Sunday

Weekend Nanny Feels Needed, Needs Advice

Received Sunday, October 17, 2010
Opinion 4 I have been a weekend nanny for a family with two doctors. They are a really nice family and I just crazy about those babies; but they use us nannies so they can do want they want and when they want. They have 24/ 7 days/week "help" They have 4 month old infant twins. They have a nanny for during the week when they work- that I understand. They have a night nanny so they can have regular night sleep. They don't work weekends (maybe one weekend every two months)- so why do they need me? Why do I have to be there at 7am, in the morning. If they have to work- I understand. Dad has been at home- while I try to play, change, feed and entertain two infants. Not an easy task- they have to be on the same feeding, change and nap schedule. The dad (and mom when shes at home)- go to the gym, dad practices guitar and watches football (24-7 if he could) and they go out do errands, shop, lunch- without the babies. The parents do come up and "help" me when they are both crying- but I have to ask for their help and they give me last then 5 minutes of their time. Just enough to comfort them. Especially dad- he is home most of the day and spends time by himself. Not with his babies. Makes me so angry. The pay is good- but I want to quit. I don"t want to do.... I do have a full-time job during the normal work week- but I do not make a whole lot. Working 7 days is draining me. But I feel like those babies need me... Please tell me what you think. Thanks.

28 comments:

ridiculous said...

I agree with Anon: it doesn't matter what the parents are doing, they hired you so they could do whatever they want - if you don't like it, quit and they'll hire someone else to do the job you are too self-righteous to do. You are getting paid. Do your job.

anonymouse said...

Wait... What's your beef? That you have to work at a job that you accepted? What would you rather do? Sit on their couch all day while they take care of the babies and still get paid? I don't understand... One thing you need to get straight is THEY PAY YOU TO BE THERE. They don't need to help you, that's why you're getting paid, to work. They can do what the flip they want, it's their life.

Sympathetic Nanny said...

OP, sorry you're being attacked (especially by the same person under three different names) As a nanny who loves children, it is very hard to watch parents who don't want to be with their children. It feels like "why did you bother to procreate just to hand them off?"

I personally would quit the job. If you need money, try to find another part time job. I couldn't work in this situation because it's hard for me to respect these types of parents as well as my heart breaks for the kids. Good luck.

anonymouse said...

I only left one comment. Now two. Your case is flawed Sherlock.

dkny said...

why are you guys being so rough on the OP? i think what is upsetting her is that these 2 poor babies aren't getting ANY interaction from the parents!

DowntoEarth said...

Wow, you don't have any idea what they do during the week. They may get home from work and spend time with the babies. I have no problem with the night nanny either, I would rather have my doctor awake when I go see them not half asleep because they have been up all night. I guess it is their business when they spend time with their kids. If you are unhappy that they hired you to work all weekends then you need to quit. But as long as they are making sure those kids are taken care of you have nothing to complain about.
You just need to find some other job without children being involved because you will feel the same about the next parents. You sound like you are bitter that you have to work 2 jobs and they are laying back and enjoying the weekends.

Rocket Scientist said...

OP, no worries. I (and I'm sure many others) would also have a problem with this situation. It doesn't make sense to have children and then not spend any time with them. And it places you in a difficult position when you work for employers whose values are so far from your own. Nannies who love children just can't fathom why some parents wouldn't want to spend as much time as possible with their sweet little ones.

If you love the babies and you can deal with all your work hours, as well as the difficult emotional nature of your nanny position, I think you should stick with it. If you quit, they will hire someone else. It won't cause them to realize what they are missing with their babies, and you will be without the extra money.

To all the bashers:
She is doing her job, she is simply not sure she is comfortable with enabling this couple to ignore their children. And yes, a nanny knows a lot of what goes on when she's not there. That's just the way it goes when you work in someone's home. Whether you want to or not, you know at least some of their business.
Of course she is being paid to be there, but that doesn't mean she has to accept working conditions that do not match her expectations. A friend of mine quit a telemarketing job where he was expected to take advantage of the elderly. Do you think he should have stayed there and kept his mouth shut when his values would not allow him to do so?

Employees are allowed to have an opinion. They are also allowed to quit an unsatisfactory job. That is why they are called employees rather than bonded laborers.

no moniker said...

posted for anonymous:
I've never posted here before, but I can't stand this. If you don't want to interact with your children more than a handful of times per week (and that's being optimistic, assuming they are caring for their babies when they get home from work) then don't have them. I have 13 children, 5 are adopted and the rest are natural, same set of parents. I am fascinated with these nanny stories because the behavior of the parents amazes me. Why would anyone CHOOSE to be separated from their babies all day if they didn't have to? I guess, thank God for nannies who care.

scooby doo said...

You know, it is sad that these parents barely spend time with their kids but you are there to do the job they are paying you for.

Sympathetic nanny...cool that you apologize that the OP got attacked and then you attack the attacker. Don't fight fire with fire.

Op, I have nannied for a families who's parents don't spend a lot of time with them and it is sad to watch but that is the reality of the situation and all you can do is 1. accept it and keep the job 2. talk to them about it and risk offending them 3. quit the job and find something you're more comfortable with.

basically its either 1, 2 or 3.

I can understand them having a night nanny, especially if they are both doctors and need to be awake and alert the next day. I can understand having a nanny while they're at work, I think that a weekend nanny is over the top, but it is what they want.

It does sound like they pass their parenting responsibilities onto their nanny but this is VERY typical when it comes to families with nannies. the last family I was a nanny for, the dad and I had a conversation one day and he stated "you are with our children 50 hours a week, you are raising them more then we are. It is the sad truth, but that is the reality of the situation. Which is why we're glad we have you as a nanny because we know you'll raise our boys well while you're with us".

So sometimes parents realize that they don't spend enough time as they should with their kids but sometimes they just can't. However, with that family I was the nanny during the week and the parents spent time with them on the weekend and in the evenings.

In your case OP, it is sad but I think it is out of your hands.

Lila said...

As first time parents,it's possible they feel very overwhelmed with the care of baby twins--unless you've been in that position, you really have no idea what it's like. Some people are better with school-aged and older children. If they are both doctors, they have stressful jobs and they might need their weekends to recharge. When the babies sleep through the night, they won't need the night nurse.

nycmom said...

Either you can do the job well and be happy, or you can't.

If you cannot handle the working conditions, regardless of the reason, don't do the job.

I know it sounds mean, but I think you grossly overestimate your value to the babies: "I want to quit . . . but I feel like those babies need me." They are only 4 months old. They need a loving caregiver. If you are unhappy with the job and resentful of the parents, that is NOT you. You are obviously not someone who can set aside your personal views of the family and just focus on the kids, and that *will* be reflected in your job performance now or later.

I would not want a nanny working for me who was constantly judging me. At some point the parents will pick up on this vibe and it will lead to problems. Since you presumably are doing a good job, leave now with a good reference. And for your next job, you are going to have to more aggressively screen/judge the parents during hiring.

insane said...

I would not be able to work for people like that: I would feel too bad about the parents neglecting the children.

OP, I am also sorry you are being attacked. It sounds like you are a nice person. What kind, good person would want to spend their time working for people who have no idea how to raise their kids? It's sickening.

I think the people who are attacking OP sound ignorant.

Angelina said...

As both a parent and a nanny,I must say I cannot stand it when rich people think just because they are rich, they have the right to get out of the duties of being parent. In other words, just because they can..they do. It's disgusting.
Anyway, OP...if they weren't the way they are, then you wouldn't have a job so I would just put my own opinion aside and enjoy the fact that I have a job and income coming in. There are many nannies that are waiting in line for your job, and in this economy there are many types of people who would love to have your job.
But if it REALLY bothers you and conflicts w/your personal value system, I would just leave. I compare it to certain other jobs. For example, if I was an honest and ethical person, I could NEVER be a used car salesman no matter how much I needed the money. LOL. Just a joke, but I hope you get my point.
OP, good luck to you, you are a great advocate for those babies.

Lila said...

OP, I feel for you. It's very hard to work 7 days a week and it will wear you down. Perhaps you can find a full-time job that pays more so you can use your weekend to recharge?

NannyAnnie said...

Agree with the first two posters that if it's your job to care for the children on the weekends, it shouldn't matter what the parents are doing with their own time. If you agreed to be a nanny (not a helper), and if you agreed to work those hours, and if you're being compensated, you don't really have a legitimate "claim" here, so to speak.

And yet, as a former nanny, I'll tell you that I have SO been there, but it wasn't so much about dissatisfaction with my job as it was my judgment that my employers were just really shitty parents. I have noooo problem whatsoever with working parents who need childcare during their working hours, or even for a date night, but MANY of the families I worked for sought out EVERY excuse they could find to AVOID their children, and sorry, even if I was satisfied with my nanny job, I still at least thought it like it was: they were shitty parents who didn't deserve those children.

NorthCarolinaNanny said...

I don't agree with bashing the OP but I also agree with what some of them are saying. If you don't work during the week then you have no idea what they do with their children or how much time they spend with them. Both of them being working doctors is probably why they need so many caregivers. It doesn't make them bad parents. There are 2 sides to every story. Between working and caring for their children (which is very possible since you don't work during the week) the weekend is probably the only downtime they get.

If you don't like the job you can give notice at any time. You took the job knowing the duties, the days, and the hours. The parents are paying you for a job therefor they aren't required to help you do your job. I've been a nanny for 7 years and while I've seen my fair share of rich parents who have children for accessories, I've also seen the hard working parents who need a break once in awhile.

zaazaazuu said...

Some people just aren't good with infants. This couple may go on to develop a very good relationship with the kids when they are a little older. It's hard to say. The question is whether you feel it's too depressing to stay. I think you are providing a very necessary foundation for these two children. But there's only so much you can do.

Phoenix said...

I don't understand your concern. You are being paid to watch the kids not to judge the parents. It doesn't matter if you quit they will find someone else. You have no right to judge how they spend their time. They are doctors and they probably need time to themselves. I will admit that they would probably have been better off not having children but that is also not for you to judge. As long as they take the step to get care for the children then the kids aren't being neglected

MONKEYSHINES said...

this is why I m not a nanny anymore, every job was exactly the same, parents who have kids and then never spend any time with them and horny dads these kids will have issues and end up in therapy, almost every job I had 1 of the kids had some mental problems.

NWNanny said...

SAD excuse for Parents.......it sounds like they spend about 15 minutes a week with their babies. Why have them? Why not give them up for adoption if you are to selfish to Parent your children?? It makes me so upset that Parents are not parents now a days.
I would quit now before you get too attached. Hopefully these poor babies day time Nanny will stay with them long term to Mother them.

AnotherNanny said...

I too work for the same type of parents, except they do not work at all; they are just in and out the house tending to "projects" (like choosing new furniture and art work for the apartment, meeting people for lunch, shopping etc). Yes, these people pay me, and they pay me very well, but I do question why they had kids.

Village said...

I wouldn't judge them. Do you want to work for them or not? It's your choice, just as it is their choice how much time they spend with their kids.

MissMannah said...

It is easy for us on the outside to say "Don't be judgmental," at the same time judging you for judging your employers. We're not there, we're not seeing what goes on in that house. This is a personal decision you're going to have to make. Take a second look at your finances and see if you really need the money from your weekend job. Could you possibly pick up some more hours at your main job? If you really need the money, maybe it is time to start looking around for more weekend work, but burn-out is going to happen no matter what. You can't work 7 days a week and expect to stay sane!

I can tell you my own experience at my last job--the mom was an ER doctor and the dad was an engineer who worked 70 hour weeks and often worked out of town. Their son was 4 years old and usually would only see his parents for about an hour in the evenings and sometimes on weekends--they often got a weekend babysitter too. By the time I would pick him up from preschool on Fridays, he would be bawling because he didn't want to see me, he wanted mommy. His parents would often buy him new toys that he would put aside because they had no clue what he liked. It was heartbreaking to watch.

Mom in NY said...

As far as your job is concerned, OP, the grounds for complaint are really only if it more hours or more responsibility than you originally agreed to (like if you agreed to be a mother's helper rather than full-charge, or were originally starting at 8, etc).
However, I do strongly disagree with these justifications of the parents' behavior...some people are just not good with infants?! Most people are not very good with teenagers, either, but that doesn't mean you can just stop parenting your kids when they hit 13! They have stressful jobs so they need down time? So it's okay to put your own needs above those of the children that you chose to have? Sorry, I don't mean to call out anyone in particular, but I feel very strongly that parenting involves making some personal sacrifices, especially when your kids are young.

alex said...

I'm sorry. You definitely sound overworked and I can tell you feel bad that the parents are never with their babies. It is very sad that unfortunately that goes on.

Bostonnanny said...

Anonymos, have you? I know two full time doctors that have twins and a daughter and you know what... They have one full time nanny for the twins and make sure that one of them is home everynight for dinner and bed. They also make sure that they both are home weekends to take care of them.
Both make tons of money and the father just recieved a job in NYC where the hospital is going to build him a multimillion dollar cancer research center. He does so much and has helped so many people but guess what.. He puts his kids first.
So mom in NYC is absolutely correct. You don't have kids and pass them on just because your jobs are stressful.

And to the op,
They pay you well, if you r overworked that's your fault and if you don't like the way they are, quit. It's that simple.

wondering said...

Just curious, OP...what did you decide?

wondering said...

Come on, OP...Please??? I promise I won't judge your decision! Just really curious on this one for some reason (: