Hubby Embarrassed Over Hoochie Nanny's Attire

opinion 2 Our nanny of one year continues to wear incredibly short, tight, shorts, the highest high heels you have ever seen and skimpy tops with plunging necklines... and she is obese. I have asked my wife on several occassions to speak with her about her attire. Even my wife's parents are aghast at her attire. Bizzarley (is that a word), my wife feels that we should "let her be who she is." When she came to pick up one of my children at my office, I was truly embarrassed and several of my staff members commented (negatively) about her appearance. Also, we have four boys aged 6-12 yrs! Please, someone comment and set my wife straight!


unicornsparkleprincess said...

...and she is obese. nice line.

and yes, bizarrely is a word. you just spelled it wrong.

if anything you should just talk to your wife and say that it makes not just you, but that other people have told you it makes them uncomfortable also. i honestly don't really know what you can say to your nanny about this though. even if you try to step lightly around it and just say something about the style rather than it being sexy, it would most likely hurt the nanny's feelings anyway. i remember i had a female employer once make fun of what i wear by saying i 'have my own style going on' in a derogatory way, multiple times, and it really hurt mine.

you could probably mention how you would prefer your nanny to wear flats instead because it's more practical.

i do think your attitude sucks, though. i would not be involved in discussing this with the nanny, only your wife if she agrees with you. is she a good nanny? is it worth bringing this up? do you have a good relationship with her, as her employers? if you decide to bring this up with her, you might not have a comfortable relationship with her again. those are the more important questions you should ask yourself.

Anonymous said...

Assuming this is not a joke, the two ADULTS in the family need to tell the nanny,


See how easy that is?

JustTellHer said...

I don't think you should put so much pressure on your wife. Yes, I agree that it would be more ideal for your wife (being a woman and all) to tell the nanny that her attire is less than acceptable, but why can't you do it? No matter who tells her, it probably won't be taken that well so just do it if it really bothers you that much. Just be sure to not make ANY comments about her weight... that would be a huge mistake!

I would also question this nanny's judgment if she chooses to wear these outfits while taking care of children, 4 boys nonetheless! How does she keep up with them? I agree with the first commenter... I think I need more information about this particular nanny to make a definite decision. Is she worth keeping around? If not, you may want to consider finding someone else who would be a better fit for your family values. If she is someone who you want to keep around, just tell her in a respectful way that her choice of attire is not suitable for the "work place" AKA your home.

NannyPoppins said...

I agree with your wife that people should be who they want to be. But I do understand that the lack of professional attire is inappropriate. I personally would never wear such clothes while I am caring for children (especially boys) since for 1 it's not practical, 2. it's not appropriate 3. I could never run around in high heels, much less, run/play with children with heels on and 4. I know there is a time and a place for party/club attire. I think that perhaps you should put it nicely that you appreciate her sense of style but you think it would be more practical if she wore a tee shirt and jeans while playing and caring for your children. You don't have to be mean. The above posts offer some nice ways to gently put it to your nanny. Also, I must ask. Was she wearing such attire when you first interviewed with her? If so, that should of been your first clue NOT to hire her if you were so uncomfortable with her appearance.

MissDee said...

I work part time as a nanny on Fridays for a child with special needs. My typical attire is leggings, tee shirt and my Skecher shape-ups. I wear the same thing when I am working with children outside daycare. Appropriate, casual, comfortable and perfect for chasing active children.

PS: Maybe you should sit down with your wife and nanny, grow some balls and explain to the nanny her clothing choices aren't appropriate in a subtle manner.

Mrs. Billy Lamar said...

I think if it bothers you that much and your wife won't say anything, YOU should tell the Nanny. Be tactful, do not mention her weight and try not to sound preachy.

Just tell her that considering she is working with young children, it would be best to dress in a more appropriate manner. Suggest leggings, looser/longer shorts, regular t-shirts, sweatshirts, tennis shoes, etc. Stress to her what a great Nanny she is and that you just want her to dress a certain way around your family. You may also add that there is a certain way to dress in the workplace as well as a certain way to dress when she is not working, etc.

Hopefully your Nanny will understand and change her wardrobe immediately.
If she gets offended or doesn't honor your request, I would tell her again.

If she really is a great Nanny (i.e., your children adore her, she comes to work on time, has minimal sick days, etc...), then maybe you can just try to deal with it. It won't be easy, but I think you should count your blessings what a great Nanny you have.

A nanny who cares said...

Have your wife talk to the nanny and tell her she feels like your oldest son is looking a little too much at her and ask her nicely to wear a little more clothing. Then give her a $ 200 gift card to old navy and be done with it.

Nanny Franny said...

I disagree that if you want your nanny to dress more modestly that you need to pay out of pocket for new clothes.

In other jobs, such as office jobs, if someone dressed that way and after being reprimanded for it once..if they still continued to dress a certain way, they would be canned. It's not like bosses step in and buy new clothes for their subordinates. Sheesh.

If the nanny swears that she doesn't have any modest clothes in her wardrobe, then you can give her a cash advance to buy some nice pants, t shirts and sporty apparel. But in no way are you obligated to do so.

Disagree said...

I disagree with the poster who encouraged you to tell the nanny that your oldest son is looking at her. Umm, don't ever blame it on the children! That might make her resent the boy and take her frustrations out on him. A lie doesn't need to be told in this case. Just tell her the truth in a nice way.

another nanny said...

There's nothing wrong with wanting your nanny to dress more professionally for her job (understanding that professional attire for a nanny is usually kid-friendly attire). I agree that you should speak to the nanny directly if your wife doesn't want to do it (just make sure you let your wife know you're going to). Be tactful. Don't mention her weight AT ALL and don't make it a judgment about choosing such attire, but rather just about choosing more child friendly attire when at work. However, I think it's still going to be awkward, if it's been this way for one year and no one has said anything to her. It would have been much better to address it the first time she showed up dressed like that.

Tales from the (Nanny)Hood said...

I think you've left it way way way too late, and that the possibility of this discussion working out well is minimal. BUT...

You and your wife need to sit down with the nanny (with your kids OUT OF THE HOUSE) and say, "Nanny, we so appreciate that you have done XYZ wonderfully and well for our kids. We do however, want to ask you to start dressing more appropriately, with longer shorts, and less revealing tops, as well as flat shoes. We admire how you express yourself with the clothes you wear, but we need you to make some changes that allow you to be expressive and yet work appropriate."

Then when she quits and the next nanny comes in with hoochie mama clothes on, set her straight the first day. And don't make this your wife's issue - it obviously doesn't bug your wife as much as it bugs you.

MissMannah said...

Tales is the only one who has given practical advice. You've waited too long and Nanny is just going to get pissed if you bring it up with her. I find it hard to believe she was dressed appropriately in the interview to begin with, so why the heck did you hire her anyway?

I don't know what is considered "appropriate" nanny attire, but right now I'm wearing jeans, ballet flats, one of my husband's t-shirts and a ponytail. Yes, I look kind of sloppy, but I get here so early that I find it hard to give a crap, lol.

♥♥ Leslie ♥♥ said...

It's funny how this clothing only bothers the hubby, not so much the wifey.

Sir..*clears throat*..could it be possible that you do not trust your self and are trying to prevent a scandal...wink, wink....????

Phoenix said...

LOL. funny. I went to school with a lady who did this. She even went as fas as to wear her jean shorts that were designed to have holes in them on certain areas of the butt. However, that is not something that should have ever been seen. My brain will never be cleansed. You can't do anything but ask her to wear more appropriate work clothes. Hey I know maybe implement a uniform.

truthful dad said...

what did she wear to the interview?
Personally, I enjoy a woman with curves in a short skirt, it makes my day. And if those are men in your office who commented, it's just because flesh drives us mad, and we hate ourselves when someone fat makes our member dance, even slightly.

Nanny E said...

truthful dad,

Hahaha! I just died laughing..that was hilarious, it's probably true.

world's best nanny said...

Supersized nanny wear hoochie clothes would there be a problem if she were thin?

I refuse to spend my life in Khaki, Oxford Shirts or trainers whatever they are. I am a grown woman who dress like a professional. I have never worn sneakers, tennis shoes, or trainers to work in my life! I am not a 19 year old student!

Have the wife drop a line to her, do not bring up the weight issue and treat her as an adult! Waterproof aprons are fantastic for crafts, cooking, and bathing!

MissMannah said...

Psst, wbn...trainers=sneakers. Did you seriously not know that or were you being facetious?

I totally agree with you, I would never take a nanny job that required me to wear a uniform, especially one that wanted me to wear khakis that are only going to get stained. I do not need my boss micromanaging my life to that degree.

world's best nanny said...

Halleluiah to that MissMannah!

Manhattan Nanny said...

Worlsd Best Nanny,

Where are you that adult women don't wear sneakers, Paris? In NYC lawyers and investment bankers wear them to work and change to their Louboutins at the office.

world's best nanny said...

I have a pair of these:

See? No sneakers for me!

Louboutins, I wish!!

I work near Boston, MA.

lagne said...

"Nanny, we so appreciate all the work you do for us and our boys. They love you, and you obviously go out of your way to cultivate a great relationship with them.

"We just want to let you know that we're going to be implementing a dress code on (this date). To make the transition a little easier, we've compiled a list of attire that fits in the dress code." (hand her a list you've prepared ahead of time - khakis/jeans/capris, flats/tennis shoes, whatever.)

"We appreciate you so much, and we're proud of the work you do with our children. When you're on the clock, we want others to see and respect you in the same professional way that we do."

If she protests or asks "What's wrong with the way i dress?" - that's not for you to get into. Just redirect - "This isn't a judgment on your clothing choices; it's simply a set of professional standards that any employee would be subject to."

I would suggest giving her a week or two's notice before implementing the change. On the off chance she really doesn't have any other clothes, she'll need some time to get some.

Oh, and: The fact that she's obese shouldn't even be on your appearance-concerned radar. Not your business. I also wonder why you have such a harder time with this than does your wife... but that's not my business.

CaliNanny said...

To me it feels like you have a problem with her being overweight and wearing hoochie clothes.

I bet if she was skinny, there wouldn't be a problem!

ShowMeYourFootwear said...

Ok, now I want to know what kind of shoes all of you nannys wear. Seriously! Sneakers seem the smartest, but let's hear it, please.

Katierenee said...

I wear uggs (Sue me I live in Wyoming it's cold and the snow goes up to your ears lol) in the winter or flip flops or flats when its warm! Mostly flip flops!