Sunday

Dad Has Bad Timing

opinion 1
Just a question for other nannies and parents. I care for a 13 month old boy from 8am-6pm, Monday through Friday. I make $400 per week. MB hands him off to me in the morning, and DB takes him from me when he gets home from work. Lately, DB has been coming home late (5 minutes here, 15 minutes there, etc) or has been in the habit of coming home 5 or 10 minutes til 6 and then 'wants to change clothes' or 'get a few things done' and ends up not taking the baby until almost 630. This has been happening 2-3 nights a week. By the end of my 10 hour day, I'm ready to leave and not being compensated to stay past 6. I occasionally stick around a few minutes and chat with MB/DB about baby's day as I put on my coat and walk to the door... but how do I approach the consistent lateness? I have a personal life after work. Nannies, what have you said to MB/DB before when they've been late? Parents, how do you let nannies know you'll be late, or how do you make up for it when you are?

20 comments:

xoxoIngrid said...

definitely tell them that you would like to be home by a certain time. but the parents should be the ones telling you they'll be late

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Wow..how rude of your bosses. It's like they think you have no life at all...

I would mention that you have an appointment to meet a friend for coffee or that you have something to do, etc and grab your jacket and head out the door as soon as Dad comes home. When he walks in late, I would just politely ask him if he can get home on time from now on because you have things you need to do before it gets too late.

Wow...you work ten hours a day. They should understand!! ♫

Village said...

You make them pay for it. Time and a half is a good start.

I must be a (*)(*). When I was child sitting, I did a lot of dictating to my bosses. I set the rate, the times, for both parents and children. I think I got away with it because the kids LOVED me, and I always cleaned the kitchen from floor to ceiling, and picked up the living room, back when there was such a thing. The moms always came home to a lovely living room and kitchen.

You have to stand up to your employers to get their respect. And you usually only have to do it once if you are a good hard working nanny. (By standing up to your employers I mean telling them you are good nanny and experienced at what you do, in a kind matter of fact way. And then be silent and wait for a response. I find this is best done at the interview, or at least in the trial period.)

Momwest said...

I usually call if I am going to be late, which happens rarely. It is more likely that my nanny is late in the morning or has to leave early for a doctor's appointment. She has a very busy social life which sometimes takes a toll on her health. But she does a good job and I trust her with my children and home, which is no small thing to a parent.

WAHM3 said...

I was late one day when I received bad news at work, and did not even realize it. I felt awful after I realized. If I do it again, I would fully expect the nanny to remind me what her agreed upon hours were, or remind me before payday that she had worked extra time that pay.

Village said...

I'd like to rephrase and answer the question.

Sit down with Mom and Dad. Tell them that if you are needed longer in the evening than what was originally agreed upon, a new deal must be worked out.

Your job ends at 6 when Dad gets home. Period. If they want more time, they have to buy it.

MissMannah said...

Dad is being passive-aggressive and you're letting him. So you have two choices: 1) be upfront and tell him point-blank that you get off at 6pm or 2) be passive-aggressive right back to him. I had to do #2 with my last DadBoss because he would do the exact same thing you described. (Is this some universal lazy man thing??) When it gets close to the time you expect him home, gather all your things near the front door. I would go so far as putting my coat on the couch with my car keys in the pocket, so it would be ready to go. As soon as Dad walks in the door, greet him with the baby very excitedly: "Look who's home, it's Daddy! *Baby* has been looking forward to seeing you, he's had a great day!" Put the baby directly in his arms and say "I'm in a real hurry today, gotta run!" and rush out the door. A week of that and he will very quickly get the hint.

Note: This technique will only be effective if you are NEVER late in the mornings. If you are late, forget it.

chopperclaus said...

When dad gets home and says he needs to do XYZ, just say "Should I leave Jr. in the pack-n-play or in the high chair? See you tomorrow." And leave.

MonkeyNanny said...

Parents: If you know you need your nanny to stay late, give her some notice. A few days notice is good, a week is better. Don't ask at the last minute, and definitely don't show up late without calling. If you are always on time, when that occasional traffic delay or work emergency holds you up, your nanny will probably be fine with staying late since that isn't your fault.

Tit for Tat said...

When this type of behavior has ever first cropped up in a nanny job, I nip it in the bud immediately by informing them that for each time they arrive home late, I will arrive late the next morning by the same amount of time. In all cases, problem solved. :)

MissMannah said...

And you've never gotten fired for that? How do you get away with that--are you cleaning their house top to bottom daily? Most parents would not be too happy if you informed them you are coming in 15 minutes late as "punishment."

Tit for Tat said...

No I have never gotten fired for that. It is not "punishment", it is demonstrating that I will only give the amount of respect that I receive.

Too many nannies who post here are complete doormats who don't realize that true professionals set boundaries and NEVER get taken advantage of because they REFUSE to permit it.

But then again, true professionals know how to suss out parents and avoid the ones who would pull crap like this in the first place.

MissMannah said...

Many parents are great in the beginning and the nanny is caught unaware when they begin to take advantage of her after several months. This has happened to me twice and, trust me, I am neither a doormat nor afraid of confrontation. You phrased it as "true professionals set boundaries and NEVER get taken advantage of because they REFUSE to permit it". I completely agree but I still wonder how you get away with it...but maybe you say things a lot better with parents because both times I stood up for myself as soon as they began to take advantage of me I was immediately fired.

Tit for Tat said...

That is too bad you were fired merely for being assertive... when I have had to assert myself they have not been too happy sometimes but they usually see the point and have certainly never fired me for it! Yeesh.

When I interview for a job, if I end up being interested in taking it, I present the parents with my contract and we go over it, with them being fully free to give any input so we can negotiation mutually agreeable changes.

It's a pretty detailed contract and to be honest, about a third of the time the parents don't want to proceed once they see it because it is obvious that I have clear expectations and will not put up with anything.

So the parents who end up hiring me are the ones who know how to respect a professional Nanny-Parent relationship. I guess that's the difference... the contents of my contract are enough to suss out any parents who are going to handle the relationship in a dysfunctional way.

Susannah said...

@ Tit for Tat I would love to see that contract!

Tit for Tat said...

Susannah -- I use two different contracts depending upon the circumstances. One is for a full-time position the other is for a part-time position. I would be happy to post links on this website if the mods are OK with that.

post the contracts!!! said...

I second wanting to see the contracts!! I need some inspiration for my own

Susannah said...

How about it mods cans she post the link?

Tit for Tat said...

I will email the mods and see what they think... thank you for asking, I hope it will make for an interesting read if I am allowed to post it! :)

MaryPoppin'Pills said...

Tit for Tat,
Links posted that have something to do with the subject being discussed are welcome.