What Do They Need Me For?

Received Tuesday, January 25, 2011
rant 1 I have a complaint: I can't stand the parents I work for on the weekends. They have beautiful twins that are 6 months old. I am not the only nanny. Besides me, they have a full-time (Mon-Fri) nanny, and a late afternoon/evening nanny, plus grandma. They are both doctors so I understand the full-time nanny. But why do they need me?

They are calling me to work every weekend. You would think that after working full-time during the week they want to spend time with their babies. Today was the worst. They are NEVER at work on the weekends, they are doing errands, at the gym, or spending time together - without the kids.

When I arrived, mom brief me on what the kids had been up to. Mom told me - "The kids are so excited to see you and they are so talkative when your here." Gee, mom and dad, if they actually have the babies, don't speak to them, or for that manner, hardly do anything with them. Its really sad to watch. They are into their own little "country club" world and don't seem to know they have kids. The dad plays guitar or watches football. Mom does spend time with them, carrying them around like footballs and not saying two words to them.

Today I wanted to scream at her. When she came home she said - "ok, I can take them (the babies) from here - thx and bye." She is always like that. I had an obvious upset baby, he had a really upset stomach. Mom told me - "oh, he is just tired and needs a nap, just put him down in the crib." I had told mom that the baby had been kicking his legs and was not comfy at all. He had a lot of gas in his tummy. She said - "just put him in the crib." She got mad at me. So unwillingly, I put him the crib. I headed out the room and he was screaming. I knew his stomach was bothering him, he had not gone potty in 3 days (#2) (excuse me) and was extremely unconformable. The full-time nanny writes me notes, since the parents really don't communicate with the nannies.

As I went downstairs the baby was screaming, and in my heart, I just wanted to cry. It was so sad to listen to. I need to not go back there although, obviously, those babies need me. This is so hard.


another nanny said...

a) Wasn't this same rant posted a couple months ago?
b) it's one of those situations where you can philosophically disagree but at the same time you have to realize that without people like this...there would be a lot fewer nanny jobs
c) if you think it's bad now, wait until they are toddlers and old enough to know better. Then you will have them crying and throwing fits every mom and dad walk in and out of the house
d) sorry to say, they really don't need you as much as you think. At this age they can adapt pretty easily to someone new
e) I actually do know how frustrating this is, so I wish you best of luck in dealing with it

LovingNanny said...

I don't really get your first paragraph. What are you upset about? That the parents hired you or that they have help next to the full-time nanny? If it wasn't for parents like them you weekend-nannies would be out of work!
Of course it is very sad and pathetic that they don't spend time with their babies. But obviously it is better for the twins to spend time with you than with their own parents if they don't even know how to care for an infant with an upset stomache!
I would never work as an weekend nanny because I can't stand parents who don't care for their kids. I know I am blessed that I have worked only for loving and caring families! All of them couldn't wait to come home from work to spend time with their children. Those are the parents I work for.

MissMannah said...

If you resent your employers, why do you work for them? If you absolutely need the income, I can understand that, but this is just a weekend job, I'm assuming you have another one. And I'm sure you could find another weekend job easily enough, weekend nanny jobs seem to be in higher demand, at least around here. I'd never take one either, like LovingNanny because, guess why? I don't want to start resenting my employer for never wanting to see their kids!

You ended your rant with "obviously the babies need me." Well, that would be true if you worked full-time, but you don't. The babies, nor the parents, really need you that much and if you leave, you'll be easily replaced. Plus the babies are so young they'll likely adjust to someone new.

To sum up: you don't like your job? Start looking for a new one.

nycmom said...

Have to agree with everyone else. Whey take a weekend nannying job if you know you resent parent who have a full-time nanny and a weekend nanny, why take the job? If money is the only answer, you owe it to the kids (NOT the parents) to move on. The care you provdie *will* suffer, as it would at any job where the employer was miserable.

Finally, it's totally possible these parents just aren't infant skilled and don't love time with infants. It may get better. . . but it probably won't!

Bostonnanny said...

Why haven't any of the nannies given that baby prune juice? It he hasn't pooped in 3days I think it's time to offer 3oz water mixed 1 oz prune juice, it will help him poop.

Nanny said...

Really, what are you complaining about? I wish my employers were so hands-off.
It's a delight to work with parents that give you space and time to do what they hired you to do, care for the children.
It kind of sounds like you resent them for 'living the life'. Do you want a piece of the rich and famous pie??? You sound more jealous if nothing else.
Otherwise shut-up and stop complaining and be grateful you have a job, with no one breathing down your neck. Really.

JustPeachy said...

You are right, you do not need to be there. There is nothing good about the way that you are feeling, and this is obviously not the right job for you.
Yes, it is sad the parents don't spend a whole lot of time with the babies, but that is THIER choice to make, not yours.
All the resentment you carry towards the parents is affecting your working relationship with not only them, but the babies as well, and while you feel the babies "need" you, they don't. Unfortunately, you are replaceable, and those babies are adaptable.
I was in a similar situation as a nanny for a family with 2 small boys. Immediately, I began to resent the parents, and the lack of time I felt they did not spend with thier kids. Ultimately, my resentment only got worse, and I ended up leaving the job because I couldn't get past it and enjoy the boys growing up. I worried they would about the boys not being happy, but they found a new nanny, and when I went for a visit a little while later, the boys were perfectly happy and doing just fine. I realized the issue was really just "my" issue, and it wasn't a good fit for me. I found another nanny job which fit much better.
As nannies, we often times feel a sense of judgement on the parents we nanny for, but in all reality, that is our job. We were hired to take the place of the parents for wahtever reason they choose. If you don't like the circumstances, opt out, and look for a job that makes you more comfortable.

ugh said...

Guess what, you're a hired employee, and these aren't your children. If you don't like abiding by what their mother says, go force your ways on another family. I'm so sick of reading nanny rants where the nanny thinks she knows it all and mom and dad are a bunch of morons. Go have your own child to raise perfectly. Your post reeks of judgment. Do you think the baby can only fart for you nanny? Get over yourself.

Phoenix said...

I remember reading this before.... maybe a few things have been changed but I do remember this

Nanny who loves what she does said...

OP Here: I am leaving. JustPeachy: You hit the nail right on the head- it is "my" issue. But it still very hard to watch.

Thx to you all.

SadExcuseForParents said...

I feel for the babies.....at least they have a full time Nanny who loves them, and hopefully she will stay in their lives. I can't stand Parents who have kids just to show them off at parties/social events, and try to come off as "Super Mommy/Daddy".
You should quit while these babies are still young. You will just make it harder on yourself (and the babies) if you stay, because it will get MUCH worse!
Find a job with a family who actually loves their kids enough to be an involved Parent. Maybe for a SAHM who just needs a little R&R with her Husband on a Saturday......but who otherwise cares for her children during the week. Good luck!!

JustPeachy said...

I feel for you, it is tough to watch, but in the end, you need to take care of you. The parents will make sure those babies are taken care of, one way or another, and kids are resiliant. They'll be ok.
Best of luck to you, I hope you can find another position that will fit better for you. Finding the right family makes all the difference. :o)

Dizzle said...

I've worked for parents like this, and judged them to be shitty parents, but I disagree that this was bad for my charges. If anything, I felt the need to overcompensate because I felt so bad for them that their parents were literally trying to pack their schedules just to avoid having to be their parents.

Same old same old said...

This sounds like the same poster who complained (see post below) three months ago. Why haven't you left yet? The money is good that's why so stop trying to get our sympathy. You had 28 responses to your previous post. You certainly have an issue.

"Weekend Nanny Feels Needed, Needs Advice
Received Sunday, October 17, 2010
Opinion 4 I have been a weekend nanny for a family with two doctors. They are a really nice family and I just crazy about those babies; but they use us nannies so they can do want they want and when they want. They have 24/ 7 days/week "help" They have 4 month old infant twins. They have a nanny for during the week when they work- that I understand. They have a night nanny so they can have regular night sleep. They don't work weekends (maybe one weekend every two months)- so why do they need me? Why do I have to be there at 7am, in the morning. If they have to work- I understand. Dad has been at home- while I try to play, change, feed and entertain two infants. Not an easy task- they have to be on the same feeding, change and nap schedule. The dad (and mom when shes at home)- go to the gym, dad practices guitar and watches football (24-7 if he could) and they go out do errands, shop, lunch- without the babies. The parents do come up and "help" me when they are both crying- but I have to ask for their help and they give me last then 5 minutes of their time. Just enough to comfort them. Especially dad- he is home most of the day and spends time by himself. Not with his babies. Makes me so angry. The pay is good- but I want to quit. I don"t want to do.... I do have a full-time job during the normal work week- but I do not make a whole lot. Working 7 days is draining me. But I feel like those babies need me... Please tell me what you think. Thanks."

ali said...

i wish my family was so laid back! my boss is an uptight bitch who has cameras all over the house and ask me 1000 questions every day about my personal life.