I don't know if this is how this works- but I found your blog when looking for answers and would like to pose my current conundrum.
I recently began working at a position that includes a three year old boy who has me a little lost. He has another nanny part week, and my days have been covered by two different nannies over the past 7 months- clearly much of both our frustrations have to do with too much turn over- but since I can't fix that piece it's about a functional daily existence until we can get to a better place with time. Our daily conflict seems to be a lack of interest in listening and a strong decision to be defiant and disruptive for the sake of doing it. I appreciate the child behind the actions and want very much to enjoy our time together as I have with both charges in the past and my own daughter- but I guess I've just never had the luck to encounter a child who drinks the pool water after being repeatedly asked not to just because "he felt like it". It doesn't matter that we'll leave, and he knows we will, he "ruins" it to ruin it. Sadly our days end up being prep work for fun, the complete destruction of the moment in minutes, and recollection/clean up. Hence all he's achieving is a frustrated me and alone time while everything is put back together- his actions only serve to isolate him and my impression is that's the last thing he wants. Attempts at redirection, giving him tools, talking things out logically, using rewards systems, using punishment systems like "your room" (this is what his parents use and directed me towards) aren't really affecting the behaviors. I can't seem to get ahead. I can't seem to reach a part of him that wants to be part of the team and enjoy an outing/activity/experience. And sadly because he's so quick to destroy I'm not sure we've gotten to anything enjoyable to reference. My own child is very much her own person and I feel well equipped to offer respect and trust to a child who wants freedom. But it doesn't seem to be what he's after. His uniqueness seems to be more a true desire to destroy, he takes pleasure in keeping us all miserable, while of course voicing frustration with the situation he's made. Example- he wants the baby to be quiet but he wouldn't let her go down for a nap because he needed to scream and throw things- so she's mad and I don't blame her. Beyond the fact she's annoying to him he's also left us with no time to play one on one by keeping her awake- is he old enough to register how entirely he's in control of all the things he's unhappy with? Cause and effect are really all I have left :(. Is being destructive a personality style? Is this just who he is? How do I keep it from dictating the direction/tone/activities of the house? Ideas on how to reach him?
I deeply want the best the day can be for him, but I'm afraid he's won because I'm losing all desire to put in effort where it's not welcome- and starting to wonder if this behavior isn't a result of too many nannies but rather the reason they've all left.
Thank you very much for your time,
at 12:20 AM