Tough Talking Grandmother advises eighteen month old to "man up"
I have a problem and I'm not sure how to handle it.
MB's mother and father live about 4 hours away, so they aren't around every day but they do come around fairly often, it usually ends up being once a month for a long weekend.
The grandparents are probably in their late 50s early 60s, and neither one likes the 18 month old baby. They love the 5yr old but they can't stand the baby and they make it very well known and I'm not sure how to address it.
Grandfather totally ignores the youngest. When the baby tries to go over to him he engrosses himself in his Ipad and ignores the child. It sounds silly but I think grandpa actually pinched or hurt the baby. The baby crawled up on the couch and grandfather wasn't sitting all the way up against the back of the couch. All of a sudden baby starts screaming, and it's the I'm hurt cry. The baby is right behind grandpa and he ignores it! I run over there and pick the baby up and start asking what happened and grandpa continues to ignore me and the baby. Finally gramps says Ohh he's just mad. Ok I've had this baby since the day he was born, that was not a mad cry. That was a hurt cry but I let it go. I didn't strip the baby down to see if he had a mark and I just let that incident go
Then the next day in front of the baby grandma says that grandpa doesn't like the baby and tells me the baby dumped a cup of water out under the table. I just half smiled and walked away. Later when thinking about that incident I realized that if they had been watching the baby he wouldn't have been under the table and he wouldn't have had a cup of water to spill in the first place.
Well they went home but not before I heard about 4 more times that grandpa didn't like the baby....and keep in mind this is all said in front of the baby.
Grandma is back now without grandpa but now I'm concerned about her. Yesterday the kids were sitting down for snack and the oldest told grandmother she wanted a manicure and pedicure while pointing at her fingers. Naturally the baby points at his fingers so I engage him. I ask him if he wants a manicure and pedicure just like his big sister. He just smiles and then grandmother says "Oh no that's for sissys, you don't need a manicure, you're a boy." I looked at the baby and said "ohh painting your nails won't turn you gay" and then I picked up the baby and left the room.
This morning at breakfast I put the baby in the high chair and went to fix his breakfast and he started crying. It was a temper tantrum because he wanted to go run around, he didn't want to eat but when he throws temper tantrums I just ignore it. He only cries for a few moments and then stops. Well grandmother looks at him and tells him to "Man up. Come on, Man up" This time those comments were in front of both parents and neither one said anything or ever looked shocked.
Thankfully an 18 month old has no clue what man up means but one day he will. Besides the fact that crying is developmentally appropriate. He's 18 months old! He's supposed to cry, he's supposed to throw temper tantrums. He's still learning how to communicate.
I need to say something because one day those kind of comments are going to affect him, but how? What do I say to mom because this is HER mother. In the past when I've told her things about what her friends do to the kids she brushes me off so what can I say to her now?
at 5:28 AM