Monday

Trying to Move Forward...

Received Monday, December 27, 2010
Opinion 4 I need some advice on something I have never dealt with before in my career as a nanny. I worked for a family starting in September of 2009 until September of 2010. A little background on the job... It was horrible. I LOVED the kids... Adorable, funny, sometimes a hand full! But the parents were awful people. They basically acted like their lives were too busy to raise their own kids (which I know a lot of us nannies are used to seeing) and that everyone should help them. Not only that but they treated me (and ANY other family "helper") like a slave! I worked 6am-6pm Monday-Friday (some weekends as well) with not even a thank you or appreciative comment... EVER. The kids were fine with me but they were totally rotten with their parents (Who would still have me work a full day on their days off). They had HORRID sleeping habits so they were tired all day most days. So my point is, the parents are crappy at parenting on top of everything else.

In August of 2010 the family let me know that they would have to let me go because one of the parents took an "hour cut" at work. I said okay and didn't question anything (even though both parents are doctors) and took my severance a week before my contract was up and left. I went to visit the kids a couple of times but once I started my new position it was hard to find much time to physically stop by. So I would email asking about the kids with little or no response from the parents.

About a month and a half ago a nanny friend of mine went to a story time in our area and called me saying she saw my former charges there... with what looked to be a new nanny! So the next week I went to the story time with her and sure enough, there they were. I talked to the nanny and she started the week after I left and works EXACTLY the same hours I used to. She knew nothing of the kids Dad having an hour cut at work... In fact, she said he works ALL THE TIME. I was SO incredibly hurt by this that I felt I had to confront the parents... so I did. They had nothing to say accept that they had no intensions of hurting my feelings but she was just "much cheaper" for them. I think my mouth hung open for a good minute when I read this!!! They told me that the new nanny started as a "mother/father's helper" and that it evolved from there. So, I took it for what it was worth and decided I would believe them. I told the kids Mom that I hoped to see the kids at story time now that my new charge and I would be attending.

Well now 3 weeks have gone by and the kids and new nanny have not shown up to story time. I get the feeling that they are trying to keep me from talking to the new nanny which in turn makes me think they were lying about the new nanny. In all my visits and emails, they NEVER once mention a new nanny or "mother's helper"... whatever you want to call it! I also had asked about visiting to bring the kids Christmas gifts and got no response. Should I keep trying to be involved with this family? I LOVE and miss the kids very much but there is really nothing I can do if the parents are not going to give me the time of day. I have such great relationship with my other 2 past families that I just can't grasp why these people would keep me from at least visiting their kids once a month or two. After all, I did care for them more than they did for a whole year!!! It just hurts and I am wondering ifany of you fellow nannies have had this happen to you? I know it is part of the job to move on from families but I will really miss those kids...

Over all it was a HUGE blessing to have to move on from that family... I work for a new family that have already shown me more appreciation in 4 months than I got in the whole year! It is just hard moving on from the little ones we spend so much time with. Any thoughts or similar experiences would be much appreciated.

57 comments:

fairfieldcountynanny said...

There's really nothing more you can do but move on. I know it can be hard, but in this career it's something you must get used to. I find that most families aren't really interested in having the nanny come back to visit (at least in my short term jobs). Maybe they don't realize the kind of relationship you had with the kids. I think you just need to let it go and enjoy the time with your new family and charges. Good luck.

a mom said...

Move on. What else can you do? Going to story time with your friend, grilling the new nanny, confronting the parents and telling them you now intend to go to the same story time as their kids seems a bit stalker-like. It sounds like they found someone to do the same job for less money. It would have been nice if they were honest with you but they weren't. And it doesn't sound like you would have been happy if they offered to keep you on for less pay. Count your blessings that you are happy where you are. Living well is your best revenge anyway.

Marta Perrone said...

There will always be a job that you wish you never took and a family that did not appreciate your hard work and skills. This is how it is in the big wide world, and the best thing for you to do is to let it all roll off your back. As my father would say, "rise above it". You are much better off not working for them. They lied because they already found someone that was cheaper and just couldn't or didn't want to pay you your wages. It can happen both ways: a nanny quitting for better wages, and a family firing under false pretenses to pay out lower wages.

Noble Barne said...

Sounds like the family wanted to get rid of you and is probably telling you the new nanny is cheaper to make you feel better. She probably isn't cheaper at all. You sound a bit unbalanced - stalking the kids and new nanny, confronting the parents, telling them "you intend to go to the same story hour." They probably told new nanny to avoid you at all costs.

Malena said...

Wow! Thanks for sharing. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. Just consider it a good learning experience. I'm fairly new to the "nanny world". My first live-in nanny starts on Jan. 3 and I'm SUPER excited and nervous at the same time. After reading your post, I will make it a point to be honest and open with my nanny, no matter how challenging it may seem.

Here's to you being able to move on, your new family needs you.

All the best,
Malena

UmpaLumpa said...

It's heart breaking when you raise kids for a whole year, and then they are suddenly ripped away from you.
I have been a Nanny for 12 years now, and still see the first kids I Nannied for (who are now 14, 15, 9, and 10) at least once a month. I still buy them Christmas/Birthday Gifts, and their Parents still give ME Christmas/Birthday Gifts too! I can't imagine my life without them.
I Nannied for another family for 3 years until they moved across country to Minnesota. It breaks my heart not to see them!
I have never been in your type of situation where the Parents purposely keep the children away from you. Could it be that Mom and Dad were jelous that their children were more attached to you then to them? They may be the type that do the Nanny switcharoo every 12 months......just to make sure the kids don't form a bond with the person that cares for them 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. The children will suffer because of it, but the Parents will feel fantastic about it.
It's very painful, but you have no choice, but to move on......keep them in your Prayers, but enjoy your days with your current charges. Good luck!

ohionanny said...

Take a hint.

I am not trying to be mean, really. It sucks, I know. But it sounds to me like you're not taking the hint that they don't really want any contact with you any longer. It's nice to know 'why', but the sad fact it, many people will not be confrontational enough to tell you 'why' if the true reason is something that they do not wish to reveal. Or maybe they have told you the truth.

Move on. 'Losing" kids is part of this field. And I only say take a hint because I get frustrated myself with people who continue to insist on contact with me when I have made clear I want none, simply because they feel entitled to more information than I have given them.

Be happy in your new job.

nannette said...

you did the best you could during your time there. The children will have many nannies and will have a piece of you in their heart. focus on the new family .

Tara said...

I understand missing the children and wanting to maintain a relationship with them. And I agree with some of the other commenters. Perhaps the parents just aren't comfortable with the close relationship you formed with their children, or feel threatened. Or maybe they're always looking for a better deal, and when they found another nanny willing to do the same job for lower wages, they snatched her up... And maybe they're avoiding you now because they're ashamed.

Epy said...

As a nanny, I feel your pain. But, there really is nothing you can do other than move on. It is clear that the parents wanted nothing more than to be rid of you, for whatever reason. I know that this sucks because you loved those kids, but it is time to leave the past where it is and keep moving. This is the life of a nanny. We give love to those we care for, but a time comes when we have to say goodbye. We have to remember that they are not ours and eventually we have to let go. It sucks, but it's reality.

MNnanny said...

OP Here:

Thanks for the feedback everyone. i enjoyed reading (most of) the comments.

a mom-I don't believe what I did was "stalker-like" in anyway. First off, I did not "grill" the new nanny. We made small talk and she asked me questions as well... It isn't like I stormed up to her demanding answers. So don't make such assumptions. I decided to confront the parents because I basically let them walk all over me for an entire year (I try to avoid confrontation at all costs) and I was tired of putting up with it. And finally, it is a free country and I can take my new charge to whatever story time I like! Especially when they would have NO IDEA about that particular story time if it wasn't for ME!!!

Noble Barne- I can assure you I am the farthest thing from "unbalanced". I would not label what I did as "stalking" either. You are entitled to your opinion but saying such harsh things when all you know about the whole situation is in two paragraph's sounds unstable to me. I am looking for advice from people with similar experiences and/or uplifting comments. Get a life.

I should clarify that I know for a fact that they are paying the new nanny less than what they payed me. It is part of their culture to be cheap (these types of discussions have come up many times in other threads on this blog). They had a woman living with them for about 6 months while I worked there that was a slave. She got payed 450 per week for round the clock work/7 days a week. I know them as people and I know that they "pretended" to have money problem to save a buck. When I started I had a list of duties to get done on top of caring for the kids, which I always did but the list very rapidly got longer and longer... They try to get their moneys worth... It is who they are. So if they can hire someone cheaper to do the same work (or more)... That is what they will do.

I actually did get in touch with the mom of the kids and stopped over last night. I had so much fun with the kids but of course the mom was trying to get me to work for free the second I walked in the door... Asking me to help with bath time and asking me to put the little one to bed. All in all, it was a nice visit and they even got me a small Christmas gift which I was not expecting.

I know if I want to see these kids it will be on me to try over and over to get in contact with the parents and sometimes I will hear from them and sometimes I won't... But for now I am going to choose to keep trying because I love those kids and those kids love me!!!!!

idontgetit said...

It all comes down to MONEY! These parents have money to blow on everything but when it comes to hiring a decent person to care for what should be their beloved children, they snap their wallets shut! Always looking for a bargin! Then if they hire a Nanny cheaper with not a lot of experience and something bad happens like the nanny leaving a 4 month old infant on a bed and suffacates in a blanket- well at least they have their carrers and materialistic stuff!

Jacqui said...

Umm..maybe the parents didn't like you. Maybe they thought you were a bad fit. Maybe it just didn't work out. Their new nanny is none of your business and honestly, it's a bit odd how you're carrying on and practically stalking them at story time. It's sad that you had to leave the kids, but some boundaries need to be put in place.

OP sounds a little off kilter. I am sure there is an entire part of the story we're not getting. Who knows what went on and how the parents felt about her while she was employed there. One side of the story is all we're getting and the narrator doesn't sound all there.

Cut your losses and move on OP. Stop harrassing them, no matter how terrible you perceive them to be.

Texas Nanny said...

I would agree with the people saying you need to get your nose out of this other family's business. They're not friends who are snubbing you, it's an old job. I don't call my old retail jobs to check up on them all the time. If you were dating a man for a year, then he told you he just "wasn't interested in a relationship right now", but then a month later you saw him out with another girl, would you freak out and confront him? Hopefully not. You'd move on with your life.

I send my old families a Christmas/New Year card every year. If they want to, they can write me back and update me on the kids, but if they don't get back to me? Oh well. I wish them all the best.

What people need and want changes over time. Maybe the dad DID take a cut at work, and the new nanny does more housework so they were able to save money by dropping their maid and having just a nanny. Maybe, now that the kids are older, the parents want different things from a nanny, such as an additional language or more of a lesson plan structure to prepare them for preschool.

The point is, it was a job. The job has ended. You have a new child to devote yourself to. Changing your new charge's schedule in order to see your old charges every week isn't doing your current charge any favors and is kind of stalkerish.

Bostonnanny said...

Texas nanny is on point. I'm all for giving support to fellow nannies but some of the posts are getting ridiculous, some of these nannies sound like stalkers and cling to much to the children. You can love the children but at the end of the day they are not yours.
I don't understand why u are so bitter, they waited until your year was almost up, gave you severance and prob a reference. So they didn't want to keep you on any longer, you didn't like them to begin with. Get over it. The kids are not yours, you can't fight for visitation rights. If they wanted you part of their lives they wouldn't have let you go or would have emailed you.
This is part of the nanny profession, sometimes you get nice parents that keep in touch, sometimes you don't.
And did you ever think that maybe you got the new nanny in trouble for telling you information they obviously didn't want you to know and that's why she isn't at sing a longs?

Texas Nanny said...

Monkeyshines, the reason saying such things is not acceptable on here is that statements such as "Asian families are cheap" is called racism and stereotyping. You can't say that ALL Asian families are cheap just as you can't say that ALL nannies sleep with their employers.

Saying you won't work for an Asian family because they're cheap is racial discrimination. Yes, it happens. Yes, families make decisions based on race too. Does the fact that it happens make it okay? No. Is it something that should be encouraged? NO.

I never fail to be astonished by the amount of racism and sexism present in the nanny community.

TC said...

You're just going to have to back off and leave the family alone.

Sure you love the kids, that's part of the job but you also know that one day your job will come to an end, did you really expect the family to keep you until the kids went off to college?

I'm going to agree with the others that said it's a tad off that you decided you were going to show up to story time because the other nanny was there, and yes it is a free country but it really makes you sound immature and doesn't help your argument to use that as a reason for continuing to go to the story time.

MNnanny said...

OP Here:

I will say again that I do not believe going to story time to see if it was them was "stalking" but WHATEVER. I will leave that topic alone.

Texas Nanny- Being a nanny is totally different than leaving a retail job. As a nanny you work very close with a family and their children. I am a loving, caring person so I get somewhat attached and I think that is perfectly normal. I don't think emailing to see the kids once every couple of months makes it seem like I can't "let go". And you can try to list all the reasons why they may have switched nannies but that doesn't change the fact that YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE ACTUAL BACKGROUND OF THIS SITUATION IS. You must be a rotten nanny if you don't even try to keep in touch with your former charges. So I say again, GET A LIFE!!!

Boston Nanny- I am in no way "clinging" to the children by wanting to see them once in awhile and I am bitter because they flat out lied to me!!! I am a honest, loving, and caring person and they took advantage of me while i worked for them and they screwed me over when I left!!! Yes, I received severance but I was left JOBLESS for almost 4 months. I wonder why I am sooooo bitter?!?! DUH!!!

There are some VERY cold, idiotic people on this blog.

Village said...

Move on! I'm not saying it, but someone might construe what you are doing as stalking.

The parents might have been jealous of your relationship with their children. Since your parenting was superior, the children may have told their parents they liked you better. And the parents may be paying the new nanny the same. Or they may change nannies annually as standard operating procedure. Sometimes nannies can do their jobs so well, it makes the parents nervous. That might be the case here.

Apparently they did you a favor. Accept it as a gift of your freedom to find a great family. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't start now.

MNnanny said...

Not only cold and idiotic... but ASSUMING.

Texas Nanny- Who said I "changed my new charges schedule around" to attend the story time??? NO ONE!!! Don't just make crap up to make your harsh comment "look better"...

Bostonnanny said...

MNnanny,

I'm gonna share some advice that I hope nannies do or at least attempt.
Never assume your family is gonna keep you, I know that's extreme but it's always better to prepare for the worst. You can be the best nanny ever but that doesn't give you job security.

Always save for an emergency fund. I live below my means and save one pay check a month so I have money incase I can't find a job. Not many can save that much but always save as much as you can. And if you luck out and can keep a job for a few years while still saving, when you move on to your next job buy yourself something nice. My
emergency fund is also my downpayment fund for the
condo we are gonna buy in two years.
It makes me feel better knowing that if I lose my job tomo I'll be okay and I wont become as bitter and upset as I would have if I had no income at all.

Texas Nanny said...

OP, you weren't attending that storytime. Another nanny told you they saw your old charges there. You started attending that storytime. That is a CHANGE for your charge, regardless of what you were doing instead of that storytime before.

You ask for advice, then you're rude to the people trying to tell you how it is. It doesn't matter that you work with kids, it's still a job and you're supposed to be a professional. If you don't see how what you're doing is inappropriate, there is something seriously wrong with you and I hope you get the help you need.

Eva said...

MNnanny,

It happened to me.
After 8 years working for the same family, I was given my 4 weeks pay. It was at the end of the day, after I put the kids to bed, so I didn't even have a chance to say bye to them.

I know they have a new nanny, who also does all the housekeeping.
I have another job now and the new family loves me.
My ex DB gave them fabulous references.

When I left, he said that they want me to come and visit, but I sent him a text message a few times asking about them, and I got no response. I get the "happy birthday" text message, or "happy holidays" but when I ask about the kids, I get no response.
The kids love me, and DB told me that many times, and that he knows that I love them like my own.


The world is harsh.
I know it hurts, but the bottom line is that things happen for a reason. Sometimes good things end, so better things can come along.

I'm not sure if I can post my e-mail here, but if you need to talk, e-mail me at supernanny4you@gmail.com

bluebell said...

As others have said, move on. While it would be nice to keep in touch with your former charges, the parents clearly do not want this to happen - and they do have the final say, whatever you may think of them personally. Enjoy the job you have now, and take comfort from the fact that you're now employed by people who appreciate what you do.

MNnanny said...

Texas Nanny- I said what I said because YOU were rude TO ME. End of story. I do not need any help but thanks for the tip.

MNnanny said...

Eva- Thanks for sharing your story with me... This was the kind of posts I was hoping to get. Not people with no lives looking for a place to bash innocent people going through a hard situation. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Phoenix said...

Ok. well I am going to say "stalkerish" too. A job is a job period. You were hired as help from a family. You have to let go. If everyone here sees that you may have a slight problem and you don't think you do is a bit odd as well. We all noticed the off-putting behavior and the parents obviously did too. Honestly I think you are harrassing this poor family and they are being very polite to you. Leave them alone.

Jacqui said...

OP/MNnanny, are you seriously accusing 80 percent of the posters on here as having "no lives" (are you twelve?) and being idiotic because they found your behavior alarming? Instead of getting defensive, catty and spouting off ridiculous schoolyard barbs, maybe you should step back and just CONSIDER that maybe we're picking up on behaviors and attitudes that your former employers also found that you possessed. Maybe it's not that your employers SUCKED and were BAD parents and that we're all RUDE and lacking lives..maybe it's something you're giving off? You claimed you wanted advice to hear others' opinions and perspectives, but when they don't fall in line with your very narrow-minded, judgemental take on the situation, you seem to flip your lid, to put it nicely. Something is off here.

Asian Invasion said...

OP, the family may have wanted another nanny due to finances or possibly something else. Even if they decided they didn't want you anymore (for whatever reason that could be), you need to accept it and move on. Sure, they could have lied to you. But life is not fair and you cannot change them, you can only change YOU. In life, there are a lot of mean-spirited people who do mean-spirited things to others. I understand your anger, that they walked all over you for a year, etc..but you need to let go of this bitterness/anger and move on. It is not healthy to hold a grudge against them. Karma will get them. Promise.
It seems like you are having a waay difficult time moving on. In the Nanny profession, one must be prepared for the possibility that if things do not end well with the parents (as they often do not..), then there is a large chance you will not see the kids again. EVER!! You need to go into this job realizing this. Do not let yourself get attached. Remember: this is a job. Yes, you are human, just like everyone else..but still this is a job!!!
I think you overstepped your boundaries by confronting the other nanny + confronting the parents. It is kinda stalkish. Just let it go. You are only making yourself look bad to the old family.
MONKEY SHINES..I am Asian and your comment sucked. For the record, you should be thankful for us Asians. We make the most reliable cars on the planet (Honda, Toyota, Nissan, etc.) So don't hate..appreciate.

move on! said...

OP,

I have not read all of the responses but I do think that you should stop emailing this family: it is obvious to me that the contact is unwanted by them.

I'm sure they were jerks: I feel for you. But move on. The fact that they asked you to leave was a blessing in disguise. It seems to me you have too much invested in thinking about this family.

Move on.

Eva said...

MNnanny -

I remembered I shared my story on this forum back in August. You can look it up, it's under "Unceremoniously duped" (August 2010.)
Or try this link, I hope it works:
https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=32916951&postID=8461020983666084570

NYCMOM2 said...

OP-

If I needed to hire a nanny, it would be someone like you, who DOES become attached to the kids.

You do sound reluctant to let go, but i suspect your desire to stay in touch is part of being a sensitive person (which is what makes you good at doing the job).

I know nannies that stay in touch with kids 10s of YEARS later and i think it's great.

That said, parents can do what they like and that includes firing someone who has a close bond with their kids AND they can fire them for whatever reason they choose. Ridiculous that some parents would do this, but they are within their rights, legally anyway!

It's shocking to me when I see parents treat good nannies poorly. As a mom, i have seen it and it just makes no sense to me.

I applaud you for trying to stay in the lives of the kids but it DOES sound like it makes no sense to continue to pursue now.

Hide the bunny... said...

Maybe the parents dumped you because they knew what ugly stereotypes you held them in. Why would you want to work for such a cheap bunch of people, knowing they would never change? Sounds like you are a stalker AND bitter AND racist as well. Just who I'd want around my kids.

Asian Invasion said...

Anon...when it comes to reliability and reliability alone..come on..which cars beat all others? Which cars go up to 200,000 miles alone? Hondas and Toyotas. Period. Next time you are on the road, I betcha most of the cars that pass you by will be Honda, Toyota, Nissan....German cars like VW and Mercedes Benz break down waay too much. ;)
Oh sorry, yes this is a nanny website. Sorry guys.

MplsNanny said...

@MNnanny: Does the MN stand for the state in which you dwell? Do you nanny in the Mpls area? I do! :) I am sorry to hear about your troubles. I read your original post and never once thought of you as a stalker. You have a genuine love for these children and there is nothing wrong with that. I have always found that being a nanny is the one job where you can mix business with pleasure. Maybe not everyone can pull it off but it has never been an issue for me. There are still boundaries within the role you play, but I have always been able to maintain them. In fact all five of the kids I have nannied for in the past or currently are going to be in my wedding this summer. I love them all to pieces. To me being a nanny isn't just a job. I do what I do because I am passionate about taking care of children and have a strong desire to help them learn and grow (and have a boat load of fun with them as well). Anyone who looks at being a nanny as just a job shouldn't be one. Period. Good for you for investing the time and energy into these children. I know you're sad that your time with them came to an aburpt end. But you've done all you can for now so maybe just give it a rest for a bit. I am not saying you're bad or a stalker for wanting to stay in touch with them. Just maybe start focusing more of your energy on your current family and cultivate something special with them now as well. You seem like a real sweet girl. Be confident in who you are. I wish you all the best.

Confused said...

OK...let me get this straight. You worked for this family from September 2009-September 2010, right? Here are two quotes from you. In one quote you wrote that you've been with a new family for four months and in another one you state that you've were JOBLESS for four months. Let me refresh your memory...

Quote #1 (from the original post)

"I work for a new family that have already shown me more appreciation in 4 months than I got in the whole year!"

Quote #2 (left in a comment on 12/28)

"Yes, I received severance but I was left JOBLESS for almost 4 months. I wonder why I am sooooo bitter?!?! DUH!!!"

So my question is...if you've worked for this new family for four months, how could you have been JOBLESS for four months when four months hasn't even been a full four months since September 1, 2010?

Marypoppin'pills said...

Monkeyshines,

You're right, you got deleted.

Don't be such a racist.

Liz said...

You need to get a life. The family fired you because maybe you were not a good fit for them or you started to act like part of the family .Being a nanny/ Babysitter is a job and you should act like it is. These people are not your family, and the sonner you relize that the better for you and futher jobs .It's very easy to get close to the kids but get a grip and just move on and leave them alone and stop stalking them.

MNnanny said...

OP Here:

Thank you NYCMOM2... I feel you picked up on the exact type of person I am. I am a sensitive person and that is most likely why it hurt me so much to be lied to. That is also why I get attached to the children I have cared for in the past. I agree with you that if you don't get attached then you should not be in child care! I strongly believe it is NOT just like any other job. I have many friends that are nannies and they have also been treated poorly by families a time or two. It happens and I realize that it will most likely happen to me again if I choose to stay a nanny. This experience has opened my eyes BIG TIME. I am SO thankful for my current employers... I hit the jackpot with them and I am in this job 100 percent. I am not trying to hold onto the old job... I just want to see the kids and know how they are doing every so often.

Hide the bunny- I am THE farthest thing from racist (clearly because I took a job with this family to begin with) and I will have you know that the family THEMSELVES told me that people in their culture do not like to spend money. So there ya go.

MplsNanny- I do nanny in the Mpls area!!! Thank you for your kind words and I feel you also picked up on my true personality. Would you want to get in contact by email?

Confused- So sorry I didn't get the timeline exactly right for you... I was a little hurt/angry when I typed that post yesterday. I was jobless for 1 1/2 months and then got hired for my new position which did not start until November 1st. I worked VERY part time for my new family up until the start date so I consider that time to be hard for my family financially. But technically that would put me at working for my new family for almost 4 months and I would have been jobless for 1 1/2 and only working part time for another month.

I am not sure if people totally over looked the fact that I said I DID stop by for a visit the other day. It went great! I got good vibes from the kids Mom and the kids were SO happy to play with me for a couple hours. They even gave me a Christmas gift. I think I am just going to have to be the one to "try" to keep a relationship with them because like many other aspects of this families life (besides work)... they are too lazy to do so.

Thank you again for all of the positive feedback and it isn't that I am judgmental or narrow minded and can't take negative feedback. It's that too many people on this blog are ready to kick someone when they are down. The bottom line is, I know THE WHOLE story here and I know that I am not a stalker and I am attached to these kids in a perfectly healthy way. I think some people just need to learn some tact.

MplsNanny said...

@MNnanny--My email address is lojcoop@yahoo.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

wow said...

OP:

In my opinion, you should not try to keep a relationship with the children when the parents so obviously do not want you to have one.

I realize some people on this site can be harsh, but I am not trying to be that way: I am simply telling you that these are the children's parents! To push a relationship when you are not welcome is actually extremely inappropriate. You are either stubborn or extremely immature.

I think you should leave this family alone. They are not your family, they are your former employers.

And as far as the mom on here who said that you are exactly the type of nanny she would want: I don't think she really means that. Trust me: if she were in the parent's situation, I guarantee that she would not want you hanging around after she had let you go.

You got such great advice here, please take it to heart.

Asian Invasion said...

OP, I am the one "confused" now...so now you say you visited with the old family and things went well. They even got you a surprise Christmas gift???! So what is the problem you need us to help you out with?
Thank MPP, as an Asian American those comments stung.

MNnanny said...

Asian Invasion- I wrote this to ISYN almost 2 weeks ago and it just posted... In the time it took to post the Mom got in contact with me about a visit.

Like I said, I KNOW now that it isn't that they wanted to "get rid of me"... They found someone cheaper and that is fine. I will have to be the one to keep the relationship going because they are too lazy to... That's all. I didn't like that job anyway (because of the parents, not the kiddos). I just don't like being lied to. I am over IT and this whole blog post.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Wow..it took two weeks to post! That is a long time. Perhaps the blog administration is busy with the holiday stuff like the holiday bonus survey and the gift survey, etc.
Anyway, yeah in your post you stated that the parents didn't respond to you asking to visit over Christmas and that they weren't giving you the time of day, (your words) so now that they did respond and obviously give you the time of day (they even got you a nice gift), I say this discussion is complete.
You probably will have to take the initiative to visit the kids. It would be highly unusual for the parents to do this. Plus, remember they are parents of young children and hold jobs so they are pretty busy. And truthfully, they probably do not care one way or another if you ever see the kids again. I don't mean this to be aimed at you specifically, what I mean is that most parents who employed a nanny are open to the idea of the nanny keeping in touch, but most don't consider it a priority at all. I loved many of my children's teachers, but we never really visit them anymore. Remember childcare is a business first and foremost...and everyone eventually moves on.

NannyInNC said...

OP:
Just because you went & saw the family & had a nice time doesn't mean they want that to become a regular occurrence. I think you need to move on & stop trying to have a relationship with them. An email once in a while, a birthday card or Christmas card would be fine but trying to keep up with them so regularly isn't normal.

I'm still in touch with almost every family I have worked for but its just for basic things such as holidays & birthdays.

The only family I don't keep in contact with is a family who's MB stalked me after I left. She sent emails accusing me of leaving her kids for other kids, she accused me of talking badly about her to her friends (which I babysat regularly for & if I talked so much trash about her I doubt they would have kept using me), & she tried to guilt trip me by letting me know one of the kids still napped in my old bed hoping I'd come back. It was a horrible situation & it sounds like this is what your doing to your family. You sent them an email wanting to know why they hired a new nanny & you contact them how many times a week/month trying to see the kids..... It's just not appropriate behavior. You should stop because eventually this mom could get fed up & not give you future reference. Just let it go. You care for the kids but at the end of the day they aren't yours & you really have no visitation rights.

Haz said...

Reading through all this....
And as a conclusion to my own thoughts: I think some of the comments on here are way too harsh!

I see both sides of the discussion here.... the people who are saying maybe enough is enough could be right (but please... using the term "stalker" is rather extreme... it conjures up very bad images which surely is not the case here....)
And of course I see the other side who actively encourages the continued involvement with the family/ or at least tries to see the logic behind OP's movements.

After 4 years of nanny work ( 11 years total of similar work inc- Camp America/ kid clubs/ elderly/ special needs) I have heard so many stories.... good and bad. Personally-I'm in contact with some families, and not in contact with others. Most of the time it's not up to me to decide what happens though, which of course is fair enough! So- I am in good stand to see how easily one can get healthily attached to the people they care for like in OP's case. People: It's normal! It happens, more often then you think. I've seen it loads of times.

Please lets try and support each other on here and quit the name calling/put downs/negative tones that some of the posts have resulted to.

I think some of us on here feel like we are not being understood properly and get rather defensive.... the bottom line is we don't the the whole story- or BOTH HALVES of the story, so why should we get so heated up?

OP: From what I have heard I can detect you are a lovely, caring, sensitive girl who certainly loves these kids. This issue is still raw and you might take some comments to the heart? My only advice is to have confidence in your OWN judgement after you have taken time to reflect. Feel free to email: hazew5@hotmail.com for one of my life stories which is somewhat similar.....

Or in the meantime keep us posted on what happens....

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone!!!! and lets try and find/maintain good, stable jobs and stay happy :-)

Haz said...

P.S Good luck OP with everything... keep smiling x

Marypoppin'pills said...

OP,
In all fairness, yes we were busy because of the Holidays but I checked the date of your e-mail and it took 5 days to post... not 2 weeks. Although to be honest, even 5 days is too long and I do apologize for that. Events change in such a short amount of time and it is understandable that yours did since being submitted.

We do our best to Publish in a timely fashion but there are times that we do get overwhelmed.

Marypoppin'pills said...

Asian Invasion,
You are more than welcome!

Anonymous said...

Mary Poppin Pills- OP Here (replying from my phone that does not allow me to pick a moniker... so sorry for being "anonymous"): I completely understand being overwhelmed and I am not upset at all about this not posting right away but I did send the same email twice (the first time was a week prior to the second time). I was just trying to make the point that circumstances DO change... sometimes even just a days time. You are doing a great job on this blog... I just wish people weren't so quick to be mean.

I really do appreciate people taking time out to read and respond... no matter what they had to say. I can chose now whether I want to keep trying or not.... It's a tough one. But it is a decision for only me to make and if the parents want to turn me away, they can.

Happy New Year to all! :)

Marypoppin'pills said...

OP,
I'm not sure what happened to your other e-mail but I do apologize because I didn't see it. There truly is a bit of chaos on my end that is just now starting to settle down.

Thank you for understanding and Happy New Year to you as well!

Simone, Australian nanny said...

To Monkey shines.
I have been a nanny for an asian family for 10 and a half year now. Who have twin boys that are about to turn 11.They have been very kind to me and treated me really well. This is not the 1st asian family i have worked for either. Each asian family i have worked for (there has been 3 of them) are very nice families to work for. I have also worked for australian families as well.
before you jump to conclusions, i am an australian nanny born and bread and reside in Australia.
Maybe you should work for an asian family were you can learn respect and manners and not be racist.

MONKEYSHINES said...

Australia, is one of the biggest racist countries. Didn't Oprah Winfrey recently ask a shop in Melbourne, to remove a racist"Golliwog" doll?
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/australiaandthepacific/australia/8191541/Golliwog-doll-removed-from-shop-for-Oprah-visit.html

Ask the ABORIGINES about racism! Didn't the Australian goverment used to take mixed or half caste children from their families to try and breed the Aborigne out of them? Discusting!

You might want to read the book Rabbit proof fence or watch the movie

I have so many other examples but I am in Mo Bay and have other things to do

re-post for Anon Nanny said...

To monkeyshines
I did answer back to what you said about Australia but my blog was removed. I did not say anything harmful So i cannot understand why it was removed when other people who have said far worse on this site have their blogs kept up. It is not fair.I love this site and it has helped me so it has upset me that my blog was removed.

________________________________
If your comment was removed it is because you are posting as Anonymous. Whenever possible we do try to re-post the comment if another reader hasn't already done so but that doesn't always happen. Please pick a moniker because it is extremely difficult for others to reply when you use Anonymous. The only exception we make is if the OP is unable to use a moniker for some reason. Thank you and we hope to see you continue posting.
~ MPP

re-post for Anon Nanny said...

To monkey shines .
Our last goverment appologised about the stolen generation and this unlawful act stopped decades ago.
We are no longer a racist country as we accept all nationalities here.melbourne and sydney have been voted the most liveable cities in the world .
I do not wish to argue with you as i will always defend Australia like you will defend america as that is what we all do. we all have our own opinions which we are allowed to express. i have also seen rabbit proof fence and was shocked at how the aborigonies were treated. Today the government helps them some want to be helped others don't. I was just pointing out to you that working for asian families is not bad at all . About the golliwog doll the true story was one of Oprah's team asked if the doll could be removed. Oprah said she had nothing to do with it . The shop which i have visited did not have to remove it but did it in respect for the Oprah team. When the Oprah team were confronted about the removal of the golliwog they denied it. So we don't know who was telling the truth. I live in Melbourne and read the whole story plus there was a public out cry on why the doll had to be removed. The history of the golliwogs started in Eygpt They are actually an Eygption doll google it. I hope you have a good year ahead.

______________________________
I believe I found the comment that was deleted. I hope this makes you feel better. :)
~ MPP

MONKEYSHINES said...

I am not American I am Jamacian, I am just here for monetery gain. I own 2 homes and a working organic farm back in Jamacia and will be retiring there in 5 years at the young age of 44

I am sorry apologies for GENOCIDE dont cut it!

Simone, Australian nanny said...

Sorry about not picking a moniker i did use one but my brothers computer would not let me click on name/url. i normally use one. and from now on i will use my own computer not his antique one.