Thursday

DB Violates Nanny's Privacy

opinion dec
Sorry if this post is not well organized, but I am in complete shock and need some advice. I started a new job a few months ago, and it's been just fine. The parents are fine, the children (from here on out, the older is B and the younger is C) are fine, I'm not in love with this job, but up until right now, there was nothing not to like. Since I'm still new-ish, the parents stop home unannounced from time to time. I would do the same thing in their shoes. Today, B was at school and C was napping. C has been a little under the weather, and was waking up a lot to cough. I was going upstairs to administer some cough syrup, and saw DB walk in the door. I said hello, told him what was going on, and continued upstairs. I heard him move around a bit and then leave -- nothing out of the ordinary -- but when I went downstairs, I noticed my purse was about a foot away from where I had left it, wide open, and my wallet was halfway out. Nothing was missing, but he clearly went through it. I feel violated. What do I do now?

18 comments:

Jedd Meir said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anne said...

Was your purse zipped? It could not have fallen over and he picked up?

I would rule out this possibility before you accuse DB of anything.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Quit.

Anonymous said...

OP here! It definitely didn't fall over. There isn't really a place to put it, so I leave it on the floor, and it was closed.

Jedd Meir said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anne said...

Find a new job ASAP!

Phoenix said...

It is strange that he didn't try to hide the fact that he was in your purse. I mean that would be something to be sneaky about. When I was 15 my dad read my diary. I had it hidden under my mattress at the head of the bed. My dad never went into my room to begin with. I come home and I find my diary sitting on top of my pillow. Um...my dad and I were the only ones living in the house at the time. So....... It's just strange. The invasion of privacy and then the flaunting of the invasion as if to say "Yeah I looked, WTF are you gonna do about it?"

PS. It was awful what my dad did. It was even more awful 7 years later at Christmas party at my grandparents (everyone was there) my dad got really drunk. We were all sitting around my sister was texting her boyfriend. My dad announces "Well, I hope i don't have to find out Amber is having sex like I had to with her sister by reading her diary!"

Awful

Dr. Juris said...

That is awful, Phoenix, since he didn't friggin "have" to do anything.

Invasion of your privacy is the worst. I can't imagine why the DB would want to go through someone's purse, but there are all kinds out there. Is it possible he wasn't looking and he kicked it/made things go flying? (I've done that myself, before)

StrawberryShortKakes said...

Oh boy. Well to me, from the way you wrote your post, you don't seem to be too attached to this job. Personally, I am not sure what I would do if I were in your shoes. However, I do think you have a few options.

Option 1 would be to just let it go. DB is obviously nosey but he definitely crossed the line by going through your purse. Dropping in to see if all is well at the house is fine and he has a right to do that, but what could he have been looking for in your purse? I don't think ignoring this issue is the best idea but it definitely is an option if you want to keep this job and don't want to confront him.

Option 2 would be to confront DB and tell him you suspect he went through your purse. If he is genuinely a nice guy, I wouldn't corner him and ask him what he was looking for. I would simply state, with MB present, that you notice your purse had been touched and you request that your privacy be respected. Tell them it is your property and if they have a concern that they should approach you directly. I bet DB will be embarrassed and not do it again.

Option 3, the most obvious, would be to quit. I have no idea what DB would be doing in your purse. Was he looking for evidence or something? If you suspect that DB will do this again, then I would leave the job. Since this isn't a serious life-threatening situation, I would secure another job before leaving this one. Of course, you also have the option whether to tell them why you are leaving. I think I would just tell them things aren't working out and you don't feel comfortable. Please let us know what you decide, OP!

bluebell said...

I'd line up a new job and then quit. Whatever your DB's motives for doing this may have been, he has violated your trust irreparably.

christine said...

I have a real thing about my purse. There's really nothing in it but money, my phone and a few credit cards but I HATE it when someone goes in it. My husband will only go through it with my permission and my kids wouldn't dream of touching it. If they need something (money) they bring my purse to me. I don't remember ever going into my mother's purse so maybe that's why I feel so strongly.

That being said, I would let it go this time, only because you didn't actually see him do it But, if you suspect it again, I would, as nicely as I could, call him out on it.

MissMannah said...

I'm the exact opposite of Christine, I don't really care who goes through my purse. My charge used to play with it all the time. (Good thing his dad never saw that, he probably wouldn't like his toddler son carrying a purse around!) So anyway, it wouldn't bother me too much and it definitely wouldn't be something I would quit over if nothing was missing from it. But OP, you should be very wary from now on and don't bring any personal property (paperwork, laptop, etc) from home, just in case.

Phoenix, that is horrible! My mom read my diary when I was a teenager, but I never hid it, just kept it on my night stand. I just went in my room one day and she was sitting on my bed and reading it. I threw a major shit-fit and she said "I was just trying to learn more about you." Uh...just ask me!

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

My parents read my diary as a kid and I still am angry about it years later! It's a violation of my privacy. My diary was like my best friend, I would tell it things I couldn't talk to my family about. Every teen-ager should be able to keep a diary and feel confident no one else will read it. Too bad I didn't have one of those diaries that came with a lock...instead I had like 30 rubber bands on it and knew EXACTLY the pattern of rubber bands so I knew when someone read it.

outllet said...

I find this whole story very strange. You said you heard him move around briefly and leave. Why would he come home for a split second and rifle through your purse? Especially since he knows you'll be back any second? Do they have any animals? The family I work for have a very nosy cat. On my first day on the job I went to eat my lunch only to notice it had already been eaten and strewn across the living room!

OP said...

OP here again! They do have a cats, and I won't say it's 100% impossible that they were the ones that got into it, but they were both asleep in the exact same position as when I had gone upstairs.

Does this moniker make my butt look big said...

During my first marriage, I found a copy of a page from my diary laying on my husbands desk. I was absolutely shocked and felt very betrayed. When I confronted him he said,"You had written something about me & I was flattered". I tried but never quite forgave him for betraying my privacy.
I believe it depends on weather you can let it go or not. If you can,then stay. But be honest..if you can't,it will only continue to build in the anti trust area! Best of luck!!

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

OP if your gut instinct tells you he rummaged through your purse, he probably did. Usually our intuition is right and is not to be ignored. I hope you can get a nanny job with a more decent family. Me personally could NEVER work for a family who went through my things. That is crossing the line....BIG TIME.

AMom said...

I have purse hang ups too. No one, No one, including hubby goes in my purse!! I think it stems from the fact of when i was growing up, I was allowed no privacy from my mother. I'm not hiding anything in my purse, it's just mine! If hubby or one of the kids needs something I have in there, they bring me the entire purse and i get it out!

I do the same thing with hubby's wallet. If i need cash out of his wallet , I will hand him the wallet so he can take it out for me. It's just a thing with me. This would make me nuts if I thought someone had gone into my purse, ick!

Though, I do have two cats and I coudl totally see one of them doing this. But, you say the cats were fast asleep, so, sounds like hubby. I would casually mention it in front of him, not accuse him, just sort of say "how weird, the other day I came downstairs and my purse was all askew like someone had been in it! i hope nothing is missing, my purse is my private possession, I would hate to think someone went in there". and just see his reaction.