much better for your family.

justmary said...

Kind of makes sense anonymous. U sound like a detective.

Nanny S said...

I just wanted to say that I worked for a family immediately after their previous nanny of 5+ years stole from them. This one was finding Christmas gifts in closets and returning them for cash, etc. During my interview they told me the situation and did a background check on me, which was more than fair and I really felt for them, as it was a terrible betrayal of trust. After I started, though, it was clear that they couldn't disconnect their experience from me as their nanny. The dad would obsessively calculate up my receipts at the end of every week, the mother was hyperventilate, even told me I was "not allowed" to enter the parents room, and several times, did very weird things like left $500 cash in the nanny car... I quit because it was uncomfortable. Whatever you do, just know that there are many trustworthy nannies out there, don't scare them away because you've been burnt in the past.

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