Thursday

When is the Right Time?

opinion 1 My husband and I are trying for a baby but I'm not sure when I should tell my boss. She as well as some of her extended family are on my Facebook page and I want to announce it fairly soon after I get pregnant. While I can block them from seeing particular posts if someone leaves a message on my page they would be able to see it. Do I tell her before I post, which would be right after I go for my first prenatal, or do I let her know when I tell everyone else on Facebook?

17 comments:

east coaster said...

I would wait until after the 12 week mark before you say anything. If you want to tell them sooner, maybe wait until after the first ultrasound (at ~7 weeks). Once the heartbeat is detected, miscarriage risk drops to 5%. Good luck!

Never a good idea said...

Firstly, in my opinion it is a bad idea to friend your MB or DB on facebook. I know it's tempting but it gives them too much access to your personal life. Personally, I don't have anything to hide but I would just feel safer without being friends with them. Also, if you weren't facebook friends with them, you wouldn't be having this problem.

Anyway, since you already are friends with them, I think you should tell them before you post it on facebook. People do not like finding out about things through social networking. They also might think that you didn't want to tell them directly. Definitely tell them face to face and just let them now. I'm curious, are you afraid they will be mad and fire you? Or just concerned about the maternity leave?

MissMannah said...

Personally, I agree with the previous poster. Unless you were already good friends with your boss before getting hired, it isn't a good idea to friend them. Your personal life should remain exactly that.

I also think it is extremely tacky to announce a pregnancy via facebook to your closest friends. My cousin did that and I was really annoyed that she couldn't be bothered to call anyone or tell them face to face. My advice would be to tell who you want to in person first and then wait until you're ready to tell your boss in person. Then make the facebook announcement so the girl who sat next to you in 10th grade science class can hear about it.

coco said...

You need to tell your boss before you post it on facebook, and I would wait until you've hit the 12 week mark (or as PP said, at least until after you hear a heartbeat.) It is hard to wait before announcing, but I feel it's wise, especially when it will trigger a conversation about your future at work. When you tell your boss, tell her not to post anything on facebook until you can make your own announcement.

ericsmom said...

I wouldn't post it on FB either. There are alot of crazies out there. Its just like how they tell you not to "advertise" on your front lawn anymore that you had a baby. You know the stork signs and all. They are really cute and its sad we have to live in a world like this.

Theres the case of the woman that had the stork announcement on her front lawn. A woman that wanted to have a baby came to her house and I believe tried to stab her to death and took the newborn. Luckily they caught the woman and the baby was safely returned. The mom survived the incident but the pictures of the slash marks across her neck are pretty gruesome

arizo said...

I don't think she need such an encouragement from ericsmom. You're not helping. You just make her paranoiac.

Nanny of One said...

Dear OP:

Clearly you and your husband are super excited about a new bundle of joy... however, use disrection when posting it on facebook as others stated regarding the miscarriage situation as well as the lack of "personal life" anymore. Tell those close to you in person or via phone etc, if you are "close" with your boss then tell her/him the same way. However, if your not close to your boss then I guess telling them via facebook is an option.

Also, from the beginning start to work out a pregnancy plan with your boss, are you going to bring your child to work with you? Are you going to take maternity leave and then come back and watch the children again afterwards? Work all of this out in a written contact. Also, contact the Government to ensure that you have enough hours accumulated for maternity leave. etc.

Best wishes on your baby making...

Village said...

Regardless of how you tell them, I think you should factor in the possibility that you will be let go when the parents find out. Some parents just aren't going to deal with the pregnancy issues, like doctor's appointments or morning sickness, and then extended time off. It's just much easier for them to get a new nanny. They may start looking as soon as you tell them. Is that an issue for you? Do you want to work through your pregnancy?

Cameo Rose said...

You are not even pregnant yet.

Your emotional priority should be your husband, not Facebook.

You are fantasizing about your Facebook anouncement instead focusing on the present, or making actual plans for your pregnancy (example: work schedule). Have you discussed your options for continuing work with your husband?

Start talking to him more, and spend less time on the computer.

Sarah said...

I agree about not posting on FB until you are past the 1st trimester. And then, tell your employers before you post anything.

Ginger Snaps said...

CAMEO Rose, I think she and her husband have talked this over by the sound of it and she is making plans. Read the post she is trying to find out how to tell them after she becomes pregnant. Sheesh talk a bout raining on a parade .

Nanny Louisa said...

I may be in the minority here, but if you are "actively" trying for a baby, I would tell my bosses this. Why? You will establish goodwill with your bosses and they will appreciate you being so considerate. Also, a pregnant Nanny is very different from a non-pregnant Nanny and with this different dynamic, future plans need to be made.

Op said...

Wow camorose I'm so glad you could figure me out based on a small paragraph I wrote. My husband works out of town so that means he's not here every evening and I realize our time together is precious so when he is here we do not get on the computer and we ignore out cell phones unless it's an emergency. Now I will not defen used further to you, it's apparent you have issues that you are projecting onto me and my situation and I feel sorry for you. I hope you can overcome whatever obstacles in your life that cause you to lash out at a total stranger on the Internet.

I should have explained better in my post that I would tell my close friend and family before posting on Facebook. Basically I would be announcing to my high school friends whom I only keep in contact with via Facebook. I do agree it would be tacky for my close friends and family to find out on Facebook.

My husband and I have talked at great lengths about telling my boss and her reaction. We've come up with a couple of alternatives that I will mention to her but yes as some of you guys have mentioned she very well could fire me and even if that was to happen we would be ok. I work because I want to, not because we need the money though I would be very surprised if she did fire me. I've been with them for a few years and her children were in my wedding and she's asks me all the time when we are going to have a baby and has mentioned she's saving baby items for me.

Good for you! said...

OP you are very lucky to have an MB who encourages you to have a baby. Since she seems so supportive and is even saving baby items for you, I am guessing she will be thrilled when you tell her the news... of course after you actually are pregnant.

I think you are in the right mindset that she might want to move on to another nanny after you are pregnant, depending on the needs of the family. IDK if you are full time or part time but maybe she will keep you on for some hours during your pregnancy at the very least. If she likes you as much as you say, which I don't doubt, hopefully she will support the pregnancy. How can she not, right?

As far as breaking the news to her, I don't see why you are so nervous about it. It seems as though she is waiting for it to happen and wouldn't freak out. Also, you said that if she does let you go, it wouldn't be that terrible because you don't really need the money. You clearly love the children which would probably be the worst part about being let go (not seeing them) but you will have your own bundle of joy and will for sure be able to see the children in the future. Maybe they can babysit your little one some day :)

OP said...

My hesitation comes from reading other replies on this site and when people think is the best time to tell MB when they are pregnant.

Facebook and the internet are also fairly new, meaning Emily Post and Dear Abby haven't addressed those two mediums when talking about etiquette dos and dont's so I wanted feedback from other nanny's and mother's as to what they would do in my situation.

I am not super close to her, we talk about the kids every day but we both stay out of each others personal lives for obvious reasons and I just wasn't sure how to or when to tell her.

She loves to tell my private business when she does know something ie if I am sick and go to the doctor I usually tell her what the doctor says and she goes and tells everyone in the neighborhood what my doctor said so I know even if I ask her not to tell anyone the news she will tell people, she will tell the people in the neighborhood as well as the people that are on facebook and I would hate for my family to find out through a facebook post.

Another "Trying" Nanny said...

My husband and I area also actively trying to conceive our first child.

We don't plan on announcing to ANYONE (including our family) until 12 weeks. From 12-16 weeks we'll announce in person or over the phone to all our close friends and family. At 16 weeks, I plan to tell my boss and announce on Facebook. My boss and I are not friends on Facebook, but I want her to know before I make a general announcement so that it doesn't get back to her. ie, I'm friends with lots of other local nannies one Facebook, and I'd hate for one of them to unknowingly mention it to their boss who would in turn mention it to my boss. In your case, since you are friends on Facebook, I would make sure to tell her first. Letting her find out via Facebook does not seem very professional.

I definitely will not be continuing on at this job after I have a baby, because we plan for me to be a stay at home mom. I plan to be upfront about that when I make the announcement to my boss, and tell her that I'm willing to stay on up until 34-36 weeks pregnant. That is plenty of time for them to find a replacement. I have a feeling they'll find someone well before that cut off, but that's fine with me.

I was pregnant-outed on facebook said...

Be warned when you start telling people in the real world they sometimes get overexcited for you and post nice messages on your facebook wall before you actually wanted it to go public on facebook.

(I'm not a nanny) I had my job 'put at risk' and was having to reapply for it when I got pregnant. I really didn't want my colleagues to know I was pregnant at the time, and was facebook friends with them all.

I had however told my ice hockey coach why I 'still had backache', i.e. I was actually pregnant and not playing, and although I thought I told her to be discreet, all the other players on my team found out and one posted on my wall. I deleted it straight away, but it might have been seen before I wanted it too!