Thursday

Never Met a Girl Like You Before

Thursday, November 18, 2010
A day in the life 10 Guess what? I slept with my male employer. It wasn't romantic. There was no build up of sexual tension. He did not leave me roses on my windshield or whisper sonnets in my ear. He never sought my company out or was especially complimentary. I didn't hate his wife, in fact I preferred her company to his. It was sloppy, dirty and freakish. It happened because of the trees. Where my employers live, if the wind blows, trees fall down. One afternoon around four a bug rain storm started. We lost power. We got it back. We lost power. We got it back. Wifey got slammed harder in the city and was going to stay overnight at her sister's house. Meanwhile a tree prevented me from driving home. And so what happened? I won't mention the ages of the child. The comment that started it was, "I feel dangerous, I'm grilling. What's your favorite" He sorted through the freezer and found some mahi mahi and beef. He grilled. It was dark and quiet when we sat down. We started to talk about current events. There were candles, but they were essential. I'm not smoking hot. I'm an earthy chic. I wear big, comfortable underwear, cut my own hair and don't mind that I got early grey hair or that despite never having children, I have a permanent paunch over the waist of my corduroys. His wife is as polished as he is. He gets a weekly mani/pedi. I'm not supposed to know, but I know. I ask him about it as he shoves a mouthful of red meat in his face "Do your business partners know you get manicures? is that the norm". His face breaks into a wide smile. He looks down at his nails, the candle light flickering on his hands and laughs, "I don't know how you heard something so preposterous, but I deny". "Deny" I ask? 'Deny" he states. He states he wishes there was cold beer in the house, but there isn't. He goes rumaging around and produces two bottles of red wine, an old bottle of merlot, a fifth of dark rum and a bunch of bottles with only a trace amount in them. "It's dark rum, tonight, you in?" I look at him. He tells me that the guest room hasn't been slept in since X left so he is sure it is ready for me and I don't have to hang out with him. He offers me a flashlight. "I'll have a rum and coke, what the heck" I say. He gets out family albums and starts sharing with me memories of his family. He looks at old pictures of his wife when they were courting. He talks about her with awe in his voice. "When I saw her the first time, I thought two things, first, I'm going to marry that girl and second, that is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen". He pauses, "and you know what? I still think she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen". I state, "She's very pretty. All the other wives try to copy her hairstyle or way of dressing, but it's something untouchable she has". He laughs. "And she makes the big bucks". He puts away the albums carefully and suggests that we play cards. While he looks for cards, he pours us our third drink. The drinks had healthy amounts of rum in them, because that bottle is going down fast. He find the cards, he wants to play rummy, which I don't know how to play. He teaches me. He gets out some of the older bottles of alcohol and switches up to poker. "You play poker" "Sure I say, who doesn't". Okay, let's play a couple hands. Loser sucks down the remnants from these bottles. I look at him. He's serious. We talk about current events, my last boss, my last boyfriend, why I don't want to have kids. I win the first two hands. He sucks down what looks like backwash. We finish the bottle of rum. I lose the next two hands. By the end of the fifth or sixth hand, we are just holding the cards and talking. He tells me, "you looks like you would be fun in bed". I say, "That's wildly inappropriate...but why?" (I am improvising here, I don't remember the exact words). He says, "just something about you". He then says, "you know I'm not that great in bed. I think that's one of the pitfalls of romantic love. There are things I think I could do or would want to try but I could never..."

I know I said something along the lines of, "like what". Maybe I was being provocative. In my memory, I was just sloppy drunk.

I will spare you the grueling details. But it was not pretty. There was no kissing. There was however home made lubricant, a turkey baster, a shampoo bottle, a vacuum cleaner, clothes pins and a mini trampoline used. I remember jumping up and down on the trampoline naked to his wild applause. The next morning, I awoke at 430 AM. I could not walk. Every orifice in my body ached. I somehow cracked a tooth. I was bleeding rectally. I didn't see him anywhere. I cleaned up as quickly as I could, gathered myself and went to leave. Outside a huge tree was still blocking the driveway with smaller limbs beyond that. I put my old Trooper in 4WD and drove through grass across a neighbor's yard, over tree limbs and downed wires and I never looked back. I never called. And guess what? no one ever tried to contact me to ask why I never came back. This, after I had been there for 4 months, three weeks. And all of this happened on a Thursday which meant I worked 4 days that week for FREE. In the end, I was unemployed, injured and humiliated.

Worth it?

You be the judge!

54 comments:

Wren said...

wtf?
that's all i have to say.

MissDee said...

One word. Fiction.

2.5 said...

A sub-par Sex in the City fan fiction at best.

Lola said...

Okay, I am curious about the clothes pins! I am only slightly ashamed to admit....

MONKEYSHINES said...

she is not pretty and coy so she really could not work it out! if you know how to handle your self, the dad always comes back for more and you get taken care of $$$

the clothes pins are good for the nipples

yeah sure said...

How long did it take you to make up that BS? The story is totally non believable and non interesting

Amused said...

Hahaha! I wanna know where the turkey baster came into play!! ROLF!

Phoenix said...

What the hell is wrong with you?! You are really a piece of crap and so is that husband. I hate it when some men feel they can't explore sexually with the ones they are married to. I guess that is why my husband has never looked outside our marriage. Course i'm a natural red head so that could be it too. *giggles*

i also feel that a woman has the responsibility to not let herself get into a situation like that with a man. Alcohol is not to blame. You drank it, you put yourself in a bad place. I hope you learned your lesson and I hope that man losses the wife he loves so much.

OP is trash said...

I agree with Phoenix. The story begins by OP explaining "why" it happened but she fails to include the main two reasons why it happened: she is a slut with no morals, and the guy is a shitty husband.

End of story.

OP is trash said...

OP is trash:

One more thing: regarding "working four days for free": perhaps the husband thought he paid you with sex.

If this story is true, which I hope it is not, I don't feel any sympathy towards you at all. I only feel sympathy towards the wife and children who hired such a loser to work for them. (The husband and you should get together, you were made for each other. Two losers. A match made in heaven.)

Wren said...

How does anyone actually believe this story??

Mollipop said...

I believed it up- well, it was plausible- 'til the part about the turkey baster and the trampoline. :)

I don't blame people who sleep with married folks. It's a shitty thing to do, for sure, but the married person is truly the only one at fault for hurting the spouse.

yeah sure said...

Oh please! I hate people who only blame the married person, that's like saying only the guy who actually did the robbery should be blamed and not the one who drive the getaway car. It's wrong, wrong, wrong on both sides, have some morals! Especially if you know the spouse! That said, i don't believe a word of this story.

Betty Spaghetti said...

Bad fiction!

This sounds like an article some wannabe-writer submitted to Cosmo -- but was REJECTED!

former au pair said...

I don't know why people DON'T believe this- I don't why it couldn't be true, stranger things have happened. I think it's actually a good story- and I mean that if it were edited nicely, maybe fleshed out a bit- I was intrigued and read it through to the end! Whether it was right or wrong or whose fault it was, well... let's not insult anyone's intelligence. But as a piece of "literature," I liked this.

Someone's Nanny said...

hahahaha OMG!

MN Nanny said...

This is just bizarre! I have emailed ISYN twice in the last month with situations where I needed "opinions" and those didn't post but this crap did?!?! This angers me... Maybe I need to think twice before even wasting my time to come to this page!!!

Village said...

Fiction, and not that good either.

NJnannyC said...

Believable Definitely, and hilarious to boot! HA!

Rocket Scientist said...

Wow. Just...wow.

First of all, I agree that this sounds incredibly fake. Just my first reaction, I don't have any evidence or anything.

Secondly, I do not understand why this was accepted, MPP and Jane! In my opinion, it is ridiculous and smutty, whether true or not. There is nothing edifying nor interesting in the entire post. I hope we don't start having this kind of post as a regular occurance.

adriatic-sea said...

Oh c'mon people! Get over it! I found it to be pretty damn amusing, actually.

As for people freaking out and saying mpp and jane shouldn't even post things like this, if you didn't notice-this board gets pretty slow at times.. I understand why they post whatever they can get!

Manhattan Nanny said...

This sounds like fiction by someone with a bias against nannies, and I certainly didn't find it amusing.
Regardless of whether it is fact or fiction it isn't the kind of thing I want to see on this site.

bostonnanny said...

We are trying to change to stereotype that is placed on nannies and this just brought it back to the surface. Why would parents want to come to this site to view or report sightings if all they see is articles about how we sleep with fathers and complain about everything. Some complaints are just but others are ridiculous.

I actually want more articles from parents and comments on articles by parents. This site can be really one sided and having articles putting nannies in a bad light doesn't help.

The Hired Help said...

haha this is turning into Bad Nanny :) and that makes me happy. i don't care if this happened or not. it is funny. and it happens ALL the time. grow up people. i have nanny/au pair friends that do this junk. stop pretending your husband doesn't think about your nanny. because he does.

true or false, i like it.

ohionanny said...

well, maybe if no one commented on smut like this, it wouldn't post.

And yes, I realized I, too, just wasted my time doing exactly that!!

read it twice said...

I enjoyed the story. Obviously all the mommies hate this story. I enjoyed it more than some of the other posts on the site. Even if it isnt true, everyone has fantasies. that is a common nanny fantasy. Then again, maybe the mommies are right, maybe it doesnt belong on this site. doesnt stop me from getting a kick out of it.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Phoenix..how do you really ever know FOR SURE that your spouse did not go outside of your marriage? In theory, no one ever knows FOR SURE if they have been cheated on or not. No one. Just like no man will ever know FOR SURE whether or not they have a child or not..unless they are virgins. Look at all the beautiful woman in Hollywood that get cheated on...Christy Brinkley, Halle Berry and most recently Eva Longoria. In my opinion, if these beautiful women get cheated on...then what chance do us everyday gals have? LOL.
Anyways, I agree..I was a bit surprised by this post. But this is a nanny website and I think it has to show different sides to being a nanny..not just show one perspective. We all may not like it, but every nanny has the right to speak his or her mind regardless whether the rest of us like it or not. I personally thought it was fake, stupid and a waste of space..but then again..I have had many people disagree with me before so I know that there is always another opinion out there somewhere!!!!!!!

Lila said...

I'm a mommy and I don't hate this story. There are always employers that don't respect boundaries and a domestic employee is especially vunerable. I think that this nanny was abused and feel bad for her.

CuriousDad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CuriousDad said...

Wow.
Some of the details ring false. Not so much becuase they could not have happened. But the details seem to be only written to titalate rather then to get something off someones chest.

If it was true, you were an idiot. To the others who think a scenario like that can't happen. It can, there are stupid idiots out there who do not think through consequences until after they happen.

She was given outs by the Dad. She stayed and drank. She indicated to him she was interested, several times. He ensured she knew that he was not going to leave his wife. Then she persued the loaded statement.

world's best nanny said...

Did you swallow a handful of roofies? I don't care how drunk you were if cannot remember how you came to be bleeding rectally, you are full of shit. Literally and figuratively.

Plus I think we are all a little bored with this blog. Look at the comments to most of the posts. This one sets a record for this week!

Anyway said...

I don't see why so many people think this HAS to be a fake. I can see how it may be, but not absolutely. But in that case, anything on here can be fake.

Just because someone can clearly write and enjoys it, and tries to make it more interesting to read by using writing skills and attention-keeping sentences doesn't mean it has to be fake.

If she wrote:

"I effed my boss.
It was a crazy situation.
Now what?"

it could be as fake or real as the story that was posted.

And for those of you trying to say 'why would you post this, it perpetuates the nanny stereotype', well whatever. There is no stereotype that nannies are perfect, so trying to go that route that isn't the truth.

guilty said...

I thought it was trashy novel funny. Hope it's not true (I'm not feeling responsible enough to indulge what a stupid choice it would be to do this).

Anyhow, cliche story - I was laughing, and actually looking forward to hearing more about the SEX! LOL

Curious said...

I agree with guilty! I want to hear those juicy details that she spared us from!

Lighten up people! It's just sex, that's how we all got here. SEX, we all do it and we all love it. Stop Being so prude and judgemental!

Tracy said...

I think you have ruined your site with this new nanny share format. The old format seemed to have served a purpose-if I was a mom and read about something my nanny did on here or knew of that nanny I would want the parent to know. Now it just seems like a place for nannies to post made up stories or boring stories about much they love their charges. I used to read your site everyday. Now I maybe log on once a week and most of the time I click right back off because it's just not interesting anymore. I know it's just my opinion but I hope the owners of this blog will listen-I am sure I am not the only one out there who has stopped reading.

SunnyDaze said...

What the heck is this? This plus all the Rebecca posts makes me not want to come here anymore. I know you're lacking on things to post, but nothing is better than this weirdly written fiction.

Really said...

Really? Nothing at all is better?

Seems you read it...

Rebecca said...

Hey SunnyDaze, don't drag me into this! I'm simply writing an innocent weekly column. That's why it's there every Friday. Because it's a weekly column. Oh, as today is Friday you might just want to scroll on by when you see my name.

sheme said...

Wow. you're all a bunch of smoosh fsaced prudes! I've heard worse from our patron saint, Colbert. This isn't Sunday School Weekly and it isn't "All Nannies are Glorious". From the post, the nanny sightings, the stories' I get a lot of prespective about nannies. As a producer, it givem me different perspectives to consider and work from.

MissMannah said...

Well it gave me a giggle. I think that's all it was intended to do. Don't yall let your panties get in a twirl.

JMTCJN...it is about trust. Nobody can KNOW anything. I'm not god, nor will I ever claim to be. But to the best of my abilities, I know my fiance would never cheat on me. And if he did, I hope he'd do it in a classier way than in this story! Vacuum cleaners and shampoo bottles?? eww!

isyn fan said...

Tracy,

Get lost if you don't like it!

Rocket Scientist said...

It's not about being a prude, or painting nannies as perfect, as some have suggested. I just think that there is a way to broach this topic that raises the conversation, and a way that lowers the conversation.

And this post definitely lowered the conversation.

put the bible down said...

Skip over it then!
You cant "lower" he conversation by posting one person's experience. We have all kinds of experiences here.
Get real.

DowntoEarth said...

This was a funny article.If true?who knows but things do happen like that and publishing it on the site is good.No one said we had to believe it! It doesn't hurt the site having a story now and then true or fiction. It doesn't always have to be about bad nannies or bad employers. I think the author did a good job and by the way there are peoplewho can get drunk and not remember a thing about the night/day lol It is called a blackout and people who dont drink very often can have these as well as a well established alcoholic.
Ilike this site and it has come along way since it forst started and MPP and the others are doing a great job.

dont drink & screw said...

As a mother of two with a full time nanny, I liked the article. No one's husband is going to fall in love and run off the nanny. Of course, if the nanny wants to get hammered and allow herself to be utilized like a tool, for the sake of glory, then that's her choice. Thanks for an honest perspective.

Ew said...

I worked for a family in which the husband did sleep the nanny (the one before me, obviously). She caught them, they divorced,and now the ex-husband and ex-nanny are married and have children of their own.

Why that mother decided to hire a nanny again after that experience is beyond me, but there was NO chance of me sleeping with her second husband, so she had no need to worry on my part.

Just saying, it does happen.

Marypoppin'pills said...

MN Nanny said...

This is just bizarre! I have emailed ISYN twice in the last month with situations where I needed "opinions" and those didn't post but this crap did?!?! This angers me... Maybe I need to think twice before even wasting my time to come to this page!!!

Nov 18, 2010 3:30:00 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are pretty good about Publishing every question that comes through. Occasionally, if we are extremely busy like we have been lately, one or two will slip by us. MEEBO me with your moniker, so I know who it is, and I will be sure to put it up for you.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I personally think if someone does not like a specific posting, then they are free to go on to the next one. I love this website and do not think ALL of the content is very interesting (as I am sure you all do not think so as well.) Sometimes I will read something boring or with too much Math involved, and I will simply scroll down to the next posting. But I think most of the postings on here ISYN are very educational, supportive and interesting and that is why I am a regular visitor on this site. Now honestly, if ALL the content was as weird as this story, I probably would not visit often, but for the most part the nanny sightings, CL WTF?? and opinion sections are very fun to read and this website is also very user-friendly.

etereia said...

I also liked the story and I think it most probably did happen. I was just wondering about the vacuum cleaner and the shampoo bottles - I have vivid imagination, but these things are all angle-y and poke-y...........yuuuuk.

Rocket Scientist said...

To "put the [B]ible down":

I find it highly offensive that you would tell me to put the Bible down. We live in America, last I checked, where each one of us has a little something called the freedom of religion. I have every right to make decisions based on my beliefs (which I did not even mention, by the way), just as you do on yours.

Putting that aside, however, I chose not to skip the post for several reasons, one being that my voice is just one of many on this topic, and I wanted it to be heard. If I like a post, I will say so. If I do not like a post, I will say that as well. This is just another of those pesky freedoms you seem to dislike so much.

Lastly, I believe that this particular post does lower the conversation. It is a widely held moral standard that sleeping with a married person is wrong. This is not simply my belief, nor only that of the Christian faith. The OP is flaunting what she did (if indeed it is true, which it could be even though many believe it does not have the ring of truth to it) as a perfectly acceptable behavior. She seems to think that she is the victim here, when the true victims are the wife and children who she and her employer hurt with their actions. Glorifying this kind of behavior most definitely lowers the conversation.

Laurasaur said...

This is disgusting. I am ashamed of ISYN. Why would you EVER put this on the website?!

Ugh said...

Prudes prudes everywhere!

NannyinNC said...

Nannies are painted in a bad light as it is. Whether this is fiction or not I definitely don't think it's appropriate for this site. If it's not fiction then this woman and the husband are both garbage. Both are to blame. It's not just his fault, it's not just her fault, it's both. She obviously knew he was married so how dare she cross that line to begin with.

I really think things like this should be limited to a title and if people want to read it they can click on it. This site has really gone down hill & I don't enjoy coming here anymore. I guess this post was the last straw.

cold nanny said...

NannyinNC, where have you been? Have you not noticed the amount of comments flooding some of these posts? Maybe you don't like it but for every one that doesn't it looks like 5 more do. I remember a couple of years ago all the ugliness and flaming and name-calling and even the ocassional post like this, this site is better than ever.